Three illegal things.. lighthearted version

[Acc0untant]

Someone else currently has a thread running about what 3 things you'd make illegal if you could. Love the idea for that thread but can see some of the responses are/will get heated so thought I'd do the same but a lighthearted version. Nothing too serious.. nothing bashing benefits, disabilities etc all that stuff. Keep it friendly. For me it would be:

1. Fruit in chocolate. I don't want raisins or cherries or whatever else they want to put in my chocolate, just give me regular chocolate (nuts are acceptable).
2. Not saying thank you when someone lets you out in traffic, send them straight to jail.
3. Those men's shorts that are made out of the same material as joggers. Nobody looks good in those.

Also, mayo. Ban it. Gloopy, eggy slop.

Porridge. It is the devil's vomit.

People who sniff

Unnecessary plastic packaging.

1. Runny eggs - poached, boiled, fried, I don’t care. Disgusting on every level. Banish them forever.
2. The taps in motorway service stations that dribble a few measly drops of water ONLY while you hold them down, so you have to rinse one soapy hand while awkwardly holding the tap down with the other soapy hand.
3. Those metal milk-jugs in cafes that DRIBBLE MILK ALL OVER THE SODDING TABLE.

Breathe.

I’m loving all of these!

I’d add bad grammar generally and saying free when they mean three!

Spitting in the street
Not saying please and thank you
Pj's outside of the house

Chewing with mouth open
People who sniff and sniff all day. Please blow your nose .
Chewing gum and bubblegum.
Unannounced visitors

People saying they 'were sat' on the sofa instead of they 'were sitting' on it.

Having more than one of the same item in use at a time. Happens all the time in my house despite my best efforts and it drives me crazy. Currently have 3 toilet rolls started, 2 bottles of lemonade half done, 2 bottles of BBQ sauce opened...I could go on...

On behalf of Yorkshire, apologies

Using phrases such as:

Circling back
Reaching out
Signposting

People who listen to their devices in public without headphones should be shut in a room with music they detest blasting at them for 24 hrs

People who dont move over appropriately to share the pavement should be tied to a tree for 24 hrs

People on public transport etc who dont stand up and at least offer their seat to people who could clearly benefit from it more than them should be made to stand on the circle line for 24 hrs continuously

If I offer to assist you in some way say Thank you that would be nice, not ‘Can do’ (this may be just my family.
Car drivers not giving the thank you wave to pedestrians who have got out of the way to let them pass (they do it for other car drivers, so why I am beneath your notice)
All uncomfortable shoes should be able to be returned for a refund even if I’ve had them for years and have just decided I can’t be doing with them anymore

Thin poo bags that split when you scoop up your dog poop
People who talk with food in their mouth

Oh this is my kind of thread! Thanks for starting it OP.

My three:

1. People who write "driver's licence" instead of "driving licence" in the UK. There's no such thing as a "driver's licence" it's either a "driving licence" (UK) or a "driver's license" (US). See also "swim teacher" instead of "swimming teacher".
2. People who peep their horn as they arrive at or leave someone's house. No, Dave, the whole road doesn't need to know you're here or that you're going.
3. Drivers who don't understand turn-taking on roads with cars parked on both sides and either sit there letting a million cars through at the expense of those behind them or zoom through, pushing past people with right of way.

That was really hard, there are so many others I could think of. 🤣

This is genius

I work in a corporate environment and can confirm some of these phrases are hilarious

Coldplay
Frilly edged socks
Shorts in winter except for playing sport.

Added to the list “putting the plug in the bath” to mean starting something.

Used by our new Chief Exec.

Also not opening curtains during the day. I hate it. Don't have the same aversion to leaving blinds closed... But I feel like everything's fusty with the curtains closed.. as if the room needs them open to air out

Wow. 😳 Does he hear himself saying it?

Repeatedly shouting mum…..
or saying go ask your mum to shirk the decision making

fines for both to pay for an activity of mums choice without the obligation to take offenders with

He’s so far up his own arse, he’d think he sounds brilliant.

I added a response on the other thread that is likely to cause arguments so I'll keep this one light....

TV adverts that are completely silent, there's a car one that has no audio, it always makes me thing the TV/soundbar has gone off, annoys the heck out of me.

TV adverts that put their T&C in white text on a mostly white background. What's the point, it's completely illegible. Sky are particularly bad for it.

People who eat bananas and avocado would be shunned and live in their own colony

5 years automatic prison sentence for not putting your trolley back

£1000 fine if you don’t say thank you when someone holds the door for you

Eggs and tomato in pre-made sandwiches would be banned 🤢

"Touching base" makes me irrationality angry.