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So how do I live in the female gender?

1000 replies

Definitelynamechanged123 · 18/04/2025 14:28

There are 8834 people in the UK who have a Gender Recognition Certificate.
I am one of them.

To get it, I had to show evidence of transition, surgery etc. Lots of hoops

I also had to swear a Statutory Declaration. I had to go to a Magistrates Court and swear a legal declaration in front of a magistrate. It was all very formal.

I had to swear this:

" have lived as a (insert ‘male’ or ‘female’ as appropriate)
throughout the period of years before the date of this statutory
declaration and I intend to live in that gender until death."

This declaration is legally binding. Apparently if I don't follow this, I can be done for perjury.

So...how do I live as a female and live in that gender until death - I have sworn to do this in front of a magistrate.

I was very surprised that so few trans people have Gender Recognition Certificates.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
FlirtsWithRhinos · 18/04/2025 19:34

ThisFluentBiscuit · 18/04/2025 19:20

I'm sure you do, but when you say "Lol OK" are you seriously arguing that the majority of the crowd at football are not men and that groups of straight men go to the ballet in big numbers?

The genders are different, whether you acknowledge that or not. The majority of women are feminine and the majority of men are masculine. They tend to dress and have interests accordingly. I can't believe I'm having to explain this to a grown adult.

OP swore in court to live as a woman. It's interesting that the legal system doesn't have any navel-gazing and deconstructing about what that means! Everyone knows what it means, except people who are pretending not to understand in order to make a point.

You are putting the cart before the horse.

Yes, socially we clearly have gendered behaviour. However, almost no one entirely meets the stereotypes for their sex (not least because they are often mutually incompatible anyway!) and while some elements may be innate, comparing gender norms across time and cultures shows clearly that a huge amount is socially constructed and the result of growing up with gendered norms as role models and under gendered social reward systems.

So while one could make the argument that "living as a woman" means "living according to the prevalent social constructs of womanhood", what one is doing by making such an argument is firstly simplifying the reality that many many women do not live like that, and many more who do woudl like to escape at least some aspects of it, secondly one is misreading the outward symptoms (or to put it another way, a man's observations of women) of being socialised as a woman as the entirity of being a woman, and thirdly and most importantly, one is perpetuating the false belief that one cannot do and enjoy these socially gendered things unless one is a woman.

So yes, while I can see your interpretation, I would never, never, never accept it as in any way a valid definition for living as a woman or "in the female gender" because of all the above, and I would certainly not accept it as meaningful in a legal context.

Which brings us back to why the whole concept of a legal change of gender is so sexist and flawed. The things that can reasonably be changed were always available to both sexes anyway, the things that can't reasonably be changed (as the supreme court have now ruled) should not be opened up to the opposite sex for any reason, and the biologiy can't be changed at all. The whole thing is a futile exercise in sexism and wishful thinking, and the fact it ended up as law just underlines how sexist and reductive the political body's view of women and our lives really is.

ThisJadeFinch · 18/04/2025 19:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LobeliaBaggins · 18/04/2025 19:35

I am sorry that you have been assaulted, OP. No one should be.

But how will the SC ruling make assaults on trans people by men more likely?

MangeTrout · 18/04/2025 19:35

Well women are well known for changing their minds, so if you decide you want to be a man again, you would, in fact, be behaving just like a woman! Win/Win!

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 18/04/2025 19:35

NessieDoesExistYes · 18/04/2025 18:55

They are called accessible toilets and say 'not all disabilities are obvious.'

No one can police them to the extent you're saying. I don't agree that trans people should use them. But at the same time, the idea you need to be in a wheelchair or have a mobility issue to use them is wrong too.

The world and his wife is an exaggeration- there are evidently 8K people with a GRC- out of a population of over 65 million.

Not suggesting that only people with a mobility issue should be able to use them. They are meant for people who have invisible disabilities such as a stoma bag, crohns, IBS and a host of others which don’t impact mobility. My point is that you don’t have to have a disabilty to use them so it seems pointless. A wheelchair user is unable to use a standard cubicle. A wheelchair user is also very much more likely to have continence problems due to spinal injury or disability. Someone with crohns or other bowel/bladder related conditions or a stomach is likely to have urgency. So what is the point of providing the facility in the first place if anyone can use them ?

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 18/04/2025 19:35

MrsSunshine2b · 18/04/2025 19:31

Transwomen are at considerably higher risk of assault than AFAB women.

