Please help me respond to this message in a neutral way

[DontStealMySunshine]

I need to respond to this message asap. There is history and I'm finding it difficult not to be petty. This won't help me in the long run so, please help me respond, without knowing the back story.

I’m going to catch a train that arrives at [station] just after 9, so can meet [name] at the pick up/drop off point or wherever is easiest.

There's no specific question there but it was implied - I can meet Sharon at the pick up point just after 9, or let me know where else is convenient. He may well be an ass, but on the face of it, this message is fine.

If it is NOT convenient to meet Sharon at the pick up point, and you know that he and sharon are having dinner in town, can't you just say, "No problem. It will be easier for Sharon to meet you at the restaurant at 9:30 so I'll get her to emet you there."

Thanks @Toomanydogwalks

I hate the thumb emoji - not my style at all.

Using a message suggested from someone else is enough to help me step out of the dynamic.

I would be punished until the end of my days if I didn't this @Flytrap01.

It's not worth it. Karma will do her work.

I always find it easiest to respond to difficult people in as neutral and factual a way as possible. No emotion. Just polite information. The message doesn't read badly, but I get that there is a history behind it and you know him best. Don't ever respond to any goading or wind up messages. Stay in control. Best of luck OP x

Thanks @JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews

If he’s cunt he would get a straight 👍 or ok from me.
You need to look into ‘grey rocking ‘. It will help you moving forward x

I'm trying @handsdownthebest

I often just respond with "ok".

If the drop off point at the station isn't convenient then, as he's said "or wherever's easiest" you can reply:

It would be easiest if you could meet Sharon at [the swimming pool] instead. I'll get her there for 9.15.

If it doesn't make much difference then pick your battles and just get Sharon to the drop off point at the station.

Why can’t the person that they are referring to make their own way there, why are they saying it to you

It’s obvious he is used to controlling you and it sounds like he still does even though you wish he didn’t. Why not be a little petty and say ‘I’ll be there around 9.15an as I have to *insert errand’. See you then’

Then you regain a little control as he’ll heed to wait for you.

All it requires is either the response ‘okay’, or a thumbs up. Why make it so complicated?

Your message made me laugh @EvangelicalAboutButteredToast, thank you for that.

I am trying hard not to be petty but inwardly I want to say "you're going to have to ask nicely..."

I might suggest that he lets me know when he's at the station so I don't have to wait around.

This is a perfectly normal message. Just say “Bob will meet you at [wherever Bob will be] at 9.” He is simply leaving it open for you to suggest an alternative time and place rather than dictating. Just give a firm place and time because you’re the one in control.

Can I suggest ChatGPT as a useful tool.

I have someone in my life that weaponises every mistake I make, tries to suck me into drama and conflict. Meets all the tick boxes for communal narcissistic personality style.

I put his messages in without reading them and get it to summarise. I then give it my response and ask it to grey rock it.

Saves so much time ruminating!

Also, each time he is a see you next Tuesday, I buy myself a treat. So I almost look forward to it! 😂

You're speaking my language @NewTrainersNew!

I have tried ChatGPT, asking it to use 'non-violent communication' but I hadn't thought of grey rock. Thanks for the tip.

i sometimes ask it to respond in the style of a film or tv character, eg frank underwood etc

No problem. If you need it slightly warmer then it knows ‘yellow rock’ too.

😂 Oh my god I’m going to have fun with that! Love it!

'Great. Will be at the station pick up point for 9.10am.'

Means you've clarified exactly where you will be and at what time. If they then prove to be a dickhead by going off to browse in WH Smith or rant about you not being there at 8.45am, it's not as if you weren't clear about the arrangements.

Can't odds it if they then decide to take a later train, but it gives them time to walk to the pick up if it's a large station and there's a lot of people trying to get through the barriers at once or if the train sits outside the station on a red light for five minutes. You'll also be able to look up the arrivals on the rail app to see if it's actually not due until 9.35.

It may be vaguely inconvenient, but it's a public space with CCTV, there's less chance for it to go wrong and being specific about what you will do means there's a reduced scope for dickheadery. And if the response is that they don't like that time (because they're a dickhead), reply 'No problem, I'll be at the station pickup point at 8.45am instead'.

And then text the twat when you get there, so there's no way of them saying you weren't there/didn't know where you were going to be, so went to McDonalds for a breakfast.

its good i usually put in what i want to say then i ask it to give a short/ mini / detailed etc summary or write it as if it was them saying it in the style of : frank underwood / lex luthor / bobby axelrod etc and so on. i had to ask it not to keep mentioning power when it did it in the frank underwood style but overall its quite good for what i need

just remember to edit any - marks it makes, not sure why it does them

It is inconvenient for me @NeverDropYourMooncup which is probably why I find it annoying that he doesn't ask politely. The benefit is, he's not coming to my house (usual arrangement).

It does say or wherever is easiest. So it’s fine to say 9:30 at …. would suit better. Otherwise I would just say drop off point is fine.

Unless i'm missing something he's offered to meet you somewhere else and 'wherever is easiest for you'

I'm so confused

or wherever is easiest.

I'm assuming that if you do actually do what suits you best then he'll come back with something that makes it impossible. Basically you will end up doing what he wants even though he's trying to word it as being oh so reasonable and amenable. Something like that?

And you're thinking - just cut the bullshit out and be straight so you know what's what.

You're worn out with it all and can't be arsed to stand your ground any more.
Do you have anything to do with this person apart from facilitating collecting/dropping [name]? If not, and [name] matters to you then keep them as your focus, rise above it and don't let it eat you up.

This is a key bit of info. What would make it easier for you? Do you want to ask him to get a later train? Are you afraid to ask in case he just says "nope, getting the 9am train" and then he "wins" and you feel that bit smaller again? Better to say yes than to risk saying no and then ending up having to do what he wants anyway?

On the face of it does sound like it's positively inviting a response such as "fine, will aim for 9.10" or "could you walk her to Tesco car park for 9.20 handover" or whatever. Personally I would rather be still in my PJs at that time...