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Original poster

Do you love your parents?

134 replies

MyNextMove25 · 29/04/2025 12:04

I am wondering if I am in the minority here. I do not love my parents. Never have. I am mid/late forties. No abuse but neither parent was particularly emotionally available much (I think it’s just how they were raised). I have a friendly relationship now with my father and I like him. I have a complicated relationship with my mother and I don’t think I like her very much. I think my mother only cares about what I can provide for her financially and nothing else. She probably cares a bit, I don’t know.

The above used to make me sad until I had my own children. I love my children and I make sure they know this every single day. I sometimes feel sorry for my mother that she missed out/continues to miss out on the kind of love I share with my children and wish for her sake that it could have been different. Does anyone else have something similar with their parent(s)?

OP posts:
henlake7 · 29/04/2025 12:53

Not really. I'm just not an emotional person.
I do feel guilty for it though....my parents are both lovely people and really did deserve better kids!

Oodielover · 29/04/2025 13:41

I've never loved my parents

I've known it from a very young age

I've also known that I wasn't wanted (was a much wanted baby after 3 stillbirths) but my mother made me the scapegoat who can't get anything right and my brother is the golden child who can do no wrong

I'm now nc with both of them and sadly,it's for the best as her narcissistic personality and his enabling one would drag me down further than they did when I was in their lives

kindnessforthewin · 29/04/2025 13:46

No. I didn’t cry when my Dad passed. I always said the benefit of having cruddy parents is that I won’t grieve. I grieved enough over the course of my life, for what most others had but I didn’t, for that mother who was a friend, confidante. To have even one parent who gave some advice or guidance would have been great. Not only did I have to grow up super fast, I really had to figure if all out myself from navigating a job market, finding myself with a broken heart, manipulative ‘friends’ who walked all over me.

funnily enough although it was hard at the time, I built my life bit by bit and ended up being quite resilient, can spot a manipulator from a country mile and made my way without them. Mum still alive but won’t cry when she dies.

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RaraRachael · 29/04/2025 13:52

I loved my dad because I did a lot of fun things with him when I was young and have lots of happy memories of him. I was sad when he died and still miss him 30 years later.

However I do not mark anything to do with my mother. I hated her and was glad when she died. She controlled every aspect of my life, even when I left home and was a nasty, controlling, narcissistic bully.

I genuinely find it difficult to empathise with people when their mother dies as being sad or upset just wasn't my experience of a mother.

1988abc · 29/04/2025 13:53

Used to, very much so.
As time goes on and I have become older and more independent probably less so as we're not as involved day to day.
My dad has now passed away and mum has become increasingly more a dependent rather than a mother figure which has been very difficult and I think has made it hard to love.
Perhaps I sound cruel I'm not so sure.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 29/04/2025 13:56

Yes I do. Remember a parent's love, generally, is unconditional and is not always reciprocated by children as they get older. Your kids will never feel the same way that you do about them.

DustyMaiden · 29/04/2025 13:56

Yes I love my parents. They maid a lot of mistakes, I wouldn’t emulate them but I do love them. And

Thursa · 29/04/2025 13:56

They’ve both been gone for years now, but no, I don’t think I did. Love wasn’t a word that was used in our house. There was no affection either. I cried when my mum died, not when my dad did.

I’ve made sure to tell my kids that I love them every day, made sure they get hugged every day. They’re in their 20’s now. Do they love me? I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I annoy the hell out of the eldest…

VictorianScreenTime · 29/04/2025 14:03

I love my parents very much. Having my own children magnified it because I finally truly realised just how much mum and dad love me and my siblings.

Reading these replies makes me feel very lucky indeed to have been raised in such a loving environment- my mum in particular was always very open about telling us how wonderful we were and how much she loved us. Still does! I want to keep that generational “cherishing” going for my DC too.

Lentilweaver · 29/04/2025 14:03

Yes. Both were/ are mostly great.

Bbq1 · 29/04/2025 14:14

I love my parents deeply. My lovely dad sadly passed away 6 years ago but my mum is still alive. Mum and I are best friends, we are really close. Dad and Mum were /are wonderful parents. Loving, caring, nurturing, warm always supported me, very giving and loved me unconditionally. Wanted the best for me. They were lovely role models and showed me what a successful marriage and loving parents look like. They taught me many values - manners, to know right from wrong etc. Many of my parenting skills were learnt from them. They were also very involved gp's and built a brilliant strong bond that endures with our son. They took us on holiday, days out, to clubs supporting hobbies and played with us. They were fun and could be silly, especially dad. He always made us laugh. I have wonderful memories of my dad and mum. Although mum is elderly now we are still great friends and at 51 she still looks after me! I couldn't have wished for better parents and wish everyone could have had a similar experience.

Ladamesansmerci · 29/04/2025 14:20

It's complicated. I love my mum, though she's passive and never defended me.

My dad is really quite abusive and highly authoritarian. He's a horrid misogynist. I despise him tbh, but there's also still love there. I think we are hardwired to long for unconditional love for our parents, no matter our age.

