How did being smacked as a child affect your life?

[Roxietrees]

Just interested in whether those who were smacked as children suffered any lasting damage/trauma from it? I was a very young child in the early 90s and clearly remember being 4 and extremely shy (undiagnosed selective mutism with hindsight) and being pretty violently smacked by my mum for not speaking to her friends/teachers when I was asked a question. Although I was also smacked when I was older for “being naughty” it’s the vicious smacking for being unable to speak when I was so young that has stayed with me and has honestly caused some lasting trauma. It wasn’t just the pain & viciousness of it, it was the humiliation (pants down, bare bum, over the knee style) and it never being explained to me why I was being punished so harshly for something I couldn’t control or apologised to. It obviously didn’t work - I wasn’t even scared into speaking, I physically couldn’t. It just made me more scared and anxious than I already was. Now having a 4 yo DC myself, who, I admit I’ve totally lost my shit at at times and have even screamed at, I’ve always apologised to her, and no matter how angry I get I could never physically hit her. She’s so small and helpless. I can’t get my head round how my mum (a good mum overall and pretty reasonable person) could have ever done that when I was that tiny. I don’t buy these boomer excuses of “we didn’t know any better” or “it was what was done to us as children” - well it was done to me and I know better.

I was born in the 80s and being smacked as a punishment seemed a pretty common occurrence. Both my mum and dad would smack me (occasionally, not regularly.)

I can't say it made any difference to me at all. They're in their 70s now and I'm very close with both of them and love them dearly. I do think it signified that they had lost control when they smacked me or my brother or sister. And I don't think it's an effective punishment. I certainly don't smack my own children.

Times have changed. In this case for the better!

I was born in the late 1950s and was only smacked very occasionally, usually by my mum, when I did something particularly rude or naughty. I can remember some of the times I was smacked and the only effect it had on me was to make sure I didn’t do the same again. It certainly didn’t traumatise me in any way and it made me have a little more respect and try to avoid behaving badly enough to warrant being punished. It didn’t affect my relationship with my parents at all and I’ve never begrudged them for the odd smacks I had.

Only my Dad would smack so my Mum would rat me out to him, taught me all sorts of weird things around gender roles and stuff. I was most upset that it was my bare bottom and knew that wasn't usually ok to be semi naked. It wasn't abuse but I don't think it taught me anything but fear.

The humiliation and shaming aspect of removing the clothing is appalling and sadistic.

Smacking is just shit parenting, and means a parent has lost all control. I was aware of that as an older child and it made me really lose respect for my mum when she smacked me. I felt bitter and resentful, and it definitely didn't make me want to be better behaved. It made me want to be more sneaky and never confide in my mum. It destroyed any trust or respect.

I was hit across the head-on several occasions by my father for perceived rudenesses, such as forgetting to ask if I may leave the table. He would call it a "clip around the ear", as if it was a commonplace and accepted method. It was truly, shockingly horrible. The last time he hit me, I was 15. Now I'm an adult I can't forgive him - or for my mum for letting it happen.

80s kid. I wasn't hit but my brother was, with a wooden spoon. How it affected me = I learned that corporeal punishment does nothing to improve behaviour (my brother continued to be naughty no matter what, and is now an adult suffering from depression / estranged from my parents).

I do think by my 90s childhood even though smacking was still commonplace most families had limits like not with something like a belt or stick, not the head or face and if clothing removed you'd be worried about the adults motivations.

It didn’t affect my life in any way.

We were given the odd smack for misbehaving but I honestly can’t say it’s affected me at all. It was normal then.

Child of the 60s and was smacked on the back of the leg for being rude or doing something naughty or dangerous.

it had the effect of me stopping doing those things, I never give it any thought and I don’t feel negatively about my parents for it.

I was also caned at school which didn’t teach me anything, at the time it was worth it for getting to do what I wanted. Never give that a thought either. Just the way life was then.

If you go back and read the MN archive from 2000-2007 ish then there are a LOT of (primarily middle class, affluent and educated) women ‘admitting’ they smack, some justify it, some acknowledge they’d rather not but that sometimes it’s a last resort.