Can you please provide your relevant statistics so we may analyse this please.

That's a very bold claim that I hope you can back up so it doesn't sound like you're just spouting utter bollocks.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2025 19:36

MrsSunshine2b · 18/04/2025 19:31

Transwomen are at considerably higher risk of assault than AFAB women.

AFAB?

You mean observed, surely.

Nobody is assigned their sex at birth.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 18/04/2025 19:36

MrsSunshine2b · 18/04/2025 19:31

Transwomen are at considerably higher risk of assault than AFAB women.

Evidence, please? This claim is often made but never backed by any evidence except from parts of Latin America, where both women and transwomen are at high risk of male violence. Especially where a large number of transwomen work as prostitutes, which is equally dangerous for women.

Shudahaddogs · 18/04/2025 19:37

MythosK · 18/04/2025 18:31

Fucking hell, so now disabled people who fought for years for an accessible place get their rights fucked over?

Both men and women already share these toilets...

Thesystemisbroken · 18/04/2025 19:37

Definitelynamechanged123 · 18/04/2025 15:06

Because my body felt absolutely wrong to me, having a penis and having a male looking body was completely wrong to me.

I am so much happier in my body now.

I'm glad you feel better now. You're you and youre happy and thats great. The changes you've made are no different to any other plastic surgery people have to feel more comfortable about themselves. I wish that it was framed as such rather than changing sex- which is impossible.

Txumtzum · 18/04/2025 19:38

NessieDoesExistYes · 18/04/2025 19:28

What increase?

More than women face very day? Rape? Assault?

As a 'woman', you should feel more vulnerable anyway.

But I guess that if you have the stature of a man, you have no idea what it's like to be a woman and feel vulnerable.

It is somewhat ironic that all your posts show that emotionally you have no idea at all how women think or feel. Your body may have been adapted so it doesn't have male genitals but your brain is still a man's. That's very obvious.

Edited

We have to remember that trans people do experience very high levels of physical and verbal abuse….just because we as women do likewise ,doesn’t mean that we can’t acknowledge what that is like for trans people. I don’t think that therefore means we have to give up our single sex spaces. It would be lovely to see more men campaigning for changes in attitudes and behaviour and calling out the violence that is perpetuated by men.

NessieDoesExistYes · 18/04/2025 19:38

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 18/04/2025 19:35

Not suggesting that only people with a mobility issue should be able to use them. They are meant for people who have invisible disabilities such as a stoma bag, crohns, IBS and a host of others which don’t impact mobility. My point is that you don’t have to have a disabilty to use them so it seems pointless. A wheelchair user is unable to use a standard cubicle. A wheelchair user is also very much more likely to have continence problems due to spinal injury or disability. Someone with crohns or other bowel/bladder related conditions or a stomach is likely to have urgency. So what is the point of providing the facility in the first place if anyone can use them ?

Anyone can't but how do you police them?

I have IBS. I used an accessible loo yesterday as half the women's loos were out of action and I was desperate. I felt furtive and guilty and waited for odd looks when I came out. Thankfully no one was there.

Needlenardlenoo · 18/04/2025 19:38

Women do sometimes go into men's toilets (I certainly have when I thought I would get away with it, especially when I was a student and the queue for the women's was long).

Men's toilets do tend to be stinkier though.

SleeplessInWherever · 18/04/2025 19:38

Riaanna · 18/04/2025 19:34

We do.

Yes, because we’re so adamant we can’t share bathrooms with men, we walk ourselves into them when we’ve had a drink and don’t fancy the queue in the ladies. 😂

Marshbird · 18/04/2025 19:39

How do you “have lived as a (insert ‘male’ or ‘female’ as appropriate)
throughout the period of years ”

this is where the whole idea falls down. What is definition of living as female? You can’t live as female…you are simply female.

the things thst TW just don’t seem to get, and TM too probably but they’re less vocal, is women don’t know how to “live as female”. The whole reason we get semantics game is this notion is nonsense. Women don’t wake up each morning and have a thought to “live” as a female..we just wake up, do what we do, and go to bed. People who need to think about performing female so they can demonstrate it, are not female. They’re male. Play acting. Mimicking all the god forsaken stereotypes of gender. They are playing feminine. Not female. The difference is gender vs sex.

