Well I've just lost my daughter due to the Supreme Court ruling. s

[Lucelady]

So as not to drip feed she's a Ftm trans person and a universty student.
I've just been called a TERF, JKR supporter and transphobic. We've had four years of peace and understanding with her not wanting any surgery or hormones. She listened to the ruling last week and we chatted it through. The last few days she's been glued to the Internet and her phone. Now it's all changed and her 'friends' have called for action. What that action is I've no idea.
She's stormed out.

Are you a Supreme Court judge? If not why is she holding you accountable? This sounds quite immature for a university student.

Reform what?

Best wishes to you, dear. As I'm sure you know, your child is very young and has to deal with huge, confusing issues that most people don't. I read her reactions more along the lines of a mini-breakdown. Unfortunately, it's landing on you. But let's not forget the reason is that Mother is likely the closest and most important person in a young person's life. If she's really lashing out at herself or society, unfortunately, some of it is likely to splatter all over Mother.

I suggest taking deep breaths and trying to keep it as light as possible. The overall main goal is to maintain your relationship with her and help her get to a better, more stable, happy, peaceful and mature place. These days, twenty-one sounds to me real close to ten or twelve lol. As they say, one day at a time. (Sometimes one minute at a time). Remember how she cried when you were in the hospital.

What’s interesting is that “they” can be angry, be MH, and get really upset.

But “we” can’t, can’t react at all in the same way.

FFS …. A mother should be allowed to go mental when her child changes name and mutilates self. But we aren’t allowed …. All the emotions and performances are their exclusive right.

Hmm..I know you probs don't mean it like that, but if she were stating she were bi that wouldn't be a big issue. It's the denial of biological reality that is.
I'm bi myself & it's nothing like the trans issue- Op stating that she was bi would be odd as parents don't usually confide to young adult children about their sexuality,but if the DD just wanted to confide to her mum she was bi, that wouldn't be a problem. The issue is being brainwashed by an aggressive ideology that forces on to deny basic facts & be needlessly aggressive to family.

Yeah, this is happening all over. My autistic kid who has wavered over this since being groomed into the ideology online, clearly still has a trans-oriented social media and has been very agitated since the ruling. I don’t talk about it - though he knows I believe sex is immutable- but I agree with him where I can, and try to keep communication going because I love him.

Have you really lost her?? You have different opinions but she/he/whatever is your child. The live and bind between a mum and child is non negotiable. What matters to you most?

I don’t wish to trespass on this forum, I can read the room, so (for my own sake) I’ll make this my last post.

Whilst I accept I am making assumptions on how others are living, I wanted to post to try and help the OP understand that their child appears to have lived the world very differently to the society described in this forum. That the UK has had more than two genders for years, that people switch between all of them, that this is difficult partly because they are not defined by one’s physical form, and that gender ambiguity is normal.

These are not my opinions on what I think society should be; rather this is my lived experience of how the society in my part of Yorkshire is structured today.

Separately, and addressing the obvious distress and pain I have caused others - I’m sorry. I admit that I don’t understand why some are trying to hurt me, but that I forgive you.

Wishing us all a peaceful future.

Nobody is trying hurt you and nobody is in need of your forgiveness.
Gender ambiguity has nothing to do with the immutability of sex. We don't live in different realities, we all live in the same one where men can never become women.

I feel sorry for this generation. They have been brainwashed in school into believing they are in a world where sex can change because you choose it. They have gone through all the confusion and handsprings of calling a girl a “he” if they suddenly decide it is so. They have had to believe it because to step out of line for a second would mean being cancelled!

Now suddenly, at least for now, we are back to the world we grew up with - where if you are born with girl’s anatomy you stay a girl. No wonder they are confused! So that is making some of them angry. Although we can see it as common sense coming back.

I went through some of this with my own child, brainwashed at school, very confused about gender in teenage years, very anxious as a result, friends who were girls but were known as boys etc. It took a bit of growing up and breaking free of the school clique but now she is a woman (in line with her biology), has a boyfriend and no longer mentions trans issues!

Gender is the expression of sex in society i.e. the expectations from life of a man living in 21st C. UK is different from the 11th century, but their biology is the same.

Therefore, a TG Woman such as yourself, is a gender expression of a man. Once you can understand that, and that there are limitations to this when it comes to sex-orientated decisions, this debate will disappear, and you can live your life in peace.

