A thread for those who don’t have friends in real life.

[Showmethefood]

Hi everyone,

I don’t know how to start this thread, so we’ll just go with being plain honest! I’m in my 30s and I don’t have any friends in real life! Of course I have acquaintances/people I can chat to if at certain events - but no real life friends 🙈

It’s really hard to feel accepted for who you are sometimes, and so many of us have to alter our personalities to try and fit into the work environment (or even to fit in with our families). So, I wanted to start a thread for all those who don’t have friends in real life. A place where people can come and leave updates on how their day has gone, how they are feeling, what their interests and hobbies are, and just have a good chat!

So, a little about me:
Im married and have a teenager.
I have a gorgeous cocker spaniel.
Ive almost (one year left) completed my degree in psychology and counselling.
I have just written my first children’s book and am currently in the process of self publishing it.
Im starting a new job in a school this Friday.

Please feel free to join and let’s keep this thread a safe place where we can (hopefully) begin to make some friends and not feel so alone. ❤️

Hello, @AliasGraced ! (Fabulous name by the way!) Thank-you for your eagle-eyed perception. Normally, people just think that I am a bit weird, but who cares? You get one life, so you should try everything (legal) at least once, just to try it and see if you like it. It makes life much more interesting, even if people do think that your latest peculiar hobby might be a bit... "dangerous" (disclaimer: it was along the lines of trapeze classes, not class A drugs or anything).

How are you, and have you had a good weekend?

Hello, I hope this thread is still active.
I am coming to terms with the fact I don't have any real friends, it's something I have really struggled with to be honest.
I do have one person who I have been friends with for 30 years, but I am starting to realise that I'm just her backup plan when everyone else has dropped out - my mum was rushed in for an emergency colonoscopy a month ago and she didn't bother to contact me to see if everything was ok (she was aware it was happening).
I was also at the trophy parade here yesterday and she didn't bother checking to see if I was ok then either, I feel so hurt and a bit embarrassed that I clearly don't mean anything to her.

That's a miserable thing to realise, @CheesecakeOnTheLanai, especially when you're feeling worried or vulnerable.

I recently thought I'd made a new friend through an activity group, but now she's being very odd about making arrangements. It's so hurtful. It must be so much worse when you've been friends for all those years.

I'm glad that you're safe.

Not really I’m afraid. A long awaited holiday looks like it might be scuppered by a back problem which pops its head up ever so often and derails my life! I’m hoping against hope I will be able to travel though.

Ah this is a nice thread. I find I want friends but I don’t want to do all the things to maintain them 😂 I just want to be at home in my bubble x

I met a really lovely woman recently. Met her twice for lunch and honestly she is so interesting, warm, and a good conversationalist. She also has loads of friends and is quite wealthy. I really enjoyed seeing her but I somehow find it exhausting having to try to be on my best game all the time and when with her. I just don’t feel like my C game is enough. I wonder if the effort is worth it.

perhaps It’s because the friendship is so new? Once your more comfortable with her and she knows and accepts you for who you are - it will be less intense x

Very true.

Hi everyone ☺️ welcome to our new joiners. I’ve been at my job for three weeks now and love it !! Final dissertation also sent in two days ago, but won’t know the results until 22 July 😬 how will I cope waiting that long??

Oh, super, @Showmethefood ! Well done on enduring your dissertation, and congratulations on the job. In the meantime... erm... eat lots of chocolate (or your favourite snack food!).

@AliasGraced Sometimes people in real life can be unintentionally draining, even if you like them very much! I find being around people (even the ones I like, unfortunately!) exhausting and need time to recharge. I hope that your back problem doesn't spoil your trip. There's nothing worse than your body deciding to rain on your parade!

@thismummydrinksgin I know the feeling, but home is my safe place, too! I can wear my comfortable and scruffy clothes that don't see the light of day otherwise, I can eat whatever I want and do as I please, which suits me fine. I don't need other people to ruin it, however unintentional 😁

Welcome to @CheesecakeOnTheLanai and @TryingAgainAgainAgain !

