How do you start to sort your house out when you’re so overwhelmed with stuff and mess?

[confusedlots]

i’ve always suffered with difficulty in organising and tidying things away and am pretty sure I have ADHD which doesn’t help at all. But since having kids the amount of stuff we own has just multiplied. Clothes are the main culprit, but also toys and random things like stones they have become attached to or an empty box they just have to keep.

I am now so overwhelmed with the mess and the stuff that I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to sort it all out. The house could definitely be on Sort Your Life Out, it’s on a par with the houses on that programme.

I know logically I just need to start somewhere. Pick a cupboard or a corner of a room and just work through it, sort it out and get as much out of the house as I can. But I’m so physically exhausted by the chaos that I just can’t do it, and if I have a go I get so overwhelmed and frustrated that I’m not getting anywhere. I can’t just pick up something on the kitchen table like a letter I need to keep and put it away, because all the paperwork is all over the place and needs sorting out first, but that task is too big to tackle so I try to pick something else to do and go round in circles and get nothing done.

I don’t know what I’m asking for as deep down I know what I need to do, but it’s so hard, and I guess I’m just looking to hear that someone else has felt like this and was able to turn things around.

I’m the same. My house is a mess. I am slowly decluttering. I get paralysed and overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to do. Overthink and end up doing nothing.

I now think doing anything is better than doing nothing. Even if it’s a tiny thing. So that bit of paperwork on the table can be the start of your filing system. Put it in a folder, then add other bits when you find them.

When you wash the clothes put any that are too small/you don’t want in a bin bag. My overthinking with this was giving them to charity. I would never take them. Instead I took them to the tip where they have clothes recycling. It meant I could also take other bits of crap. Despite the fact I have taken many many bags of clothes I still have so many! But one day I will get them all sorted.

I sorted my kitchen drawers recently. So many knives! So I got rid of a load of knives that were crap, and chucked out some really old and broken utensils and bought nice new ones. I can find things in my drawers now (except scissors which no one ever puts back for some reason!)

I’m not perfect, I still get the overwhelm and think it’s hopeless, but I will hopefully get there one day!

Thanks, appteciate all the tips and podcast/book recommendations, I will certainly look at those. I know what I need to do, which is just to do
something, even if it is just for 10 minutes, but it’s all so flipping overwhelming and so I find it so difficult. But tonight, I got up and sorted out the dirty dishes from dinner and also spent 20 minutes clearing out the cupboard under the sink and I feel so much better. I found an empty champagne bottle in there that I had kept from our first night in this house 2 years ago, I have not looked at it since so why on earth have I kept it for 2 years?! This is what I’m talking about, but I think I can hopefully start to tackle it now 🤞

Me and the kids used to do ‘Keep or Chuck’ with toys and make two piles so they get to choose what stays and what goes - they can be surprisingly brutal. We actually had three piles, because ‘chuck’ was actually donate and then we had a bag for broken things.

I use Anglo Doorstep collections to pick up charity things because it gives me a collection date to aim for and then it gets taken away from outside my house. Job done, and I can’t hang onto things or procrastinate.

Did this with my Mum recently and she’s a major hoarder, we cleared her front room in a day and everything was collected by these guys or put out for the rubbish the next day.

Its hard for her to part with things, so we’ll give it a while and then book again and do another room.

https://anglodoorstepcollections.co.uk/make-a-booking/?advert_id=cbemail

I wish I had my mums ruthlessness. She doesn't have a huge house but twice a year she blitzs every cupboard. Stuff just doesn't accumulate.

I'm really guilty of chucking stuff in a bag- to sort later and later never comes

Can you afford a declutterer? I know someone that does this as a job and she literally will sort this kind of thing out for people, such a good service.
My own personal method is to just be completely ruthless, I went through my wardrobe, then went through it again and then a third time chucking stuff out. Take everything to the dump, don't try and sell it, it takes too long just get it out of your house and to the dump recycling centre.

When it all gets too much for me I have to simplify and be ruthless. I want to recycle, donate, sell etc but sometimes I realise I'm just prevaricating and doing nothing. If the bags for the charity shop are just sitting there for weeks then bin them. Make some space and the next task will be easier.