most women don’t think about being female until our biology comes into play…during sex possibly though I don’t remember it as conscious thing , but then all the crap stuff like periods, peri, thrush, endless uti, PCOS, etc…when being a women is a bloody nightmare we’d happily switch off. Or we are reminded we are female when we are treated with the brunt of chauvinism or patriarchy or misogyny…or just plain old unconcpscious bias…not having a voice of authority, being pay penalised because we have had children (yep the gender pay gap still exists and it turns into a bigger pension pay gap) we know we’re female when we are told to calm down, modulate our voice, not be bossy, not be so timid, not be so agressive, be more confident, smile, cheer up …we know we’re women when our men expect us to pick up the domestic minuscia of life..be a walking diary, shopping list, travel agent, carer, medical advisor, and psychologist all becuase we were conditioned by society who determine thst females must be kind and not tell perosn to grow up and adult themselves. We know we’re female when we’re told our discomfort and modesty is unimportant compared with the feelings of a man who wants to take his photo in a women’s space to prove or validate he’s a woman, We know we’re female when we’re told to not go out because there’s been a rapist random attacking, that we got sexually assaulted becuase we drank, wore too short skirt or god forbid, in eyes of one judge, because we wanted to wear red knickers to please ourselves. We know we’re women when we have our hands on our keys in our pockets at night, when we walk the long way cos it’s well lit and busy, when we still (even in 2025) do not feel comfortable eating or drinking alone in public in an evening. And some women know they’re female because they can’t wear what they want, they must cover they’re bodies in shrouds, they can’t go to school, or train as nurses, or go anywhere without their male chaperone, or even work, or call a doctor because there aren’t female ones. And some girls know it when they’re sold as child brides at age of 9 to men old enough to be their grandfather and die in childbirth. We know we’re female when the statistic say we can’t run as fast, jump as high, punch as hard, lift as much weight. We know we’re female when we dies younger when married vs when we are single, compared to our men who live longer married than single.

so did all of those get included in your checklist of “living as a female” when that was checked…or was it just your name, pronouns, your clothes, your hair, your boobs, and your neovaginia channel ?

being female is not a life style choice. Nor is it a sexy game. Many women experienced huge gender dysmorphia at puberty and wanted to get off the aging process and keep our flat chest, rid ourselves of periods and most of all hide form the unrelenting male gaze. But we had to accept the whole deal: the pain, and pleasures that come with our biology. I know my life would have been richer, less troubled, less abused, less exhausting and healthier if I’d been a man. Being female is not about feelings. It is not a choice. It just is. It’s not a bloody game. And it certainly isn’t a checklist.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2025 19:39

MrsSunshine2b · 18/04/2025 19:31

Transwomen are at considerably higher risk of assault than AFAB women.

No, they're not.

LobeliaBaggins · 18/04/2025 19:39

Txumtzum · 18/04/2025 19:38

We have to remember that trans people do experience very high levels of physical and verbal abuse….just because we as women do likewise ,doesn’t mean that we can’t acknowledge what that is like for trans people. I don’t think that therefore means we have to give up our single sex spaces. It would be lovely to see more men campaigning for changes in attitudes and behaviour and calling out the violence that is perpetuated by men.

Indeed. Lets assume transpeople experience violence. Ok. Its up to men to solve that, not women. Since we are not the ones committing violence.

SpidersAreShitheads · 18/04/2025 19:40

I'm sorry you're in a difficult position OP. I really and truly am. I can imagine the disconnect between how you want to present and the reality of your biology is awful. I've never thought that being trans is an easy path, or one that anyone in their right mind would deliberately pursue.

I'm glad you feel at peace now. Everyone deserves that.

Women aren't directing hate towards trans people - we are asserting our boundaries that the law has now recognised. Women aren't hurting trans people - we aren't assaulting you, killing you, raping you.

The problem is men. And unfortunately, that includes a fair chunk of your fellow trans women. Not all of them have good intentions towards women. Many have sexually assaulted women in safe spaces. And that's the issue.

When we hold the door open for one person, we have to let everyone in. And many, many women have been raped and assaulted by trans women. This is why the definition of woman matters, and why we need to be allowed to dictate who enters a single sex space.

I know that makes life difficult for you. What the trans community needs to do now is pivot. They've spent the last god knows how many years attacking women and speaking over us. It's a huge waste of time. They should have been fighting for third spaces. Women had to fight for their rights, and because of the behaviour of some in the trans community, we've had to do it all over again. And even now, we don't have parity.

