How do you start to sort your house out when you’re so overwhelmed with stuff and mess?

[confusedlots]

i’ve always suffered with difficulty in organising and tidying things away and am pretty sure I have ADHD which doesn’t help at all. But since having kids the amount of stuff we own has just multiplied. Clothes are the main culprit, but also toys and random things like stones they have become attached to or an empty box they just have to keep.

I am now so overwhelmed with the mess and the stuff that I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to sort it all out. The house could definitely be on Sort Your Life Out, it’s on a par with the houses on that programme.

I know logically I just need to start somewhere. Pick a cupboard or a corner of a room and just work through it, sort it out and get as much out of the house as I can. But I’m so physically exhausted by the chaos that I just can’t do it, and if I have a go I get so overwhelmed and frustrated that I’m not getting anywhere. I can’t just pick up something on the kitchen table like a letter I need to keep and put it away, because all the paperwork is all over the place and needs sorting out first, but that task is too big to tackle so I try to pick something else to do and go round in circles and get nothing done.

I don’t know what I’m asking for as deep down I know what I need to do, but it’s so hard, and I guess I’m just looking to hear that someone else has felt like this and was able to turn things around.

Such great advice on here, I just need to put it into action! My current strategy is to have a number of boxes in the spare room and any spare paperwork which doesn’t yet have a home will go in a box, outgrown clothes in another, bags in another etc. Then as I gradually regain some space I’ll go through each box and organise and put away. Obviously throwing out anything that’s broken etc before reaching the boxes, or donating any clothes I know I don’t want to keep.

The other day I picked up a pair of DS’s shorts which I know are too small but still in good condition so I thought I can easily donate them. But then noticed they were dirty so thought I’d add them to the washing pile and get a wash done. But the washing machine was full of wet clothes so I needed to empty that first. But the clothes driers were full so I needed to put away the dry clean clothes first. And the kids drawers were a mess so I couldn’t put them away yet. This is the story of my life, even a simple task turns into a mammoth task causing me to be overwhelmed.

Well today’s task is to go through all the clothes on my bedroom floor and get them all sorted out and washed. So embarrassed by the state of the place but determined to work at it little and often.

And thanks for the podcast suggestions, have already listened to a Dana K White one and found it pretty relatable.

1. Every time one of those charity bags comes through your door, fill it with donations. That’s one less bag of clutter
2. do one thing. One kitchen surface, or one table full, or one floor. Ignore the rest while you do this one thing, it will give you confidence the rest is manageable
3. when you’re waiting for the kettle to boil, empty the dishwasher/ wash something up/ put dishes away
4. make an upbeat playlist and set a 20 min timer, commit to keep moving and tidying until your timer goes off and have a boogie while you do it
5. invite someone over that has a tidy house. Invite them to come over in a week - this will give you some motivation

This is me to a tee! My partner can’t understand how I can’t just finish one job before moving on to another. The answer: it’s just impossible for me!

You need "A Slob Comes Clean." You can listen to her Podcasts on her website and videos on YouTube.
A lot of the tips given by people who are naturally good at cleaning and tidying are just not going to work for you. This will.

I use a charity collection service called Anglo Doorstep Collections. On their website you can look when they’re next in your area, book a slot, and then on the day just leave everything you want to donate outside your door. It really motivates me as the day before they come I get a load of bags and just go room to room finding things to go.

A Slob Comes Clean- podcast, YouTube or books.

She is likely to have ADHD and has very sensible, simple ways to declutter. She’s amazing.

I found Marie Kondo's book really helpful with decluttering & organising stuff - it's still a work in progress, but stuff like holiday packing has become much easier (which I wasn't expecting).

Thankyou for starting this thread. This is the advice I need to be taking too :-( You’re not the only one 💐

OP do you have any money spare? Could you this once bag up all your dirty clothes and take them to the laundrette to be cleaned by them?

they would come back to you washed dried and folded. You could look through each item and put it in a pile for that person. Then look at all of the clothes for that person and make a full to just what they need. Create a capsule wardrobe for adults and be ruthless with clothes that don’t fit or are out of season for the kids.

Well done! You're off to a great start.
Something that worked for me (I may have got it from Flylady) is to do a load of laundry every day. Just get into the habit, set it up to wash overnight and you set it to dry in the morning. There will come a time when you don't need to do it every day but for now, get into the habit. It makes things so much easier.
And remember to get rid of the contents of the boxes on the spare room. Until it is off your property (ie not in your house, garden, garage, car etc) all you have done is move it!

There’s something wrong with me. There must be. The level of procrastination is insane. My day off and I was planning on a proper blitz, but I’ve sat and watched tv. I am surrounded by shit and I can’t do anything about it. 😭

Have you ever looked into inattentive ADHD?

Well, kind of, but not in the sense of getting a diagnosis or anything. Thanks for your reply. I do really wonder, especially as 2 of my kids have been diagnosed!

