What is it like not having children?

[Jesrob]

I had my DS fairly young and I don’t have any regrets. I like my life but sometimes I look at my friends in their 20’s child free and see them being a career woman who hits the gym each night, goes for cocktails with the girls on a weekend and multiple trips away with the fiancée. Can’t imagine how it feels just to go and do what you want without arranging childcare or having so much headspace taken up by kids schedules and needs. What’s it like?

Can't afford a child so childfree

Gets annoying when it's presumed that having them is the default. I've had people turn away and start a conversation with someone else who does have children before
It's like they say "do you have children?"
I say no and they're "ohhh... anyway" and then turn away

I get that.

Based on that graph, I have hit peak ecstasy

@FreeloaderWithAnAdBlocker

I think the only book of his I haven't read is the Passengers. The others are all really good.

@faithspikebuffy

Well that's just rude on their part. I've certainly had different responses to being child free depending on where I've lived. (Some) small villages seem to have the 'unless you're married with children you're a weirdo' mentality.

Did you use ChatGPT to write this pompous guff?

My siblings and many colleagues and friends are childfree. I am the oddball in the group having a kid (and later in life at 40 to boot). I’m happy with my new path as mum but I like to think I have an understanding that not everyone in my audience wants to hear about my DC’s feeding or naptime schedule. I also like to hear about many other things, other than kid-stuff too! I also love being a mum though and I am the most content at this time in my life than anytime else. I want my kid to know they can choose whatever path in life and I’m always going to support them.

I didn't have kids till I was 36y. It was great in my 20s but I did find from my late 20s most of my friends became occupied with relationships and/or kids. I prefer to have just a few closer relationships and that didn't work when people around me had less time and I'd see them infrequently and I got bored and lonely. I also questioned what I was doing and moved between jobs and cities.

I didn't really want kids before I had them but I'm positive they've been a good thing for me and my life. Getting married and having kids gave me much more reason to settle and make money. I would've just been bored since I struggled to find close single friends to hang out with.

If if makes you feel better, I did all those things in my 20s and early 30s. I now have 2 dc and to be honest wish I had had them when I was younger. I did lots of fab things but having children beats it all.
You will be able to do lots of amazing things with your children in your life when they are older and also after they have left home

They don’t stay as pooing, weeing, dependents for long though. It’s pretty much done by the time their 15 - same as getting a puppy in terms of years invested.

I do get it. I have never wanted to visit India for example despite everyone saying it’s fab, there's more than one experience/ it’s a big country etc. If something doesn’t appeal why would you try it.
Possibly the difference is creating a human life from a bit if you and a bit of someone else is quite a unique thing in itself ( despite it being everywhere)

It related to an earlier post of mine and I should have made that clear,

I was 40 when I had my first child; 43 when I had my second. I knew I wanted children but it took me a long time to find a partner.

I remember posting on here when I was maybe 36/37 upset about being single and not having children and I was told I was lucky because I could fly out to Paris whenever I wanted; I could take city breaks in lavish hotels; I could go travelling and explore Canada, Australia, New Zealand.

I mean, the truth is financially that’s going to be impossible for most people on an average income but even if it wasn’t it shows what single women ‘should’ be doing and it doesn’t involve a life revolving around home. In case anyone missed it, I’ve put should in inverted commas.

There is a very strong and vocal child free voice on MN now which has perhaps changed the backdrop of the site somewhat. It is different when you want children and for whatever reason aren’t in a position to have them or you can’t, especially as you transition out of realistic child bearing age. And I wish we could have this discussion without either the ‘I don’t have children and I love it’ or the ‘I have children and I wish I didn’t’ posters twisting your words.

Ooh @Vetoncall I want your life. Except for the Crossfit!

This is interesting and tbh I can empathise with the poster who felt the pressure of a 'big' life without kids - that has certainly become the stereotype I think - no kids and living a fascinating, adventurous existence. People struggle with idea that women can just 'be', there's a sort of restlessness directed (or felt by?) at women which means we always need to strive for.. something?

(I also had my kids around the age of 27 and I feel it's been the making of me on a personal level - I felt a bit lost before and the clarity of how short time is has really crystallised my goals and priorities)

For me It’s absolutely wonderful not having children, I always knew I never would, I listen to my colleagues every day stressing about their children of various ages and the issues they constantly have, and our young spoilt apprentices aged 19/20 have zero respect for their parents. I love my life

This. It's not as though everyone who is child free is living the same sort of life. I never really wanted children, and don't regret not having them, but I'm certainly no career woman, and don't spend my life travelling and going out. I just like being able to please myself and do whatever I want without having to consider anyone else.

