Are you a MIL who hates their DIL breastfeeding?

[ClaySquish]

There are often posts by women who are going to have or have had a baby, are planning to breastfeed or have started breastfeeding their baby, and subsequently their MIL has made it clear that they are not happy about it.

Who are these women? (As in, these MILs). I mean, maybe they're just not on Mumsnet, but no one ever seems to post from the other side saying "my DIL is breastfeeding her baby and I think it's totally unreasonable/selfish/revolting/attention seeking/whatever".

So. If you are harbouring/have harboured secret resentment towards your DIL for breastfeeding, I implore you to speak up so that I can be satisfied that you actually exist, and you might even answer some of my questions about why you have these views!

It's not guesswork, it's my actual family. Not sure how that can be off!

MIL, born 1952. DC in 1976, 1977 and 1979. Of those 1976 had a child in 2014. 1979 (DH) had children in 2016 and 2017.

My mum, born 1948. Had children in 1979 and 1982. 1979 (me) had children in 2016 and 2017, 1982 had children in 2015 and 2018.

But it doesn't apply universally! Our family is 1925-1954-1988-2025 so quite different! All mothers breastfed when they could, but some were hospitalised and it didn't work. Some were hippy earth mothers, some were snobs, most just normal.

I never said it did. I asked who this generation are who were allegedly discouraged from breastfeeding as it was my understanding MiL and my mum are in it but they don't recognise it. Then was told it wasn't them because they wouldn't have grandchildren been breastfed now. I was just demonstrating that it was within very recent years that they absolutely did.

No attempt to extrapolate that wider

It varied in my experience. I had two babies in the 70s. First one the sister on post natal was very anti breastfeeding and made life difficult if you didn't bottle feed. After a week of that it did affect the experience. Second one I had 3 years later and struggled a bit at first, I had flu and a toddler and the whole thing is a bit of a blur. My health visitor was amazing. She would come in first thing ever morning, come back in her lunch hour and then on her way home. She did that for several days until she was happy everything was fine. I had the most amazing support so it wasn't all bad in the 70s.

I wonder if the thing with grandmothers who bottle-fed is they see that as important. I breastfed all mine and don't see giving a bottle as anything special so no reason for me to want/hope they'd do it. Not sure if that is a good explanation.

I'm surprised people still think like this.
However I did feel that the young lady breast feeding in Costa today, sitting in the main window seat facing the busy High Street with her breast right out was perhaps attention seeking.

I considered myself to be a very discreet breast-feeder. My dh, dmil and dfil all hated the thought of my dc being bf'd, like pp mil once told me that I was being selfish as it didn't allow them to bond with the babies. Mil bottle fed all her kids in the 60s and 70s... Then used that as an excuse why dc never really clicked with them nothing to do with their shitty parenting/grandparenting and complete absence for months at a time, no no

In fact, dh used 'not bonding' over feeding to completely check out of parenting. He never once got up in the night, didn't change a nappy until dc 1 was 6 months old, again wondered why dc always winged for me.

They're all ex dh/mil/fil now and I've not seen parents-in-law for 15 years, kids barely see their dad.

They are women who by and large did not breastfeed their own children because they thought it was weird, were told they couldn't, were sold the myth that formula was even better.

So feel threatened and and undermined when their daughters or daughters in law make different decisions.

I’m a MIL and breast fed DS1 for about 7 weeks and DS2 for about 8 months. DS2’s DP did not breast feed at all, her choice, not for me judge.
DS1’s DP breastfed for two years. I was amazed and admiring.

So depressing how the husbands of some of these posters seem to do fuck all as their mothers abuse their wives / partners. I mean I read @Emerald95 and @Justgoingforaweeliedown with my mouth open

she wasn’t @fussychica , she really wasn’t 🙄

What kind of attention did you think she was trying to get @fussychica?

My MIL is generally lovely and I know she means well but she's only just (at almost 3 months) stopped trying to get us to give our baby formula. She combi fed and told me before I was even pregnant about how it's the best thing for mum so best thing for baby. She loves telling about how our SIL (not her DD) wanted to breastfeed and our DN was crying lots early on but she thinks DN was just hungry and she persuaded them to let her give DN a bottle.

I think her main reasoning was concern and not understanding BFing because she kept saying that my milk wouldn't be enough for him as he got bigger, then repeatedly saying to consider the bottle. But this ramped up after he'd got chunky! Despite us telling her how happy the GP and HVs were with his progress. She kept commenting on how often he was feeding when they were around and it made me really self conscious. And one comment was to my unsuspecting BIL while I was right there feeding, in this knowing way about how breast milk wasn't enough for my baby anymore.

She would also comment when she was holding him and he started fussing wanting to feed, joking but still acting like it wasn't fair because she wanted to keep holding him. A few times he's got hungry while I've been eating or drinking something and she's tried to distract him instead so I've had to go and take him. She's asked if I'd finished eating etc and I always say it's fine I'll feed him, why would I want my newborn to stay hungry?

She's also been odd about me BFing - I use a cover or go in another room around my PIL (and basically anyone that's not a female friend unless it's urgent or I think it won't be good for my baby eg heat, or I can't get the coordination right). Once they decided to leave while my baby was feeding so she came and lifted the cover to kiss his head. She's come in the room I went to and come up close and peered at him feeding. Last visit she came in and was calling to him while he was feeding, said something about a cover and came back with his blanket to try and put it on his legs (he was in a short leg summer onesie because it was 25 degrees!) - he then came off and I was trying to cover my boob with his wriggling body and had to ask her to give me a minute.

My own mum is no longer around and I'm sure would have been a way bigger nightmare about everything except BFing. It's just a different dynamic with a MIL, the onus is still on me to be polite.

I think with some MIL whatever the DIL does will be wrong. When I was pregnant with DC1 my (now ex) MIL explained to me like I was thick as shit why I had to breastfeed, and how it was best for baby. And how she knew I'd find it hard to put baby first (wtf?) But that I really needed to.
I'd always planned to breastfeed, so no idea what she was on about.

Ex now has DC with his new DW. They bottlefed them. I've been told how awful I was for breastfeeding and not letting ex feed them. I offered, in fact practically begged him to feed bottles of expressed milk from time to time. He didn't.

I had a post deleted, did my MIL complain?

I'll be encouraging my Ds and DILs to make their own decisions, just as I did. None of my business; I've had my turn.