The problem - as always - is male aggression. I can feel real empathy towards you, and I know you find yourself in a difficult position. But there are many people in society who find themselves in a difficult position - it's unfortunate and shit, but that's life. As an example, my adult-sized 15-year old boy has learning difficultes and other disabilities and wears nappies. There aren't always toilets with facilities for him. Actually, there are very few places with facilities for him. So when I say I understand the difficulties, I really do. But that still doesn't mean that women should offer themselves up as a shield against aggressive men.

You need to be talking to men, as they're the ones who carry out the assaults. And the trans community needs to campaign for rights that doesn't trample over the rights of others.

I wish you all the best.

Flowergirlie91 · 18/04/2025 19:40

WilfredsPies · 18/04/2025 19:32

Nearly every single risk can be broken down to a none issue. But here’s the thing. You can eliminate it all together. By saying women only
Also please don’t assume the only issue with men being in women’s toilets is that they might assault a woman. It’s far more nuanced than that

She asks you not to assume it’s just a fear of being attacked and tells you that it’s more nuanced than that, and you continue to insist it’s about ‘bigots’ fearing they’re going to be attacked by trans women? Are you taking any notice of what people are actually saying? Or have you got tunnel vision so badly that you can’t see past mean old women refusing to be kind?

Just purely based on numbers, the chances of being attacked by a trans woman is incredibly slim. It happens. Of course it does. It’s regularly reported on and the proof is out there. But it’s not just trans women we have to think about. It’s the creeps with AGP who want to drag women kicking into their perversions (also heavily documented because they can’t help themselves posting on their social media about what they’ve done). It’s the predators who notice how nobody is questioning men going into the women’s toilets, or yelling for them to get out, and decides to make the most of that enclosed space. It’s the women who have suffered trauma at the hands of men not wanting to be in a confined space with them. It’s women of religion who now can’t use those facilities because they aren’t single sex anymore. It’s about wanting privacy if you need to wash your hands after a menstrual flood. Is any part of that ringing a bell with you?

I can totally understand that women need safe spaces. I just think it’s highly unlikely that a man who clearly looks like a man is going to walk into a womens confined space. I have maybe seen this once and it was a genuine accident as that man hadn’t seen the sign. For a man to want to assault women so badly that they go through plastic surgery to look like a woman to go into spaces to assault women… how many of these men willing to go through these lengths are realisticly out there? A handfull in the whole world? More likely someone walks into a shopping centre with a gun and randomly starts shooting people

FlirtsWithRhinos · 18/04/2025 19:40

Replying to note that this was an advertising spam post so when it is deleted there is a record that it was not hateful content.

Silversixpenny · 18/04/2025 19:41

WilfredsPies · 18/04/2025 19:33

In the UK? Bollocks. Absolute bollocks.

Also, AFAB?

At conception, from sperm and egg cells. And "assigned"? By whom? This is an implication of a creator.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 18/04/2025 19:41

Shudahaddogs · 18/04/2025 19:37

Both men and women already share these toilets...

Not the point. When they were exclusively for disabled people they were unisex. But they weren’t accessible to people who just wanted to use them because they were more comfortable, had more space and a wash basin next to the loo. But I wouldn’t expect anyone who hasn’t waited in a queue for the accessible loo because they’re in a wheelchair and can’t access a standard cubicle, and who is about to have a very public accident as a result, or someone with a stoma bag about to leak, or indeed someone who has IBS, Crohns or other bladder/bowel issues causing urgency to understand.

NessieDoesExistYes · 18/04/2025 19:41

FlirtsWithRhinos · 18/04/2025 19:40

Replying to note that this was an advertising spam post so when it is deleted there is a record that it was not hateful content.

You've just reposted a spam post ?

Pomegranatepom · 18/04/2025 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SleeplessInWherever · 18/04/2025 19:43

Flowergirlie91 · 18/04/2025 19:40

I can totally understand that women need safe spaces. I just think it’s highly unlikely that a man who clearly looks like a man is going to walk into a womens confined space. I have maybe seen this once and it was a genuine accident as that man hadn’t seen the sign. For a man to want to assault women so badly that they go through plastic surgery to look like a woman to go into spaces to assault women… how many of these men willing to go through these lengths are realisticly out there? A handfull in the whole world? More likely someone walks into a shopping centre with a gun and randomly starts shooting people

This is one of my points too.

Many of us have been abused by a man. They don’t usually put a dress on to do it. Frankly that seems like a lot of effort to behave in a way that they do anyway.

When women are raped and attacked in parks or in fact their own homes, I think trans people in toilets are the very least of our worries.

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