Mil laughing at DS1 being classed as a "disabled student"

[elliejjtiny]

Ds1 has autism. He is academically able but struggles a lot with social and practical things. MIL and FIL have form for saying he had not got "proper autism" because he doesn't have learning disabilities. He is going to university to study his special interest and we have just found out he is going to get the support he needs from disabled student allowance.

It's been a huge weight off my mind that ds1 is going to get the support he needs and I didn't even have to fight for it. Ds1 is pleased too and naturally wanted to share the good news with his grandparents.

MIL just laughed at the fact that he is classed as a disabled student because in her opinion you only have a disability if you are unable to walk at all, completely blind/deaf or have severe learning disabilities.

Your MIL is a div, ignore her.

That’s their generation. Does it matter what she thinks in the grand scheme of things?

It’s not ‘their generation’. Please let’s not add ageism to the mix. It’s uneducated people.

You don’t even know how old she is - how can you blame it on her “generation” (which is bollocks anyway).

Well I would agree it is their generation, the definition of disability has changed significantly over the last few decades to be much more inclusive so absolutely in their time, your DS would not have been considered disabled. It has nothing to do with their education.

Either way, your DS has the support he needs & is going to Uni to study his favourite subject - bloody marvellous.

It’s not generational. It’s pig ignorance.

Blaming their “generation” is ageist bollocks. Firstly we don’t even know how old MIL is, but even if we did, we’re not referring to dinosaurs here. Older people are just as capable of learning and changing their views as anyone else.

Let it go. Show your son it doesn’t matter what others think. If he gets that horrible feeling autistic people often have of feeling shame at having misread a social cue, learning how to let it go will help, a bit. Maybe you suffer with rigidity of thinking, too, maybe the GPs do - these traits are heritable, after all - but they are allowed their opinions and he is allowed to protest their unkindness - how rude of them to laugh at him.

OP, how old is she?

I'm probably of 'their generation ' and have never thought like that! It absolutely is not a generation thing at all. I would be delighted if a grandchild of mine was getting support he was entitled to.

Mine scoffed at the fact dd went to specialist provision school. She liked to tell us that dd was just in need of more discipline. That most kids are shy. Just a fussy eater. Too sensitive. Ignorant. Rude.

we ignored her.

final straw was her posting a quote about teens being “snowflakes”. Two days after our dd had tried to take her life.

and from experience there’s no point on pulling up these kind if people. We are already labelled as neurotic parents by them. So just ignore.

greats news btw! X

It most certainly is not a generational thing . I’m probably old enough to be this young man’s granny ( at a push) and I think it is a disgusting attitude and so would my husband who is in his mid 60s .

Sorry but l agree with pp - my mum is late 70's and refuses to believe my sister has autism as it never used to be a thing. She isn't diafnosed but 100% is. Doesn't want to know if l ever broach the subject and it's not because she's in denial, she knows my sister has always struggled but sees it as a new thing almost like a fad. Reckons adhd is jist kids that have had too much sugar.
Obvs not all older people think like this but a majority of the ones l know do unfortunately.

Exactly. I’m autistic and DH is ND too - when we told FIL (who’s eighty) he was nothing but kind, supportive and helpful. Age is not an excuse for being uneducated and ignorant.

That’s nothing to do with her age and everything to do with her being uneducated and ignorant. Please stop blaming people’s age for their shit behaviour.

God grief if you find that to be a “disgusting” attitude heaven help you. Talk about melodramatic language. Perhaps it is not generational but please respond in a respectful manner.

You MIL is deeply stupid. If she insists on carrying on with this nonsense, it's time to distance yourself and your family from her.

And I say that as a member of almost the same generation.

Why is it not disgusting to have this sort of attitude to autism and disability?

I think you misunderstood.

You just have to look at the attitudes on her regarding hidden disabilities to realise her attitude and ignorance is prevalent in general. Sad but true

To be ignorant is one thing, not really acceptable imo, but to laugh about your son’s provision is horrible. No need to say anything beyond ‘Well done and brilliant news! So happy for you”

A certain kind of person doesn't believe in concepts that they didn't come across until later in their own lives. My own mother, who is well-meaning, met and liked my gay friends from my university days, but at some level thought no lesbians had existed before the 1990s because her own mother would never have heard of the concept of homosexuality, and because she thinks someone 'would have to have told you about it' in order to be it.

And yes, I think she finds it deeply weird that students with autism or dyslexia, who get extra time in exams, access to lecture recordings and the like are handled through the student disability office, because for her a 'disability' is being a wheelchair user or blind.

Well it may well be an attitude you find upsetting but you directed that word at me and I am discussing the issue at hand based on my own experiences of those who do hold those opinions, you’re attacking my point instead of making an informed argument. I don’t hold those views, I do however find that most people of the boomer generation do, your family are the exception in my mind.

I expect your MIL isn't intelligent or educated? I also suspect she is secretly embarrassed that your DS has any type of disability, and so tries to laugh it off?

Pig ignorant people usually tend to sneer or laugh at things they don't understand.

She’s so rude . I’m thrilled for u and your son