If you are (very) comfortably off, how much financial support to you give to your DC's at university and as young adults?

[cheeseismydownfall]

I grew up in a relatively low income household. We weren't on the bones of our arse, and my parents were loving and generous with what they had, but I grew up knowing that we had very little spare money and that if I wanted something in life, I'd need to earn it myself. I had a decent part time job from the age of 14, and never had an allowance or pocket money. I received very little help from my parents at university (although this was far less of an issue than it would be now, because I had a full student loan and of course no tuition fees to pay).

Decades later, through a combination of relatively lucrative jobs and inheritance, we are extremely lucky to be financially very comfortable. Obviously I am extremely grateful for this and for the relative security it brings. It certainly isn't something I take for granted. But something I am finding tricky to navigate is how much financial support to give to our DC as they become independent. It feels wrong to watch them struggle on a shoestring student budget, missing out on things they'd enjoy because they can't afford it, knowing we could easily make them happen if we wanted to. But equally, bankrolling them for holidays and other relative luxuries doesn't seem right either.

Basically I have no idea what normal should look like in this situation because my parents simply weren't able to help, although I'm sure they would have done it they could. It would actually be really helpful to have an idea of what other parents in a similar situation have decided to pay for vs not pay for.

BTW I should say that the DC are not materialistic or grabby at all, very appreciative of gifts, family holidays etc, and all have very modest tastes. But they have absolutely no idea of what it's like being really skint in the way I was growing up.

This thread is terrifying

They’ll each have 7 figures by 18yrs old? £1,000,000 - a million? Thats impressive!

My parents paid tuition/accommodation/pocket money..I was 23/24 when I got my first job. As soon as I was working all the funding stopped (and rightfully so). Very grateful to them cos it meant the focus was on studying. The sacrifices they made meant no loans to pay back. Eternally grateful for this.

We paid accommodation costs, tuition and a weekly allowance whilst they were at uni. We still pay for a holiday about once a year if they want to come. They are early 20s now. I wouldn't say they are materialist or expecting of it, if they were I wouldn't offer.

4 kids, 27 to 18. Have paid all fees all rent and allowance for living expenses through uni so they graduate debt free. Also pay for years /semester s abroad and additional course-related training or travel. They basically leave uni with no debt. Quid pro quo is that when they get a job post uni they know they are expected to be self sufficient, and that includes NOT living at home! Has worked with 2 kids so far, although second one is going back to do a masters. We have agreed to pay his fees (£20k) but he will pay us back when he is back in the workforce afterwards. He will stay in our flat in London so no rent. We will give him a living allowance which is not repayable but he will top it up by working. Eldest hasn’t taken a penny since she graduated and has bought her own flat in London.
If they come on holiday with us we pay but they fund their own travel otherwise. All have had holiday and/or weekend jobs since about 16 or 17.

Not very, but comfortably off. We paid rent and subsidised food shops.

Any of this helpful @cheeseismydownfall ?

I think helping them get a decent education will always be appreciated and if you can afford the fees and accom (which are hefty) you’ll be doing them a huge favour. They can still get part time jobs for spending money (and something to put on a cv). Helping them out does not necessarily equate to them becoming spoiled brats.

We were going to pay all his accommodation and give an allowance, he would have been entitled to min loan only. He is on a Degree apprenticeship and living at home, so no tuition fees, no debt and earning 34/35k PA, in his final year. He had already worked from 13 doing a paper round and then in a pub in sixth form and for a freight company for 18 months before starting so had saved quite a bit. So we haven’t had to give him anything and as long as he graduates he is guaranteed a job.

Our daughter chose not to go to Uni, but moved away at a fairly young age for a job with good prospects. We paid the deposit on her flat and her monthly rent. We bought her her first car.

Later on we paid for her wedding and gave them 50% of their house purchase. Recently since they have had young children we have matched this amount with a further tranche of money.

