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Original poster

How did being smacked as a child affect your life?

193 replies

Roxietrees · 01/05/2025 11:08

Just interested in whether those who were smacked as children suffered any lasting damage/trauma from it? I was a very young child in the early 90s and clearly remember being 4 and extremely shy (undiagnosed selective mutism with hindsight) and being pretty violently smacked by my mum for not speaking to her friends/teachers when I was asked a question. Although I was also smacked when I was older for “being naughty” it’s the vicious smacking for being unable to speak when I was so young that has stayed with me and has honestly caused some lasting trauma. It wasn’t just the pain & viciousness of it, it was the humiliation (pants down, bare bum, over the knee style) and it never being explained to me why I was being punished so harshly for something I couldn’t control or apologised to. It obviously didn’t work - I wasn’t even scared into speaking, I physically couldn’t. It just made me more scared and anxious than I already was. Now having a 4 yo DC myself, who, I admit I’ve totally lost my shit at at times and have even screamed at, I’ve always apologised to her, and no matter how angry I get I could never physically hit her. She’s so small and helpless. I can’t get my head round how my mum (a good mum overall and pretty reasonable person) could have ever done that when I was that tiny. I don’t buy these boomer excuses of “we didn’t know any better” or “it was what was done to us as children” - well it was done to me and I know better.

OP posts:
usernameeggs · 01/05/2025 20:31

When I was four, I told the nun who helped with reading, that I'd already done my reading for that week.

I was sitting in class and she stormed in and told me to come to the front. She knew I'd lied so she grabbed my arm and started whacking my leg. The class teacher grabbed my other arm and whacked the other leg. This was in front of the class.

I didn't cry because both my parents were already hitting me and I was used to it. This continued until I left primary school but my parents carried on until I was old enough to hit back.

How did it effect me? I'm in my 50's and had the doorbell removed because I jumped whenever it rang. I used to flinch when people made sudden movements and I still jump if anyone creeps up on me.

Hoplolly · 01/05/2025 20:38

Hasn't made any difference to my life, the only time I think about it is when threads like this come up. No trauma. Doesn't make me think it's okay to smack kids either. It's just something that happened then that we don't do now. Like smoking in cars or not wearing seatbelts.

crockofshite · 01/05/2025 20:43

Never could be close to my main smacker. Violent, hot temper, mean person.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

4 year olds
AlertEagle · 29/07/2025 17:15

I’ve never been smacked as a child but my mum used to shout a lot. It made me very anxious to shouting from other people even if it isn’t directed at me.

Riverswims · 29/07/2025 18:04

so much I could say but the thing that springs to mind first is that I have a scar on my thigh from being hit with a belt, not likely to go now, I see it daily and it makes me so angry and I know that’s not good for me, I’m not worried about outing myself, it’s not me that should be ashamed it’s my parents 🥺
@SandrenaIsMyBloodTypelast paragraph is perfect

Judiezones · 29/07/2025 18:08

I was born early 60s, I remember being hit on my palm with a ruler in infants school. I had been naughty and had been warned.
If I was naughty at home my mum would slap the back of my legs, but not hard.
Neither left any long term imprint on my mind or body. It taught me not to ignore warnings. Dad never, ever smacked us. He was far too easy going (and soft with us!).

fffiona · 29/07/2025 18:45

I think as always this thread conflates those of us (like me) who received a now outdated form of punishment in an otherwise loving home and those who were physically abused.

WordleAway · 29/07/2025 18:59

It gave me clear boundaries and a firm sense of right and wrong. I am a decent, law abiding adult as a result.

ItsStillWork · 29/07/2025 19:03

It taught me that you smack to get what you want or to get people to stop doing something.

i remember in year 3 at primary school slapping a girl around the face (on numerous occasions) as I thought that’s what you did when you were angry with someone.

ninjahamster · 29/07/2025 19:12

It’s not affected me. It was never hard. more of a tap but enough to make me think twice about what I was doing!

AzurePanda · 29/07/2025 19:16

Another one who was regularly smacked as a child and it had no lasting negative effects on me. Grew up to be law abiding with a strong respect for authority which has served me well. Have never smacked any of my children.

cryinglaughing · 29/07/2025 19:17

I was hit with wooden spoons, horse whips, canes and her hand.
I can not stand the woman.

She is 80 now and thinks I should have beaten ASD out of my dd 🥺

Serencwtch · 29/07/2025 19:19

We were smacked as a last resort & given plenty of warnings & opportunities to avoid it. Never out of anger or frustration.

