How do you start to sort your house out when you’re so overwhelmed with stuff and mess?

[confusedlots]

i’ve always suffered with difficulty in organising and tidying things away and am pretty sure I have ADHD which doesn’t help at all. But since having kids the amount of stuff we own has just multiplied. Clothes are the main culprit, but also toys and random things like stones they have become attached to or an empty box they just have to keep.

I am now so overwhelmed with the mess and the stuff that I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to sort it all out. The house could definitely be on Sort Your Life Out, it’s on a par with the houses on that programme.

I know logically I just need to start somewhere. Pick a cupboard or a corner of a room and just work through it, sort it out and get as much out of the house as I can. But I’m so physically exhausted by the chaos that I just can’t do it, and if I have a go I get so overwhelmed and frustrated that I’m not getting anywhere. I can’t just pick up something on the kitchen table like a letter I need to keep and put it away, because all the paperwork is all over the place and needs sorting out first, but that task is too big to tackle so I try to pick something else to do and go round in circles and get nothing done.

I don’t know what I’m asking for as deep down I know what I need to do, but it’s so hard, and I guess I’m just looking to hear that someone else has felt like this and was able to turn things around.

@Pandimoanymum i just advertised a box of Lego on my local Facebook Marketplace. You won’t get as much as for full sets but it sold very quickly . The buyer can sort it out !

If you mean a proper sort as opposed to just tidying up then I would say do one thing at a time. Each drawer at a time, each section of wardrobe, anything in the dressing table, toys in the toy box. Sort everything out... put spare pieces to anything in a separate container and put everything you don't want in a box or bag.

It's sad that we're all accepting this is the OP's responsibility when there are other people in the house who are presumably contributing to the mess. I think they should be helping you, especially if there's another adult there. They also need to understand the mission and be on board with it, so they're not going around after you putting things down and walking off like my DH

I used Sell your Books or something like that. It was Ziffit then but think there's been a name change. They don't take all books but took a few boxes worth. Ended up getting around £50 for them and they even collected them! I'd given up all hope of sorting books because I can never just throw them out - they need a home 😆

Sure!
AI is good at this sort of thing because it takes all the emotion out of the situation, and doesn't mind how small the steps are you need the task breaking down into.

The best thing to do is to have a play with it, but I have send you an initial prompt via DM that you can try out

Following as I totally understand. It’s all just so overwhelming x

Things that I find help me are:

1.Start with something easy. It doesn't matter what it is, maybe just putting any laundry in the basket, or throwing away obvious rubbish.

2.When you tidy each item, take it all the way to it's final 'home' even if that takes more time. Don't make piles of 'something' to 'put away later'. That works for some people, but if I do that the pile stays there until it re-merges with the mess!

People throwing away books: do make sure you check them on 'Sell Your books' (previously ziffit) first. You might not get much for them, but it's very little effort, and keeps books circulating. They don't take all books, but I always find there are quite a few they do buy.

Can you challenge your DS to reassemble them all, label them and then sell. Promise him half the money. Would that work? One of my friends washed all her duplo in the washing machine and passed it on to playgroup.

I second the recommendations to read or get audio books of Dana K White (A slob comes Clean) and she also is a YouTuber and has loads of videos, a brilliant podcast etc. but her books 'Decluttering at the speed of life' and 'How to manage your home without losing your mind' are brilliant. Recommend! Her philosophy is that you can declutter without making a massive mess just one step at a time.

@confusedlots For paperwork, I was in a similar situation. I got a large box and just went round the house gathering up all the bills, letters, correspondence etc and dumped it all in the box. Once it was all in one place, I went through taking everything out of their envelope. The envelopes went straight into the recycling and our the door. Then you can sort the paperwork into categories. Then you tackle a category at a time and file it away.

You can use this system for most things I find. What works best for me, is for things to only have one home. All the paper, pens, whatever can only be in one place. So you always know where to find that thing and you always know where to return it to.

As you sort, if anything is broken or unused, get rid of it. It can be hard at first, but ask yourself if you are really going to repair it or use it. The answer is usually no. Nothing is irreplaceable nowadays.

An obvious starting point is not to bring anything into the house until it's sorted

If you really do need to bring something in then something else has to go before it comes in

DD has ADHD. She didn't used to be able to 'clean your room'. She could bring all her dirty clothes downstairs. Then put all her clean clothes away. Put rubbish in the bin. Put all the books on the bookshelf.

