Neighbour banging on window at 2yo playing in the garden!

[Ibytam]

This happened about 15 minutes ago. These neighbours aren’t very pleasant tbh, I have no idea if either of them work night shifts but it’s the only reason I can assume a person would bang on the window because of a child playing in their garden, I figure they must be sleeping.

Anyway, I wanted to know what others thought of this because my immediate reaction has been to get him inside, it made me feel super awkward and I’m the kind of person who’s overly polite. After speaking to my mum, who seemed furious, I now realise maybe that was the wrong thing to do. She says it’s midday and you can’t stop people from being in their garden during the daytime just because they work night shifts, something that is entirely their own choice.

I can understand if he was screaming overly loud or crying etc, or maybe even multiple children screaming. But he was just going around on his trike shouting ‘beep beep’ whilst giggling to himself. Our garden is also in an L shape and he was actually playing on the side that’s furthest away from their house too.

What does everybody else think about this?

I used to work permanent nights, and whilst you can't expect life to stop because you do, a bit of cooperation does go a long way - a lot of people who work nights don't necessarily have a choice if it's a shift pattern, and we all expect that a service that is and should be 24/7 like fire, police, ambulance, hospital etc will be staffed by alert staff at night should we need them, so throwing it away as a 'choice' is a bit disingenuous because we need people to make those choices for all of us.

That said, you do have to take some responsibility for yourself and your sleep, black out curtains, white noise or noise cancelling ear phones etc to make the best of it, and I certainly never expected that my neighbours wouldn't carry on their lives as normal, but my immediate neighbours were really good about not doing things like mowing the lawn until later on etc as they knew I worked nights and I knew they had young children so didn't do anything that might disturb them in the evenings.

I'd never have dreamed of banging on the window in anger at a small child, and I wouldn't expect that you'd bring him in. I might mutter and huff to myself if it woke me up because I'd be sleep deprived and no one's at their best being woken no matter when it is, but that's where things like white noise etc come in.

Do you know if they definitely work nights or are you just assuming because they might just be grumpy buggers regardless!

Reminds me of a house I sold. Nightmare noisy neighbours. But it was next to a school, nobody ever asked what the neighbours were liked, they were so focused on the school. The school noise didn’t bother me one jot and actually, the sound of children playing at break and lunch was quite sweet I thought. So i hand on heart said the school doesn’t bother me at all and it detracted questions from the neighbours perfectly.

Yes, I asked her to clarify, and she clarified that he wasn't being noisy at all. However, several others then claimed to me that there is no point at which a two year old should ever be asked to keep the noise down if they can. This, I dispute.

Totally agree. OP should absolutely keep her 2 year old indoors and travel to a park for any outdoor play on the off chance that her window banging, ear-plug averse neighbour might be a medical shift worker performing life saving surgery later on that day.

@Ibytam dont know why people are jumping on the night shift workers bandwagon?? the OP clearly states in her initial post that she does not know if the are night shift workers or not! she doesnt know what they do! when I worked night shift the only thing that stopped me sleeping was a burglar alarm which was going on for around an hour. normally is a person is so tired they will be able to sleep through anything!

You’ve maintained that it’s a persons choice, when actually it may not be. The world cannot function without night workers, some people do have to do it. They may not have the luxury of choice. Or, it may suit them. It’s fair enough that they may struggle to sleep, but they do also have to accept normal amounts of noise and address issues in a reasonable manner.

People don't choose to do nightshifts but many have to , and if we want doctors nurses etc to be available at night then they need to. So your comments about nightshift workers are rather thoughtless.
However of course a two year old should be able to play in their own garden.

I don't. It was clear to me which one was meant. She could have put " the garden", "our garden", " his own garden", etc but because she didn't, someone misread it. I'm only giving an explanation for why someone read it the wrong way.

My 5 grandkids create noise and havoc in my garden on a regular basis. My neighbour would never complain because they are kids having fun. I also dont knock on the wall at midnight when they are using their cutlery as a musical instrument.

So why say "plural pronouns" when none of your alternatives show that using singular pronouns is any better? It's not an example of "the perils of plural pronouns", is it?

I have a crazy neighbour too. Lives alone, middle aged and complains about everything. We are semi detached, connected to his house. The last complaint was that we 'lower the roller blinds' too loudly?! I mean wtf...