Myself & my brother were later diagnosed with autism & ADHD & I think the strong discipline we had as children really helped us live fulfilling lives in mainstream society rather than be labelled as SEN/disabled etc.

I agree that it should be banned as although my parents used it well & with our best interests at heart, many hit children out of anger or frustration which is not discipline & only makes children frightened & angry

I never smacked mine - DH & I discussed it as both were disciplined in a similar way & we agreed it was wrong - but we did use very strict discipline. Our DS has autism, ADHD & extremely challenging behaviour (went to a referral unit) & needed very strict behaviour boundaries & consequences.

Ethelflaedofmercia · 29/07/2025 19:22

It hasn’t really affected me, and I got smacked weekly. I continued to be smacked up until I was a teenager and eventually she got a smack back.

Yes, a lot of people will be shocked by that, but after I put her on her arse she never attempted to smack me again. Parent or not, put your hands on me and you will get it back the same as you give it to me.

It was the name calling that has affected me, slag, slut, bitch and I was a virgin. Imagine being called a slut at 11. It used to fill me with rage and she denies it now and gets angry if it’s mentioned. I love my mum, but the way she treated me when I was younger wasn’t the best.

When I was in my late teens early 20s she stopped calling me names but could still get angry, the difference is she was probably intimidated because I was now the same size as her.

These parents must forget that we grow up.

user3827 · 29/07/2025 19:23

Not smacked, caned! But i was loved and they did what they can/what people thought was best at the time. It built resilience tbh

Hiptothisjive · 29/07/2025 19:27

JoyousEagle · 01/05/2025 11:30

Honestly, it didn’t. I was born in the early 90s and smacked. I’ve never hit my children, and never would. I don’t think it’s good parenting at all. But I don’t think it made any material difference to me.

I feel exactly the same. There is a difference between smacking and abuse. I was smacked and don’t think it affected me at all.

Elbowpatch · 29/07/2025 19:28

As far as I am aware, it hasn’t affected me negatively at all. Smacks at home and corporal punishment starting infant school (convent).

Cliffedge25 · 29/07/2025 19:30

Yeah when I think about it, I feel the pain and humiliation acutely despite me being mid 50’s now.

Frightened kid, frightened adult.

Fists and hands flew far too often and far too freely, many times I didn’t even know why I was being hit.

Fucking vicious aresholes.

Iamthemoom · 29/07/2025 21:39

It broke the bond of trust with my parents. I distinctly remember certain specific occasions when they hit me. My dad used a belt and that’s hard to forget. They were abusive in other ways too (emotionally, neglectful and both drank) so maybe hard to separate out but I remember being hit distinctly and how it hurt physically and emotionally and that feeling of fear, uncertainty and not feeling safe. i dint know how anyone could do that to a child. It disgusts me. I think it severed any emotional tie to them tbh. I do what I do for my mum out of duty not love.

mrlistersgelfbride · 30/09/2025 00:29

I was smacked as a child. Sometimes it was verging on ‘hit’ rather than smack.
My dad smacked/hit all of us. Me , brother and mum.
He has always been very short tempered with a hot head and he showed it.
My parents now deny it ever happened but you don’t forget things like that.
My friend even witnessed it once. Dad and my brother had a fist fight when he was a teen.

How did it affect me?
Massive daddy issues and a penchant for toxic men.
Putting up with all kinds of shit from people, low self esteem and I have trichotillomania which I think started as a child and my parents were arguing- it was escapism.
However it’s made me suprisingly resilient. I don’t expect people to be nice to me, I expect little from people and I don’t get too upset if they are dickheads.
My brother is a drug addict, that’s how he coped with it.
But I suppose we can all blame our issues on our upbringing.
Interesting really.

owlyboo · 30/09/2025 00:41

I was smacked/or at least had the option of. My kids don’t as giving violence when you would discipline for the same reason is bad parenting.

SouthernNights59 · 30/09/2025 01:11

It hasn't affected me at all. As others have said it was common then (the 60s) and I knew my parents loved me.

Berlinlover · 30/09/2025 01:13

I was born in the 1970s and it didn’t affect me at all.

owlyboo · 30/09/2025 01:14

But just because it ‘didn’t effect people’ doesn’t mean it’s the best form of parenting

Pennyhillxxx · 30/09/2025 01:27

I absolutely adored my parents and they were fantastic role models back in the 60s Dad a war correspondent and Mum a nurse . Can only remember being smacked once throughout my childhood. Am not going to say who was guilty because they were so lovely and my childhood friends have brilliant memories coming to our crazy house with no rules and just feeling free .