Please help me respond to this message in a neutral way

[DontStealMySunshine]

I need to respond to this message asap. There is history and I'm finding it difficult not to be petty. This won't help me in the long run so, please help me respond, without knowing the back story.

I’m going to catch a train that arrives at [station] just after 9, so can meet [name] at the pick up/drop off point or wherever is easiest.

best advice I ever got was ‘don’t join in with the crazy’

ergo

‘Ok’ would also be my choice

Sometimes I write what I really want to say then delete it. Playing with fire lol.

So you go through every communication with a fine tooth comb, looking for reason to take offence? There really isn't anything here. Reply OK and state the preferred location. Then get back to sticking pins into his wax effigy.

Either the pick up point is fine. Or OK ill meet you at X place at Y time.

It's hard without context, it doesn't seem a difficult text to have recieved. Just confirm what's easiest

I feel for you, if you've had bad experiences in the past.

But if I were you, for your own sake I'd be a cordial as possible, and calm and emotionally detached.

You know what he's saying, this is an approximate time I'm available I could meet you at the drop off or somewhere easier. The fact he hasn't added a question mark doesn't change what he's saying.

And to the casual observer it reads as a clear, concise message - my train will have me there approximately 9am I can meet you just after that at the drop off or wherever is easiest. So tell him whats easiest.

You're giving this head space and passive aggression that only bothers you. Respond in kind in a clear concise way. "Drop offs fine, we will be there at 9.10" or something similar.

If the pick up point is agreed as the stations designated meeting spot then you should get Sharon there.

He's getting himself there to meet her, if she's with you someone needs to get her to the point. I dont understand why he would ask if it's ok with you if that's the designated pick up spot.

And the fact he's said "or wherevers easiest" sounds like he has given you the opportunity to suggest a more "mutually convenient" place

Honestly I wouldn't get mad about this, you aren't doing it for his convenience but for Sharon's wellbeing. A meet up place isn't worth your stress

He's more assertive than you. But he has given you an opening to be assertive back.

Message reads quite neutral. If you aren't ready to advocate yet it's fine, just agree to get her to the point at X time. But don't let it make you unhappy, its not worth your headspace

You don't have to explain for me to know that it is wrong if you do.

Don't go. Not even out of curiosity. Once you allow yourself to be persuaded to do something instinct tell you not to do, you show yourself easily led, easily manipulated.

That is why you should have nothing to do with it - at all. You will find out soon enough if you are right to ignore it.

But he says ‘wherever is convenient’, which suggests at least a token concern for your arrangements? It’s perfectly possible to reply ‘The time won’t work for me — she’ll be at the meeting point at 9.30’ or whatever.

Thumbs up solves everything OP

On the face of it, it’s a completely reasonable message. Based on your other comments he may be waiting for you to, equally reasonably, suggest something slightly different at which point he weaponises this into you doing something that isn’t thoughtful to him or Sharon. I’d be slightly pissed off at the presumption but accept that he’s an arse and just give thumbs up thus depriving him of the ammunition. He’s either a controlling arse, in which case nothing you say will make any difference whatsoever and just give him more ammo, so refuse to engage, or you’re massively over thinking so send what works for you.

only you will know which it is but my guess is the first so you need to manage your emotional response to it as you’ll never change him into a considerate person

I admit to not understanding what the issue is. If you understand what she’s saying then just respond with an okay. If your not sure then ask for clarification.

I don't think that kind of language is standard in text messages though - they tend to be shorter. I'd never use 'would you mind', or 'please could you' with family or friends. I get that there's a history here, but in this example I'm not seeing anything wrong with this message. You should start communicating in the same vein with him - leave off the flowery politeness and straight to business.

I don't think that kind of language is standard in text messages though - they tend to be shorter. I'd never use 'would you mind', or 'please could you' with family or friends. I get that there's a history here, but in this example I'm not seeing anything wrong with this message. You should start communicating in the same vein with him - leave off the flowery politeness and straight to business

Agree. It’s the sort of thing you’d say when speaking to someone but not that you would put in a text message as these generally have all of this stripped out for brevity. If you include all the extra language then it should probably be an email.

Agreed, I understand the OP less than I understand the text message at the end

Meeting somewhere other than your home is a good thing, even if it does inconvenience you a bit. I’d just say ok see you then. Don’t overthink it. Maybe is deliberately inconveniencing / controlling you. Maybe he thinks it would be better for all if he didn’t come to your home. Either way, meeting in a public place is the better outcome here.

I don’t get this. How does this answer the question re the preferred meeting spot? Would only necessitate another message surely?

That's just being a bit pedantic. You might have bad history with this person but there's nothing wrong with their message. Just decide what meeting place is best for you and tell them. You're reading too much into it.

How on earth is that relevant? Given that the OP has already said that?

This is excellent and appropriate advice.

For future reference these are helpful canned replies which can be helpful in formulating an appropriate reply to a goading question/statement. I printed them out and put them inside a ring binder out of sight of the kids but easily accessible by me.
reauthoringteaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/OMB-Lets-Talk_Canned-Responses.pdf

This is a helpful online community, because sadly you aren’t alone. https://www.onemomsbattle.com/resources

Boundaries are your friend. It helped me to schedule message reading/replying for evening after the kids were in bed. I liked to handle it, then go to bed knowing it was dealt with (sometimes took a day to reply, but that’s ok).

It does get better with time, and they’ll move on eventually if you stay boring.

“Ok”

Well as you say, he's a cunt.

You're wasting your energy wishing he wasn't - you may as well fret about a goat not being a horse.

YABU to expect non-cunty behaviour from a cunt.

I realise there’s baggage, but I really don’t think it’s a shit message. To me, it’s clear and polite.

Them: I’m going to catch a train that arrives at [station] just after 9, so can meet [name] at the pick up/drop off point or wherever is easiest.

You: OK, [name] will be waiting at the drop off point at 9.

So you feel like it's just being taken for granted you'll do what they want - they are just rudely presuming rather than actually asking if you are willing and able?