How do you start to sort your house out when you’re so overwhelmed with stuff and mess?

[confusedlots]

i’ve always suffered with difficulty in organising and tidying things away and am pretty sure I have ADHD which doesn’t help at all. But since having kids the amount of stuff we own has just multiplied. Clothes are the main culprit, but also toys and random things like stones they have become attached to or an empty box they just have to keep.

I am now so overwhelmed with the mess and the stuff that I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to sort it all out. The house could definitely be on Sort Your Life Out, it’s on a par with the houses on that programme.

I know logically I just need to start somewhere. Pick a cupboard or a corner of a room and just work through it, sort it out and get as much out of the house as I can. But I’m so physically exhausted by the chaos that I just can’t do it, and if I have a go I get so overwhelmed and frustrated that I’m not getting anywhere. I can’t just pick up something on the kitchen table like a letter I need to keep and put it away, because all the paperwork is all over the place and needs sorting out first, but that task is too big to tackle so I try to pick something else to do and go round in circles and get nothing done.

I don’t know what I’m asking for as deep down I know what I need to do, but it’s so hard, and I guess I’m just looking to hear that someone else has felt like this and was able to turn things around.

Just tackle one room a day/ weekend, it might take a few weekends but eventually it will get done

It seems like a big problem but when you break it down like that into simpler tasks it won’t be so overwhelming

Tell the kids to tidy their own rooms, give them instructions re dirty clothes in laundry basket / living room etc, get them toy boxes if necessary, tell them to throw away broken toys and sort in a pile the ones they don’t want, they may not do a perfect job but at least it will be something

I think if you have any hint of ADHD your motivational tactics might need to be slightly different from other tidy organised people. Being reminded that you "just need to tidy up as you go along" or "meal plan" or "make a list" may actually be overwhelming and shame inducing.
Keep remembering all the good things you do, already, and don't feel a failure. You have been very busy and this is just a bend in the road-

I think one of my issues has been that in order to start clearing mess/clutter, you have to actually make more mess/clutter and if you run out of steam half way through then you’re in even more of a mess. So best not to start at all… Eg to tidy the wardrobe I had to empty all the clothes onto the bed.
I solved that by ordering a pack of cardboard boxes, putting them together and lining them up along the hall, labelled such as Papers, Clothes, Shoes etc. Then when I went from room to room during the day I took something with me and put it into the appropriate box. As rooms became clearer, kitchen surfaces reappeared, the coffee table had room for coffee, the ‘stair piles’ disappeared that gave me the breathing space and courage then to go through each box.

Are you me?!

Exactly the same problem here! Reading with interest, though I’m afraid I can’t help 😢 💐

Look up Dana K White on you tube.

the k is important ir you'll get a bloke whose into physical fitness, not the female Queen of decluttering. She's undiagnosed, but definitely on the spectrum & gets it!!

Music. Block out the kids and their noise and whining and crack on.

With ADHD, immediacy is key. Do the bits in front of your eyes, don't worry about what you can't see.

For the paperwork, put it in boxes next to a sofa or armchair in the living-room, get a shredder and bin-bag and do a chunk each evening while watching TV with the kids. Just make sure to supervise the shredder around little fingers!

Have a basket for outgrown clothes. Fill it and then bag the contents and put them under a bed somewhere. Once you've filled three bags, go online and see if there's anyone who does charity collections in your area.

"Disappear" random boxes when the kids aren't looking. Chuck any sticks or stones in the garden.

@Graters agree

Also here for solidarity and the tips! We have a 6 month old and it all started when I was pregnant. I got HG again, not unexpectedly, and that's when it started. DH managed the previous two times without it all totally going to shit but but I guess the third was the straw that broke the camel's back. Since we have had the baby it's just got even worse. I feel embarrassed to have people over and it's impossible to keep the house as clean as I'd like because of the clutter. I think only our bedroom is properly 'sort your life out' levels of clutter but none of the house is great or how it used to be. It really getting me down whilst I'm on mat leave and home a lot. It doesn't help that DH is terrible for hoarding stuff and also grew up in a proper hoarder's home so it doesn't bother him at all and I guess feels normal to him.

I do most of the above hints but I also do car boot sales during the summer & then donate anything I don't sell. I use the money I make for days outs and treats for the kids.

Another vote for Dana K White. She has a podcast a Slob Comes Clean. But I'd start with her book Decluttering at the Speed of Life.i like the audio book. Total game changer for me and my ADHD brain.

It's brilliant because she herself has had huge struggles with keeping her home in order, rather than it being a book written by someone who is naturally good at cleaning and organising.

Her most recent book has some religious content, but her earlier books don't at all.

I've started to spend 30 minutes each day on a different task. There are a lot of jobs which are going to take longer (The books will take a few weeks) but there are some which are easy.
Today it was towels. After 30 minutes of sorting I now have a manageable number of good towels, a bag of not so good towels for pet related jobs, and another bag of not so good towels to drop off at the vets.
Yesterday it was my underwear drawer. Binned all the baggy, holey socks and knickers. The good bras that don't fit any more I took into work for someone that collects for a bra charity. Now everything fits in the drawer and I can see what I have. Even though it's just a tiny thing in the chaos it's very satisfying and I know I can now keep it tidy.
Tomorrow I've decided to tackle the cupboard under the sink. It's going to take a bit longer but once it's sorted out I'll be able to fit in all the cleaning things that are currently cluttering up kitchen surfaces.

