How do you start to sort your house out when you’re so overwhelmed with stuff and mess?

[confusedlots]

i’ve always suffered with difficulty in organising and tidying things away and am pretty sure I have ADHD which doesn’t help at all. But since having kids the amount of stuff we own has just multiplied. Clothes are the main culprit, but also toys and random things like stones they have become attached to or an empty box they just have to keep.

I am now so overwhelmed with the mess and the stuff that I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to sort it all out. The house could definitely be on Sort Your Life Out, it’s on a par with the houses on that programme.

I know logically I just need to start somewhere. Pick a cupboard or a corner of a room and just work through it, sort it out and get as much out of the house as I can. But I’m so physically exhausted by the chaos that I just can’t do it, and if I have a go I get so overwhelmed and frustrated that I’m not getting anywhere. I can’t just pick up something on the kitchen table like a letter I need to keep and put it away, because all the paperwork is all over the place and needs sorting out first, but that task is too big to tackle so I try to pick something else to do and go round in circles and get nothing done.

I don’t know what I’m asking for as deep down I know what I need to do, but it’s so hard, and I guess I’m just looking to hear that someone else has felt like this and was able to turn things around.

I would also add that while donating is a great idea, it's often a massive mental roadblock for me. I have changed to just throwing many things because 'donating' means that they just sit in my house indefinitely. I know that it's a waste, but frankly they were being just as wasted sitting my house, stuff wasn't getting donated either way. There are two exceptions, the local parish has a fete every year so about a month beforehand I put three boxes in the dining room, books, toys and bric-a-brac and fill them with things as I find them. The other exception is clothes as I often walk past my local TK Maxx which has a clothes donation box, so I just put a bag in my car when I have three or four items and drop it in the next time I go to buy dog food.

I highly recommend checking out Heather Tingle.

she works a lot with us ADHD/ND and hidden disability folks.

uk based facebook group that’s not to busy and very supportive to each other.

Also has a good podcast and other resources.

Facebook group is here - www.facebook.com/share/g/18bJQk33sg/?mibextid=wwXIfr

@SometimesUnsure and @Ariela unfortunately there's nothing like that near me. I spent yesterday afternoon driving around all the charity shops within reach. None are taking books, board games and children's toys. They have too much and it doesn't sell.

I've now done the cupboard under the sink (posted yesterday) and I've just opened the doors again to feel a bit smug and pleased with myself have another look. The kitchen looks better as well because there is less clutter.
I think this one job a day thing could work for me. In the past I've tried to do too much at once and just become grumpy and miserable. I'm not putting pressure on myself for the rest of the day because today's 'extra' job is complete.

Tomorrow I think it's going to be the fridge especially the top shelf of doom with all the half used jars.

Also ADHD in our family here, myself likely included, and what I do is

• hide my phone and laptop
• take a box, take one room, put everything in it that's in one category, whatever that is
• do same in another room
• put everything in the box either away, or in the charity shop bag
• fail to take anything to the charity shop, but that's another thread
• rinse and repeat until the end of time

So all the books are then away, all the cosmetics and medicines, all the tech equipment/cables, etc etc

The basic gist of decluttering is

• pick an area (according to time available)
• take everything out from area
• decide what to keep and get rid
• organise what is left - get a Dynamo label maker, boxes and jars are also your friend
• put back

Cleaning/ Deep cleaning are separate tasks to decluttering.

Decluttering and tidying are different things - once you have decluttered then keeping it tidy is much easier. Everything has an identified place. So even if it gets messy it's a case of having a quick tidy round to put things back.

No one wants second hand books??
Who do you mean don't want them? Neighbours or friends? If they don't want them, it would be because they don't want those books in particular. Of all the things second hand, books is probably what most people wouln't mind to have it second hand. Take them to a charity shop.

I use Anglo collections, so easy to arrange!

Please look at Dana K White AKA “A Slob comes clean”’s stuff (I’d start with her books and podcast, she also has some great YouTube videos if you prefer that), she has changed my house and my life!

This is her most important video I’d say! The no mess method sounds like nonsense but it really works

She does run a course along with a couple of other influencers, one an organiser and one a minimalist, called Take Your House Back, which is great but I think better once you have understood the basics of Dana’s processes.

@DreamyRedNewt I've offered them free on the local what's app group, a friend has posted them to her book club. One of my neighbours has taken 6. Yesterday I drove around all the charity shops within reach - none of them are taking any books.

My house was like yours. Marie Kondo helped enormously. Five years.later it's far from perfect but so much better. The more stuff you get rid of the more energised you will feel so it gets easier

I get completely overwhelmed if I have to tackle a huge task, so the only way for me to do it is to cut it down into very small, manageable chunks. Then I quite often find that I can do several small chunks at the same time, if I don't feel that I have to, if you see what I mean. Getting something done gives me a feeling of achievement, which makes me feel good so I am more likely to do more.