This thread makes me very sad. I have an 11mo baby, and if she grew up to hate me, I'd consider myself a huge failure.

Ph3 · 29/04/2025 14:21

I love my parents. But I don’t like my mum. We have absolutely nothing in common which she reminds me constantly - only she makes it sound like an insult.

AncientBallerina · 29/04/2025 14:25

Yes I adored my dad who has sadly died. I know he loved me unconditionally, was interested in me, enjoyed my company and was proud of me. I felt the same about him - still do. My relationship with my mother is more complicated but I do love her and she loves me. Only recently have I realised that I am very fortunate.

Bulldog01 · 29/04/2025 14:33

My Step farther & Mother were neglectful & abusive.They had no idea how to bring up a child.Did not attend either of their Funerals did feel sad when they died.But when I thought about how they treated me,I new I had made the right decision.

Doyouseeme · 29/04/2025 14:36

My dad died in 2005 . But I loved him with all my heart. He was loving funny, the best humour ever . I still talk about him alot with my children. His humour lives on in me which I share with my children. They would have loved him so much.

My mother no. She basically didn't bother with me. I tried to reach out for many years. Its quite clear she hated me. I have no idea why. Several months or so back i found out she has dementia and is in a home . My sister asked me to go and see her. I did. I felt sad for her. But in away like if there was a sad film. Not a personal sadness.

MightyGoldBear · 29/04/2025 14:37

No I don't think I do.
Feels awful to say.
My dad is toxic abusive and hasn't shown any interest in decades. I wish him all the best but if he died tomorrow it wouldn't affect my life at all.

My relationship with my mum is complicated. She's an alcoholic. I feel obligated to look after her( i maintain healthy boundaries as its not my job to look after her). I have my whole life. So ive always been in the role of parent to her.
So she's never really been a mother figure to me. I don't really know her. I didn't grow up with her and she keeps herself back. She didn't have a great mum so I think she has no clue at all how to love or be loved. But here i am doing better for my own so🤷🏼‍♀️
We also have the scapegoat and golden child dynamic going on in our family so the best way to combat that is very very low or no contact.

I try everyday to be different for my children and I can't imagine treating them how my parents have treated me. I can't imagine not wanting to know how they are what's going on for them and if they need any support or help from me. Its certainly taught me to very independent. It's made mine and my husbands bond stronger as we have both realised our parents were not what we needed growing up and try everyday to do what we wish someone had done for us. For our children. But also for eachother. To love and support eachother, have eachothers back.

I think when I had my first child. That when I grieved my parents. That's when I realised what it should feel like and what I was absolutely missing.

TipsyRaven247 · 29/04/2025 14:38

Yes, I love them. They have made mistakes but they did try to do their best.

MoistVonL · 29/04/2025 14:42

Very much. They would drive me crazy and we would disagree about things, but of course I love them. They’re my parents.

My adult kids love me and DH. And their grandparents. We enjoy each other’s company.

AliceMcK · 29/04/2025 14:42

Like you op it’s complicated, if anything I now feel indifferent. One of my biggest fears is that my children will feel the same way about me. I hope they don’t, I show them and tell them how much I love them and I am a very very different parent than my own so I hope they grow up knowing what it’s like to be truly loved.

CosmicCuppa · 29/04/2025 14:43

I loved my mother while she was alive as a child does. I think I loved my dad once too. As an adult, I care for him but it’s not love. We’re not really active members of each others life apart from birthdays and Christmas for the kids and living less than five minutes away from each other.

I parent my kids very very differently to how I was parented. None of it was necessarily bad but we have a hugely loving family unit. My eldest are teenagers now and know every day I love them and I know that they love me. Pretty much everything I do I do differently to the way I was raised and it seems to have worked out well for us so far. I feel sad sometimes that my mum and nan aren't around to see us all - parents who really are in love and a bunch of really happy, loving kids.

Cynic17 · 29/04/2025 14:45

No. It's not compulsory, and it shouldn't be faked.

Cynic17 · 29/04/2025 14:47

MoistVonL · 29/04/2025 14:42

Very much. They would drive me crazy and we would disagree about things, but of course I love them. They’re my parents.

My adult kids love me and DH. And their grandparents. We enjoy each other’s company.

There's no "of course" about it. Clearly you were lucky, but lots of people aren't.

Lottapianos · 29/04/2025 14:48

I honestly don't know whether I love my parents or not. They say they love me, but it feels like need rather than love. They need me to be what they want me to be, ideally still a young child or at least a teenager. They're furious with me for growing up, moving to a different country, leading my own life and separating from them emotionally.

Their 'love' feels entirely conditional. I've often felt that it was me who needed to parent then, rather than the other way around. They're rude, cold, critical, self absorbed and judgemental. I really don't like spending time with either of them. Years of therapy, a ton of active grieving and being in low contact with them has helped, but if I'm honest it still hurts

Lascivious · 29/04/2025 14:51

They’re dead, so…

I definitely loved mine. My mum wasn’t the nicest person but I loved her nonetheless. Probably because I knew how fiercely she loved us all. My dad was wonderful.