Are you a MIL who hates their DIL breastfeeding?

[ClaySquish]

There are often posts by women who are going to have or have had a baby, are planning to breastfeed or have started breastfeeding their baby, and subsequently their MIL has made it clear that they are not happy about it.

Who are these women? (As in, these MILs). I mean, maybe they're just not on Mumsnet, but no one ever seems to post from the other side saying "my DIL is breastfeeding her baby and I think it's totally unreasonable/selfish/revolting/attention seeking/whatever".

So. If you are harbouring/have harboured secret resentment towards your DIL for breastfeeding, I implore you to speak up so that I can be satisfied that you actually exist, and you might even answer some of my questions about why you have these views!

My DM and DF and PIL hate that I breastfeed. Apparently I'm selfish in not letting them feed and "bond" with baby. My SIL thinks it's disgusting and I do it for attention. Never thought to ask them their side other than what they've already said 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh my god, that's outrageous! I hope both you and your DP have told them all to eff right off!

@dontcomeatme It's just utterly bizarre to me. These people are obviously out there as you know quite a few! But they never speak up around here...
It's fantastic that you're doing it in spite of their weird attitudes 👏

I suppose if you add it up I've breastfed for about five years (4 kids) and I couldn't care less how my DD or DDsIL feed their babies. So sorry I can't help.

My MIL was skeptical about breastfeeding, she didn't say so out loud (because she is lovely) but I could tell. Apparently she couldn't feed DH or DBIL, and really tried at the time.

In hindsight DH clearly has a pretty bad tongue tie.

I've reduced contact because it's just awful. A pp on another thread discussing similar said they sound like people from shameless and I wouldn't disagree. But I can't let their old fashion ways deter me!

Well breastfeeding is quite old fashioned, I mean it has been going on since humans came into existence.

I can’t believe anyone actually thinks like this.

A lot of things on mumsnet are mythical

The reasons my (now nc) mother hated me breastfeeding.

Made her feel like shit because she bottle fed.

My brothers found it embarrassing.

Her on off man friend was looking.

She felt as though I did it for attention.

She didn't get 'her time' because I was always there.

Someone from her work saw me and they were all gossiping.

I suspect it was mostly because I was always there and she wanted overnights and whatever, which she never got anyway, she brought me up, no way was I leaving her alone with my dc.

If she were to answer this though she would say she felt I wasn't coping and just wanted to help out more, she would never admit that she hated me doing it, just turn it back on me somehow.

I think people are more reluctant to make a thread saying "my DD is out of order doing the best for her baby", compared to a DD making a thread saying "my MIL has an issue with me feeding my child". Way of the world unfortunately.
And thank you 😊

I am a MIL but I’m absolutely delighted that both of my DILs breastfeed successfully and protractedly.

I wouldn't care either way, fed is best and all that, nowt to do with anyone else.

I bottle fed mine as my DS1 ended up in Nicu as he wouldn’t feed. I tried for a couple of days
i didn’t feel it was “ fair” to try with my other two
It also meant exh could share feeding( he didn’t.
I have no opinion either way on potential DiLs method
Fed is best and all my DS’s are 6ft 1 as adults, fit and healthy

My MIL was like this. All sorts of complicated reasons which were all nonsense.

Come from a long line of breastfeeding mums in my family though so I took no notice 🙃

My best friend’s mum and sister hate her breastfeeding, they are constantly berating her about it, saying her baby gets ill all the time, wakes up constantly and is too clingy because she breast feeds (none of these are true btw).

Some people are truly unhinged about breastfeeding and need to ask themselves how they got so messed up in the head. I used to work with parents and young children and have heard some really 🤯 stuff

My MIL was the opposite. "Formula is cow's milk and cow's milk is for little baby cows not humans" 🙄. My DH was infected with this message and I was treated as the anti-Christ for wanting to give DC1 a bottle to "reset" him and me after he'd been screaming for 10 hours with hunger and I was exhausted. I'd be emailed information leaflets about the evils of formula and the bad motives of commercial formula companies. I'd occasionally give a bottle of ready-made formula when I was out of the house and DH was at work, but would dump the bottles in public bins before going home.

With DC2, I made it clear I'd be taking no advice from anyone and they could all fuck right off (in slightly politer terms). But DC2 had the knack of feeding right from the start and wouldn't take a bottle or dummy anymore, contrary little blighter!

No one has ever wanted to have either of my babies overnight. If they had, perhaps I'd be less a shell of myself.

People should really keep their views to themselves most of the time around vulnerable new mothers and babies.

My DM actively encouraged me to breastfeed. DMIL and DFIL hated it though. MIL I think because she couldn't spend as much time with the baby. MIL never breastfed because FIL didn't want her to be getting her breasts out in front of other men. If DH had said that to me he'd have quickly become exH.

They also used to comment a lot that the baby wasn't getting enough milk, you couldn't tell how much he was getting etc

I really don't understand all this "breastfeeding for attention" nonsense people spout. I don't know anyone who's breastfed for attention

Back in the 80s, my Gran hated my uncles wife (her DIL) feeding. She only did it for a few months but Gran never shut up about it. She was an exhibitionist, she made everyone uncomfortable, she was attention seeking etc. But mostly it was because it was 'common' and 'people like us bottle feed'. I think in my Grans time there was a bit of social divide and one definition of middle class was bottle feeding. Other random common things involved hanging out laundry or buying anything on sale.

That's terrible, these kind of people want to make it all about them, and are the ones attention seeking! My inlaws were similar. MIL even asked me for a cup of tea when she first came to see the baby. She said thanks, just put it down there," (on the floor). Apparently she was convinced I'd had a c section, and wanted to see if I could bend. FIL had to remind her it was there, as she didn't really want it.
Sorry you've had to deal with that shit as a new mother. You're doing an amazing job!
Forgot to say, they also went on holiday over my due date, (this was their first grandchild). They had to celebrate their anniversary (it wasn't a big one), but this year they had to go away. Then they blew up dh's phone when they got back, saying we had the baby, and just weren't telling them, and that MIL was coming over to "check!" Crazy people.

It's funny because my DH comes from a more working class background than me and his family are very against buying things in sales or taking anything second hand. I suggested passing on some baby clothes to my sil and was told she wouldn't go near them and her child would get new. They would also prefer to buy cheap chipboard furniture that's new over a solid oak piece that was second hand. I find this thinking so odd but it's all about proving to others you don't need handouts and your family has 'the best' albeit the best polyester clothing and melamine furniture!

My mother is very anti breastfeeding. She wouldn't be able to say the word breast so she says things like, 'Lucy is feeding the baby herself'. As opposed to delegating the task to the postman.

She wouldn't let me drink water and kept leaving my fridge door overnight when it contained expressed milk.

With her it is not to do with getting to hold the baby more or have the baby for overnight stays. It's utter disgust, together with the belief that ignorance about the human body is a virtue.