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Original poster

Funniest reason you got "the ick"...

716 replies

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 17:41

A fair few years ago, I was with a really hot bloke from the Netherlands. Tall, dark haired and really good looking. He was also nicely endowed in more intimate areas.

We'd had sex a couple of times and were just learning what we both liked etc. Third occasion is in full swing, and he's on top. He pauses for a minute, and let's out a really loud fart which ordinarily wouldn't be an issue because they're funny. It was really nasty and we had to stop so I could open a window. Fortunately we weren't being loud.

We're getting back into things and I can tell he's getting close but he starts moaning really loudly because he's ALSO farting really loudly and is trying to hide it by moaning like a porn star, and then there's the fact that he can't hide the smell, and it hits me again and the over performative moaning/the actual farting, and the fact that the entire street must have heard him, meant I just couldn't do anything but laugh and gag.

Neither one of us finished and he was mortified. I couldn't stop giggling. It made him sulk. I couldn't help it.

Unfortunately, any sexual attraction I had, completely evaporated. Fortunately, his flight home was the next morning and I didn't have to spend days with him. We never met up again.

OP posts:
Sulu17 · 09/04/2025 10:28

What did you say when you saw it @Bobbie1976 😁

Bobbie1976 · 09/04/2025 10:30

Sulu17 · 09/04/2025 10:28

What did you say when you saw it @Bobbie1976 😁

I mean it is lovely but I didn't really need to hear what others thought. He also ran me through previous partners performance while we were in bed.

Poppymeldrum · 09/04/2025 10:51

One bloke who I'd been seeing for a few dates

Finally went to bed with him,getting a bit steamy,when he asked if he could use a vibe on me

Before I could answer,he whipped out the biggest vibe I've ever seen from under the bed

This thing must have been a foot long,flesh coloured,veins running along it,smelt funny (really strongly of old sex) and made my eyes water just looking at it

He looked me dead in the eye and told me it belonged to his ex wife,but it was OK because 'ill wipe it down first'

I couldn't get out of bed fast enough and he got funny (nasty) with me for not wanting to use a second hand toy!

I've never seen one like it before or after

Dumped-he stalked me for about a month until the police had a word with him

Bobbie1976 · 09/04/2025 10:55

Poppymeldrum · 09/04/2025 10:51

One bloke who I'd been seeing for a few dates

Finally went to bed with him,getting a bit steamy,when he asked if he could use a vibe on me

Before I could answer,he whipped out the biggest vibe I've ever seen from under the bed

This thing must have been a foot long,flesh coloured,veins running along it,smelt funny (really strongly of old sex) and made my eyes water just looking at it

He looked me dead in the eye and told me it belonged to his ex wife,but it was OK because 'ill wipe it down first'

I couldn't get out of bed fast enough and he got funny (nasty) with me for not wanting to use a second hand toy!

I've never seen one like it before or after

Dumped-he stalked me for about a month until the police had a word with him

Oh my God!

Question285 · 09/04/2025 10:58

Love this thread 😄

Some of these remind me of an ex. Lots of icks built up in the 3 years until I got the courage to dump him (to my defense, I was young - late teens, early twenties - and it was my first proper relationship).

  • sweaty sex. It got to the point where I wouldn’t dtd unless I knew I could shower afterwards. The worst was once when he was on top and sweat started dripping from the tip of his nose onto my face. 🤢
  • had a big dick and no clue how to use it. Always tried to have sex like he was in a porn film. Didn’t care I wasn’t enjoying it.
  • when he wanted oral he would ask if I ‘want to kiss him’ (him being his penis)
  • He used to get man crushes on guys he met at work or socially. Then he’d talk about them relentlessly and try to emulate their behaviour and way of speaking.
  • His pet name for me was ‘little one’ 😬 No idea why, we’re both average height.
AnotherNaCha · 09/04/2025 10:58

Bobbie1976 · 09/04/2025 10:27

I also had a man who told me that every woman he'd been with said he had the nicest penis they'd ever seen and asked me what I thought.

And… what was your conclusion?