Have a great day, everyone! I'm going to toddle off back to work, so I hope that all is peaceful and well.

Hello. Not posted for a while but I've been stressed all weekend. Feel lonely.

I was at my Dh's family gathering yesterday, there are quite a lot of women also in their 40's but I just end up feeling like a spare part. I know a lot of it is probably my fault as I am not great with small talk and they are all trendy mums and I'm childfree, arty, bookish but I am sure we'd still have common ground its just getting to that point, they are nice and I like them. I hate parties anyway, I had a lot of socialising to endure in May so I'm glad its all over for now and I can enjoy my weekends with just me and DH again.

@AliasGraced I get this feeling, it isn't fun to feel that way and like you have to be on on top form. Its much nice when you can be relaxed with the other person. It takes time but sometimes if feels as though I always feel that way even after years.

Sorry you are feeling like this. Is there something in particular that has made you feel stressed?

I am early 50s and made no friends since moving to a new part of the UK some years ago. I have always made friends before in my life and not sure why I haven't now. Its a real shock to be in this situation. I have people I chat to at things I go to but no actual friends to do things with.

Yes, but I had been planning to do several things this weekend but because I was wound up so much I didn't hardly any of them.

Likewise, 50 something. Acquaintances but nobody to have a proper chat with.
Went to the shops. Didn't really speak to anyone.

I spend far too much time on here hiding from the real world.

Thanks for replying BTW.

I spend far too much time on here hiding from the real world

Me too! I know its bad for me but it just helps me to escape!

I often don't get things done that I need. I think just because I feel low and its hard to get the energy up.

I used to like doing things by myself, but that was when I used to have people to do things with, but was choosing to spend time by myself. Now I have to go alone I don't like it. It just makes me feel worse, so I have moved away from doing that so much.

I have started a new book though. Used to love reading but haven't really for over a decade. Its a non-fiction book and I am really enjoying it.

@deepermining , I do read, but am trying to get through some books and this morning it felt like a chore.

I need a birthday present for a relative today but I didn't feel in the mood for shopping.

What are you reading?

@BillieNoM888 Could you do the present shopping online?

The book is a series of essays by people from a particular culture. I like books like that. I find it interesting to see how other people see the world.

Yes, I suppose. I could try.
Book sounds good.
I didn't sleep well. Hope you are ok.

Morning. Can I join you? I do have friends but I wonder if they are more acquaintances than I realise? Eg I have school mums but they all celebrate each other's birthdays and in three / four years never mine. It's made me think I need to second guess everything and maybe not be my real self so much going forward?

We came home from holiday, kids have a bad cold, ive got the shits. The holiday was a bit stressful and we didn't enjoy a large portion of it.

Feeling a bit rubbish and I need a rant but no one to rant to haaa

@BillieNoM888 sorry to hear you did not sleep well. I presume because you are feeling stressed? It sucks when that happens.

That's the thing that really hits me. When something has happened and you look around and realise there is no-one to tell it to.

I forget things so much more than I used to and I think, in part, that is because I used to have a load of friends to tell things to. So if I read or learnt something interesting and would retell it multiple times to different people, and that would help it stick in my longe rterm memory. But now I rarely have anyone to tell it to. So I forget.

That sounds very difficult. I am curious about the reasons why those friendships folded. If you have those skills you can make friends again. Don’t give up up hope.
I find myself now with one friend who I see rarely because we just have nothing in common anymore and she uses me as a dumping ground for her problems whilst showing little interest in me really. Another who lives in Australia and I haven’t seen in years. Again, little in common now. My husband has made a lot of friends through hobbies but I feel I have no one to confide in now really.

I moved countries ( within the UK), and just haven't managed to make any real friendships where I am now. Its really shocked me, tbh. I just assumed I would. I threw myself into opportunities to meet people. But I make situational friendships but they never survive the situation changing. Maybe because of time of life/ everyone is busy with kids / family/ have established friendships already - so are happy to be friendly at the weekly thing I go to, but don't really need/ have time for a new friend? Its gone on so long now I think I've lost confidence in even trying.