Neighbour banging on window at 2yo playing in the garden!

[Ibytam]

This happened about 15 minutes ago. These neighbours aren’t very pleasant tbh, I have no idea if either of them work night shifts but it’s the only reason I can assume a person would bang on the window because of a child playing in their garden, I figure they must be sleeping.

Anyway, I wanted to know what others thought of this because my immediate reaction has been to get him inside, it made me feel super awkward and I’m the kind of person who’s overly polite. After speaking to my mum, who seemed furious, I now realise maybe that was the wrong thing to do. She says it’s midday and you can’t stop people from being in their garden during the daytime just because they work night shifts, something that is entirely their own choice.

I can understand if he was screaming overly loud or crying etc, or maybe even multiple children screaming. But he was just going around on his trike shouting ‘beep beep’ whilst giggling to himself. Our garden is also in an L shape and he was actually playing on the side that’s furthest away from their house too.

What does everybody else think about this?

Your kid, your garden, they need to get a grip or move.

My mum occasionally does stuff like this (yells at kids playing outside, shouts 'SHUT UP' at neighbourhood things like power tools or long outdoor conversations). She has really severe noise anxiety which flares up sometimes more than others. Usually she manages to suppress it, sometimes if something else is making her extra anxious or if it's been going on for a long time, she behaves unreasonably then usually feels bad about it later.

We're all aware that the problem is her anxiety, not the person making the noise. But when the anxiety is in full flow she literally feels the way you do when you're in intense danger, and the logical part of her mind isn't always able to stop the scared hindbrain from reacting.

Not sure if this is what's happening with your neighbours (they may just be tossers), but just something to be aware of. Mum absolutely often comes across as an incomprehensible curtain-twitching child-hater when this happens!

Buy him some really loud outdoor toys! Cheeky thing! Sounds like a busy body to me.

I work nights. It’s an occupational hazard and I would never stop kids being kids because I need to sleep - that’s what ear plugs are for. They are being CF’s!

They should grow up and get over themselves. It's a free country! I would never take night work without triple glazing, ear plugs and a blackout curtain. They need to take responsibility for if they are sleeping at weird hours or politely request, understanding that that they they are asking you to do them a favour and are not under any obligation.

Good luck to your neighbours, if they are getting stressed about a 2 year old wait until the toddler and baby are older, the football kicked gets more and the arguments get louder 🤣😅
personally I’d ignore. Don’t even look their direction.

Working night shifts is their problem not yours, they have to consider this problem before taking the job. And I have done night shifts in the past when I lived on a busy high street with a primary school round the corner. Life goes on, deal with it or quit!

Agreed, my daughter is a night shift carer. She has black out blinds and wears ear plugs so she can sleep. You can not stop your neighbours going about normal daily routines.
You negate any issues with sleeping in the day.

They may not even be shift workers just a pair of wombles who hate kids enjoying themselves.
I love listening to nextdoors kids giggling and enjoying themselves.

I lived next door to a neighbour when my kids were young (about 15/16 years ago) that put a note through our door complaining about the kids singing and playing in the garden in the summer as they could hear it when there patio door was open. Also should mention we had a 25ft hedgerow between our gardens. I spokecto the lively lady on the other side about it and apparently they constantly badgered the people that lived there beforehand.

We decided to reply eith our own note with a suggestion to A close the patio door and B stop screaming, shouting and banging wardrobe doors at 6am. As we don't need to know what sauce they want on their bacon bap (they used to shriek up the stairs casecthat backed onto our bedroom.
They did not bother us after that. They hated us...we did not care one hoot as the hedgerow kerping out their sour faces 😆

Op you are totally within your rights for your little one to play in the garden. Even if they are night shifts workers it’s a bit tough. I was a nurse who worked a lot of nights. Loved it in winter. The smug feeling of climbing into a cosy bed whilst everyone went out to work. But in summer 😩😩 it was soul destroying. The sun. The noise. The missing out on the sun 🤣 but that’s no one else’s issue but mine. Hence 2 lots of blackout blinds / curtains, an eye mask and ear plugs. Your neighbour sounds a grumpy git. Ignore. Get a trampoline for your little one and really push your neighbour over the edge 🙊🤣 xx

Your garden your choice.

If they don’t want your child playing in your garden they need to get a grip.

I used to work nights for 18 years and yes it is a choice. However Never did I feel the need to bang on my windows at other people. Even during Covid when my less than sympathetic neighbours would be up all night and day I just invested in earplugs and got on with it. They are completely unreasonable and being ridiculous next time let him play maybe let him make as much noise as he wants!!

I would also ignore if he comes back, ask him what it's problem, if it's your DS playing in the garden tell him it's normal part of life.

The way I'd be round there banging on their door...

Your mum is right to be angry. If he'd been a little older and realised it was directed at him, it could have scared him off the garden.

What is wrong with people?

My garden was for my children to run, play and make as much noise as they wanted, free to let loose because I knew they were safe.