Bobbie1976 · 09/04/2025 11:02

AnotherNaCha · 09/04/2025 10:58

And… what was your conclusion?

Show quote history

Well I was crazy about him, but I did think it was lovely. But is it normal to tell me what the other women thought?!

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 09/04/2025 11:10

Another one I just remembered....

Things getting a little frisky and I had to put the brakes on. 'Sorry its that time of the month'
So he says to me "Its ok, we will just do it like I did last month where I pulled your tampon out by its string with my teeth'

Um firstly. No you wont be doing that!
And secondly ... That was clearly someone else! Not me!

Very quickly dumped.

Bobbie1976 · 09/04/2025 11:14

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 09/04/2025 11:10

Another one I just remembered....

Things getting a little frisky and I had to put the brakes on. 'Sorry its that time of the month'
So he says to me "Its ok, we will just do it like I did last month where I pulled your tampon out by its string with my teeth'

Um firstly. No you wont be doing that!
And secondly ... That was clearly someone else! Not me!

Very quickly dumped.

Edited

No.... oh dear God!

Original poster
singlewhitetrashheap · 09/04/2025 11:47

Bobbie1976 · 09/04/2025 10:27

I also had a man who told me that every woman he'd been with said he had the nicest penis they'd ever seen and asked me what I thought.

Did you tell him it was too small? 😏

OP posts:
Original poster
singlewhitetrashheap · 09/04/2025 11:48

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 09/04/2025 11:10

Another one I just remembered....

Things getting a little frisky and I had to put the brakes on. 'Sorry its that time of the month'
So he says to me "Its ok, we will just do it like I did last month where I pulled your tampon out by its string with my teeth'

Um firstly. No you wont be doing that!
And secondly ... That was clearly someone else! Not me!

Very quickly dumped.

Edited

Why are men such horribly unsexy creatures? 🤢

OP posts:
ThxForTheFish · 09/04/2025 11:50

Zov · 09/04/2025 10:03

Does he have a dressing gown of doom? And does he walk along with the slipper shuffle of sadness? Dry sniffing, and weak coughing? 😆

Mine doesn't do 20 odd sneezes thankfully, but he does do 1 to 3 MASSIVE loud sneezes. It always seem to be men who do the massive performative sneezes, it has to be said!

I think why women get annoyed with men when they're ill, is because they're so whiny and moany and babyish and want to be looked after like a child, and whatever they have is always soooooo much worse than when you have it.

And they hardly ever move from their chair, and expect to be waited on hand and foot. Whereas women will get on with things. (Mainly because they have to...) 😬

Edited
Show quote history

Haha no dressing gown of doom but he dresses like a teenager wearing all their clothes to avoid a Ryanair luggage charge.

”performative sneezing” 😂 it’s funny because it’s true!

BumbleBeegu · 09/04/2025 11:51

@typhonthere’s an old Jasper Carrott skit where he’s talking about toilet rolls..and he ends it by saying, in his wonderful Brummy accent, “Yeah, toilet paper…(long pause)…I’ve eaten rolls of the stuff!’

As a 17 year old, sitting watching this on Saturday night telly next to my mum and dad, it was mortifying! But bloody funny 🤣 (My mum whacking my dad with a newspaper whilst he laughed uncontrollably 🤣😳🤣).

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 09/04/2025 11:53

singlewhitetrashheap · 09/04/2025 11:48

Why are men such horribly unsexy creatures? 🤢

Show quote history

What i find strange is that they they clearly feel like they are being VERY sexy creatures in their most horrible unsexy moments.

Lindolander · 09/04/2025 11:55

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 09/04/2025 11:10

Another one I just remembered....

Things getting a little frisky and I had to put the brakes on. 'Sorry its that time of the month'
So he says to me "Its ok, we will just do it like I did last month where I pulled your tampon out by its string with my teeth'

Um firstly. No you wont be doing that!
And secondly ... That was clearly someone else! Not me!

Very quickly dumped.

Edited

That happened in Sally 4ever and I felt sick!

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 09/04/2025 11:57

Lindolander · 09/04/2025 11:55

That happened in Sally 4ever and I felt sick!

