Daughter in hospital, what am I meant to do about work.

[123dontcomeatme]

Dd is 19 and has been in hospital since thur evening. She was originally in resus where i stayed with her till 4am, went home for a few hours and was back at 10am. She's on a ward now but still very unwell and not likely to be home for a few days..

There is only me visiting/ taking in clothes/ snacks etc. I have chronic fatigue and am exhausted.

I'm meant to be working tomorrow, what do I do? I can't think straight at all. Ive got it in my head that since she's 19 I'm meant to just work and visit after work but she's so unwell and I'm struggling myself.

I didn't work fri, I was with her in hospital until 4am, came home and slept for a few hours, packed a bag and went back in. I was planning on catching up with work over the weekend but I just can't. I ll need to be at the hospital at 10 again this morning.

What do people do in this situation?

I had January off, with a sick note. The awful flu that was going around got me, it's one of those things. That time off gave me 3 times off in 12 months and a first warning that resets it to another 3 in 12 months.

Usually I manage to work full time with no issue, I can wfh a bit which helps manage my cfs so to the naked eye I have no issues.

It's just when things like this happen I don't have as much as others before I break.

Dd won't be going home today. I've asked my dad to visit this afternoon but he probably won't.

I've decided to wfh tomorrow, pop in and see dd at lunchtime before I have an in person meeting. Dd is ok with this. Then we can go from there.

That's if nothing changes with how dd is.

@123dontcomeatme do you have a diagnosis of ME? Because if you have ME and push yourself when your body is already under considerable strain you could end up permanently disabled.

Needing longer to recover because of a chronic health condition isn't taking the piss. Don't rob Peter to pay Paul

Also if you don't already use the Visible app, then download it today and start. It's free & the single best tool out there for managing chronic fatigue conditions - it will help you pace.

I am familiar with those sick systems where they penalise you; it's terrible if you get caught by bugs etc. However it is is what it is and your daughter is in hospital!

As PPs have said, ask about special leave. Might only be the odd day but wouldn't count as sick leave (I assume).

It sounds really difficult OP. I hope your DD recovers soon and you can weather this at work.

Op literally said in her first post;
She's on a ward now but still very unwell and not likely to be home for a few days..

OP, as mentioned in a previous post, the easiest solution is to call your GP tomorrow and ask for a phone consultation. Explain the situation and request an unfit for work note. The GP will definitely sign you off under the circumstances.
Times like these you need to eliminate any additional stress and concentrate on your Daughter and own health. You do not need to worry about work, calling your manager with daily updates or trying to fit in shifts will just add stress for all.
As a manager, I would find this so much easier rather than not knowing if you were going to turn up one day to the next. To know that 123dontcomeatme will not be in for the next 7 days will help me plan for cover and know where we all stand.* *
It sounds like you’ve really suffered with the flu and had a bad year. When you do return to work the worst scenario is that you will get referred to occupational health, though you will have authorised leave from a registered GP which no one can ever doubt or argue.

You can't work...you're exhausted and fraught with worry.

As your employer if the company has a procedure for compassionate leave. If not, get signed off with stress. No decent person would judge you in this situation.

Yep. Be careful. Try and rest as much as you can and Def get signed off. Adrenaline will carry you through but you might crash after.

I have plenty of leave available at my job and a decent amount of political capital at this point in my career. I might have to deal with a few handovers on deadlines, but I would just tell them I’m not working for a bit and they can tell me how to record it on my timesheet. I’d use my holiday time if I had too.

Honestly given the ops sickness record is poor enough and she had a month off least two months ago, I’d be very slow to advise more sick leave. I’d pop to your daughter before or after work. She’s in the best place to get well and perhaps doesn’t need a bedside vigil at the cost of your job.

How do you know how long visiting is ?
My hospital is 3-8pm.

There are things worse than going off sick. She needs to talk to her employer about her chronic illness because it is covered under disability legislation and she needs reasonable adjustments for situations like this.

Those of us with MEcfs understand the impact of pushing through under extremely stressful circumstances. This is a big risk. Pushing and pushing runs risk of ending up bedbound. Then she can't work at all. Less risk to not over do it now.

She won't lose her job for being off sick. They may call her in for a meeting when she goes back. That might not be be a bad thing as she needs help.

That seems a good option op, it’s fine not to be there continuously. Going in at lunchtime then after work is a good solution. Look after yourself too as she’ll need you when she’s released more than when she’s in hospital

Hope all goes very well OP

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants.

Take unpaid leave

Think of this as a marathon rather than a sprint. Your daughter may end up needing more support when she's discharged for a bit, so plan something sustainable.

Visiting hours are long, unless you're worried that the care is terrible or she becomes more unwell you don't necessarily need to be there for that long. She probably needs rest and visitors are tiring.

You could do with not being the only visitor - where are her friends?

Reducing your hours temporarily/ more working from home are worth looking at if you don't want to take sick leave.

I would take time off work to be with them

When my elderly dad was in hospital I had to take a day off work. It was still classed as dependent leave. I’m a teacher so can’t take annual leave as we don’t get any. If I needed more I would have had to take it unpaid. However recently my own DD was having a mental health crisis and I took sick leave myself as I was so stressed about it. I explained the situation to my boss and it was recorded as non work related stress for sickness record.

Updated to add elderly as I did r want people to think dad was a typo for dd.

It doesn’t matter how old your child is. They are still classed as depending on you in this situation.

Look up the government website for information:

Time off for family and dependants: Your rights - GOV.UK