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I hate my baby

127 replies

whatisthislife55 · 06/05/2025 09:04

I’ve name changed for this because I’m not proud of how I feel.

My 10 week old baby will only contact nap with movement (walking, rocking etc) and in a sling. The moment I stop moving he wakes up. He fights sleep for every nap until he gives in. At night he does one or two stretches in the bassinet (thank god) and then he’s up from 5am. He also hates his car seat and screams. Once I’ve fed him and changed his nappy I can put him down for 20-30 minutes until the cycle starts again. My husband works long hours so is of limited help.

Honestly I am miserable. I love my son but I hate my baby if that makes any sense. I honestly feel like I’ve made a massive mistake and wish I’d never had a baby. Ironically we had multiple miscarriages and years of fertility issues to get to here and I should feel so happy.

I’ve spoken to the health visitor and the GP and they’ve put me on group therapy but it doesn’t seem to be making any difference so far.

Has anyone had a baby like this or felt like this? I just don’t know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
Showmethefood · 06/05/2025 09:17

Yes. My son was just like this. It was the hardest time of my life and I really struggled. The guilt I felt was unreal. It wasn’t how I pictured if that makes sense. Everyone else’s baby seemed to be happy and mine just cried 😅You’ve done well to ask for support. This is just a season and life will get better again, it just feels like it won’t sometimes. My son is now 14 and I adore him and he did stop crying eventually 😂. It’s a time where you feel emotionally broken and it’s hard. Sending strength and support 🌺

JH0404 · 06/05/2025 09:21

It will get easier, and it’s normal to be miserable, it’s a torturous cycle of feed/nap/change (my child would also only contact nap) for months on end. You don’t hate your baby, it’s the loss of the freedoms everyone is supposed to be entitled to (like showering and using the toilet when you need to), and seeing life go on when you’re stuck there. Hang in there and if you can go to some baby groups, it’s so helpful to have people in your life that are in the same boat, even if it doesn’t lead to lifelong friendships it makes it easier. Sending love ❤️❤️

Keroppi · 06/05/2025 09:21

I had a baby like this too! Some just hate being babies.
Mine had silent reflux and that's why he preferred being upright and in motion. So I'd investigate stuff like that or gas
I bought a Rockit for the pram and it was a sweet relief once he was able to sleep in a bouncy chair. I developed excellent calf muscles constantly bouncing it so I could sit and have a cup of tea !!!
It will get better. And it is awful. Sending hugs x

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Mounjaroversary · 06/05/2025 09:22

You don't hate your baby I promise, but I totally understand how you're feeling. I had a similar, in fact I had 2 and severe PND with both
Have you any other help, friends or family who could give you a break?
It's really hard having your first baby, life is unrecognisable,the what have I done feeling will go away I promise, once you're used to your new life and you will get there, mine are teens/tweens now and I love them to absolute bits, we have the best times together, they make me laugh so much and I honestly couldn't live without them!

You will get there too I promise, but it takes a village so get yourself out to groups as much as you can, and ASK for help, my parents really helped me, my sister etc

That wee baby will become a person, funny and full of personality, I always think tiny babies just don't give back for the effort you put in. But he will eventually!

MoistVonL · 06/05/2025 09:22

I’m so sorry. It’s a relentless grind sometimes and you are in desperate need of a break.

Is there any support locally, anyone who could take the baby out in the pushchair for an hour to give you some respite? Sometimes just a short break can help me get my head back in a better place.

It’s a horrible thing to go through. I hope he learns to settle himself soon . You poor thing.

AMagnaMater · 06/05/2025 09:27

I always find looking at feeding helps. How is baby fed?
Breastmilk or formula?
From the breast or bottle?

If breastfed I would consult a lactation consultant or peer supporters etc I the area, check latch etc. If bottle, do you pace bottle feed. If formula, have you tried a different formula?

I had 2 of these. You don't hate baby, you hate not having time, freedom, quiet etc

StepawayfromtheLindors · 06/05/2025 09:29

Oh bless you. Many of us can relate to this. If I were your sister or mum I’d take your baby for a couple of hours.

It’s very early days and will definitely change and get easier I promise 🌷

WhereIsMyLight · 06/05/2025 09:44

Baby stage is tough but you’ve got a hard baby, so it’s doubly tough. It’s weird how you can love something so much and hate it so much at the same time. I find parenting one big confusing bag of contradictions like the days with your baby are so terribly long and draining but you’ll find yourself wondering how 10 weeks have passed already.

Ironically we had multiple miscarriages and years of fertility issues to get to here and I should feel so happy.
Why? You wanted a baby and it was a struggle to get here. But that doesn’t mean you have to be happy that it’s a massive change in your life and really bloody hard. It is a massive change to your life as you knew it and it is bloody hard. Multiple things can be true at the same time - you very much wanted a child and suffered to get to where you are, you love your child but he’s a hard baby and it’s exhausting. You can be grateful to have a child but also find parenting hard.

