Are you a MIL who hates their DIL breastfeeding?

[ClaySquish]

There are often posts by women who are going to have or have had a baby, are planning to breastfeed or have started breastfeeding their baby, and subsequently their MIL has made it clear that they are not happy about it.

Who are these women? (As in, these MILs). I mean, maybe they're just not on Mumsnet, but no one ever seems to post from the other side saying "my DIL is breastfeeding her baby and I think it's totally unreasonable/selfish/revolting/attention seeking/whatever".

So. If you are harbouring/have harboured secret resentment towards your DIL for breastfeeding, I implore you to speak up so that I can be satisfied that you actually exist, and you might even answer some of my questions about why you have these views!

@Towhomisay

1987

You'll make him gay!!!

I agree. Both my MIL and DM seem to think me making any parenting decision that is different to their own (unmedicated water births, breastfeeding, baby led weaning, rear facing car seats until 4yo, diagnosing neurodivergencies, not hitting kids to name a few) is me telling them they did it wrong. I don't know why they are both like that. Many fiends and relatives with small children have made different parenting decisions across the board and I've never once seen that as a personal dig at me so idk why MIL and DM do. I wonder if its a generational thing?

EX MIL (RIP) always used to ask ‘how do you know if he gets enough’, ‘how do you know if he’s full’ etc. Obvs never BF her kids. Current PIL always used to the room when I BF, fine with me! Again, never BF.

My mother was a nurse. She used to boast that she breastfed us until I found my baby book. She only breastfed for a very short time.

My MIL has always been very pro breastfeeding. She exclusively breastfed both her children. I think she would rather I covered up though as she had been known to pass me a muslin! Whereas I really don’t care.

Some of that is wrong, though. I’m sure they were doing their best at the time, but hitting children and failing to diagnose neuro divergence is not ideal.

Well not quite the same but my DM boarders on rude about bottle feeding. In front of both my cousins wife and my SIL who both had struggles BF she’s very good at talking about her “talent” at breastfeeding three children 45 odd years ago 🙄. I did breastfeed both of mine but my mum makes me cringe when she says these things and I end up trying to change the subject 🙄🙄

Unbelievable. I met someone c20 years ago who wasn't breastfeeding essentially because her mum didn't want her to, and it seemed incredibly outdated then.
Very sad .

Based on the average age of having a first child for women, I would expect a woman born in 1948 or 1952 with DC born between 1976 and 1983 to have become a GP around 2005 - 2012.

I don’t think all the anti breastfeeding MILs being posted about are very likely to be 70+. Possible but I doubt most of them are.

What do these people think breasts are for????

You’d wonder, wouldn’t you? Decoration? Cleavage? Being kept respectably out of sight in a nice, sturdy M and S bra?

My MIL was totally against BF. No idea why. She was worst with her own daughter, constant comments about how the baby wouldn't get enough to eat etc. When my SIL's first baby was born, MIL phoned us to tell us and said "X has had a baby boy and he doesn't like her milk".

I doubt many MILs (or mums) would start a thread on it because I think the vast majority know that their arguments are completely rubbish. They just resent not being able to treat the baby like a doll.

My MIL was unhappy. It meant I couldn’t leave my baby with her and go away. She was appalled I breastfed DD2 to natural term! 😂 She commented every single time I fed her until, given her interest, I emailed her every day with articles about breastfeeding. That put her gas at a peep!

My MIL did not like me breastfeeding. She only had one child and after he was born she went back home for 6 weeks so her mum could ‘bring him up’. So she never breastfed as the grandma ‘raised’ all the grandchildren. She then told me I should go and move in with her (or leave my baby with her!) after she was born so that she could raise her….It was all very bizarre to me. MIL lived three hours away so was easy to ignore it all but at the time I was so shocked she wanted me to give her my baby. She was born in 1944 and had her child in 1966.

My own Mil was hugely in support of me bfing and happily shared her own positive experiences and 100% supported me.

However others I know who had mums and in laws who disliked them breastfeeding, it usually came down to them wanting to enjoy the experience of giving the baby a bottle themselves, and thus feeling that the breastfeeding was preventing them from that. So entirely selfish reasons basically

My MIL never said anything, but I knew she wanted to be able to feed her first GDC (also my first DC) as a bonding thing. I'm grateful she didn't express this to me.

This was a while ago now (now she gets to bond through the medium of cold hard cash 😂), and as I begin to miss the baby years myself I kind of see the strength of feeling she must have had for that baby. She absolutely saw that child as a new member of her family (in fact, she said as much many times) which was why I was made to feel like an incubator at times, and as though my own family were bit part players in her drama. She funneled all her pent up, overflowing love into that baby, in an effort to relive what she openly refers to as the best years of her life when her DC were babies. Feeding was a way of getting my DD to look at her the way her babies used to.

I can see how a woman might feel that way. But like I saw, I'm grateful she never expressed this to me. It's festering there under the surface, and we both know it, but some things are better left unsaid.

It’s not what you asked but just to add another perspective my MIL was very pro breastfeeding. I had the first grandchild and then when my SIL had the second she made her feel uncomfortable by pushing her to give it a go and using me as an example!

I’m going to hazard a guess that they think they’re for the entertainment of men 🤷🏻‍♀️

My mil has never said anything outrageously awful ( about breastfeeding, anyway) but I have had the faux shock face “you’re still breastfeeding?! Oh!” said to me a number of times. I just answer with a cheerful “yeh, it’s great isn’t it, xxxx months and counting”
She never replies, she just changes the subject.

She’s a strange woman.

My mother was adament after 6 weeks my milk was not good enough. It was her answer to everything..

Dd is teething..
Well your milk is lkkely not good enough

Dd has chickenpox
Well it's likely your milk that's not good enough.

Ds is still not walking age 16 months
Its your milk its not good enough

Mil on the other had was nothing but supportive

Also didn't stop me feeling all 4 2 ofnthem to age 2. As I knew she was talking rubbish.

My MIL breastfed all four of her children, my mother breastfed neither.

All four grandparents were supportive, but my dad was a bit bemused.

As a MIL I was a little disappointed that my DIL was unable to breastfeed...