Over time she has been able to internalise the steps to a certain extent.

Find a set of steps that work for you.

Just wasted ages on watching YouTube with Dana white.

Basically saying find your clutter style. What does tidy and clutter free look like to you? Get rid of easy wins first before focusing on the ones you have to think about.

I have ADHD and even before I started medication the podcast A Slob Comes Clean changed everything for me with this.

Just stick it on while you do some easy, predictable chore like putting away washing or cleaning the kitchen. Nothing you need to make decisions about or you'll struggle to focus on the audio.

@Lioncubhearted You can get money for books from various schemes eg World of Books

I think it's more that OP is the one here asking for help. It's all very well us telling her that her DP or DC should do it but that doesn't help if they won't. If she can start to feel control over some of it then it might help inspire her to get them to get their act together, leave, or it might even make them notice that things can be much neater and nicer.

TBH no idea about OP but for me with my ADHD, I'm one of the worst contenders in our house only 16yo DS1 is worse and he's fairly contained. The 3 and 6yo are tidier than me and the 6yo is very hyperactive!

Firstly don’t beat yourself up - the impact of ADHD diagnosed or not means we literally massively struggle with organising and keeping on top as our brains are like spaghetti junction. The fact that your home is full of child-centred interests means you’re a great mum 🤗
I hyper focus when I finally find the motivation to declutter, saying to myself that today will be the day when I finally get on top of things…then I get distracted or bored 🤦🏻‍♀️ shelve it for a brain break, probably leave the house with the intention of carrying on when I get home and then the thought of attacking it again overwhelms me and it sits winking at me in piles for days , months even .
The thing to do is not aim for perfection.. passable will do just fine . Chuck everything into big boxes and take one and go through it when you have half an hour - be a bit ruthless.
I like elastic bands😂 - for paperwork, cards , crap to sort out
Just sorted my make up bag - so proud of it .. for the moment ! Good luck xx

It's also tempting to think, when you are overwhelmed, that nothing you do makes any difference and therefore everything you attempt is pointless.
It's not true.
As Dana says, at some point you do need to do "something". It might only be 5 mins of "something" but that is better than nothing. Thinking and reframing is good of course, positivity, focus etc but nothing beats action! Your brain feels better for action. Any action in the right direction.

Keep congratulating yourself for any action, however small. Even a moved coffee cup or an emptied bin.

One little thing I do is once I got all the shredding done I bought a redacting roller. So any post I get if it’s not needed I blank out any information I don’t want people to see and put it in the recycling. It’s now not a job as there is no build up

Love it 🥰

If you've got any mates you trust and love, rope them in with a bottle of wine/tea and cake/suitable beverages and snacks. Put some music on. Bin/recycle/donate each room at a time. Get a takeaway to reward you all.
I was like you once and in the end had to get over the embarrassment and ask for help. I'm in a much better place now although I do notice when my mental health is not great things build up again.
I have a good routine now, always do the washing up while I'm making a cuppa in the morning and when I'm making dinner, (so only saucepans and plates to do after). Hoover comes out once or twice a week (no pets here) and washing gets folded up into piles for all of us every day and (mostly) put away. I put my washing on my bed so I can't get into bed until it's put away. If stuff needs to go upstairs it is put on the stairs and whoever it belongs to takes it up to their room, and vice versa.

Good luck. You'll feel so much better when you've done small bits and that will encourage you to keep going!

I also have ADHD and have really had to train myself into being tidy. I was terrible years ago. My family don't understand it at all which added to the shame/embarrassment.

i also divorced my husband which was an enormous help

I have just spent a whole week on the paperwork in dribs and drabs.
Got myself some coloured folders and marker pens as stuff was in different places.
It is now fully done and finally in my mid 50’s I have decided a system. My OH has his own small business which I do admin for, so I had to sort that as well.
The rest of the house looks like a bomb site but it’s a good start.
And I got rid of so much stuff.

I'm a disaster and can't sort the upstairs of my house which has gone feral but doing some tidying after I come in the house before I sit down helps and I keep my shoes on so it feels like I am am still active and not in relaxed mode. Listening to a podcast has been helping me as I feel detached from the the cleaning and not as focused on it.

I have ADHD. Get a professional organiser! This person is a friend of mine and has a website Declutter and Flourish. There's also the free Clutter Bug podcast but honestly an organiser is great. I've learned so much by osmosis!

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/kitchen-decluttering-tips-tricks-b2728019.html