I don't have children and I absolutely love the freedom it gives me.

My free time is my own. I can sleep in until midday or get up at 5am to see the sunrise. I can spend my weekends doing whatever I fancy without having another reason person's needs to consider. DH can go out fishing until 2am without worrying about leaving me with the children.

I also love that there's no pressure. I can have cereal for dinner every night, I don't have to worry about getting someone to school or being their role model. I'm just free to do whatever I choose. I honestly don't get the appeal of having a child though.

I had dc young and now I'm middle aged and have the freedom you describe.

Most of my peers still have young dc though so I mostly socialise with much older or much younger women.

I'll be honest I find it a bit shallow.

If I wasn't so old I'd have another dc.

Work can feel like a treadmill and no employ really values you. Your career can be swept away anytime for reasons out of your control.

Evenings can be long and boring especially in the winter.

Nights out aren't what they used to be. Alcohol is so expensive. Lots of people don't drink. Lots of people are early birds who won't stay out late. Men in nightclubs behave terribly.

But I know that when I was stuck in every night with a baby I was jealous.

The grass is greener?!?...

There's always one!

I think this about the “dying alone surrounded by cats” trope. These people have obviously never been alone and surrounded by cats - it’s absolute heaven. Sounds like a lovely way to go if you ask me.

Work can feel like a treadmill and no employ really values you. Your career can be swept away anytime for reasons out of your control.

That's not unique to non-parents though - surely it applies to everyone?

Evenings can be long and boring especially in the winter.

Only if you allow them to be? I love my child-free evenings. No rushing about to activities, no bedtimes, no homework, no prepping lunches - just freedom to do whatever I fancy, whenever I fancy.

Nights out aren't what they used to be. Alcohol is so expensive. Lots of people don't drink. Lots of people are early birds who won't stay out late. Men in nightclubs behave terribly.

That seems to be more of an issue with your area or social circle than not having children though?

I’ve never, ever been in a situation where I’ve thought that adding kids (if any age) would make it more enjoyable. Quite the opposite.

Ha yep, this pretty much sums it up for me too - I just don't get it. Every time I see parents out with their kids they look tired, frazzled and stressed. Someone's always shouting or crying and looking miserable as sin too.

I'm sure there are lovely moments and obviously some people absolutely love being parents but it's just not a lifestyle that has ever appealed to me. There's never been a moment in my life where I've thought "you know what would make this better? A child!"

Evenings can be long and boring especially in the winter.

I mean... that's up to you, isn't it?

It really is!

Bitchy women like the ones having a go at me on this thread are why I find my child free time so bloody miserable.

Why would I want to spend my time with women like you?

If your evenings are not long and boring then that’s great.

Personally I probably found the summer harder when I was alone: everyone out and about and having a great time (it seemed.)

I honestly think it’s one of those where if you’re happy single and /‘or childfree no one objects to that. But the fact is even if you are some people aren’t and they really should be allowed to talk about it without being shouted down.

Work can feel like a treadmill and no employ really values you. Your career can be swept away anytime for reasons out of your control.

What’s that got to do with having kids or not?

Evenings can be long and boring especially in the winter.

I personally find plenty to do in my evenings as a child-free woman. If anything, my evenings aren’t long enough! If my DP and I fancy nipping out for a drink or dinner or going to see a film on the spur of the moment, we can do that. We go to gigs and the theatre last minute if we want. Nothing has to fit around putting kids to bed or feeding them or getting school stuff ready for tomorrow. We don’t have to find family-friendly things to watch on TV and we have as much time as we want for hobbies. We can also have a shag whenever and wherever we fancy it.

Nights out aren't what they used to be. Alcohol is so expensive. Lots of people don't drink. Lots of people are early birds who won't stay out late. Men in nightclubs behave terribly.

Don’t go on ‘nights out’ in shit clubs with people you don’t like, then. But it’s not like the only two options in life are ‘staying at home with the kids’ or ‘having nights out’. Just because I’ve got no kids, that doesn’t mean I’m obliged to go out clubbing.