We are comfortable rather than wealthy - the funding for our child has come from savings, an inheritance from my parents and profit on our recent property move, as we moved to a much cheaper area. They are both lovely, hardworking young people and well deserving of our support. I like to see them benefiting while we're alive. We plan to help our grandchildren too, when the time comes.

I gave dcs £1000 a term each...they were at uni in London. They both worked through their degree.
Exdh gave them money too. But I've no idea how much.
They also got £25k each towards house deposit at 25 which they matched.

Completely agree with this - we will try and balance what the child needs. If they want to be a corporate lawyer - contribution to fees and deposit. If they want to do something not as well rewarded then we would advise to do it in cheaper part of UK and try and be strategic about getting them comfortably and securely housed (if it looked like they would never pay loans off).

I found living in house shares very good for me TO A POINT but there needs to be an exit strategy for that and these days for a lot of people bank of mum and dad will need to be involved.

Not rich but comfortable and have benefited from living in a modest house in a cheap area and only having one child. We paid university fees and living costs, bought, insured and maintained a first car at 17 and gave £200k for a house deposit. She’s now 24 and we still pay if she comes on holiday with us, meals out or occasional treat. However DD worked part-time through sixth form and university and now works very long hours. In a strange way we’ve probably been happy to carry on paying for holidays and so on because she’s always had a good work ethic and ploughs on in the face of some tough health issues.

My parents paid my fees and paid off my overdraft at the end of every term. They had me take out the full loan available to me and I then mainly lived off that for my food, bills etc. although my parents covered things like contact lenses, hair cuts and essential clothes and shoes. I worked every summer holiday and that money was mine to do with as I liked. I was also very fortunate that my parents paid off my loan in full when I graduated. They also funded law school and the associated costs and did not allow me to pay them back when I secured a training contract that paid my fees. On the flip side, DH and I paid for our own wedding and house etc without any parental help and my parents are now retired with a nice nest egg to enjoy lots of travel and fun.

Re university and post-grad, I hugely appreciated not needing to work in term time and not ever really worrying about paying my bills etc - I think they struck quite a good balance of making sure I was comfortable but not too comfortable iyswim.

DH and I are now very financially secure and my concern is around not raising entitled little brats - I saw so many of those at university armed with daddy’s credit card and want to avoid that sort of thing. My children are still very small so it’s a way off but I do try to instill in them a sense of how fortunate they are and make sure that they eg pick up after themselves (we live in a place where we are lucky enough to have 3 full time staff so I don’t want to encourage lazy “I’m too good to do it myself” behaviour).

I think it’s really lovely for parents to help out where they can but I guess I would just try to avoid being too generous as it could make them lazy but then again I haven’t had to cross that bridge yet!!!

Same here for us. And we also provide a monthly allowance for food

Haha I agree this seems like a deliberate humblebrag - “oh we aren’t flashy but we have (literally) millions in disposable readies”.

Your niece is very fortunate to have you .

I got nothing from my parents at university or afterwards, but I did get the maximum loan and some grants from my university because my family had such a low income.

I recognise that things will be very different for my kids as tuition fees have gone up massively and they will get a smaller loan as I have a good income now. So I’m saving each month for them and should have a good amount (c.£50-75k depending on how the ISAs perform) when they hit 18, which they can use towards uni or house deposit in whatever way makes most sense at the time.

DS is at uni. He has a loan for his tuition fees. We pay for his accommodation, phone and membership fees and give him £125 for food a month. We also buy any major expenses such as laptop or phones. When he comes home I always send him back with food.

He has a PT job working 2x4 hour shifts a week which pays for the rest of his lifestyle stuff.

I funded myself through uni, although I was lucky to receive what was by then a very small maintenance grant. I’d say I was in a very similar position to you OP. I had Sat/holiday jobs from 14 and uni jobs in term time and holidays. DH was very different in that he was supported through boarding school and 5 years of uni, with only sporadic part time working in hols, and a small semi professional sports wage. He basically started supporting himself when he got his first job after graduating.

