If you are (very) comfortably off, how much financial support to you give to your DC's at university and as young adults?

[cheeseismydownfall]

I grew up in a relatively low income household. We weren't on the bones of our arse, and my parents were loving and generous with what they had, but I grew up knowing that we had very little spare money and that if I wanted something in life, I'd need to earn it myself. I had a decent part time job from the age of 14, and never had an allowance or pocket money. I received very little help from my parents at university (although this was far less of an issue than it would be now, because I had a full student loan and of course no tuition fees to pay).

Decades later, through a combination of relatively lucrative jobs and inheritance, we are extremely lucky to be financially very comfortable. Obviously I am extremely grateful for this and for the relative security it brings. It certainly isn't something I take for granted. But something I am finding tricky to navigate is how much financial support to give to our DC as they become independent. It feels wrong to watch them struggle on a shoestring student budget, missing out on things they'd enjoy because they can't afford it, knowing we could easily make them happen if we wanted to. But equally, bankrolling them for holidays and other relative luxuries doesn't seem right either.

Basically I have no idea what normal should look like in this situation because my parents simply weren't able to help, although I'm sure they would have done it they could. It would actually be really helpful to have an idea of what other parents in a similar situation have decided to pay for vs not pay for.

BTW I should say that the DC are not materialistic or grabby at all, very appreciative of gifts, family holidays etc, and all have very modest tastes. But they have absolutely no idea of what it's like being really skint in the way I was growing up.

i plan to pay accommodation costs and living costs at uni. Haven’t decided on fees yet. I’ve told the kids (older teens) that I expect them to get a holiday job but not a term time job. I would also consider contributing to helping each child buy a flat when the time is right.

We decided to cover tuition and accommodation and loaned the rest, which DS will start paying us back as soon as he starts his graduate job next month. We wanted to avoid the crazy high interest rates but still give some accountability.

We paid accommodation costs and a monthly living allowance as we did not want her to have to get a job. She took the loan for the tuition fees which no doubt she is still paying off 8 years later on

now they’re earning, paying ££££/ month and the loan is not decreasing its not the no brainer it seemed at the time

100% agree with this. I had assumed Martin Lewis advice was correct but then I was made aware of a recent graduate who managed to have a decent salary and I was surprised how much was being repaid each month and the balance was going down so slowly due to high interest, that accrued from day1 of Uni.

Absolutely no longer true. The very first iteration, which I had about 30 years ago, was like this. But, you could only get a few hundred per year. Now, it is a massive accruing debt from the day you borrow.

Sure, if you never earn enough, you never repay, but what is the point of doing a degree of you don't hope to be a earning well.

We aren't very well off, but we are comfortable at the moment so we pay DDs uni accommodation costs. She uses the loan for living expenses and works 10-15 hours a week for experience and driving lessons.
All her friends also have part time jobs.

We will pay for everything ‘essential’ until they are in proper jobs. Most likely sizeable house deposits one day too.
Money has always flowed downwards in our family, my parents helped me, as did their parents for them.
There is no point inheriting big sums when you’re too old to enjoy it, you need money when you’re young! It’s also sensible inheritance tax planning, I haven’t spent all these years working hard to hand it to the government!

Yeah, we looked at his advice. And weren't going to pay. But his advice seemed to be based on an assumption that most graduates won't earn enough to repay their loans. Yet the threshold for starting repaying is really low under £30k from memory. He casually talks about it 'only' being another 9% tax if you have to repay. Another 9% on top of climbing COL, a mortgage, possibly young kids etc, is HUGE.

So you essentially end up betting against your child being successful if you can afford to finance them and choose not to.

In the end, we about turned and have fully funded. It is cheaper than the decade of school fees before!

We just did DD's student finance application.

She applied for the tuition loan and we decided that we will fund her accomodation and maintenance. The interest rate on these loans is huge and I just can't justify her having £60K debt when she graduates when we are able to pay towards her studying.

We are in the lucky position to have just paid off our mortage so all suddenly free money will be rerouted plus some savings we made.
She will most likely go abroad as well, so that will be more expensive but DH and I earn quite well and I have decent bonuses so it will be affordable.

Working while studying can be tricky, the competition is huge, they are not in their uni town from end May to mid September and then finding something for these months at home is also not that easy.

Same here. We will pay tuition fees, rent and a basic allowance for ds and dd. The rest is up to them to top up with pt jobs.

They both have inheritances from a grandparent already but to be fair to them, haven't spent any of it as we told them to leave it aside for a deposit for a first property.

Dd took out the maximum student loan and maintenance loan she was allowed as we followed Martin Lewis' advice. However, having read a few mn threads, we will now be paying it off on graduation. Although dd is likely to be a low earner (creative industries), there is no point having the deadweight of a student loan on her that compounds dizzily, never to be paid off and always being a drag on all pay rises.

So you essentially end up betting against your child being successful if you can afford to finance them and choose not to.

So true. Which parents would want to bet against their own child being a high earner if they could have afforded to pay the fees/rent to begin with. Martin Lewis be gone.

We have paid for all DD’s uni fees and living expertise so she doesn’t have to take a loan out.

We have funded the dc’s pensions and they both have investments.

We are happy to give each dc a lump sum for buying their first home.

If either dc was struggling, we’d be happy to help them out. Luckily both have a good work ethic.

My parents did this for my sister and I, and I intend to do the same for my kids.
I want them to graduate free of debt, so they can start their working life with a clean slate (it will be hard enough to manage with a low starting salary). And I would also want them to be focused on their studies, and not have these overshadowed by hours of barista shifts or whatever.
Their allowance for discretionary stuff would be fairly low though, so I would expect them to be frugal - and also possibly do a bit of work in the holidays, to bulk up the allowance or at least contribute to any far flung travel.