Everything is a phase. It’s so hard to hear when you’re stuck in that moment because you cannot see a way out but it will pass. It will get easier. I found from about 4 months it started to get incrementally easier. They stop being this needy hand grenade that happens to be the size of a bag of potatoes and starts being a real person. They start to play and interact. They start to develop their own personality and whilst there are still challenges it’s infinitely more rewarding.

LogicVoid · 06/05/2025 09:51

Yep. Some babies are like this. It isn't your parenting or inexperience. It can happen with your first or fourth. They just arrive like this and are exceptionally hard work. It gets better, I promise. Some are more reactive to what is going on in their guts, and only time / maturing seems to make any real difference (12 week colic - google it!) The movement and being semi-upright helps them be soothed. At ten weeks, it is early to go too long between feeds and this will mean you feel like you are in an endless cycle of feed, change, sleep, scream, and repeat, because that is the reality.

Make sure your husband knows how difficult things are. He may be of limited hands-on use with his long hours, but his empathy will help, and he needs to step up as much as he is able to give you support and and a break.

What support have you got? Family? Friends? If anything is available to you, utilise it. Baby groups can be a good social outlet, but bear in mind that they can be a double-edged sword if you get one dominated by the 'smug' first-time mums who lucked out with easy babies.

It will pass! You will not just love your baby, you will soon quite like him too.

Itsmeeeeeee · 06/05/2025 09:52

The baby stage is hard, I looked at it as my job and duty to my baby to just get through it. Little by little it gets easier.

gamerchick · 06/05/2025 09:55

It gets better and he is still in the forth trimester. If you think, from the second his first light switched on hes been carried about constantly, he's new to the hunger thing, the feeling uncomfortable in the shorts area, hard surfaces and changes in temperature. The only thing that isn't scary is you. He doesn't really know he's not seperate from you yet.

This is your time to sit under a baby while he adapts. Dad will have to pick up all the other stuff long hours or not.

Girltoddler · 06/05/2025 09:56

My daughter was like that. Her sleep improved once she started weaning.

WhiteRosesAndThistles · 06/05/2025 10:03

Can you buy in help as your husband is effectively no use to you right now?
I'm thinking, cleaner, meal delivery service (gusto, hello fresh etc). If you have plenty of money could you get an au pair to help?
Basically if you have money throw it at the problem for a couple of months (I don't live in a bubble, I couldn't afford those things but I'm hoping that as your husband works such long hours he is being remunerated accordingly!).
At least if you have help with the basics you can rest more when your baby finally sleeps/stops crying.

Wildflowers99 · 06/05/2025 10:06

I was in a black pit of depression with both my kids between the ages of 3 and 10 months. It was horrific - the screaming, the exhaustion, the endless interruption. They both seemed so angry all the time. Too old to sleep all day but too young to do anything to entertain themselves. It was miserable. Turning point was 10 months - they learned to crawl/cruise, could suddenly manipulate toys a bit better etc.

So the good news is this will pass - bad news is it’ll take a few months. Hang in there, that’s the main thing. Take long walks with the buggy and buy expensive coffees and cry behind sunglasses (that’s what I did)

Embarrassinglyuseless · 06/05/2025 10:11

I remember staring at my first born in the dark, when they’d finally gone to sleep, and wondering if I’d f*ed my life up forever.

its really really really really hard, especially with the first - when it feels like it won’t ever end. But it does and I’m on my third now… They’ve all been awful sleepers but after the first one you know the stage is finite.

I promise this season will pass. Sending you all the good thoughts and grit to get through it.

Wacqui · 06/05/2025 10:14

I had a baby who wouldn't be put down either.

I had to get a wrap around sling so I could get anything done. I walked for hours and hours every day with DC strapped to me just to get some peace.

I ended up suicidally depressed after months of this. I was barely sleeping either.

It did get better eventually. I won't lie, it was a slog. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life actually. I suspect people joining the army have an easier time of it! But it passed and it's a distant memory now.

Please do speak to your GP if you feel very unwell with this, mentally. It doesn't make you a failure or a bad mother. Tons of mothers struggle too, myself included.

khaa2091 · 06/05/2025 10:19

Have you got a useful family member who can come and stay for a couple of days? Someone who will just get on with it and look after you - cook a meal, do some washing (and put it away), take the baby for a walk so you can sit and drink a whole - hot - cup of tea?

I hope that it has helped hearing how many other people have felt the same way.

Keepingupappearencs · 06/05/2025 10:19

Oh gosh I still remember this and how I felt at the time, you are not abnormal to feel the way you do.
My son was just the same and the health visitor recommended I try a cranial osteopath for him. I’m not normally one for these kind of treatments but after 14 weeks of hell I decided to give it a go. After 2 sessions he slept like a normal baby, wish I’d tried it sooner.
Could that be something you could try?

mummymeister · 06/05/2025 10:21

My son was like this and it was due to silent reflux. basically he couldnt sleep unless upright because of the acid coming up and burning him. We got him on some good reflux medication, raised slightly one end of the cot and on really bad days, he slept in his car seat. because I had to do whatever was necessary to give both of us a break from the constant crying, whining and general unhappiness that was the first 2 years of his life. It was absolutely fucking miserable for all of us but especially him. You have my fullest sympathy and support because now almost 30 years later, its still very very real and I remember EXACTLY how awful it was. Go to your GP now. make a complete menace of yourself until you are taken seriously and he gets the medical help he needs. Severe silent reflux is more common in boys. there is help you just have to nag to get it.