We are now in a very fortunate position financially, through mainly DHs salary, (but both of us work and always have), and saving as much as we could before we had kids, but we still have a big mortgage and fairly high outgoings. DD who’s in mid teens has a Saturday job and has had for a year or so, and will continue to work I think as she gets older as she likes to have her own money. She’s also incredibly conscientious and gets very good grades.
We haven’t yet discussed support for her, if/when she goes to uni, but I think we’ll maybe pay basics like rent and food/travel, but will expect her to support social life and things that are a lifestyle choice. I wouldn’t want her to struggle as she works very hard and we can likely afford to help her.

Just as an aside, I’m another one marvelling at some of the figures being quoted on here in terms of savings and house contributions. Blimey, is all I can say.

Omg same! They would buy tonnes of heavy tins and a massive bag of rice and pasta from the big Tesco then drive it home and help me stash it under the bed (tiny kitchen!) SO helpful.

DD and DS1 at uni away from home. We have paid fees, and accommodation costs and we give an allowance for food and other costs. We paid for them both to join the university gym. We pay for their mobile phones. Laptops have generally been birthday present and only once every 3-5 years as needed.

Buy clothes (usually they just send me links and I I order) or they go shopping but regular high street and send me receipts to cover eg DD will ask for new bra M and S or DS1 will buy hoodies from H and M. I just bought DD new ascic trainers as her old ones 2 years old and falling apart. It’s mostly clothes then need. They both know I’d never pay for designer clothes. We just bought DS1 a smart suit that was expensive but he said it will be good for interviews in due course.

We pay for them to come on a family holiday with us. We don’t pay for their extra holidays so if they want to travel with friends they have to get a job to cover that. Our allowance is fair but tight ie they will still have to budget - ie DS1 can’t go out drinking several times a week. They have to food shop carefully (and not buy stuff they’d get at home). They both appreciate the support and are not grabby or materialistic at all and keep within their budget.

They both know that once uni is finished we won’t support them financially any more. They can live at home (London zone 3) rent free and come on family holidays but they’ll be expected to get a job, although we will help with a deposit for buying property.

Hope that makes sense.

We are comfortably off, and are paying fees, accommodation and allowance for university for our children. They also have jobs for extra cash. We costed the student loan situation, and it made sense to pay up front. They would only inherit the money later in life anyway.

I think some of the PP here are VERY wealthy!

We are comfortable - high income in stable jobs but still have a mortgage. DD is currently Y12 and will take a loan for her tuition and minimum maintenance loan. We’re planning to top her up by £120 a week but have told her she needs to work too - we’re not bankrolling HE and she needs to make her own investment in her education (as we did!). We have paid for driving lessons and will continue to pay for her phone and car insurance until she finishes university but she won’t have a six figure deposit for a house I’m afraid!

We give £200 a month to top up the £400 a month they have from the loan. I send the odd treat here and there too. They know they could have more if they were struggling but have never needed it.
They’ve both had jobs since they left school which fund their summer and other expenses while at University. Along with their jobs they’ve had hobbies which have made money. DD did nails and lashes from home and DS buys clothes from Charity shops etc sells them on Vinted, he’s also in a band and gets paid a small amount for gigs.
We’ve never paid for phone contracts, but have bought them a handset for Birthday or Christmas as needed and they’ve paid for their own sim.
We paid for driving lessons and bought a cheap car once they’ve finished University.
DC1 saved to travel after Graduation and we surprised them with money towards that, will do the same for the other if they go too,
there is money in trust for them to use for house deposits when the time comes.

We paid ds's accommodation costs and gave him a monthly allowance during term time so that he didn't need a maintenance loan. He worked during the holidays and did some tutoring during term time to supplement this. We had also saved enough for tuition fees but ds was clear that he wanted a loan for tuition and that would be his contribution to his education. We are in the fortunate position of being older parents with a mortgage already paid off before ds went to uni and so these costs came out of our income rather than savings. We have kept the amount saved for tuition aside for a future house deposit.