I don’t think it makes people grow up spoiled. I actually didn’t have a defined allowance, my parents had given me a bank card I could just use as and when. But I was incredibly careful with money, as I knew my parents had worked hard for it and were very careful (my mum in particular had grown up very poor). So I really treated it as if it was my own - and I am very conscious (my DH and DC would say too conscious!) about the value of money.

i am not paying tuition fees and they also have minimal loans. I want them to invest in their education and that comes at a cost. However I pay all accommodation fees, top up the loan and run a car for them. They will each have a 6 figure house deposit too

We pay tuition, accommodation and all living costs. Planning to give both children money for a flat- enough for a small starter flat in London.

We paid for all costs - accommodation, tuition fees and living costs . Two kids both did a degree and then a masters . We paid for phones and they came on holiday with us . Both had part time jobs for spending money so did know some value of money despite being extremely privileged. We could afford it and wanted them to start out without any debt so seemed the right thing to do .

I was thinking about this the other day. My parents’ income fluctuated wildly - when we were small they were on the breadline. When I was a teenager my dad had a lucky break at work and became very wealthy. I now have teenagers/ young adults and was reflecting that in my 50s I now really appreciate how my dad handled this. Having come from a poor background himself he really appreciated the value of money. At uni for example he gave us about 10% more than people on a full grant received. So, generous but not excessive. At various points in our lives he helped out eg with house deposits, but always in a way where the value of the gift was impressed on us. I sometimes found this uncomfortable when I was younger as it felt like ‘strings attached’, but now I think he was trying not to spoil us.

I am much less wealthy than my parents and feel my own kids (now at uni) have a balanced relationship with money. It is important to me to help where I can and I do struggle sometimes comparing what I can give with what my parents did .

Basically in answer to your question - my parents who were wealthy were generous but didn’t give handouts without carefully thought out rationale, and gave us less than they could potentially have afforded. I think if there is wealth in the family it’s important to nurture financial responsibility in your children. Being honest I think it probably took me longer than it should have to realise I was fully responsible for my own costs, and any more handouts would definitely have made this worse.

I know people are concentrating on university costs (because you asked) but can you also afford to buy them a small property outright?

Because the best approach will depend on the child.

If they are likely to have a well paid career and want to live somewhere expensive then I would fund uni so they had no loan to repay and give a house deposit. They are likely to have a higher monthly income to cover mortgage costs.

If they are likely to be an average earner and live in a cheap part of the country, I would lean more towards them getting a student loan and then putting much more towards a house.

I say this as a graduate earning just over median wage as a single parent. I own my house outright and that puts me in a very comfortable financial position even though I have to pay £100 a month toward my student loan.

If you could fund both then that would be even better, but just worth considering.

Amazing that you can help your kids. I had no help my family were poverty stricken cant help but wonder how a little help could have changed my life back then. I darent go to uni no funds to help one bit with anything even the basics of having enough clothes and toiletries was a struggle. Why not help your children if you can.

As long as I am able I’ll be paying tuition and room and board for uni. Will also have a deposit to help get them into their first home.

I am strongly against them starting out with debt after education, especially as they, nor I, chose to live in the US with ridiculous student loan costs

One is in their final year and one is about to go. Obviously what we have done for one we will be doing for dc2 and then 3 if they also want to go.
dc1 has taken the tuition loan, we pay full rent, they live off the maintenance loan plus a bit of a top up from us at the start of each term, they work when at home to pay for any extras.
we bought driving lessons and cars for each, insure and MOT them and pay for repairs. They pay their own petrol. We pay phone bills. We pay for 3 holidays a year for them still if they decide to come with us.
We are not mega wealthy but comfortable and can afford to do all these things. My parents paid for fuck all for me and I vowed to do better for my own kids.
They both have a strong work ethic.
We have discussed with them about the things we pay for and for how long we will continue to do this (obviously we won’t still be paying for their phones etc when they’re 30!) and they may not need a car when they move elsewhere but we’ve given them the tools to be able to do it and the freedom is such a good gift.

My kids are still teeny tiny, but my parents fully supported me until I was 23 (post Masters) and got my first job. So, everything, fees, rent, living allowance, etc. DH had the same, as did most people we know.

We have parents who could easily afford it and have become parents who will easily afford it for our kids. I’m not really a believer in making kids who are studying work when it’s not necessary.

We'll be aiming to ensure ours leave uni debt free and will get them on the housing ladder at some point. They also each have pensions built up since they were babies. They should then be in a position to use their earnings to build their own savings to do the same thing for any children they decide to have; there will be negligible inheritance because it'll have been given away in lifetimes.

3 kids all 1 year apart school wise.
paid it all from our wages with the occasional loan (in our name). gave them 75 per week for food and expenses each.
they all graduated with zero debt. we paid similar for their first year out of uni as only one found a job quickly. also gave the eldest a vehicle (an old one) and the youngest we bought a vehicle upon graduation, presented it to him, and paid all the bills until he could take them over (6 months).

We topped up their student loans so they didn’t struggle, but they didn’t take advantage and both worked during the holidays to save for their holidays they wanted to take with their friends.
We paid for them to go on holiday with us if they wanted to come.
The one has had a 10% house deposit and the other one got the equivalent which he’s invested as he won’t be ready to buy for a while.

I think it’s fine to help them out but not so much that they don’t make the effort themselves to earn/save.