Anyway it has always put me on edge as i too am polite and don't like confrontation. Whenever my kids play in the garden, i make sure they're quiet. No shrieks, always 'inside voice' etc. Well, he made the fatal mistake one day at midday of opening his window and 'shushing' them with his finger very angrily. They had been flying paper aeroplanes and i was sat watching them (he obviously didnt see me behind the bush). There was literally no noise other than a few laughs and 'i'll get that one'. All very civilised and quite calm...

As he angrily shushed them, my kids both stopped and my girl went bright red and looked like she was about to cry. For me that was the last straw. An anger overcame me that i've never felt before and i totally lost it. I screamed at him how awful a person he was. He was so shocked and quickly closed his window and curtain. Then i decided to teach him a lesson and show him was real 'noise' was. I did also shout out that this was a lesson to him about how we 'could' choose to spend our day if we wanted to be less polite in future...

I brought out my music speakers and blasted disney music on full volume, told the kids to enjoy playing the aeroplanes and for the next hour, he was subjected to moana and frozen whilst we all sang at the top of our voices. Suffice to say, he's never shushed them again.... i heartily recommend it!

You've got a bee in your bonnet about this, haven't you? "Their" can be singular or plural, therefore it can on occasion lead to confusion. As it did for one poster on this thread.

Kids should be outside every day imo. They need fresh air and the sensory stimulation which is different to inside.
I used to keep mine inside until 9am and not out later than 7pm.
None of my neighbours had children but they didn’t moan.

It's not that I have a bee in my bonnet, it's that you either don't understand or won't understand what I am saying. It's not the fact that a plural pronoun was used that caused any confusion, it's the fact that a pronoun of any type was used. "His" would have been no clearer than "their". Whether it was singular or plural made no difference. "His garden" could refer to the neighbour's garden or the child's garden just as "their garden" could. There was only one of each of them and both were male. I will leave this here unless you come back and try and argue again that this isn't a fact. If you do that I will try and make the point to you again.

The OP says, to paraphrase, "neighbours have a problem with a child playing in their garden". The use of "their" in this context caused one person to misunderstand whose garden it was. I was trying to explain why this misunderstanding occurred and made a jokey comment that you are trying to pick apart. I wasn't alluding to eg. plural pronouns in people's email sign-offs. I hope this is now clear.

For any further discussion, best to start a thread in Pedants' Corner.

I didn't quote you. Pls see my comment above.

Totally unrealistic to expect total silence during ghe day

if a toddler disturbs them then so would the chorus
of lawnmowers and power hoses that
plays out at this time of
year

It would be annoying if it was 7am but lunchtime is fine. I love the sound of kids playing. I'd definitely buy your kid a little drum kit or something for the summer. 😂
My partner works nightshift and has ear plugs. Before you take a nightshift job you've got to consider how hard it is to sleep during the day.

I'll throw in - was your child appropriately dressed for the weather / looking like they were getting burnt? Or is there something else they might have been trying to draw to your attention - something that might look dangerous from their viewing angle that is really fine? Could they think you weren't able to see your child and there was a very small child unsupervised outdoors?

Totally out of order to be banging on your window. As you have said, it’s just normal play from a 2 year old, and you take him inside if it gets loud. Someone working a night shift isn’t your problem at all. I have sympathy when someone can’t sleep but that’s their problem, not yours. If you feel so inclined, post them a packet of wax ear plugs through the door (Boots). Got me through some dire nights as a student in halls 😜 But seriously though, what an arsehole!

I once received a Solicitor’s letter telling me that my immediate neighbours had complained about my children’s anti social behaviour and general marauding.
I rang the solicitors and pointed out that the children were ages 3 and 2 and were in their paddling pool in their own garden.
The Solicitor apologised profusely.

I would have sent my child back out into the garden with musical instruments and a whistle. Ignore them

Definitely get some loud music going next time just to annoy them more!

I'd much rather hear this than the screeching little shits 6 HOUSES down from me who sound like they're being brutally attacked every single time they're out. I keep thinking that it must be hell for those directly next door, but apparently, I'm the only one with a problem . . .I'd get the hose pipe out if they were my neighbours.

Your neighbours don't know they're born, op.

I wish you were my mum 😂