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Original poster

7 first dates in a row, none have led to a second date...

61 replies

sad34 · 07/03/2025 10:00

I have named-changed for this post.

Since the start of the year I have been on 7 first dates, mostly from Hinge but a few from Bumble. And the conversion rate into a second date has been 0%. Admittedly there were a couple of guys who I wasn't that keen on seeing again (although still had a fairly pleasant date) - although they still didn't ask me out which is never good for the confidence boost. However I had at least 4 dates where I had a really good time with the guy, and I thought they did too, and that they were keen, wanted to see me again etc. Yet the next day they either start majorly pulling away / don't make any effort so I just don't reply and they never follow up, or they just ghost me.

I mean seriously what am I doing wrong? Everyone says it's not you, it's them. But I am starting to think it is me, it must be. It's so hard not to take it personally and go down the rabbit hole of thinking that I am never going to meet someone etc. Despite trying hard not to over-invest too quickly and to just move on to the next one, when there's a repeat pattern of it happening over and over again, it's incredibly demoralising.

Any fellow single people out there who feel my pain, or anyone else who has been through the same thing but is now in a happy relationship then I'd love to hear some words of wisdom / re-assurance!!

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 28/06/2025 07:17

sad34 · 07/03/2025 13:54

I think I am just myself on a date - chatty, friendly and witty. I don’t talk about ex boyfriends because I’ve never had a serious relationship. I think my pictures are a fairly accurate representation of what I look like! I think perhaps the dates are going on for too long and I drink a bit too much sometimes, so what I think is a connection / us having a good time and getting on is actually just because we are a bit boozed. Still though, it’s bloody deflating and horrible to be constantly rejected.

Edited

I dont think men appreciate witty dates. They like to be the one cracking the jokes (usually unfunny).

Viviennemary · 28/06/2025 07:20

Just noticed you get drunk on the dates. That's your answer as to why you don't get asked again.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 28/06/2025 07:33

sad34 · 27/06/2025 22:33

The thing is, I am drinking because my date is drinking as well. It’s not like I am sitting there getting drunk by myself. And they were saying let’s get another one etc.

Err, I had about 9/10 drinks in the space of 6 hours.

I am early 30s.

So stop going on dates that involve alcohol? 🙄

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General relationships

Whocanresist · 28/06/2025 07:34

What do you think about just meeting for a coffee for an hour or so?

pinkdelight · 28/06/2025 07:46

That’s a mad amount of time and booze for a first date, and if that’s their idea of a first date then they’re not good prospects anyway. As lots of people have said, go for a coffee date for a couple of hours max. Then if that went well, go to the cinema or something nice that you can talk about before/after and not just spend hours drinking. It’s just not a good way to get to know someone as a relationship prospect and clearly not leaving them wanting to know more. Be yourself without so much booze and then you’ll find someone better.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 28/06/2025 08:45

sad34 · 27/06/2025 22:33

The thing is, I am drinking because my date is drinking as well. It’s not like I am sitting there getting drunk by myself. And they were saying let’s get another one etc.

Err, I had about 9/10 drinks in the space of 6 hours.

I am early 30s.

That’s a huge amount of drinking and a ridiculously long time for a first date.

You don’t HAVE to match your date with every drink and keep the date shorter!

EmuFace · 28/06/2025 08:54

Agree with everyone saying go for a coffee date.. As someone who did a lot of OLD on and off when my first marriage ended, the boozy dates are the problem here.

CreteBound · 28/06/2025 12:22

ManHereSorry · 07/03/2025 10:31

From a man’s perspective:

Is there a mismatch between your photos and your real appearance?

Are you boring/annoying/talk non-stop?

Do you bring up marriage/kids straight away?

Bang on about your toxic ex/kids/baggage?

Do you expect the man to pay for everything or come off like a princess?

What are your red flags?

What an unpleasant, misogynistic post.

ignore this one OP.

Springtimehere · 28/06/2025 12:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ALunchbox · 28/06/2025 12:43

6 hour dates? I would go for much shorter.
Also wouldn't drink 9-10 drinks.

Moaningminnieagain · 28/12/2025 07:30

@sad34 its the alcohol. They are seeing a side they don’t want to be with for longer. My friend drinks like this, the men just want a good time and if she doesn’t, then no more effort. Try a coffee date

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