Daughter in hospital, what am I meant to do about work.

[123dontcomeatme]

Dd is 19 and has been in hospital since thur evening. She was originally in resus where i stayed with her till 4am, went home for a few hours and was back at 10am. She's on a ward now but still very unwell and not likely to be home for a few days..

There is only me visiting/ taking in clothes/ snacks etc. I have chronic fatigue and am exhausted.

I'm meant to be working tomorrow, what do I do? I can't think straight at all. Ive got it in my head that since she's 19 I'm meant to just work and visit after work but she's so unwell and I'm struggling myself.

I didn't work fri, I was with her in hospital until 4am, came home and slept for a few hours, packed a bag and went back in. I was planning on catching up with work over the weekend but I just can't. I ll need to be at the hospital at 10 again this morning.

What do people do in this situation?

It’s standard for parents in a serious situation like this to take compassionate leave. Every work place expects and plans for this. You are not a robot, emergencies happen.

It feels like something else is going on. Are you fearful to lose your job or are you desperate to get back to normality in your work place because what you are facing feels overwhelming?

You need real life support op. Please contact family and friends for help. Your child sounds like she really needs you, she is still very young.

Ring your manager and explain the situation.
I agree with pp's to ask about special leave or compassionate leave (both should be paid leave)
Throw the ball into your manager's court, ask what's available to you.
If you don't want to have unpaid leave book some holidays or sign yourself off for 5 days.
I work for Network Rail and they would accommodate me in your scenario.
Hope dd gets well soon ❤️

Ok so I’d take a few days sick leave to get your dd out of the worst, comfortable with everything she needs and yourself sorted and some sleep. Then see what the situation is, how long she has to stay in, and if much longer talk to your manager about the best solution. You could temporarily reduce hours to be able to fit in hospital visits in the day, or take a period of unpaid leave if you want to be at the hospital more.

Your dd and your own health are priority here, if your manager doesn't understand that then they are not showing "loyalty" & are taking the piss

Tbh, if she's 19 and due home in a few days, then she's not too unwell, so you go to work. Visiting time is one hour per day - you won't be spending all your time at the hospital, as you might for a small child.

Self cert with stress and fatigue, then get a doctors note of you need more time. Hope your daughter gets better soon.

My daughter has Cystic fibrosis and we go into hospital for many weeks at a time, normally at least 3 or 4 weeks a year. And I take my laptop with me and do what I can and make the time up at weekends/evening when we come out of hospital. But the first time, I was like you OP trying to figure out how to juggle it all. I hope your daughter is feeling better and back home soon

That’s not necessarily the case she is a young person. Secondly she has been in resus, she clearly hasn’t been at all well. I wouldn’t be going to work!

Bottom line is you need to be with your daughter. You are not taking the piss.

We don’t know your companies various leave policies. You just need to give your manager a call and talk through which type of leave it is.

I promise you that you will never look back on this time and think I wish I’d gone to work when my daughter was sick. But you would regret not being there for her because you went to work.

And look after yourself too, you need to be well enough to support her. Try and get some rest and proper meals.

Dependent leave. This is literally what it’s for.

At my company it would be annual leave, unpaid leave, or make the time up - compassionate leave is only for bereavement. Maybe yours is more flexible though.

Hope your DD is home and well soon

I had most of jan off due to flu, went back too early and then my chronic fatigue flare so I was off again.
Got a sickness warning whixg is standard for the time I had off.

Been dealing with a terrible situation with dd and my manager has been very flexible.

And now this. We both thought she would be home much sooner, originally it was meant to be 24hrs but now it's Sunday when she went in thur, other things are happening and she's not likely to be out today.

If you have annual leave then I would be asking to use that but if it’s all used (or you work in a job where you don’t have any) then I would go off sick. You can self cert for 5 days and if she is still very unwell then or your still recovering your own health I’m sure a dr would sign you off given your chronic illness.

Opinions are -

Tell your manager and ask to take the time off. They may say no or it may be unpaid.

Phone in sick (due to exhaustion/fatigue) get a sick note if longer than a week

Itss valid to be off, your dd needs your support and you have a health condition that means you are struggling with your own health. Don’t feel guilty for prioritising your health.

Okay so you have already taken a lot of time off, I can see your concern. Do you have someone else that can sit with dd? I would organise a rota of the willing if you can.

Can you do a half day? Work from home/hospital? Speak to your manager and ask them how you can jointly manage this situation.

It sounds very stressful. I am sorry op the pressure must be immense.

If your DD would have come home today but discharge is just being delayed somewhat, it doesn't sound like a hugely serious issue, to be honest. It's obviously been a worrying time, but she's in good hands and in that situation I'd be going to work. There's no visiting anyway until mid afternoon in most hospitals, so I'd appreciate the distraction of work, I think.

Just phone in sick. You sure too stressed to work. Hope your daughter gets well soon

The alternative (if you are worried about sickness, which I would understand in your situation) may be that your daughter has to be in her own in the day Monday and that you collect her after work at 4pm.

I think that "best" option would be to take sick leave, because it sounds as though you are exhausted and potentially unfit for work. But if that's going to put you on a sickness management plan or similar I can see why you would want to avoid it.

There isn't anyone else, there is just me.
One of dad's friends did visit her for a bit yesterday. I did 6 hrs in 2, 3 hour chunks.

I also had to go food shopping... thought she would be home...3 loads of laundry for things she needed.. shower myself. Try and lay down a bit to recuperate myself. I realised I only ate a small lunch all day yesterday, probably not helped.

I need to get up now, dd has asked for more things... I need to gp to the shop and then be at the hospital for just after 10.

Visiting is not for 1hr anymore... its 10-7.
Fri dd was on corridor care all day waiting for a bed following resus. Awful to just leave her like that, by herself. Everyone else had someone with them

She's not at all fit to come home today. I'm not giving details. But there is no chance she is even close to well enough.

If it was someone in my team I'd assume they wouldn't be in and would encourage them to take the time off. Id ask them what they prefer to use, sick days, annual leave or unpaid parental leave( that last one would technically not be valid as your daughter is over 18 but as it's my discretion I would put it through like that if my team member wanted it)

Controversial opinion but if it was me and I’d already taken that much sick leave and had a warning for it I’d be inclined to work and visit around working hours. Obviously so long as she isn’t in a life threatening situation. At the end of the day she’s an adult and you could still see her daily. You don’t want to risk losing your job!

She was in a life threatening situation on Thursday/ fri morning.

Currently in the recovery from that but still very unwell, can't stand by herself and struggling with breathing.

I've just noticed Ur have a significant period of absence. If I was your manager once everything settles down again I'd have a proper absence meeting and ask what you need to support you , see if you needed different accomodations, or maybe an occupational health referral or assessment to support you. I always think it's awful to have a warning for absence for genuine illnesses without trying to support the person in the first place.

Your sickness record changes things, you’ve had a lot of time off recently so you probably do need to limit it now. What is it that your dd is asking you to bring in every day? Could you pack her up a bag with whatever it is she is wanting plus lots of snacks and then that’s it for the day? Work from home until 10, visit for a couple of hours and then go into work for the afternoon.