Show quote history

Havent watched it and this was in 2007 so he wouldnt have either. Men can be so gross.

One of the things I love the most about my husband is his acute awareness of things that creep each other out.

sammylady37 · 09/04/2025 12:00

Oh god
I’ve just remembered the guy who called my clit my ‘love-pimple’ and talked about our respective genitalia as ‘he’ and ‘she’… eg ‘he loves it when she squeezes him like that’

Lindolander · 09/04/2025 12:04

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 09/04/2025 11:57

Havent watched it and this was in 2007 so he wouldnt have either. Men can be so gross.

One of the things I love the most about my husband is his acute awareness of things that creep each other out.

Show quote history

And that is something that would creep anybody out!
When I saw it on Sally 4ever I thought surely nobody would ever dream of doing that, but looks like I was wrong 😂

Lindolander · 09/04/2025 12:07

@KnitFastDieWarm my friend slow-danced with a good looking man in a club then went off him when he whispered I'd love to slip you a length
😂😂😂😂

Question285 · 09/04/2025 12:46

We were at a social event and someone asked if we were siblings because we looked alike. We really didn’t (different hair colour and texture, different eyes, build, and facial features). My ex was beaming. When I said later that it was a strange comment from that person, he tried to convince me we did indeed look alike, as if it was some relationship goal. Then got upset when I continued to disagree.

I found it strange that he wanted us to pass for siblings, really gave me the ick.

Original poster
singlewhitetrashheap · 09/04/2025 12:55

Question285 · 09/04/2025 12:46

We were at a social event and someone asked if we were siblings because we looked alike. We really didn’t (different hair colour and texture, different eyes, build, and facial features). My ex was beaming. When I said later that it was a strange comment from that person, he tried to convince me we did indeed look alike, as if it was some relationship goal. Then got upset when I continued to disagree.

I found it strange that he wanted us to pass for siblings, really gave me the ick.

We definitely need an ick reaction.

OP posts:
Poppymeldrum · 09/04/2025 13:13

I once dumped a bloke I'd really liked

I lived a 5/7 minute walk from my nearest pub,he lived over an hours walk away from this pub (he never drank anywhere else,even though there was about 5 pubs a lot closer to his house)

Turns out he drank every single night and as I'm not a massive drinker,I went maybe once a week or so

He wasn't interested in going for a coffee or a walk-his while life was drinking

I was at the point of ending it anyway as we never went out on a date, it was all 'this pub or nothing' which is bad enough,when he started hammering on my door,every single night,at midnight,pissed out of his skull,just so he could have a bed to sleep in and save the walk (he refused to pay for a taxi as that would eat into his beer money) and maybe have his sexual needs met

I'd had enough of being woken up every night at midnight and told him to fuck off-some of us had work/college in the morning (depending on what say it was) and I had kids asleep-I was damned if they saw him in mums bed in the morning

He hammered on my door every single night for over a month to spite me,waking not only me up,but my kids and the familes living next door

I ended up asking to police to have a chat as it was starting to make me feel unsafe and i was reeeaaalllyyy pissed off at having to settle the kids,and they where amazing and did

He then went round the whole pub,telling anyone who would listen,how it wasn't him banging,I'd tried to get him arrested (I hadnt) and how I was begging for him to come back to me as he'd dumped me!

Every single person in the pub believed him and some had a go at me If I saw them in the street

Major ick

Catsandcannedbeans · 09/04/2025 13:27

Oh also once my ex was sick and had hot vimpto as his comfort drink/cure … reminded me of my dad way too much.

ClosetBasketCase · 09/04/2025 14:19

KnitFastDieWarm · 09/04/2025 04:39

referred to his penis as his ‘length’ as in ‘imagine me sliding my length inside you’ 🤢 i’m cringing just remembering

Was it at least a decent "length"? 😂

Bunchymcbunchface · 09/04/2025 14:27

One of them kept repeating my name during sex. I don’t like my name at the best of times, let alone moaned repeatedly during sex.

the other, porn style sex. Including spitting on me and wanting to put me in positions my body felt were not practical - then expecting me to moan like I was a porn star, whilst feeling like a spin bike!