Mil laughing at DS1 being classed as a "disabled student"

[elliejjtiny]

Ds1 has autism. He is academically able but struggles a lot with social and practical things. MIL and FIL have form for saying he had not got "proper autism" because he doesn't have learning disabilities. He is going to university to study his special interest and we have just found out he is going to get the support he needs from disabled student allowance.

It's been a huge weight off my mind that ds1 is going to get the support he needs and I didn't even have to fight for it. Ds1 is pleased too and naturally wanted to share the good news with his grandparents.

MIL just laughed at the fact that he is classed as a disabled student because in her opinion you only have a disability if you are unable to walk at all, completely blind/deaf or have severe learning disabilities.

No. Perhaps it is a hideous attitude but thats my experience of those who hold those views.

But the poster was agreeing and saying OP's MIL's opinion was disgusting.

Mil is ex primary school teacher and has never accepted that ds is dyspraxic. He also qualified for DSA and access arrangements and got a first.

and what percentage of all the over 70's in the world (or even in the UK) do you know? I am in my 70's and learned about autism at college. You can agree all you like but it doesn't make either of you right. OP, your Mil is a prejudiced ass, ignore her.

My grandmother (90’s) worked with autistic children and children with learning disabilities her whole career, she is very well informed. I really doubt it’s ‘their generation’ and not just ignorance.

Let your DH deal with his mother . And explain it to his son .

I agree, yes

I wouldn't talk about it with her. You know her attitude is rubbish and unlikely to change. Why annoys yourself by sharing? My DD is also autistic but I don't discuss her specific issues around this with other people. She deserves some privacy.

I didn't direct any such word at you. I think you've mistaken which poster you are replying to.

MiL is unkind and ignorant. Even if she doesn’t her DGS as disabled, she should be glad he will get the help he needs.

You definitely misunderstood. That poster was saying OP’s MIL’s attitude is disgusting. Which is blindingly obvious to most people on this thread.

She's pig ignorant. It's an appalling reaction from her. I'd be telling her that and would then just stop sharing any information with her.

What was your DS's reaction to this? Maybe he needs to realise that the more personal information he divulges to his grandparents the more he will open himself up to this sort of bollocks from them.

I wish your DS all the very best. He sounds like he is doing great and I hope he has a great time at university.

Agree. Good luck to your son.

I was officially a disabled student but I used to think this was also ridiculous and often laughed about it. I had a very specific and minor problem for which I needed an accommodation, but absolutely didn't identify as disabled. If someone had laughed at the idea of my being disabled I would have agreed completely!

Just my experience. 'Laughing about the idea of being disabled' is not necessarily ignorant, mean or rude.

is she policing Blue Badges in the Aldi car park as well?

You shouldn’t have to, but since you are well aware of PIL’s attitudes and this isn’t the first time they have made their views known, you may want to be selective about what you/DC tell PIL in future.

can I ask what the DSA is going to help with? DD is similar, and I'm worried that uni is going to be quite overwhelming for her, but am struggling to think what might help!

I suppose if you’ve got complex physical needs and you rely on others for any semblance of independence to see someone going to university living independently et cetera academically at a very high-level. It must seem a bit of a joke to class them as disabled. But that’s the way it is defined.

Anything which might impact a student's academic performance, even if that's dyslexia, is handled via the disability office for ease. I will get a regularly updated list from them of anyone in my modules who gets extra time in exams, who needs access to lecture recordings, who may have a scribe with them taking their lecture notes etc etc. Or who may have access needs, which has an impact on teaching rooms -- for instance, I had a student who had a bad accident during termtime and wasn't able to get to an upstairs room in an old part of campus, so Buildings prioritised finding a new room.

As an autistic person who sounds similar to your DS and who is old enough to be the grandmother of a uni student, I can vouch for the fact that it is not really a generational thing - just an ignorance thing.

my dd2 is diagnosed with ASD and my mil is in her 60s, she is very aware of what ASD is and supports my daughter however she needs, she knows sometimes she can’t do things or she will do things differently.
it isn’t an age thing, it’s an education thing and whether they can tolerate it in their minds.

This.
Many of us of the older generation do understand OP. Hope you DS has a fabulous experience at university .

The definition of Autistic has changed drastically over the last few decades with it now encompassing far more people who are not intellectually disabled. BBC did an interesting article on this recently
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgp08z3egno
With approx 25% of the UK population now being classed as disabled there are varying levels of disability within that group.
I should imagine a lot of people would struggle to believe all of this group should be given extra support/time in exams etc at Uni. It should be appropriate to their disability.

Why did you tell her? She's obviously got form. Just keep it private. There's no need for them to know.

Like heck is it generational, it is sheer ignorance.

Excellent news for your son OP! Enjoy the win and ignore your plonker of a MIL.