I hate my baby

[whatisthislife55]

I’ve name changed for this because I’m not proud of how I feel.

My 10 week old baby will only contact nap with movement (walking, rocking etc) and in a sling. The moment I stop moving he wakes up. He fights sleep for every nap until he gives in. At night he does one or two stretches in the bassinet (thank god) and then he’s up from 5am. He also hates his car seat and screams. Once I’ve fed him and changed his nappy I can put him down for 20-30 minutes until the cycle starts again. My husband works long hours so is of limited help.

Honestly I am miserable. I love my son but I hate my baby if that makes any sense. I honestly feel like I’ve made a massive mistake and wish I’d never had a baby. Ironically we had multiple miscarriages and years of fertility issues to get to here and I should feel so happy.

I’ve spoken to the health visitor and the GP and they’ve put me on group therapy but it doesn’t seem to be making any difference so far.

Has anyone had a baby like this or felt like this? I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Couple of things which worked for us:

if you BF - it may be silent reflux. In my case it was also my diet so I had to cut a variety of food out for several months, dairy, spices, fizzy drinks, caffein and citrus fruits mainly.

Holding upright after each feed and sleeping upright helped.

We moved to FF and it was a bit of trying out which milk worked best.

Cranial osteopath also worked.

Having DH to take one-two days off every couple of weeks. It meant I could hand DD over, sleep, go shopping on my own (even if it was just a walk to the supermarket), go to the hairdresser.

A lot of babies are like this. It won’t last forever

I'm sorry you feel this way but this is a normal routine for a tiny. baby. It is hard, much harder than some people acknowledge and it's impossible to tell anyone what it is like until they live it.
My granddaughter was exactly like this my daughter lived in a sling for a year!
All you can do is accept it and realise that it won't last forever.
If you can. accept that the next few months will be like this and it may take a year but it will get better. Don't have high expectations of getting much sleep or rest for a while and accept that this is life for what is in the scheme of things a short while and you will start to feel better.
If you can't do that you should go back to your GP and or health visitor. and tell them how you feel.
Also I don't think everyone else's baby is settled and easy although it may seem like that at times

Controversial response here.

I’ve had four babies. My EBF baby was like this. I had tonnes of milk but she was never happy and never slept. I think the milk wasn’t filling her up enough. Too much fore milk and not enough hind milk probably.

My other three have been formula fed from relatively early on for all sorts of reasons and they’ve all been a dream. The easiest babies ever.

Breastfeeding is great. It really is and I’m sad I couldn’t breastfeed all of mine but to me, it’s not the most important thing. A happy Mum is. If you’re not precious about it could you try giving him a bottle of formula and see how he is? It might not change anything but it’s unlikely to do any harm. Or you might find he settles after it and then at least you know.

Take care of yourself. Having a high needs baby is the hardest thing I’ve ever done (harder than when I had twins)!

It doesn’t seem like it! Whenever I meet up with NCT mums or go to baby groups their babies will happily sleep in their pram or in their arms. My DS fights every sleep and has to sleep being walked around!

That sounds very similar to my situation!

I have been thinking about it tbh. I’ve got nothing against formula feeding but breastfeeding is the only thing that’s gone well so far and changing that would make me feel even more like a crap mother! But I’ll try anything at this point

I agree with everything others have said. This is a shit time. But it’s not a mistake, you are not failing.
You just have to hold on.
this will be unpopular advice I’m sure but personally I’d start on some sort of solids after 17 weeks., that can often help fussy babies. You can still do baby led weaning alongside this as he grows.

My first daughter was like this.... I felt the same.
Now she's nearly a teen and I miss the closeness.
They fuck with you.
I am not dismissing your low and neither should you. Get support.
But you are far, far, far from alone in having these thoughts.

Just sending sympathy and a big hug. It feels like forever, and it is so hard to enjoy it when you are exhausted.

We had one like that, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't feed, wouldn't be put down. DH was great but had to work at a job where it wasn't safe to be tired. One especially bad day I seriously considered going to the GP surgery and abandoning the baby with the health visitors for a few hours.

Hang in there, it does eventually pass. My difficult baby is now a lovely adult and it all seems long ago.

Try to look after yourself as much as possible, give yourself treats and regular five minutes "off duty" where you pamper yourself a bit.

I had one of these, plus no family help. It was traumatising. The shrieks and stiffenings and fighting. Also a bit underweight for length and breast fed. At 4 months I started adding in a bottle of formula (racked with guilt about it, which was insane, but I very nearly was by then.) It really helped. Not just the calories, but also that DH could give it to him (and I could run for the hills).
You really don't hate your baby, and no one could blame you for hating the way things are right now.
Good luck. It gets so much better. (Shrieking child is now 6 foot and vegan. VEGAN after all that fuss. Lives on Linda McCartney sausages, runs marathons, perfectly healthy and I broke my heart over a bottle of formula.)