Another vote for Dana K White. Also listen to Remi Clog on YouTube. She's like a warm hug.

The minimal mom, also on YouTube is lovely too. Lots of great stuff on toys, kids clothes etc.

A lot of people with ADHD find body doubling useful. This could be a phone call with a friend while they also do housework, or just a YouTube video of someone else cleaning. I pay for The Organised Mum Method Patreon which has guided cleans which really helps me keep on top of things.

Do you have an organised & helpful friend or family member to help you get started? I would honestly love to spend a day or two helping a loved one with this!

I have our (v small) house very organised and minimalist and i basically operate a one in one out policy on everything except books. I also have trained myself to think “we have all we need” whenever I think about buying something. I would also never upgrade storage, the space something has is the space it has. e.g. socks must fit in sock area of drawer or I have too many.

But I appreciate this is all only useful once you’ve done the initial blitz.

Re the paperwork example I’ve found it useful to get a few boxes (like kallax size ish or big Aldi bags maybe 4-5 if poss) and label them with some of the worst offending things for clutter - paperwork, clothes, toys, whatever. If you've got more then maybe add one for each person in the house.
pop them in the hallway. Go into a room, whichever causes you most stress preferably cos it’ll have the biggest impact but not if it’s TOO stressful , and start working clockwise from the door on things you can see. Don’t worry about cupboards etc, that can be round 2 or 3.
Bin what you can as you go. Other things go in the boxes. Don’t double up - so decide whether ‘jakes trousers’ are going in clothes or Jakes box. I’d probably do clothes then it can all be dumped in the washing and new tile is washing get sorted straight away out the dryer.

do a first pass of the ground floor (assuming like a three bed semi for example). I’d probably then do another pass and go through cupboards or drawers again chucking anything that doesn’t fit into the appropriate box you’ll end up
adsing more eg ‘kitchen’ where anything kitchen related gets dumped while you create the tidy space.

them go back to the boxes. Hopefully at this point you have some more cupboard space or know you need to buy a dividing folder or whatever and can do one box at a time.

I do a drawer/cupboard/shelf a day (not weekends or school holidays). Every single day, no exceptions. I’ve done this for 3 years now and it take about a year to get through the whole house.
i do it room by room, but will cheat a bit in that if I’ve got really hectic day, I’ll do an easy job (like the mug cupboard). Because I’m now 3 years in, I’ve made a lot of the hard decisions already , and it’s much easier.
i organise as I go (use hooks and zipper bags to get these off surfaces) and label.

take it step by step and either start easy (cutlery drawer) or think about what is the area in the house which gives you most stress and then break it down (ie if it’s the coat cupboard, literally go through only the shoes tomorrow. Monday, do the hats/scarfs, Tuesday do the coats.

One square foot in each room at a time. You can increase your area (and probably should) each day but whatever happens hold the line. You can only move forwards. No retreat possible. Every square foot forwards counts!

Another vote for Dana here 👋

@Lioncubhearted I work in a Tesco supermarket . We have a book table where customers bring unwanted books for which people make a small donation to our charity . Our local Morrisons does the same .

@livelovelough24 The OP has said she may have ADHD . It’s not as easy for someone who is neurodiverse to be organised even if they try really hard .

Ask for help OP! If you have ADHD then having someone else there really helps.

Personally I’d be really happy to spend time helping a friend or family member have a clear out. Is there anyone who is a non judgmental person who you could ask?

Books you download an app where you scan the bar code. Parcel them up and send them in a box.

I got rid of 50% of stuff but because I don't have a TV crew and a warehouse it has taken years. Some bits were ready to be done again before I had done other areas. Years I've been going and now I am seeing the fruits of my labours. It helps when the children grow out of the plastic tat stage, probably be eight or nine. I gave mine a lot of head in deciding what could go. An awful lot of craft kits went elsewhere. Her room is now the tiniest :-)

Little and often works. One cupboard, one drawer, on pile. I work on having a place for everything. There used to be this Sargasso sea of clutter that would float around the house until we had visitors when it would be chased upstairs out of sight. I had to work on my mental game too. You don't need it, you won't need it, it is valueless to you now. Get it gone immediately. Too many people think they are going to sell things and they never do because it takes time.

Body doubling really helps me. The odd time I can get my husband involved the work goes amazingly fast.

ADHD here 👋

I pick an area, grab a bag and set a timer. 10 minutes normally and everything I pick up must be either binned or put into the correct place.

Then I make a brew and repeat.

I make sure the curtains are open and bed is made every morning. I bleach the toilet every night and wipe around the sink area/ toilet too. I have lots of little things that I do so it’s not overwhelming

Start small. Choose one small area and chip away at that before even thinking about tackling the rest.
Have stairs? If so, get everyone in the habit of taking one thing with them when they go upstairs every time.
Good luck, @confusedlots

Do really small steps. Bedside tables, then the dining table. I would be brutal with clothes and toys. Many things aren’t good enough to donate so just chuck them and forget about them. Donate books. Be brutal with paperwork, you hardly need any paperwork nowadays. I keep one utility bill and medical stuff, everything else just chuck.

Don’t worry too much about cleaning at first, just clear it. Like someone else said, get one of the big bags for life and just fill it, empty it in the wheelie bin, then do it again.