I will be honest, I don’t think many of the current approved methods of parenting work and my kid runs rings around me I haven’t smacked yet but this kid gives no shits about other consequences!

Trauma and people pleasing and not being able to spot I was in an abusive relationship.
Hitting children is abhorrent

I learned how to take a punch from a grown man. It taught me that as the oldest sibling, I would prefer to take the beating than watch my little brothers being hit.

The last time he put his hands on me I was 16 - for the crime of trying to practice for my French test with my friend after curfew. He held me by the throat and I swung for him. He never hit me again.

They say that if you grow up with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. I stayed with my emotional abuser ex husband for far too long and the only thing he never did was hit me.

I don’t hit my kids.

I was only ever smacked once. With hindsight given that my "bright idea" could have killed someone, it's hard to be resentful. As best it was pretty horrific bullying by proxy and given it involved two other 11 year olds holding another panicking 11 year old half out of a 3rd floor window...I think I was probably lucky to get off so lightly.

Humiliating yes, especially since it wasn't a parent but my father's boss whose family were looking after me whilst Dad was on deployment and my mum was back in the UK. Painful at the time. However whilst it didn't turn me into an angel over night it made me consider the potential pitfalls of plans a bit more carefully.

My own parents didn't smack. They told me how disappointing and worthless I was. Freezing cold anger and then silences. Nothing I do is ever good enough even now.

Dh got the belt, slipper and in one case the golf clubs. He says he saw it as a balance in his head. Was his current bright idea worth it if he got caught. He's definitely not traumatised by it and says he would always choose his parents over mine when it comes to punishment. Don't think it taught him anything though.

We parent very differently to how we were raised. No smacking, no shouting and no freezing out as I think all are damaging.

I have never forgiven either of my parents, and will never get over it.

There was an almost identical thread very recently.

There was. I wondered if it was a gov think tank..

I hate snacking, it says ‘I can control you with violence cause you are smaller and weaker and unable to fight back!’people seem to forget children are always learning how the world works and therefore will make mistakes.

It just made me better at lying and hiding things. My my. Thinks I confided in her but I told her what I wanted her to hear. If I hadn’t been in danger as a teen of them go off their heads at me I might not have had to handle so much alone

It made me ever so slightly afraid of my DM, which was not a bad thing. I was too scared to ever really get into trouble or do the wrong thing for fear of reprisal. Which has benefitted me massively in the long run.
It also reinforced the hierarchy in the house, which again as a child, when they ran the ship, I don’t feel was a negative.
I never give it a second thought now tbh.
70’s child.

It happened to my older brother more than me. But witnessing that has affected me a lot. Weve never spoke about it as a family, but we definitely have nothing to do with my dad anymore. It's interesting, because my brother turned to drugs and alcohol, has 4 kids but has struggled to settle down etc. I'm quite the opposite. I guess it affects people differently, not sure. I know there's some things I need to deal with mentally but I'm trying my best with my son not to even raise my voice and bring him up better than we were

my mum smacked and had general anger/mental health issues probably caused by two failed marriages and being left to bring up two kids pretty much single handedly.

what has affected my relationship more than the smacking was the emotional abuse, being cold, moody, silent treatment, walking on egg shells, outbursts etc. I definitely hate her more for that.

It didn’t. Brought up in the 60s and rarely smacked but a very occasional slap round the back of the legs. As a PP poster said the majority of comments aren’t about getting a smack but abuse, which is a whole different ball game.

my mother had a shocking temper at times (with hindsight PMT) but NEVER took it out on us kids, but the saucepans had a few dents!

My Dad used to smack me round the head. I still can't bear my head being touched, to the point that I cut my own hair...

Not in the slightest.

Mum used to smack the back of my legs (& this in a day when boys wore shorts until secondary school) every so often but it was "just one of those things". It never affected my relationship with her and when she died (very young) I missed her dreadfully.

Dad only ever smacked me once (altho' his smacking me was always the ultimate deterrent) but TBH I had nearly shot a mate's sister in the eye with an air rifle.