I see myself in lots of the posters here, I have two rooms that are unusable because they have stuff all over them and it’s a mixture of everything - bags of clothes waiting to go to charity, old toys my son has moved from his bedroom ( which is of course very neat!) that he doesn’t want, stuff from my mum’s house that i wanted for sentimental value like her old button box and ornaments, but don’t currently have room for, broken electrical items ( kettle, kitchen scales, electric fans, shredder…)
I feel totally overwhelmed by it all and ashamed to let anyone see the rooms Also, there’s hundreds of pounds worth of Lego sets that DS doesn’t want but they’re all mixed up in huge underbed storage boxes, it would be impossible to sort them back into sets. I genuinely don’t know what to do with it all. Can’t donate because it’s useless unless all the pieces for each set are there, and I don’t even now if they are. Can’t re-build it into sets as looking for the right pieces would almost be like looking for needles in haystacks. And the cost! I can’t bear the idea that there are LEGO sets worth £80 or more just all jumbled up and wasted. If they were whole I could re-sell them!
It’s the not knowing how to physically get rid of a lot of the stuff that stresses me the most, not the sorting part.

@Pandimoanymum

It’s the not knowing how to physically get rid of a lot of the stuff that stresses me the most, not the sorting part.

There are charities that will collect most things. British Heart Foundation takes furniture for example. Others take books, clothes, kitchen ware and so on.

For stuff that's broken or you can't donate you can book a bulk collection through your local council.

You can sell things on gumtree, eBay, Facebook Marketplace and vinted. You can also put things up free on them and Freecycle.

There are clothes recycling bins in many places and they may also take other items.

Do things in categories, rather than by room. So day one, gather all paperwork and file/bin/create storage. Day two grown up clothes - wash everything and separate into keep or chuck. Put them away or give them away THAT DAY. Day three kids clothes - keep or chuck. If keeping, put away into drawers/memory boxes. Take chuck out bag to charity shop that day. V important to always always finish with getting the black bag to the charity shop.
Day five - shampoos, bath gels etc.

Marie Kondo haa a book that sets it out much more methodically but you get the idea. You need manageable chunks. Good luck, I've been there/am there.

I make a cup of tea. No really! Whilst I'm waiting for the kettle to boil I'll start emptying the dishwasher and filling it again. Usually goes off the boil half way through the the refill but I've started now so I'll just finish it. I find that's enough to get the ball rolling and then I either ride the momentum or if I really am in a fug then I stop and have that tea. I get spurred on by seeing how much I have done in just two minutes so I trick myself into another two minutes etc until I'm in full cleaning mode.

Second trick is I choose a long song like All Top Well 10 Minute version and get as much done as I can on 10 minutes. Again if I'm still in a fug I'll stop but usually I'm half way through a task so I'll start it again and before I know it - boom! Full cleaning mode engaged.

Where to start?
1 all rubbish in bin
2 all things items that have a home get put away ie cereal back in cupboard, scissors in drawers etc. D
3 make the machines work for you ie put on washing machine, dishwasher and drier.

My other top tip when you just don't know where to start is to pick a corner of the room, start there and work your way out tidying up.

Good luck!

10 items per day per room

throw them away. It takes one minute per room to start with as you just removing rubbish.

It's a small tip but dd was one of those who collected stones, any art work she did at school etc and I found it would be laid on all surfaces so I started a 'make box'. Now I chuck everything like that in there. I know where it is if she asks for it. Then every so often I go through it and have a clear out. It's worked so well for having less clutter around.

Similarly I have a 'bits box' so all fidget type toys go in there along with ones from say happy meals, kinder eggs etc. Things she will remember but I think is absolute tat. Again, go through it every now and again and have a clear out when she's had stuff long enough to forget about it.

Give yourself permission to only do 5 minutes / move 5 things. That's all you have to do then you can stop.

Try not to add to the problem, so put away new things.

When I get overwhelmed I set a timer for 10 minutes then go and work in one room. Once the timer goes off I can stop. I prefer to stop as that's the promise I made myself. I might do another 10 minutes in an hour or two or nothing at all for the rest of the day. It depends on my pain levels.

I find it best to focus on one room. Get that back to good then it's just maintenance while you do the next room. The best option not to get in a mess is do small things eg have a place for everything and put away as soon as you are finished with it.

@Pandimoanymum you can sell lego by the kilo. It doesn't pay as well as complete sets but it's a good way to move it on.

I think do one square metre in front of you and do not stop until that one metre is perfect. Some days it will be a cupboard so will take ages, other days it will be a book or two so take seconds. Just keep moving forward to a new square metre. Be ruthless in chucking.

If

If you’re finding it hard to start with an area, I would start with a bin bag.

Walk from room to room and put everything which you can bin into the bin bag.

Your aim is to try and get as much clutter as possible out of the house as quickly as possible. So, if something takes more than a minute or two to think about, just leave it and move onto the next thing.

You can use the same tactic with all washing up into the dishwasher; all dirty clothes into the washing machine etc etc.