I hope things settle down soon OP.
My (autistic) daughters also seem brainwashed by this trans debate, identifying as whatever sex you want etc.
Can't keep up with terminology.
But basically they can't see any other point of view and get extremely upset/angry about any perceived criticism of trans community and cannot entertain any conversation or debate with anyone who doesn't agree 100% with them.
Even when, or particularly!, when I point out it looks a lot like men shouting down biological women and removing their protection and rights.
So I (silently) cheered when I heard the ruling.
It upsets me that my daughters are so pro trans and seemingly dismissive of their own biological sex but I have learnt the hard way to bite my lip and not mention JKR, Rosie Duffield and Kathleen Stock etc
I just hope they grow out of it.
I agree some unis are hotbeds for this and young people always feel everything so intensely and perhaps can't see a balanced view.
There is such a lot online too. 3 girls from my youngest daughters class of 30 (girls grammar) identify as a men, I mean wtf!
I'm early 50s and can remember the prejudice in the 80s and 90s my gay friends encountered, so my natural inclination is to be sympathetic to the trans community but there is something a lot deeper going on here, I don't actually believe 10% of teen girls want to be men, which seems to be the case at my daughter's school.
They are at a vulnerable age,especially if they feel like they don't fit in or struggle with puberty.
I have previously tried to discuss news stories like this with my daughters but it always ends in disaster so no real advice but offering you lots of sympathy.

I have a family member who has transitioned outside of the family but is happy to be referred to by their birth name and original gender within the family but it is very awkward and has meant their two worlds mustn't collide. In fairness most of the family now avoid using pronouns and even their name as all hell breaks loose if you use the birth name when out in public. They are also not going down the route of hormones and surgery, mainly as being 4ft11 they don't think they'll ever pass so why bother. All I know is their mental health has fell off a cliff since announcement, most of the family are extremely concerned for their future as the depression has taken old friends, job and hobbies.

Yes 10% of the class is too much! Girls’ grammars are a hotbed of brainwashing. These are bright, studious girls but they are also used to believing what they are taught by authority figures such as PSHE teachers. The fact they are being taught lies doesn’t seem to occur to them.

I cannot believe that young people let these issues come between them and loved ones. In a few years' time, we are going to have a lot of very regretful people, when they realise that the extremists have sold them a lie and that they were just anarchists who wanted people to separate from their families because they like causing chaos.

At DD school … the progression for girls is to announce:

1. bi-sexual
2. next step, non- binary (refer self as they)
3. Next step name change to (Charlie or Alex)
4. Next step, girl is now a boy and name becomes something modern like Xen, Cils. They are in relationships with other trans boys.
5. some revert back to female hetero at any step

There seem to be no Lesbians any more, they seem to have been cancelled. Wonder if there is social pressure to NOT be lesbian. ?

To try and explain, my conscious side knows and understands everything. My subconscious side acts like a selfish four year old. I cannot negotiate with it, and the Lord Jesus Christ alone knows how I have tried. When I can hide as a female, I can be happy. When I can’t, my subconscious takes control and tries to hurt me. My conscious side has to fight back. It’s hard.

I'm trying to understand this.
You have a side of you that is sexist enough to 'think' that character traits are inherent to one sex and not the other, is that anywhere near the case? Presumably because we live in a deeply sexist world and it's nigh on impossible to resist all messages that everything is gendered...

And your rational self struggles to tell yourself that it's fine to be male and xyz (whatever thing about you that you consider too feminine to exist in a male person)....?

Please tell me if I'm competely wrong @TooScaredToBeIdentified !

I find it all very confusing. I'm talking in general OP although it sounds like your daughter has had a hard time having to go through the motions of living in a body she doesn't associate with. It must be extremely tough. I hope she finds a way to accept the ruling for what it is & manages to find peace in her own existence.

I believe no two people are the same regardless of a label. Nobody should judge you for appearing more unusual than what is deemed to be the norm. It's all about accepting your own differences & not caring what others think. As long as you live a good & law abiding life you should be content & happy in your own skin.

Your daughter isn’t M2F trans
Shes not lost she’s in a huff
Your thread title seems more catastrophic then actual events

One day she'll grow the feck up, have a baby and look back at all this as some bizarre weird memory?
I have full sympathy for those that are on the 'edge' of deciding to have surgery or not. The ruling must make them feel awful. The rest, not so.
Any just to clarify, I do agree with the ruling, it had to be done to protect actual women.

Hmm living in a body you don’t associate with. That doesn’t have to be about what sex/gender you are. I associate with being three stone lighter - although I’ve never managed to transition to being that weight! I would also like to identify as someone who tans easily but I have found that unless I wear factor 50 cream in strong sunlight I will burn like a lobster! I don’t really associate with my bra size - I’d prefer to be more flat chested and it annoys me that some people behave as if I’ve chosen to be as I am but there’s no way I would put myself through surgery to change it. There are lots of things that we don’t like about our bodies. Some of those things can distress us at times but we have to resign ourselves to the fact that some things just ain’t going to change! Time for Gen Z to understand that.

@Lucelady you have a son though.

Could the problem be that you're mis-gendering him?

Op has a daughter. You can’t change sex.

he doesn't think so though @Annascaul despite the majority of us who think sex is binary.

You dont understand that this isnt about us understanding them or being kind. They are demanding that we change our beliefs otherwise they will cut us off.

I love my daughter and respect her choices but unless I publically repudiate my GC beliefs and call JK a cunt (daughters words) then she wants nothing to do with me.