My first son was like this. It turned out that he had a dairy and a soy allergy. I was breastfeeding and cut those out of my diet. It apparently takes 2 weeks for it to clear from your system, but I noticed a huge improvement within 48 hours.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. I definitely experienced some dark thoughts and felt like he hated me.

Things will get better. It feels never ending at the time. But this too shall pass. Xx

The reason sleeping on the stomach “isn’t recommended more” is because we now know (and have for a few decades) that it is really unsafe in relation to sudden infant death. Never place your baby to sleep on their stomach. The safest position for your baby to sleep is on their back.

OP. I have been, and continue to be, where you are. My baby has never slept in her cot or crib so we co-sleep and she only contact naps on me. In many ways she has been such a difficult baby but we are approaching eight months now and she is becoming more and more of a delight!

You wouldn't have seen me at a baby class or anything like that. I hated them myself and my baby seemed to be psychic and fall fast asleep every time we went so I ended up awkwardly singing wheels on the bus on my own. So I stopped going.

The truth is I was probably sat on the kitchen floor watching the washing machine go around while wishing I could have an accident and at least get some rest in a hospital bed!

You are very much not on your own in not enjoying this!

To all those on this thread who had truly Velcro babies - did you go on to have another? I can’t imagine having a Velcro newborn with a Velcro toddler?

Mimmosa^^a
When velcro baby started school we had dc2. Perforce dc2 had to be wheeled to school and back twice a day, and generally plonked in convenient places. Formula was given when necessary/convenient. DC2 slept anywhere, right from the start. I remember calling in health visitor because very small dc2 slept 5 hours solid. I assumed ill, possibly brain damaged. Health visitor said calmly 'yes, some of them do.'

Yes, my second baby was like this. We tried GP visits, baby gaviscon, cranial osteopathy. In the end it just needed time to get better! I'd say by 5/6 months she was more chilled. It seems so long when you're in the thick of it, but you can do it, and so can he. He's learning to be a person and you're learning to be a mummy, it's so hard for you both. Things that actually did help me though were: using the car seat pram attachment instead of carrycot (if not in it for too long), and at 4/5 months we swapped to the upright pram attachment. And also, letting her have a comforter in bed (even though guidance says 6 months, we did it much earlier but kept a close eye on her). And she liked to sleep in the carrier, so LOTS of that! You've got this!

Yes, my son was like this - a "high-need" baby they call it, I've read it somewhere. Screaming all the time unless you carry them until they fall asleep. Mine would nap in a pram, and he was born in April, so the next 6 months we spent outside. I've lost 2.5 stone in 4 months due to all the walking and pram pushing (and not eating lunch - no time for that with a screaming babe!). I wept daily on the phone to my mum/sis every evening while he was screaming in my ear... it was absolutely exhausting and we were alone, so no help, with DH working a lot. I can only tell you it got a little better when he started walking and we could go to the playground, and then I found a childminder at 18 months 3 times a week. He is 10 y.o. now and a great boy, and tbh I miss the time when he was a baby and our daily walks to the park... so hold on, time flies, everything will be fine, you've got this, you'll pull through.

I feel you.

I felt exactly the same. Loved him and hated him all at the same time.

I have often remarked that absolutely no amount of money could make me do those first 8 months again.

For me, the awfulness of it peaked at 8 months, even if the sleep didn't improve until 3 years!

Yes, but three years later. Velcro screecher had improved a lot by that time. Slept through the night at age 2.5!

I feel your pain. Honestly - try to meet up with other mums, get help from the HV team, childrens centre. I wanted someone to take my little baby away. This weekend I went to see Billie Eilish with the new 14 yr old DD. Hang in there. Little steps at a time.

sounds familiar! Reflux baby here too - now a 14yr old with braces on her teeth despite me flatly refusing to give her a dummy as it would mess up her teeth! Wish I had been more chill and put a dummy in her screaming mouth!

My first DS was also like this, and I absolutely hear what you are saying about going places and feeling like your baby is the only one crying and unsettled. I really remember a lot of situations like that.

I know it feels like forever now, but even by the end of the summer you'll have such a different baby to now. Keep getting out and about - even though it's hard work, keep talking to other mums, there will be those in the same position as you, and try to get a break whenever you can (not easy I know).

My unsettled, crying baby grew into a pretty chilled out child and teenager. He's now a lovely, happy, laidback 17 year old and most days I have to wake him up!

I can empathise completely, it’s really hard work isn’t it, you know it’s going to be but honestly I don’t think any mum is ready for how tough it is.

My first DS was an absolute dream, such an adorable, happy, contented little soul, I fell pregnant with DS2 when he was a year old, OMG I can’t begin to tell you what a difference experience that was, DS2 was such an unsettled, miserable and generally angry bundle, honestly those first 7mths of his life were utterly miserable, thank goodness for my late MIL, she helped us so much, she really was an angel. She saved our sanity quite honestly.

Do you have anyone that can give you a hand OP? It will get easier as baby grows, it really will in the meantime do whatever you need to get through it.

Yes I had two