If you are (very) comfortably off, how much financial support to you give to your DC's at university and as young adults?

[cheeseismydownfall]

I grew up in a relatively low income household. We weren't on the bones of our arse, and my parents were loving and generous with what they had, but I grew up knowing that we had very little spare money and that if I wanted something in life, I'd need to earn it myself. I had a decent part time job from the age of 14, and never had an allowance or pocket money. I received very little help from my parents at university (although this was far less of an issue than it would be now, because I had a full student loan and of course no tuition fees to pay).

Decades later, through a combination of relatively lucrative jobs and inheritance, we are extremely lucky to be financially very comfortable. Obviously I am extremely grateful for this and for the relative security it brings. It certainly isn't something I take for granted. But something I am finding tricky to navigate is how much financial support to give to our DC as they become independent. It feels wrong to watch them struggle on a shoestring student budget, missing out on things they'd enjoy because they can't afford it, knowing we could easily make them happen if we wanted to. But equally, bankrolling them for holidays and other relative luxuries doesn't seem right either.

Basically I have no idea what normal should look like in this situation because my parents simply weren't able to help, although I'm sure they would have done it they could. It would actually be really helpful to have an idea of what other parents in a similar situation have decided to pay for vs not pay for.

BTW I should say that the DC are not materialistic or grabby at all, very appreciative of gifts, family holidays etc, and all have very modest tastes. But they have absolutely no idea of what it's like being really skint in the way I was growing up.

That’s the aim, £1m each, but obviously it could go out the window if our circumstances change or they go fee paying after primary school etc, or the investments don’t perform. As it stands they each have enough that university will be covered.

@ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit- are you planning on giving them unlimited access to this 7 figure sum as soon as they are 18, or keeping some back in a trust until they are 21/25/30?

@ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit well done you! Yes not going private will save a fair whack. Hoping you’re spending some on having fun & making lovely memories too! 😊

DS had a maintenance loan that pais for his accommodation and we gave £250 a month for living expenses (2019 to 2022), apart from whe he was at home in Covid. Guess now that would be 300-350. I wanted it to be enough but not generous 😀
We took the Martin Lewis view that a student loan is a graduate tax and chances are he will never pay it back in full, so we instead have put the money aside for a deposit on a flat with the thinking that it will save him far more in the long term not to be in the private rented sector.

We pay accommodation costs (catered) and DD uses the minimum loan plus some savings and inheritence for everything else. If we inherit as expected in the next few years we will pay a chunk of her loans off or give her the money, it will be up to her.
We pay for her phone and she has a credit card on her Dads account she can use for anything course related she needs and for travel home.
When she is in a house share next year we expect to pay rent and also give her around £250 per month to live on.That will be less than we pay now
She is very good with money and doesn't ask for anything but we have told her to come to us before getting into debt/difficulties.
I wouldn't say we are "very comfortable" but we paid school fees for 5 years so we are paying less than that now. She was in State 6th form and so we put some of the fees we didn't pay aside for her for Uni
Plan to do the same for DS, he has said he fancies a working Gap year so I assume he will have money from that too.

we pay for accommodation
they take the full maintenance loan and tuition loan, they will be earning above threshold when they graduate and will be paying this off for decades
we pay top ups monthly (can't remember think it's about £200?)
do big shops when we drop them off each new term etc
pay for train fares home
send money for treats
pay for their phones
neither work due to courses they are doing

I'd say what we are doing is common across families that we know
we help out as much as possible
one graduates this year and one starts at uni in Sept so a few more years of this!

Mine take the loan for tuition, we give them the equivalent of the maintenance loan and they have part time jobs. It would be easier if we’d had them a little earlier as there’s not much time to earn after they are launched before we stop being able to earn. It’s a bit precarious but ok.

One went to uni, we paid for accommodation and gave an allowance. They paid the uni fees (it was important to us that they took responsibility for education cost). They did have a uni job for extra cash.

One lives at home with us. Not currently paying board due to work circumstances, will pay board when things improve. Fine with this as they help around the house, is good company for me as dh works away a lot.

We've always tried to be equal with what we spend on both our dcs.

