If you are (very) comfortably off, how much financial support to you give to your DC's at university and as young adults?

[cheeseismydownfall]

I grew up in a relatively low income household. We weren't on the bones of our arse, and my parents were loving and generous with what they had, but I grew up knowing that we had very little spare money and that if I wanted something in life, I'd need to earn it myself. I had a decent part time job from the age of 14, and never had an allowance or pocket money. I received very little help from my parents at university (although this was far less of an issue than it would be now, because I had a full student loan and of course no tuition fees to pay).

Decades later, through a combination of relatively lucrative jobs and inheritance, we are extremely lucky to be financially very comfortable. Obviously I am extremely grateful for this and for the relative security it brings. It certainly isn't something I take for granted. But something I am finding tricky to navigate is how much financial support to give to our DC as they become independent. It feels wrong to watch them struggle on a shoestring student budget, missing out on things they'd enjoy because they can't afford it, knowing we could easily make them happen if we wanted to. But equally, bankrolling them for holidays and other relative luxuries doesn't seem right either.

Basically I have no idea what normal should look like in this situation because my parents simply weren't able to help, although I'm sure they would have done it they could. It would actually be really helpful to have an idea of what other parents in a similar situation have decided to pay for vs not pay for.

BTW I should say that the DC are not materialistic or grabby at all, very appreciative of gifts, family holidays etc, and all have very modest tastes. But they have absolutely no idea of what it's like being really skint in the way I was growing up.

I don’t have children but I do help my niece with groceries every month. I figure as long as she’s fed she can take care of any luxuries. I do treat her for her birthday though.

We have paid full fees and accommodation plus a basic monthly allowance to cover his food and social life. Above that, he has to find a job if he wants more. We have invited S19 to join us for our summer holiday. He doesn't know if he will yet, as he is looking for a summer job.
We decided that we would rather support and allow kids to graduate debt free than have it hanging round them for decades.

We are currently paying school fees so will just continue to pay that amount for uni. In reality that probably means we will pay her fees + she can then use maintenance loan to cover living expenses. We will top up the basics as needed but anything else she will need to get a job for.
We dont want her starting her working life in £1000s of debt.

We "matched" our son's contributions. We set him up so that he funded a third of his rent, living costs & spending money, a third was drawn down by student loans and we financed the remaining third. When he moved to a different city for his first proper job and needed to rent a flat, furnish it, etc., we did the same and matched him 50:50 ish, so we paid his flat deposit, he paid first months' rent, we bought his sofa, he bought the bed, etc etc. We also gifted him an old car that he'd learned to drive in when he was in his third year at Uni, and he took that with him to his new city workplace. We've never really wanted to "give him" everything on a plate, but nor do we want to see him struggle financially. By working part time through Uni, using a bit of his own savings, and a bit of help from us, he managed to get through Uni without using up all his savings and without taking out maximum maintenance loans. Pointless us keeping all our savings and making him wait until we die when we can help him, but nor do we want to just throw money at him as we wanted him to be careful with money, learn to budget, etc. Sadly we don't have enough spare savings to pay his tuition fees, so he'll still have a shed load of student loans!

I'm not 'very' well off, but I am comfortable/earn a reasonable salary.

I don't want to see my kids skint and the most important thing they can do right now is to achieve at uni. They both work 3 or 4 days a month, more in the holidays. Both full time students. I bought/run a car for them to share and give them a reasonable allowance every month (live at home for uni, both in different commutable cities (DC2 just gearing up to go but the principle/allowance is the same)).

Life at home is free, things like phones and haircuts are on my account and I pay for two or three family holidays a year. They pay for their own trips with friends.

In my head I've committed to helping them with rent once they leave home/are working. I'm with @taxguru on this, no point in them getting rich when I peg it, I'd rather them have the benefit of my cash when they need it/are young, they've both got a good grasp of budgeting/working/saving thankfully.

We pay for DDs tuition fees, accomodation and £350 a month and she also works. Holidays are paid by us if with us otherwise she funds from working.

I think university students and young working adults are very different. Students are basically overgrown children still very much dependent on parental support. Once they are working I would pull back and be their safety net. I might help with a house deposit if they were buying but if renting I would expect their graduate salary to cover it. I think living on a budget when starting out makes you work harder and be more ambitious in life.

My parents were well off and paid for very little. Sometimes they did a grocery shop for me, but that was about it. I basically fended for myself from 18 onwards.

Just finish paying off my student loan. It's been a slog. I think if you can afford to pay the fees, that would be a big help. But let them pay their own way for accomodation, living expenses etc.

One thing I will add here is that university loans are the lowest interest loans you can get (or something, my dad was always banging on about it) so no one should ever not take out the max loan. It's better to take out the max loan you're entitled to and stick the money in an ISA, if you're planning to pay all the fees without a loan.

Double check that, as I was at uni a while ago and rates might have changed. But my Dad was gobsmacked anyone didn't take out the max student loan, it apparently makes financial sense to do so.