It was a mini 1 o clock club. We always had friends round, there'd be 3/4 kids on a lovely sunny day. Trampoline springing, paddling pool splashing.

Enjoy your space and if he does it again play some music to drown the banging out.

You shouldn't of brought him in cos everyone has the right to play in their own garden. If people choose to do night shift then they should be able to sleep through normal every day noise if they can't then they should get some ear plugs. I used to live above a man who done night shift his bedroom was below my livingroom so whenever my children sat on the floor laughing he would bang up. So I started banging back at him any time he banged at me. Why waste your time banging at someone when you could get some ear plugs and go to sleep. Kids are allowed to laugh!!

If you must continue to just claim, in the face of all evidence and even of your own examples, that it was the plural that created the problem, do it wherever you like, but "paraphrasing" to get multiple neighbours when the OP only refers to one won't cut it.

In fact, her actual words were
" She says it’s midday and you can’t stop people from being in their garden during the daytime" so "their" was the only possible pronoun she could have used. You're looking here like someone who was just determined to try and shoehorn in an attack on "wokeness" and is now unable to just accept you chose a bad example. Carry on, though.

I quoted you so you will see the reply - your fairly transparent and desperate attempt to "get the last word" by not quoting my post, twice, is noted however.

Let your child play, if happens again feel free to pop over and just ask if everything is ok.

If they work shifts (they may not), I do really feel for people as these could be for anyone, Police, Paramedics, Doctors, Airport workers ie all people we desperately need at some point in our lives and if you know this a little courtesy goes a long way.

Maybe they have another reason or just a bit cantankerous for some reason.
However sounds like your DS was fine and being a normal 2 yr old, I have to admit the one reason I have never done shift work so hats off to all who do.

The number of people suggesting that it's somehow a problem to let children play outside during the day in THEIR OWN GARDEN is frankly incredible. I have worked many night shifts. You invest in blackout blinds and some good earplugs and/or a white noise machine. You do not ask the rest of the world to stop living their lives to accommodate you.

Then they need to take actions to mitigate their exposure to noise during daytime hours when people are outside enjoying their gardens and making general, every day noise. From their choice of housing to earplugs, white noise, positioning their beds away from noisy gardens/streets/etc. It's not the world's responsibility to stop noise during daylight hours for shift workers, just as it's not the world's responsibility to stop every day noise (children playing, BBQs, lawn mowers, building works, etc) in residential areas and gardens because some people have decided to run businesses or work from their homes.

To bang on the window once is incredibly rude, to do it a number of times is unacceptable. I would be furious-but like you I don't like confrontation (unless pushed then there's no stopping me). I would have a look at your council website to look at "acceptable hours" (whatever it might be called) just so you are armed with some info. There's no way I would stop my children playing in the garden unless they were being unruly/arguing etc. I love it when the sun is out-my children finally prize themselves off of their tablets and get some fresh air without me coaxing them. (And just to add, i work nights and when I want to sleep in the day, I either have the foam earplugs or the sleep mask that has headphones sewn in so it blocks out outside noise if I play "sleep music)

Buy your child a whistle

I hate noise and I'm not crazy about other people's children tbh, but even I wouldn't have the heart to disapprove of a 2-year-old tricycling round the garden going beep beep, for the love of god.

Firstly, there's a clear distinction imo between happy, playing noise and endless shouting/shrieking/arguing/grizzling. I don't think it would be unreasonable to have a word about the latter if it was a regular occurrence or particularly awful on an individual occasion, but they do have to take the initiative and come and find you for a chat. Banging on the window was rude, and I don't think it's your responsibility to go checking they're okay either.

Secondly, there's no real evidence that they're shift workers - iirc it's just one suggestion that's been made - but if they are and this is going to be a recurring problem, then imo the onus is on them to find a solution to reasonable noise, just as they'd have to find a solution to sunlight pouring into their bedroom.

I was a stickler for getting my kids to quieten down and not bother anyone else ever and tbh I wish I'd been more relaxed, because it wasn't our job to keep the whole world happy and isn't an attitude I'm particularly happy for my children to have inherited.

Let him play.

Get them back outside, OP.

In fact, invite all of their little mates round for an impromptu party tomorrow and if the CF's next door bang on the windows, flash them the V's and crack on.

Some people are so entitled.

I’d get a big piece of paper and write F@ck off, take it outside and when your neighbour bangs on the window hold it up for him to see. Then turn your back and ignore the twat.

Your child has a right to play in your garden - whatever your neighbour's work pattern! If they have night shifts or noise sensitivity they can and should use earplugs and white noise.

Banging on the window and glaring at a toddler is ridiculous behaviour - it would make me anxious too because of the aggression so don't feel bad for reacting in the moment OP!

Your son was playing, in a normal way and at a normal volume (I'm sure it was louder than conversation but sounds absolutely normal for kids in gardens), in his own home. He wasn't screaming in a restaurant at dinnertime or somewhere that people might expect quiet. Your neighbour is being extremely unreasonable and needs to wind their neck in.