Three illegal things.. lighthearted version

[Acc0untant]

Someone else currently has a thread running about what 3 things you'd make illegal if you could. Love the idea for that thread but can see some of the responses are/will get heated so thought I'd do the same but a lighthearted version. Nothing too serious.. nothing bashing benefits, disabilities etc all that stuff. Keep it friendly. For me it would be:

1. Fruit in chocolate. I don't want raisins or cherries or whatever else they want to put in my chocolate, just give me regular chocolate (nuts are acceptable).
2. Not saying thank you when someone lets you out in traffic, send them straight to jail.
3. Those men's shorts that are made out of the same material as joggers. Nobody looks good in those.

The booking advert where that booking idiot is obviously trying to say a booking swear word. Well he should just fuck off.

Please who slag off doodle owners when they are happy to breed pedigree dogs that can't breathe or have spinal problems.

Please who let their cats shit in your garden but get pissed off when dog owners don't pick up after themselves.

Yoga.. no way!
don’t knock a sound bath till you’ve tried one

Eating very loudly with your mouth open. It's so disgusting and off-putting.

Standing in really bad places having a conversation with someone, where they then block the stairwell/corridor/doorway/street etc

Men who don't put the seat up to have a pee and instead leave it covered in their urine (think, shared single mixed sex/disabled loos etc). You've just got to give it a wipe after you're finished, I'm not your mother for god's sake!

• Using speaker phones on public transport.
• Slut shaming.
• Berty Big Bollox on public transport; men who think their “equipment” is so huge they have to invade your space with their spread legs.

Fruit in cheese.
Men walking around without shirts
People walking about looking at phones rather than who/what is in front of them

1. Fruit in cheese (sweet and savoury food together in any form really)
2. Coffee, in any form.
3. Tomato in shop brought sandwiches/wraps

Mint chocolate should be banned - there’s a reason I don’t eat chocolate right after brushing my teeth.

YES

Wearing grey or black tracksuit bottoms. Srraight to jail for offenders wearing a matching sweatshirt or hoodie (they don't even need to get changed as they're already wearing the prison uniform).

Holding a knife like a pen.

Pronouncing H as "haitch".

1. People saying draw instead of drawers
2. people saying that something was borrowed rather than loaned
3. People eating with their elbows almost at right angles

Prawn cocktail crisps. I don't like them but my dad was traumatised once when we were at a family party and he picked up a crisp from a bowl and it was PC.

If he is staying with me and I make sandwiches usually pop a few crisps on the side and he still asks. It's been almost 40 years!

Football on TVs in pubs, screw that TV in pubs.

Chuggers knocking on the door and trying to get you to sign up to a monthly DD. I live on a large council estate, the particular road I am on is bungalows so all occupants have disabilities or are elderly. Do you really think you are going to sign anyone up to save pandas?

I have nothing against pandas but if I have spare money it is going to one of the local organisations who do fabulous things with hardly any money.

Love the third one, nice dig at the ridiculous twatty OP in the other thread 😂 cats are ace.

1. Dirt bikes and quads being driven by kids and teens on nice summer days especially
2. avocado
3. onlyfans etc

1. normal adults making TikTok videos. Talking about their day, or worse doing stupid dances. Please please stop. No one is interested.

2. corporate wank speak

3. men in leggings. Running leggings I suppose they are. I don’t want to see it. Put it away.

Totally agree with fruit in cheese - why???

1. people who drop down to first gear and do 5mph over every sodding spread bump - it’s a 30mph road you can go over them fine at 30! 20 if you must but stop breaking and crawling over them. (Ditto when approaching a roundabout.
2. Pink wine that’s not a nice dry rose but something else - something not good.
3. people that just stop - no reason, they just stand still in the middle of the pavement/aisle

Oh and I love my cats but by god they are arseholes!

one pulls out her hair and I mistakenly think there’s a spider on the carpet/bed

one always smells like rotten egg as he sleeps in the places other cats poo

one is highly vocal and food obsessed- prone to showing his bum hole on Teams meetings

one randomly decides to shit on the landing - can be fab for months then, for no reason - poo

one who looks like a beautiful, soft, squishy baby but is actually a feral scratch mini Satan