We pay for our DD’s accommodation, but she has the loan for tuition and her maintenance loan for living expenses. She’s in London so accommodation is very expensive!

That's no longer the case @MsCactus , more than 7% these days.

I had a pt job at uni but parents helped pay for accommodation/fees. 6 fig cash gift for house deposit. I will do similar for dc

I think we’d be described as well off but we’re not very materialistic, we don’t have a flash car, nor do we take very fancy holidays. We have a nice home and a high income and have set up trusts for our small children. They will each have 7 figures by 18, which will fund university/travel/first step on the property ladder, what they want really. A bit of money behind you just provides a freedom to choose that I guess I didn’t have. I’m hoping we just instil the right values in the ensuing years that it won’t spoil them.

I need a conversation with DH about his expectations of what we'll be doing for oldest DC financially, as uni is 2.5 years away now and, reading between the lines, I think he might have a different idea of it to me.

DH's work situation has been a bit up and down but he earns well when he's bringing in money, and I'm finally in a job where I have a lot left at the end of the month.

I expect we'll be paying accommodation, plus maybe £100 a week expenses (depending where they end up), and I think both we and DC expect they'll earn some of their own money while studying.

It'll be pricey, but still less than the £2500 or so a month we spent when we had FT childcare costs and a mortgage (now paid off) and earned significantly less money. I have no idea how we managed it at the time.

I pay tuition fees, accommodation costs and a contribution towards maintenance. I’ll also cover unexpected expenses. I pay for holidays. Life at home is free with fuel for their cars, food, hair cuts, days out all paid for, plus I will buy eg trainers and clothes on an ad hoc basis. That said, both have a strong work ethic and are keen to get jobs in uni holidays.
When they start work they won’t be flush with cash and I’ll keep an eye on that. My parents cast me off as soon as I graduated and I remember struggling to pay my rent when first working. My mother refused to help and I’ve not really forgotten that. Of course everything worked out in the end but they were well off and it seemed they’d just washed their hands of their child!
I also plan to give the DC cash towards a house deposit each in due course.

DS had a loan for tuition fees for his BSc but we paid his accommodation and gave him a living allowance, also bought his car, taxed and insured it. He paid his living expenses, food and travel from his £75 a week allowance. For his MSc we paid the lot. It was important to us that he was not getting into huge debt when we had the funds to pay.

We paid accommodation but they took the loans, regular top ups (treat food, clothes etc.) They were able to travel and do internships on the long breaks.
I bitterly regret not paying their fees. It was the unanimous advice at the time, thanks Martin Lewis, but now they’re earning, paying ££££/ month and the loan is not decreasing its not the no brainer it seemed at the time.

We have bought them a flat each, though it’s not in their names, they can sort the rest out themselves.

This is not true! Interest is compounded daily from the very first day the course starts. Really expensive and for ever growing until you pay.
I took a £2k student loan for a course at college (as a mature student) and ended up paying over £5K, really regret not paying upfront.
if I can I will pay for uni tuition.

My parents paid all of our accommodation and living expenses, if we wanted to keep on our accommodations for summer months we had to get summer jobs but didn’t have to work during the year. I went to Uni in Ireland 25 years ago though when fees were just a few hundred quid for admin and the cost of living was a lot lower than it is today. My parents were not rich but middle class, both of them also had their University paid for by their parents and said that they expect me to pay it forward by paying for my kids education.

I think it is slightly cultural as in Ireland my friends who lived away from home either had parents who paid or qualified for grants (which were a lot more generous back then) which would at least cover rent and bills so they only needed to work a few hours a week. When I did an MA in the UK it was less common to be fully funded by your parents and most people either had loans or were mature students who had earned the fees through working before starting the course - I was a little embarrassed to tell people my parent’s paid as I got slagged a bit about it by my housemates. My partner’s parents are much wealthier than mine and he had to take out student loans and work during his undergrad though they did help him a bit with his postgrad. The repayment on his student loans is shocking though - they really piled on the interest so he ended up repaying a crazy amount more than he borrowed.

You are casually giving your kids a 7 figure sum which is a million or more each?

This is what we do. I think it’s important that they understand how much education is costing and learn value of money. DS will move home in 4th year due to costs (we are only about 45 mins from uni). He also got about £20k from CTF which he is using top up and pay for extras and holidays. He has a decent part time job too.

It was a while ago now, but I always appreciated my parents buying pallets of tins and dried goods at university. They'd only spend £50 or so (probably the equivalent of £75 these days), but they could drive me out to the big supermarket and fill the boot, which I could never have done myself.

It meant I was never short of ingredients to cook something up if I needed to budget.

This was maybe twice a year.

One DC went to uni in London.

he took out loans for fees and got the minimum loan. We topped him up to the point he could afford to live. He worked holidays.

have also given him a lump sum for his masters two years on and bought him a flat.

This used to be true and I did this and kept them in a high interest account but a few years later someone I knew lost nearly all his in an ISA (2008 crash) and after that the interest rates went up a lot so I think it's no longer a good idea