How lenient to be about behaviour of a teen revising for GCSEs

[Chocguzel]

How forgiving are you of behaviour when your teen is working hard and stressed by exams?

My 16 year old is studying hard - 6 hours every day of the holidays. Clearly they are stressed and not having a lot of fun although they are meeting friends about every third evening so it’s not like they are having no fun.

At home they are argumentative about everything which isn’t like them. They literally shout about everything and take contrary positions on even simple conversations like what to have for dinner or watch on tv. They constantly pick fights with their siblings which is slightly more like them but is driving me crazy. When asked to help with the tiniest task, like stacking the dishwasher after a meal, they say “I’m bloody revising” and stomp upstairs. Everyday they run up debt to us by buying snacks, meeting friends to study in coffee shops etc, and if we threaten to stop covering the costs they cry and shout that they are revising and we should be supportive.

Ops on how lenient to be about abrasive behaviour right now? If it wasn’t GCSEs I would be pretty furious about this behaviour.

My niece is due to take GCSEs this summer, she's doing 11, studying 5-6 hours through Easter holidays....and managed to find the time to cook a meal for us, had gone away overnight to her aunties by the seaside (took her revision with her), been to cinema, swimming, gym ... And SHOCK HORROR, has to... Omg...she has to... Empty the morning dishwasher, hang washing out each day, and change all the bedding once a week.

(The other child has to do dishwasher loading and after dinner and set it to go just before bed, get washing in and do the hoovering upstairs once a week)

She's got plenty of time to do this, and doesn't shout at her parents and get mardy.

I’m going to ring her headteacher at once! 😂

We don't have a dishwasher.......he's gonna fail isn't he.

@TropicofCapricorn

In my view (and I suspect most others'), it is cruel and ludicrous to expect students sitting their GCSEs to be stripping and changing everyone’s beds.

The niece would be perfectly entitled to tell her parents to shove it for these few weeks!

Teenagers act awfully when they feel awful. Now is not the time to be having a go I feel.

Agree 6 hours is too much and I’d be worried about how this stress is coming out in their behaviour. Clearly they are well behaved, focused and work hard.

Instead of focusing on whether they’ve unloaded the dishwasher I’d be talking about how to revise effectively in a shorter time frame and how to reduce stress levels and look after themselves.

Our school is recommending 3-4 hours max in short 20-30 minute bursts.

My role is to basically provide a lot of food and support emotionally. No pressure.

She sounds dreamy.

Unfortunately some posters come here because they are struggling and wanting to know what to focus on, what to tackle as a priority etc.

For me the priority in op’s case would be to try to gauge how much work is really going on.

Completely agree with this. It’s not about the dishwasher and it’s not a hill I’d be willing to die on. If they pull their weight the rest of the time then I’d be focusing on how to get stress levels down. Clearly something is wrong and they are stressed.

Teens mental health is more important. They are all under a lot more pressure these days.

Same.

I doubt there's actually 6 solid hours.

Ha ha it takes 20 minutes on a Saturday morning.

She's absolutely fine, she managed to do this for around 5 years... Whilst going to school, activities, homework, socialising etc.

She's not being sent down the mines 30 hours a day...

If YOUR child can't manage a small household task around their revision, then that's your fault for not equipping then with resilience and time management skills... They aren't studying 18 hours a day, the OP kid is only doing 6. And as I said before that's fat less time than she was spending on school work than 3 weeks ago, and presumably working just as hard.

It's absurd to suggest they don't have to do a single thing for the weeks from now until mid June... It increases the stress and pressure in them to solely focus on revision.

Six hours a day during the school hols is fine. Studying in coffee shops and libraries is fine.

I'm hoping that they are being given an allowance/finance by you because don't have a job during revision time. If so that's as it should be.

Re chores - not during revision. The main purpose of chores is to learn to look after yourself, that can happen when exams are over

People who experience no stress during run up to exams ???? Never heard of those

But they can very easily do a 10 minute simple daily job around the revision.

It's really not expecting too much of them.

They 16 ... They can go and join the bloody army, they're not babies and six hours revision is less time than they would have spent before their revision/.study leave... god even my 6 year old does jobs. She has to put the dinner plates in the dishwasher and make her bed, and put her clothes away.

I wouldn’t be focused on ‘ooh are they doing 6 hours or not’. So what if it’s actually 4 or 3…

The dishwasher - It’s not a battle I’d be focusing on right now. But we all parent differently.

I’ve got one of these, I’d actually like her to have some stress, not loads, but just enough to move off complacent/I’ll be fine anyway level

Everyone experiences different levels of stress. And everyone copes in different ways. I’d be mindful of making sure my teen was coping with the inevitable stress rather than spiralling.

I would never ask a 6 year old to do stuff like that

To be frank @TropicofCapricorn what your 6 year old does is really here nor there.

We have already established that chores are the absolute top priority in your house. It certainly isn't in mine, nor I suspect most others.

Chores are purely a means to an end for me. I don't think there is any particular moral virtue attached to them as you seem to believe, nor do I think DC are going to become slovenly wasters if they are allowed to focus on their revision rather than changing beds during GCSEs.

I would take a very dim view of any parent expecting their DC to change beds for the whole house during GCSEs (as I suspect most others would). I'd be having strong words if a family member was doing it. My DM would be absolutely fuming if any of her DGCs were having to do that!

I think quite a few of us would take a dim view of those who allow their children to act like they own the place.

@mummytoonetryingfortwo

Yes, because of course any DC who isn't changing everyone's beds from age 4 (even on the night before GCSE maths) will think they own the place 😂

It’s basic respect for yourself and your surroundings.

Who said changing beds for the whole house?? I assumed people meant that the teens were being asked to still change their own beds? Not everyone else’s.

@Pricelessadvice

@TropicofCapricorn has posted that her niece has to strip and change beds for the whole household every week during her GCSEs, as well as emptying the dishwasher and hanging out washing every day.

AND THAT IS FINE!!! Are you a teenager? Because you’re overly bothered by normal things.

@mummytoonetryingfortwo

That level of chores is far from normal for teenagers sitting GCSEs. I have never met a parent who would be so obsessed with chores being done during this period.

Every parent I have known has put a stop to all of this to allow their DCs to focus on revision and relaxation, as instructed by schools.

Seemingly it’s only the school you attend that mandates that.