If your children have it, the chances are high that either you or their father (or both) have it as well.

I was diagnosed in 2016 so before the current backlogs, but I had a few years' gap between diagnosis and medication, in the meantime I did find actually just reading about it and learning about how it affects the brain and people's experiences with it etc helped me a lot, even though I only really started a medication which works for me a year or two ago. So I think if you're struggling with it, it's worth joining a waiting list, and then doing the learning bit while you wait. If it turns out it's not ADHD you might find some of the strategies and info help anyway, I'm sure they help with a lot of similar-presenting conditions.

I am another one who finds the Dana K White podcast very helpful and I've actually been able to apply the same ideas to other things in my life, which has helped a lot.

I think the all or nothing thinking can be a bit paralysing - thinking you're going to spend all day in a "blitz" just creates a pressure, which might be unrealistic anyway, and then the more of the day that's gone you start to feel more and more guilty and then to avoid the guilty feeling you go into more TV or whatever else. (For me it's internet forums). Maybe try to reframe it like - OK I actually just needed to rest today, so it's OK that that is what I did. That rest might then free up some headspace to do something else this weekend. Or you could say OK now I've had a bit of a rest, I'm going to do 20 minutes in this one area (the podcasts are about 20 mins long - hint hint ) and that will be a net win because it will be better than it was before, AND I've had a day resting.

Thank you so much @BertieBotts . I’ll look into strategies that might help. I have got the slob comes clean book…..somewhere 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😂

You’re right about the blitz. I watched tv instead 😢

I was going to say exactly this it is a fabulous book. Not too long, easy to read and funny too. Got me going.
i also love a previous posters idea of starting with socks - this might be a quick win if as you say clothes are a big problem.

I can identify with a few people here - I find it depressing that I have a house full of clutter and that kills the enthusiasm for getting rid of stuff.
We did clear the loft a few years ago but could do with going back up and blitzing again only this time get rid of a load of camping gear. DS has shown an interest in having our tent so could probably get rid of some extra camping equipment that way too. But until we arrange our next trip to see him (250 mile trip!!) there no point with that. DH has been clearing his shed and has been quite brutal but still has a fair way to go to ditch old tools and equipment - he used to be self employed and has always been very handy. But age is creeping up on him and doing some jobs are so frustrating for him due to pain and tremors - so just keeping the bare basics is his aim.
Grandkids toys are gradually going as DD is doing boot sales to shift stuff but in the meantime outgrown stuff is being stored with garden equipment outside not in the house.
I throw anything like plates that has chips or missing bits when they happen so consequently we have a very depleted dinner set but do have a new set which we bought a few years ago for a large family meal. So if I ditched the old set I would virtually empty a sideboard which would give more storage space.
I cleared - well not entirely - one corner of our bedroom. Shredded a load of paperwork and the cat has somewhere new to sleep but now only have one box with bits in. Bedside drawers are next - DH's will be easy as his is literally filled with odd screws, and knick knacks that came out of his pockets when working but never went in a tool box or the bin. I just need to do it!!
Been using up cleaning products in the cupboards for both kitchen and bathroom and now do have spaces where bottles used to be. Also did manage to add and 3 items to Vinted this week and two sold within minutes.
But even though what I've done sounds a fair bit - it's taken weeks to do just that.
I want to be brutal - I just need the mojo to declutter a lot more effectively.

So I have been listening to A Slob Comes Clean podcast any time I’m driving and finding it really helpful. Even just looking around to see what is rubbish and can go in the bin and what already has an obvious home and putting it back there is making a big difference to the clutter. And doesn’t require any thought or hard decisions.

Today I took a few bags of stuff to the charity shop and a few bags to the dump. I must have taken 20 empty jam jars to the recycling, I like to keep a couple as they can be useful, but I definitely do not need 20!

I bought 2 A4 size boxes, one for each of my kids. All the random stuff that ends up downstairs and doesn’t really have a home, like drawings they’re working on goes in their box at the end of the day so they know where to look for it. Also other bits and pieces that I find downstairs like hair bobbles, books etc goes in their box and they are learning to put the stuff away in their bedrooms. That has made a massive difference to the kid’s clutter downstairs which I never really knew how to deal with.

I just need to keep up the momentum, but it feels so good to get stuff out of the house.

Sounds like the podcast is working for you. She also recommends taking before and after photos so the progress is clear.
I have started listening to the podcasts again from the beginning, which helps to refresh the advice

You and Yours today on Radio 4 was about decluttering if that’s any use? I’ve not listened to it yet so can’t say if it’s particularly good or not though.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002bhwt?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Glad you're finding a Slob Comes Clean useful. I've been following for 6 years now and she's genuinely changed my life! Such useful advice which actually works for me. The books are brilliant, and I second the suggestion of going back to the early podcasts.