How lenient to be about behaviour of a teen revising for GCSEs

[Chocguzel]

How forgiving are you of behaviour when your teen is working hard and stressed by exams?

My 16 year old is studying hard - 6 hours every day of the holidays. Clearly they are stressed and not having a lot of fun although they are meeting friends about every third evening so it’s not like they are having no fun.

At home they are argumentative about everything which isn’t like them. They literally shout about everything and take contrary positions on even simple conversations like what to have for dinner or watch on tv. They constantly pick fights with their siblings which is slightly more like them but is driving me crazy. When asked to help with the tiniest task, like stacking the dishwasher after a meal, they say “I’m bloody revising” and stomp upstairs. Everyday they run up debt to us by buying snacks, meeting friends to study in coffee shops etc, and if we threaten to stop covering the costs they cry and shout that they are revising and we should be supportive.

Ops on how lenient to be about abrasive behaviour right now? If it wasn’t GCSEs I would be pretty furious about this behaviour.

Because you have children thinking they have to study 6 hours a Day and are getting super stressed and can't cope with being asked to do a simple task... Then there's something wrong.

The child needs to do the dishwasher and understand that GCSE revision whilst important isn't the only thing they should be doing.

No. It's not HARD to spend 10 minutes emptying a dishwasher. They're being a fucking lazy entitled shite. It's not suffering to spend a few minutes doing basic household task.

No matter how much revision they're doing, they can't be opting out of simple tasks, yet happily fucking off to coffee shops with her mates to "revise". She's clearly fit time to travel to the coffee shop and back around the "6 hours" so. She has time to empty the dishwasher.

She's doing less hours working than during term time, so there's really no reason for he to be such a dickhead about it all.

You can't have it both ways.

To be honest you’re sounding resentful.

They don’t. They sound like someone who sees this for how insane it all is. You’re saying your child is working so much they don’t have ten minutes spare?

No, just astounded at the fact that people are saying that this child shouldn't have to spend 10 minutes doing the dishwasher because the poor wee bairn is working soooooooo hard. When. They have plenty of time and can easily do this small, simple, quick task.

I'll bet they'd miraculously find the time and not be stressed out if they were asked if they'd like to tag along with Mum to Starbucks after she needed to drop something at the post office... or if Dad offered to take them out for lunch after going to the tip and helping him put stuff in the skips.

@SeaSwim5 ,

‘4.5 hours is not enough for the few weeks before GCSEs.

There is no fetishisation of GCSEs. The fact is that for this 2/3 month period, DC should be focusing on their revision and relaxation.

They have a whole summer ahead to scrub the kitchen or whatever else parents expect.’

Let me assure you, as an ex teacher with a decade of experience, and a senior sixth form tutor, 4.5 hours of efficient work per day is plenty. Much more is overkill. Don’t forget, they will be getting revision lessons in school too.

To be honest I did way less than that personally and got straight As including 4 A levels (old time grades). But it does vary from person to person. There is a limit as to how much memory you can lay down in a day anyway.

I am not saying GCSEs don’t matter, as they do, but for most high performing pupils, they matter far less than A levels.

It is no wonder you get entitled teens with your attitude. Why should parents do all the housework and teens zero? What is the message they will take from that, other than that their parents are their servants? Cut them a little slack, sure, but loading a dishwasher or laying the table aren’t jobs, they are just about being a member of the family.

It is excessive. If a child has been pulling their weight throughout their GCSE years, there’s absolutely no need for them to spend 6 hours a day studying over the Easter Break. If it’s necessary to put that amount of work in at this stage then it’s a problem.
Absolutely none of my peers, nor I, spent 6 hours a day revising. And all of us left with 8 or more GCSEs at a grade B or above. All of us in successful careers. This idea that teenagers need to be a slave to studying is ridiculous.
I managed to get one teen through 10 GCSES with excellent grades without chaining her to a desk to study, and I’ve no reason to suspect that my son who has consistently been top set in all subjects, will be any different.

Thus is a thread about op’s child, who apparently is working hard.

Of course they have ten minutes but it’s about which battles to pitch at an atypical juncture.

I do agree that it’s strange it has become a battle and my instinct is there is something else stressing them besides 6 hours of study per se and a dishwasher.

@TropicofCapricorn

What a bizarre view. Yes, DC do need to spend 6 hours (or more) on revision if they want to get top grades.

Why you think doing chores should be a higher priority and absolutely need to be done during these few months, I really have no idea.

Yes, you managed to study in difficult circumstances. However, that should not be the expectation for 16 year old GCSE students.

No, I would not want DH taking them to the dump when they should be revising either.

The child needs to grow up a little.

