Another Child telling Dd she 'can't' go to school?

[medianewbie]

Dd, nearly 18,(upper 6th year). Autistic & Dyslexic. School is very hard for her.
Has1 very close friend. Nice girl (single child, very tightly controlled by Mum)

Dd went down with vomiting 48 hrs ago. Not been sick since Monday afternoon & completely fine now. I called School to advise & they are happy to have her back. This would be good as she has a timed Exam Project in class with only a few hours left before Easter to complete (needed to pass Course no exemption).

Yesterday evening her friend's Mum texted me to say: 'hope Dd better. Please remember the 48 hour rule re sickness. My Dd is looking forward to seeing your Dd at her Important Party at the weekend IF she is feeling better'. It was 10pm:
I had read the message but not opened it. It seemed a bit OTT/ high handed so I was thinking how to reply for the best as I don't want upset for Dd re this as her friend's Important Party is important to her (not to be left out/blamed if others ill)
.
I popped to the loo then I became aware my phone was missing. Dd had squirreled off to the bathroom, opened& read the message from other Mum to me. I had words with her about privacy. This morning she is better enough to consider going in for the 2 important afternoon lessons.
Only she is sitting here in floods 30 mins before so no way will she be able to self regulate enough that quickly to use the two hours for exam work.
It turns out her friend got her Mum to text me as she said it was really important my DD didn't go back to School ('till at least Friday') so she didn't infect her / her other friends before the Party. 'If your Mum is selfish enough to send you in I swear I will make you go home'. DD of course has agreed not to go. Dd has shown me the texts. Pages of them. 'If you don't suceed in persauding your mother I will intervene'. This morning she texts to say: 'I'm worried I went over your head or been too controlling'. Well YES!

Dd will now probably miss this afternoon but cannnot miss the lesson tomorrow. Clearly I will have to help Dd address this. Any thoughts on how to do so in least stressful way for Dd?

I mean your daughter shouldn't have gone to school today if she was sick Monday afternoon, so they aren't wrong

It’s not anyone else’s business, and what kind of mother messages another instructing them to adhere to this or that. It’s really patronising. The 48 hour rule give or take, not taken absolutely literally. Minute by minute.

I would be spitting tacks over this. I think the mother and the daughter are both utter bitches!! Their behaviour is vile!! I am sure that your cooler approach is much the best and I commend you on your levelheadedness.

i am hotter-headed and I would message:
”I am well aware of the 48 hour rule thank you. I am a responsible parent and have been in touch with the school to discuss her return and they were happy. However she has been unable to return as she is utterly devastated by the reprehensible messages from your daughter. She has now missed her crucial exam because she was threatened not to come back. She is devastated. I do hope the party will not be at all affected, but the country is currently awash with norovirus and 20% of the kids and staff at our school are off with it - DD is simply one of many.

@CoraPirbright definitely justifiable to call a woman and a girl one of the most misogynistic slurs out there just because you think they behaved badly…

An autistic 18 yr old isn't your typical 18 yr old. They need more support than an NT one. My son's 18 and I absolutely would step in if this was going on.

@gamerchick It’s not that she’s typical, it’s that this is still an inappropriate level of intervention.

yawn. I could think of other words to use, maybe you’d rather I called her a Karen? No? Didn’t think so.

Fact is she’s a nasty piece of work, in the same way people call a man a bastard/arsehole people will call a woman/girl a bitch.

Has nothing to do with misogyny, and as soon as you start trotting out the “don’t use x language” you lose the argument, because she is the one in the wrong.

@Never2many Sure, I can’t stop you using any slur you choose. But actually it means you lose the argument, because you are resorting to employing the kind of language that abusive men use to put women down and attack them. It shows exactly how much your views are worth.

Then it’s on you to stay out of the way.

Chances are the other children will have already caught the bug! They usually spread before symptoms appear.

She’s got ASD and is stressed and anxious. She’s still at school , I think parental help here is appropriate

You said Monday afternoon. If she was sick Monday afternoon she shouldn’t have been in school today.

If 20% of teachers and pupils are off, then it seems like it's a pretty contagious bug, and it's likely that other prospective partygoers will succumb.
I would be alert to the possibility that your DD will be blamed if the party is affected, so you can support her.
Sounds like you are following the rules. There's no way of knowing that someone will vomit, these bugs come on suddenly, so you couldn't have kept her off on Monday 'just in case', and 48 hours isolation should be enough.
In my experience some parents send their kids to school with bugs and blatantly break the rules, for whatever reason.

This woman is 18??

I.e. your child????

Wtf

Why are you getting involved? Your DD is as good as an adult. These situations are what teach them independence and resilience she needs to go in regardless, do her lessons and stand up to this bully.

An 18 yr old with the social age of 13/14. Which you would know if you'd bothered to read the thread.

@Idonthavemytoolsmycloak Much as it may irritate you, people are allowed to think that even a socially immature eighteen year old should not have their mother text on their behalf or otherwise interfere. There are even autistic people, such as myself, who feel this is an extremely unwise course of action and likely to do more harm than good.

I have read the thread thank you! Don’t be so bloody rude!

No they can't. And frankly? It is not as widespread as you'd think by the dozens of posters here who claim to have it.

I have OCD around stomach bug germs because I have Crohn’s disease and it took me 2 years to recover last time, BUT I would never dream of acting this way around anyone who had followed the 48 hour rule. I do go a bit bat shit sometimes but never this bad. I’m sorry your daughter was treated this way