Helped with purchase of a cars and ongoing running costs. Money for books for uni/education courses. Money for clothes for new jobs. Paid gym membership until they were classed as older adults. Pay for their phone contracts, they buy their own phones.

We still contribute to accommodation (London) for one of them, we use it as a base so do benefit as well.

We subsidise holidays if they want to come with us. We have theatre trips, day trips, meals out, we pay.

They borrow from us for big bills then pay us back on the drip, we are fine with this.

They both know that we will always be their safety net (not just financially either) and that we'd rather them come to us than struggle. We are an incredibly close family, my dcs are my world and I'm well aware that we are very lucky to be in this position to be able to help. Both me and dh have worked very hard to get what we have, it hasn't been easy and money was tight when dcs were small, promotions/bonuses have made our life easier and we want to help our dcs.

We help other members of our family too with cost of swimming lessons and meals out.

We are also in the fortunate position of now being very comfortable. We are covering all uni costs, but giving the same amount to live on as though they were living on the minimum maintenance loan (after accommodation). That way they will graduate debt-free, but still have to budget at university/have a similar lifestyle to everyone else.

I would imagine they will want some straight off for studying or travel and some to continue to be held for a home down the line, I don’t want to be overly prescriptive, they may want to start a business at some point etc but we’re not working this hard to let a couple of 18 year olds fritter it away with nothing to show. Will get them professional financial advice.

Whilst at university we pay our DD's accomodation. Pay for their petrol, car insurance and MOTs. Pay for their private dental care. Pay for everything if they holiday with us. When at home everything is free. They use their maintenance loan (the lowest amount) + income from part time job for their food and spending money.

When DD1 graduated we gifted her a substantial amount so she could jointly purchase a small flat with her boyfriend in her university city.

We paid all their accommodation costs, phones and occasional other things.

DC1 - has no fees due to a course scholarship - we paid rent for halls/student flat and an allowance of £500 pcm for years 1-2. We reduced this to £350 in year 3 as that year they were in catered halls. This year they have chosen to live at home but we left the allowance at £350 as they have commuting costs and also need to pay for extra curriculars and equipment for their course . They work on Sunday afternoons and earn about £200 pw for that. We also pay for phone and gym. They usually have to attend extra curricular courses in the summer holidays so can't have a holiday job.

DC2 - we pay fees as they had a scholarship through school so felt it was fairer that neither DC ended up with a fees loan just because of the timing of scholarships. We also pay the rent for halls/house and and allowance of £500 pcm. They sometimes ask for a loan (eg to buy an annual bus pass or several textbooks at start of term) and then pay us back via a reduced allowance. They can't work in term time as they have a disability but do work in the holidays.

Its a lot of money but we had previously been paying school fees so we're used to it. We did put money aside from when they were little so that there would be a buffer if needed but so far haven't had to dip into this so that is set aside for a house deposit.

Same here, plus substantial help with buying property they would otherwise never be able to afford given our location

Crikey! Tell them to move north. They could fund uni, travel, buy their forever home outright, and a flash car for a million quid!

I top my son's loan up to the amount he would get if he was eligible for maximum loan. In addition I bought him the basic essentials when he started university (bedding, crockery, pans etc). Dh works in his university city a couple of days per week so takes him out to Spoons for tea once a week. I did him a starter food shop.

Dd worked for 3 years before starting university so is officially classed as independent on full loan. Again I provided some basics and did her a starter food shop but we don't contrinute any further apart from taking her for the odd meal out when she visits home or we visit her.

They both pay their own accommodation.

DH and I are in the lucky position to fund tuition, accommodation, and an allowance for DS. The agreement is that he gets into zero debt of any kind, works all summer and we ensure he has enough to live on comfortably but not extravagantly. Its a position I never thought people like us would be in, but dh sees the debt repayments his new graduates are making and how it hangs over them, so was determined ds would graduate debt free

If this is a post uni question too it is tricky as I think you want DC to have some autonomy and plan/prioritise their own lives whilst not seeing them struggle whilst you are super comfortable.