I have a bin bag ready to put rubbish in, and a box to put charity stuff in. DH and I did a MASSIVE clear out a few years ago and I organised our storage so that there is a proper place for everything. It makes me feel so much better now that I don't have junk cluttering up the place.

I like @TokyoKyoto's thinking! I'm going to try that.

Our place isn't too bad but redundant tech and cables are building up in corners and drawers.

A few years ago I got a flat pack Hippo Skip which you fill and then book a collection when convenient. They come in various sizes.

Skip companies are required to recycle what you put in.

This is so relatable. It’s really hard.

Have you tried the 5 minute rule? It’s a game changer for me.

You just decide to do 5 mins. Set a timer if you need to. Instantly removes the overwhelmed feeling. Just do whatever you can in that 5 mins, and then absolutely stop if you like.
Often, you will feel able to keep going for another 5, or even get on a total roll.
But if not? Well 5 mins is better than no mins and eventually will make a difference, both to the mess and to your mind. You will feel as sense of accomplishment and control instead of feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Which is motivating and will help long term

I've just listened today to one of Dana's recent podcasts and have two things to note.

First, if you're put off by her plugging her most recent book which is about Christianity, please don't be. Dana is very religious herself but this really never comes into her advice generally. I think that's entirely the point of why she's finally written a book about that aspect. And by the sounds of it, it's mainly to refute narratives about religious guilt anyway.

The second point is that her recent podcast "how to be convinced to declutter" sums up the most important aspect I've taken from this which I suspect is related to my ADHD: I don't need a magic solution because that doesn't exist. Instead I need things that are easy to restart when I drop them. I struggle with systems which use guilt as a motivator if you don't do it every single day (Duolingo...) or things which are designed to spread effort out by using something like 20 minutes per day but then if you miss days it starts to get harder and harder. (TOMM) That's not how my energy works so those systems don't work for me.

I also can't spend ages setting something up multiple times. I'll do that the first time and then if it stops working I won't have the energy and motivation to start again from scratch.

For ages I looked for the system which would allow me to do it every day consistently and that's not who I am. I get bored and frustrated like that. I need something that's easy to restart instead.

That's not necessarily going to work. It also does very little to sort out the existing chaos. My DH who is a chaos demon would be paralysed by this new rule.

The three box system works well when lots of stuff. Especially if you can’t just ove it to its new home.

For example your table clearing. Then you just sit at table and out everything into the three boxes. Paperwork you need all in keep box. Rubbish in throw. Donate box if you have other stuff on table that is for charity. Then the rubbish on is binned immediately. Keep you have at least now in one place and can put in room you want paperwork ( you probably have to sort through keep again later to organise once you know where)

Also just categories help. Sorting out just kids socks and underwear drawers for example. Anything old and worn in bin, too small but good in donate bag/box, and leave everything else.
You can do this each evening for a different item

Start with the clothes then move onto the toys, then the cupboards, then the paperwork. As you go along relocate any paperwork to a box so that you can sort it on mass when ready.

Be ruthless, use black plastic bags so the kids can’t see what’s going and hang onto clothes that are too small

https://www.bhf.org.uk/shop/donating-goods/book-furniture-collection-near-me

I put stuff on my doorstep with a sign saying “free”. Obviously you have to live somewhere that people won’t just kick it/ smash it up etc but it works well here

Find your local Facebook Free Giving site. People love free toys, books, puzzles and bric a brac.

Today I’m going to try and tackle my bedroom. It’s piled high with stuff. Wish me luck! 😬

Good luck , strength , courage , focus and lots of tea ☕️.
I’m going to hunt high and low in the jungle of my home for a pile of credit and important other cards 🤦🏻‍♀️ from my old phone case, that I have now completely lost when decluttering it for a shiny new one 😬 😩

Try oxfam books, if you have one near you. I would check 1st what type of books they accept/ don't accept.

I've also just found about a local community library, so I dropped off a bag of children's books there.

Sometimes a local station will have a bookShelf for swaps or for someone to grab when travelling. Probably fiction paperback only there.

I keep book donations down by only dropping a couple of bags at a time. I was talking to a local friend who had tried to drop off 16 boxes in 1 go!!

I’ve just got a skip to have a major clear out. Otherwise, I felt I was just moving mess and clutter from one place to another (still overwhelming) and the amount of stuff wasn’t actually reducing much due to lack of bin/recycling boxes.

I’ve filled a whole skip and have been able to clear everywhere - including the loft and the shed.

I feel liberated…

Think about if you need more storage options (you can often get free shelves etc. online).

If you have a lot of stuff to get rid of, plan how/where to do this (bin, charity shop, tip, skip).

As you have a lot to get rid of and you feel overwhelmed, then it’s good to make a plan before you start actually doing anything. Maybe first concentrate on chucking some stuff out to make some clear space (you need some clear space so you can get organised).

Thank you!! I need it! 💐

same to you, as well. I hope you’ve found the credit cards.