Munnygirl · 06/05/2025 10:24

Oh OP the first few months are so hard. If you are bottle feeding try another milk powder. He also
might have reflux which is adding to his discomfort so a visit to the GP may help. . My daughter was the same and as soon as we changed her feed to another brand she was like a different baby. Hang in there it does get better I promise

Gothamcity · 06/05/2025 10:24

Oh I remember this well. Very much wanted babies, both of them, but I absolutely despised them once they were here. Everyone else's babies seemed so easy, and mine just screamed and cried the second their eyes were open until they went to sleep. I dreaded them waking up from a rare, unpredictable nap, while everyone else seemed to be able to put theirs down and know they'd sleep for a solid hour or two. I was lucky to get 15 minutes, and then the relentless screaming would start again. I don't have much advice op, apart from if you feel it getting too much, put them down somewhere safe and go make a cup of tea, preferably playing loud music to drown out the crying. Being alone crying for 15 minutes while you recharge isn't harmful to them, and if you then have chance to regather and compose yourself, then next hour will feel more tolerable. All I will say is, everyone I know who had easy babies, had a shock with the toddler stage, where as me and the couple of mums with the more difficult babies, found it a breeze as they got older, and to be honest, the difficult babies, ended up being the easy going, "dream" toddlers. I do think some babies just hate being babies, as soon as my eldest could sit up, she became easier, then again once she could communicate and started becoming mobile, she was the happiest most content little soul, and still is at 11. Most chilled out happy go lucky kid, none of the drama we see in her peers, you wouldn't believe it, seeing how "angry" she was as a baby! My second was similar, and now we know she has some sensory issues especially around clothing, and I do wonder if this played a part in her baby rage, as she probably couldn't stand the feel of certain things, but obviously couldn't tell us. From the age she could walk, she made it quite clear what clothing she did and didn't like, and it transformed her personality. She's now 8, and still is very particular about what she will and won't wear. It's so hard when you're in the midst of it, I absolutely hated that stage, everyday seems to drag, but it will be oh so worth it even in as little as 3 to 4 months time, your baby will likely be sitting up, able to entertain himself a bit, and his little personality will blossom. I know it's hard, but try not to compare him to the others, I spent far too long wishing my babies were like my friends, but I tell you what, I didn't feel that way once they were toddling around, and mine seemed like a breeze compared to the others! Just do what you can to get through the days, and any little things that can make life a tad easier, like having that cup of tea, and taking 10 mins out here and there, to restructure your day with little moments of peace. Don't feel guilty, so long as everyone's safe, and basic needs are met, you're doing all you can right now. On your husband's days off, go out. Have an hour or two by yourself. This was key in my mental health. Mine were breastfed and didn't like taking bottles, but I'd express, feed them, and go out, knowing that if they were at the point of starvation, they would take that bottle. And just that respite out by myself not worrying about anyone else, even if just twice a week for an hour, was bliss and helped me to get through the next few days.

QuantumPanic · 06/05/2025 10:25

My almost 12 week old woke up at 5:30 this morning and is napping on my chest (after a long walk in the sling to get her to sleep) as we speak. She hates the pram and the car seat, so except for a few 15 minute stints of lying on the floor (and sleeping at night, which she thankfully does in her crib) she is on me for the entire day.

Looking after a baby is hard and boring! But it's already better than it was - what was yours like at six weeks? Has life got easier since then?

Definitely go to some baby groups!! I've only ventured out to one so far, but just having some face to face adult interaction during the day is really helpful. I'm looking forward to some meaningless chit chat later this week. 💜

You can do this, OP!

hamstersarse · 06/05/2025 10:29

It is such a hard time.

I think there is something about expectations that can help you.

What is it you expect from your son?

What do you expect of a baby and how they 'behave' in more general terms?

What is it your baby wants from you?

Why does he want to be near you?

I am only asking these questions because I fear many of us were told to expect sunshine and rainbows, babbling and laughing, happy happy babies, but the reality is somewhat different for everyone entering motherhood.

If you can maintain some level of dark humour, I think it helps.

gmgnts · 06/05/2025 10:36

Do you have a Home-start near you? They exist to help young families by offering volunteer support. Google Home-start UK (MN won't let me post a link) Having a volunteer to visit regularly can make a big difference when you're struggling with a baby or small child.

chocopuffs · 06/05/2025 10:40

Yes! I’ve been where you are. Mine is four now and feisty but a delight, and things are so much better. I agree with PPs that some babies sort of just hate being babies - my DD is so active and always on the go now, and I look back and often think she was frustrated. It’s so so hard and lonely so my heart goes out to you, but as others have said, it will get better. Sorry you’re feeling this way.