My late 20s DSs are both living in mortgaged properties owned with their partners. They had the deposits from us. I pay for some biggish purchases which might otherwise take them a while to save up for out of my income (so no IHT impact). Examples over last couple of years both have had beds and decent 4 figure sum mattresses, heat pump tumble dryers, decent tvs, paid for decorators for daunting jobs, my time and money spent on sorting out their smallish gardens. However I also think it’s important they choose, prioritise and pay for some things themselves so I try to keep out of some decisions and not to offer every time.

DD is a post graduate student living at home on an £18000 stipend. I don’t charge her any keep and I tend to do stuff for her that’s not strictly needed e.g. she lives in an annexe of our house and I kitted out the kitchen to her taste and refitted the bathroom when she came home. I buy her ad hoc consumer things she wants but hesitates to afford so recently a pair of uggs with liberty credit I had and wasn’t using. She has free rein over grocery basket so tends to have nice pre packed salads for her lunches etc. I couldn’t live in a two tier household where she is economising over food choices and we don’t have to.

I pay for family meals out and if we go away together I pay. For other holidays I tend to get them some currency as spending money as a minimum and may contribute more. When DD was studying in the USA for a year the boys got their own flights out and I paid for 2 weeks accommodation. This was after I’d been myself and stayed somewhere not great so I’d investigated options and found something much better for them. But I did worry about crossing the line into controlling!

I’ll sort some money into pensions and isas before end tax year. Cutting it quite fine!

What my parents did for my sister and I:

Paid for a studio flat + furniture + all bills + food allowance.
Small clothes / pocket money allowance.
Bought us a (small, 2nd hand) car + paid for insurance and repairs.
Invited to holidays with them 2-3 times a year.

Basically everything was paid for as long as I didn’t wanted designer clothes or big night outs.

They continued to pay the above when I did a 6 months internship at the end of my studies. It was paid but only 1k or so a month, and this way I could save it.

Once I started working:
Gave me 40k to pay for wedding or house deposit (my choice how I spent it).
Invited to holidays with my partner once/twice a year.

Since then I haven’t asked for anything, they have from time to time offered to pay for a specific item (new boiler when I just had a baby and we were buying a new house for ex). But basically, them subsidising me during my student years didn’t make me rely on them later on.

When DD1 graduated we gifted her a substantial amount so she could jointly purchase a small flat with her boyfriend in her university city.

@Arraminta did the bf match your contribution or did you have an agreement drawn up to protect your dd's share? Asking as we're thinking of doing similar when our dd graduates.

We paid all 3 ‘s accommodation for the whole time they were at uni ,phones,weekly allowance and travel costs and other expenses as needed.
we still pay holidays and meals out etc now and eldest is 29 .

No uni (yet at least, but looking increasingly unlikely - got a degree apprenticeship at 18 which turned into a job as didn't like the degree part at all) but encouraging them to save by matching their savings and strongly suggesting that is £600/mth. They got enough money at 18 in CTF to pay the parental contribution to uni for 5 years but we ended up being in a position where we could pay it out of income (moot point now but would've left their savings for a house deposit).

Neither DH or I came from families that could help us financially whilst at uni or as adults so haven't found it particularly easy to find the right balance and I think we banged on about money a bit too much. They absolutely know that bank of mum and dad is very much dependent on their efforts too and full time jobs/education and a good work ethic is required to unlock it. DC hasn't spent a penny of their CTF (and since 18 have doubled it). When they come to buy a house we will probably match their savings again.

We're motivated towards passing on money before we die (IHT for a start) but it is a balance between that and not taking away their sense of achievement and work ethic - and giving it slowly over decades (hopefully) to spread the risk.

As long as they’re good people not entitled or grabby I’d help as much as I could . Why wouldn’t I. If you’re not accumulating wealth for your kids what’s it all for . Better to give them whilst they need it than wait till you die and they’re self sufficient anyway ( usually ) .

A girl I work with had wealthy parents who paid her the equivalent of what she’d earn if she didn’t go to uni and got an entry level job instead. Obviously she didn’t just announce it, we became friends and it came up. She managed to pay her bills, do work experience abroad and save some money. She’s hard working and well liked. The fact she’s never experienced being broke doesn’t make her less as a person.

He matched her contribution, so it was fair.