@BelfastBard

So you got '8Bs and above' under the previous, easier system?

DC could kiss goodbye to many competitive courses and even sixth form places with those grades now.

Especially as they actually have more spare time than they did 3 weeks ago...

I think you should listen to yourself and realise that denigrating others won’t make the point you think it does.

Well, luckily, A-levels are the only choices oist GCSE...

Perhaps there is. I suspect there's been some shoddy work up to now and they're panicking and cramming. As I said much much earlier, I'd be asking the child to show me what they're doing in the six hours. See if it's actually productive, actually 6 hours study.. etc

Obviously up to you but there would be no skiving of chores here. They need to learn how to balance life not that everything stops for them because of an exam. When they get I to the real world they'll have to manage both.

I think op needs to have that conversation too.

I'm saying that they need to study AND live a normal life.

It really isn't asking much if them to empty a flipping dishwasher. People seem to be thinking they're being sent down the mines 12 hours a day. Literally spending 10 minutes doing normal tasks....

It's really weird to think that you think they should ONLY be revising and doing absolutely nothing else at all.

As for the tip run/post office/whatever... I mean, of course as well as their "6 hours" of studying. I'll bet £50 they'll miraculously be able to find the time to help for 10 minutes and then attend the lunch, and perhaps do 3 hours in the morning, break for 2 hours for tip and lunch and do another 3 later on.

It's not like she's studying 12 hours a day, is it? Plus she actually has more time available to her than 3 weeks ago... And presumably she was working "just as hard" at school AND with her homework and revision...so if she could empty the dishwasher 3 weeks ago, she can empty it today.

@mummytoonetryingfortwo

Sorry, but it is a fact whether it is convenient or not.

8Bs (so effectively 8 6s under the current system) would not get you into a sixth form here now, never mind a competitive university course.

Even if they found a place, a 6 at GCSE is equivalent to a C or D at A level, so the majority of uni courses will be off limits.

GCSE courses are much harder than they were and there are also tougher requirements to get into sixth form/university. So DC need to be studying hard, not wasting their time dishwashing.

And what is the use in the comparison? They can’t go back to school and sit under the new system. They worked hard and got top grades.

You sound genuinely nasty.

Not 8Bs . 8 GCSES at a grade B and above. In my case, one B (in French), and the rest As and A*. Oddly, I haven’t memorised the exact GCSE grades of everyone I went to school with. Those marks then (as they would now) were more than enough to ensure I had access to any route of further study I wanted.
Most young people here simply take their A Levels at the school they sit their GCSEs at. It’s unusual for them to move unless their school doesn’t offer specific A level subject they want. DS currently taking triple science and further maths, among others, and on track for excellent marks. I’ve no reason to suspect anything drastic is likely to change that. Or any reason to believe he won’t get into the university of his choosing.
I don’t know what age your children are, and you are of course free to parent them in whatever way you see fit. But having been through it once already with DD, and currently going through it now with DS, I’m more than happy to stand by my assertion that 6 hours is excessive. And that no young person in our social circle did anywhere near that.

But, she has more time than she did 3 weeks ago, when she was going to school AND doing homework AND revising ... And naturally she was studying just as hard then ... So why was she EVER expected to do the dishwasher if actually she was probably spending 8-9 hours a day studying?

It's literally nonsense, and makes no sense to suggest that she hasn't got time ,or is working too hard or any of those bizarre rationales that PPs are suggesting to justify why she shouldn't have to do a basic, quick household tasks that she was perfectly capable of doing 3 weeks ago with less time ...

Thank goodness for some sense. Another fellow ex-teacher here from a very high achieving school and the nonsense people are coming out with on this thread is insane.

I also went to a grammar school myself, one regularly in the top performing schools in the country and our headteacher would never have dared threaten to ring parents if kids were made to do household chores during exam time- what utter lunacy!

There are so many disrespectful and rude teenagers out there because they are shielded from the real world and treated like little lords and ladies of the manor! A child revising for their GCSE’s can spend 10 minutes putting some dishes away, or laying the table. They aren’t being asked to clean a house from top to bottom for goodness sake.

I also feel compelled to add, that in DPs family, his sister was the only one to leave school with poor GCSES, and the only one of the siblings not to attend university. She’s now earning more than any of her siblings. There’s more than one way to skin a cat in this world, and whilst, admittedly, she worked damn hard to get to where she is, the idea that A Levels and a degree are the only route to success and financial stability is just not accurate.

@Pricelessadvice

Ime the disrespectful teens are not the ones studying hard for their GCSEs!

I'm sure there's a strong correlation between those who put in the hours to get top grades and those who are polite and confident.