Mil laughing at DS1 being classed as a "disabled student"

[elliejjtiny]

Ds1 has autism. He is academically able but struggles a lot with social and practical things. MIL and FIL have form for saying he had not got "proper autism" because he doesn't have learning disabilities. He is going to university to study his special interest and we have just found out he is going to get the support he needs from disabled student allowance.

It's been a huge weight off my mind that ds1 is going to get the support he needs and I didn't even have to fight for it. Ds1 is pleased too and naturally wanted to share the good news with his grandparents.

MIL just laughed at the fact that he is classed as a disabled student because in her opinion you only have a disability if you are unable to walk at all, completely blind/deaf or have severe learning disabilities.

That’s very ignorant of you to declare my parents and many millions of elderly people, ignorant! How dare you? That was the culture back then, like it or not. Of course there’s going to be exceptions but it’s a proven fact that that is how it was back then. Alongside outright racism that was so accepted that it was even permitted on tv & radio! To give you an example, there’s a short line on Only Fools and Horses which has had to be cut out, where Del says “…there must be a P-ki shop open somewhere” which by today’s standards is abhorrently racist and racially typecasting but even then, in the 80s, it was so accepted that it was considered normal.
Same with disabilities. If you weren’t visibly disabled then you usually wouldn’t be considered disabled by society’s standards.
Deny it all you like, but times have changed drastically. In this case, for the better.

Precisely my point but articulated far better than I did!

People who choose not to educate themselves are ignorant. How someone is raised may be a reason for their behaviour, but it's not an excuse.

Maybe read the whole thread before posting.

Oh.

You know A lady...

And why do you think it's attracted a lot of anger?

Because of the lazy stereotyping and ageism by a number of posters...

To be fair I agree 😂 it does sound like I’m making it up, she’s my client, we chat, she’s in her mid 80’s ish. Very old school. She did think it’s a racket, she has pretty much the same opinion as the OP mil. It’s not uncommon within that generation , educated or not

I'm 70+...

fair play to you! So is mum, and your age changes shit. Different generation, and my opinion still stands. Many, most have the mentality has OP mil. Now congrats to you for being more enlightened with this 😂

Thank you that was exactly what I meant . However I’m very happy to argue the point with @Mistyglade that most older people do not think like the OPs MIL . My late mum who died a few years back aged 78 and indeed my 93 yo MIL do not think like the OPs MIL and we have first hand experience as our eldest has autism ( very high functioning ) and is also moderately deaf .

Indeed if we have personal experience it would hopefully mean we understand the implications no matter what age or generation. I think using our own families as a benchmark can be wrong, my older brother implied my ‘lifestyle’ was to blame for the blood disorder and heart condition I have. I suppose some of us have ignorant relatives who can’t help saying hurtful things.

Thank you. For those who asked, Mil is in her mid sixties. I have been keeping information about ds1's autism quiet in front of MIL for a while now. Ds1 likes to share good news like this but he is beginning to realise that MIL isn't going to respond in a positive way.

So she’s young and has no excuse for her behaviour - I would just ignore her. It’s a shame she’s so narrow minded though.

@Mistyglade I’m not basing my assumptions just on my family , I worked as a nurse for 30 yr in a variety of disciplines and know that you get some 70 yr olds that have outdated views and some 90 yr olds who do not . It is not a generation thing it is an individual thing . I worked with a Nigerian nurse ( much younger than myself) who told me one night on a night shift that she was praying for me , when I asked her why as I’m an atheist and it really wasn’t worth her bothering on my account she told me it was because she had heard me talking to one of my close friends , also a colleague , about my adult sons new boyfriend and so she was praying that he would ‘see the light and not be homosexual as it must be very sad for me’ . Needless to say I laughed and told her not to bother as we are quite happy with him as he is . As it turns out the OPs MIL is in her 60s so has no excuse and should definitely know better . Sorry about your brother , he sounds a bit of a twit and I sincerely hope that you have your health conditions under control .

Yes this what she said is nothing to do with her generation and everything to do with being an unpleasant uneducated arsehole.

@tinyspiny
Thank you, you clearly have a lot of experience on the matter.

I'm in my early sixties so not much younger than your MiL. We boomers/gen-xers have so much going for us eg, the fact that we grew up analogue but use digital a lot gives us a foot in both camps and the ability to be mentally supple, if we take the trouble to use it. Barring some sort of cognitive disorder, such rigidity at our age is a choice and it's sad, especially when it impacts on those we love.

I did. The usual ageist crap made itself known

The majority of people in my church are grandparents, with children of a similar age to your DS. Not one of them would react how your MIL has, all if them would be glad grandchild is getting support.

Several have ND GC and are aware of how hard it has been and how lacking support is. They are lovely GP, very supportive of their DC & GC.