Three illegal things.. lighthearted version

[Acc0untant]

Someone else currently has a thread running about what 3 things you'd make illegal if you could. Love the idea for that thread but can see some of the responses are/will get heated so thought I'd do the same but a lighthearted version. Nothing too serious.. nothing bashing benefits, disabilities etc all that stuff. Keep it friendly. For me it would be:

1. Fruit in chocolate. I don't want raisins or cherries or whatever else they want to put in my chocolate, just give me regular chocolate (nuts are acceptable).
2. Not saying thank you when someone lets you out in traffic, send them straight to jail.
3. Those men's shorts that are made out of the same material as joggers. Nobody looks good in those.

• Milk in tea or coffee. Just why make your lovely hot drink tepid and slimy?
• Bananas. Disgusting, smelly things.
• Saying a bad word against cats. Ever. Cats are gods.

(and agree with you about fruit in chocolate, ditto fruit in cheese.)

Cheese and onion crisps. There’s just no need.
Writing could “of” or should “of” (difficult to stop my phone autocorrecting those).
Multiple ways of paying for parking, there should be one, universal, app.

Coffee flavour chocolate. Just vile. Doesn’t belong in any civilised nation.

also salted caramel. Wtf is that about? If O wanted salt I’d eat crisps.

Pringles cos the shape hurts my mouth

Hard agree.

bananas are vile slimy evil things

I agree with @SwanOfThoseThings but I should be able to say bad things about my own cat because he’s a noisy, annoying, biting idiot.

People leaning on shopping trolleys instead of standing up straight and pushing them properly.

Anyone thinking having fewer items in their hands or basket entitles them to queue jump. My time is as valuable as yours and I was here first.

Sweary music in the gym

People who pull out of a side road in front of you and then creep along 10mph below the speed limit should be shot on sight.

People who walk in the road despite there being six foot of pavement either side, and then look at you like your head has fallen off when you shake your head at them.

People who attempt to cross the road when there's a crossing 3 ft away...and rhe People who stop to let them

1. That bloody bear faced ham
2. Plastic cheese squares
3. Squirty cheese
4. Raisins
5. Not saying thank you
6. Hatred of cats........

1. Finding out who and throwing in jail all the people that ruined cadbury's chocolate.
2. Air freshener and incense sticks and anything fragrancey to be banned forever.
3. Saying "like" as a pause results in a £1 fine. I will be loaded thanks to my children and their friends , like.

Oh saying that about your own cat should be a capital offence!

Motorbikes with that modification that makes them terrifyingly loud and scares babies and old people

Nail clippers - use a fecking scissors you hooligan

Sending a message on a dating app that just says “Hey”

I like this list! Salt and vinegar Pringles take the skin off my bottom lip for hours after I have eaten them too. It’s like they are getting revenge on me.

1. A small static shock to their backside every time someone says Of instead of Have, Hence Why instead of Hence, or forgets to say Thank You (others to be added at the group’s discretion)
2. All new builds must install swift or bat boxes
3. Minimum requirement of 30% cocoa solids in all chocolate

Surprise egg in sandwiches. Egg is horrible and should be clearly listed as an ingredient.
Men wearing joggers with no underpants on. 🤮
Tall people standing in the front at concerts. There should be zones with height limits so everyone can see.

@MoistVonL
Please can I add the misuse of 'myself' instead of 'me' or 'I' to your point number 1?

I agree!

One of my cats is perfection in feline form and the other is a food-stealing carpet-shitting arsehole. I reserve the right to vent about the absolute twat while cleaning the slipper he just crapped in.

Go right ahead!

People who throw the term “I’m a bit ocd “ around.
People who eat chips etc at the movies, and websites that aren’t updated so the information isn’t correct 😡

Doing any of the following should lead to public execution:

1. Using could of, should of, would of
2. Mixing up advise and advice
3. Using “think” when “thing” is meant

The ability to make audible noise with a phone - every phone to have no loudspeaker and the only way to listen is via Bluetooth or plugged in headphones

Your food-stealing carpet-shitting arsehole has my sympathy.
It must be extremely traumatic for him living alongside a perfect feline.
He is probably in need of therapy to deal with self esteem issues.

Yes! Thank you! Why is Wensleydale ruined with cranberries

Not queuing properly

Bringing something you've baked to someone's home and then taking the leftovers away with you when you leave (WTAF)

Talking in theatres and cinemas during the show.

Poor thing will be posting on here soon about how it has to live with “the golden cat”