How would you give this news?

[AfraidOfMonsters]

Yes I know it’s a bit of weird question but I’m second guessing myself!

Ive just been referred for an urgent MRI, on the two week pathway. Obviously cancer is high in my list of ‘possible’ issues.

I have two young adults at Uni (21 and 22yo). Both simply refuse to do phone calls. It’s only fur proper emergencies and life threatening stuff apparently.
Most of communication is through WhatsApp a couple of times a week.

I want to let them know about what’s going on. I don’t want them to worry unnecessarily. But at the same time, it would be better if they knew.
dc1 will be back for the Easter break on the day on the MRI.
dc2 will be away with his gf that week. I don’t want to put a shadow over that hols.

What do I do? Send a WhatsApp to each of them? Feels quite unpersonal.
Ring? They’ll think about the worst.
Something else?

Im fee.ing lost

I’ve just been on the 2ww for cervix issues with ‘suspected gynaecological cancer’ on the referral.

I have 3 children. One is nearly 30, one 19 and one 15. I didn’t tell them anything until there was (or luckily, wasn’t, in my case) anything to tell. I don’t see the point in worrying them unnecessarily. Had there been anything untoward I would have told them afterwards.

How could it possibly be in their best interest to know you are on the urgent 2 week cancer list? When I was on that list, I told my teenage children nothing. When I got my diagnosis (which wasn't cancer), I told them about that and reassured them that I wasn't going to die.

Do not tell them, please!!!

But these stories are all actual things. Yours isn't. Yet. And it might never be. You shouldn't burden your kids of you don't have to

I’ve just been through an urgent cancer pathway series of tests and I didn’t tell anyone. I’d tell them if there was something to tell them, but tests that might worry them needlessly, no way. I was very pragmatic and did deep breathing and took L- theanine and kept quiet.

Are people reading all of OP’s comments or just the first one? OP has made a decision which they feel is right for their family, and the way they communicate with each other. Posting that it’s not in the best interest of OP’s adult children [whom we know nothing of, other than their preferred communication method] is at best wild, and at worst insulting.

I’m sure OP has enough to contend with at the moment, and some of these replies are probably not helping in the way the posters think they are. What’s right for one family, can be wrong for another. And that’s ok. Everyone is different.

OP best wishes for your scan, and fingers crossed you get the answers you need.

Tell them, they're adults. Matter of fact WhatsApp. 'Having MRI, obviously concerned about the outcome which I won't know until xxxxx. Hoping for the best '. If they want to phone they can.

Thank you @JustMyView13

I’ve been the teenager/young adult. My dad had cancer - first time didn’t tell me he was having tests, told me the diagnosis. Second time (and he was dead in 6 months) they told me he was having tests and. Would have known just from looking at him he was unwell but still it was months of stress when I was in my final year at uni.
I now have screening as the cancer is genetic and I don’t tell my mum when it’s happening, I tell her afterwards when it’s fine!

Yea 94% of 2ww cancer referrals don't have cancer

I agree that there’s no need to tell them anything at this stage.

We were getting married and only told adult DC the day after the wedding that DH (dad) was starting chemo the following week. We talked it over and agreed there was no point worrying them unnecessarily as there’s feck all they could do to help and his prognosis was good. That was 12 yrs ago and he’s still doing well.

Hiwever, I do understand where you’re coming from @AfraidOfMonsters
I was a teenager when my dad died and no one had told me he had a terminal illness so I was very shook when he died and remain mindful of those feelings of being left out of the loop.

I hope it turns out to be nothing too serious and is treatable. x

There is an age where I would share right away with my DC, I don't know exactly when, but Uni age is definitely too early IMO.

There is an age where I would share right away with my DC, I don't know exactly when, but Uni age is definitely too early IMO

Share what though? It’s completely different if there is pretty much a firm preliminary diagnosis and whatever test/follow up is confirmatory. Then I understand. However, if it’s a ‘no idea, trying to work it out, usually a 94% chance of it not being a serious scenario and we are confirming which side you sit on’, then what exactly are you sharing?

In these sorts of cases I don’t even tell my DH, let alone my adult kids. I don’t see it as keeping anything from anyone but more it saves saying ‘I’m having a test/scan/specialist visit on Friday, where odd’s are there’s likely either nothing really wrong, or something that can be easily managed, but a slight chance of something serious’. What on earth is he meant to do with that information? Not like I can answer questions when I don’t know what the issue is, let alone next steps. Again, a completely different conversation to ‘we are 90 odd% certain I have x wrong, just having it confirmed via test/scan/visit on Friday. So, having x wrong means blah blah’.

It’s like when you are talking to a patient, you don’t outline every scenario, only the one if you are pretty certain, otherwise the discussion waits until you are. Instead you say there’s a range of possibilities, sending you off for the required tests to show which/narrow it down, and you will talk about next steps/where to from here when you get the necessary information. This is not a Dr keeping anything from you. It’s common sense. Same line of thinking as above, being, if you don’t know, then what are you sharing!