Please can you explain the process of this in a bit more detail? Thanks!

I would start by the front door. It's the first thing that visitors to your house see.
Then move onto the kitchen and bathrooms as hygiene is important.
Then remove all the stuff that the youngest or smallest member of the family has grown out of.

If you have a fine day then put stuff at the end of your drive/on garden wall with a "Please help yourself sign" or do a yard sale (I've given up on car boot sales as I've barely covered my pitch fee). Kids can be "shopkeeper".

Go paperless with bills. Set up folders on your inbox for each utility.
For physical post. Put envelopes and flyers straight in the recycling. have a set of old office in trays too. Top tray is for new post (dealt with once a week) middle one for "pending" and the bottom one for filing (again deal with once a week).

As someone else with ADHD, here is what I did to sort mine over a few weeks.

Firstly, go to the Anglo Doorstep Collection website and book a collection slot so you have a deadline. They will bring a van over and collect nearly anything you want to get rid of it and then proceeds go to a charity you nominate. By booking a collection we now have a true deadline to work to, someone expecting to collect on that date, and we also don't risk the typical ADHD thing of finding stuff to get rid of and then not finishing the task by actually getting rid of it!

Second, pick a room and a body double. Get a friend, sister, mum, whoever else you can think of that won't be judgemental, get the kids out the house for the day and go mad with one room. Get some cardboard boxes or bags for life for whatnot and sort into them (one bag for books, one for Lego, one for board games etc) and be absolutely ruthless about what you can get rid of. Anything and everything you can get rid of goes in a strong bin bag and put outside for the collection day.

Once you've got everything either sent to the charity shop or sorted into categories, then get some ADHD friendly storage and put everything away.

When I say ADHD friendly storage, most ADHD'ers will need large categories not small. For example, while some neurotypical people might have small categories such as a pile for pens, one for pencils, one of crayons, you're just going to get all the art supplies and put them all in one tub and label it "art supplies" clearly on the front. We don't deal with little finicity details like that and won't keep them separated by micro categories. Once sorted you just get out the art tub, do the art, and through it back in. Easy.

IKEA is your friend here (always loads going for £10 or so on FB marketplace if you don't want to buy new). Get Trofast or Kallax units so you can slot tubs in.

Then rinse and repeat with another room!

I would absolutely sort the lego for you if you are near me.

What has helped me is I'm moving house. Family of five until I divorced h, I have packed up and sorted all our stuff alone - ex h too as he left with a bag of clothes. I am very sentimental having got very little from my awful childhood. One day the lightbulb went off, I kept this stuff for the kids and if they don't want it it is okay for it to go. It's been a real mix at surprise at what they wanted to keep and surprise at what they let go.

I am moving to a smaller house but luckily have a garage so while expecting I might have to let more go, I do know I genuinely want all I've got. I actually find it very therapeutic letting things go. This week was a T-shirt with a hole or three in but then I couldn't let a sock go as it is quite new. The hole from when I took the tag off.

We have to start somewhere and every bit counts.

I hear you. What is the worst thing clothes, kitchen, bathroom? Choose to start with whatever makes your life easist.

Say it’s kids clothes, start with one drawer at a time or wardrobe, white bin bags for charity and black or bin, chuck the
clothes nolonger wanted into the bags. Don’t pull it all out. Then go round the house collect random kids clothes to do the same. Work in 20 mins blocks, 20 mins decluttering and 10 mins tidying after yourself. Use an alarm.

Don’t focus on how many tasks you’ve done but how many bags have gone.

Book regular charity collections https://anglodoorstepcollections.co.uk/

Look into body doubling.

How old is your DS, would he be interested in sorting out all the Lego into sets if he got the money from selling it. Even if some sets weren't complete some would be

I find getting everything out of an area helps, rather than taking things out individually and assessing each other. Basically like they do on Sort Your Life Out but for much, much smaller areas. So I’d pick one drawer and dump everything from it on the floor. It makes the need to sort it out more pressing, but also means you can dip in and out of it as you walk past rather than having to overcome the mental hurdle of “I’m going to sort this out now”.

Having boxes for donate/sell/bin nearby helps, as you can just toss things in rather than thinking about it too much. If you’re unable to do the mental work of selling items, just have donate and bin boxes.

re Lego - the website has an option to request missing pieces. Some you get for free and some they will charge for. There's another site too with Bricks in the name to buy from. I've spent about £20 to get all the missing pieces, plus a few for fun, but Lego sent me some free as well so now all my kits are complete. The ones the kids don't want are currently on vinted. My kids are 19-24 so some kits you can't buy now so I'm hoping for some takers.