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Original poster

Need advice on clothes I want returned to me

169 replies

Pjsandpringles · 05/03/2025 10:04

I was on holiday last month and during my trip I got friendly with someone. When I left the hotel I realised I had left a few items of clothing in my hotel room. I messaged my "friend" to tell her how stupid I had been and also messaged the hotel to arrange to have them sent back to me. She offered to collect them and send them when she got back. I thought this would be easier since they would be in the same country and I'd get them quicker.

It's now a month later and she still hasn't sent them and isn't responding to my messages. Any advice on what I should do?

OP posts:
LovelyLeitrim · 05/03/2025 12:05

Pjsandpringles · 05/03/2025 12:02

It's nice to see mumsnet hasn't changed in 20 years. Always good to have a reminder why I avoided it.

Thank you to those who were helpful I appreciate it. For the rest I want to thank you too for reminding me that people are actually generally awful and best to be avoided.

Ok

BobbyBiscuits · 05/03/2025 12:09

It's a shame you didn't just get the hotel to send it. She may have said it in a blase fashion and then once she's home, she forgotten all about you and her promise of a favour.
I'd msg her again just saying hi, remind her gently and say can you pop over your bank details so I can pay for postage and packing? You could even set up a courier to pick it up from her home, but she'd have to agree obviously.
If she doesn't respond then I guess it's safe to say you're not getting your stuff back. Sadly.

snotathing · 05/03/2025 12:09

A month isn't that long. She's probably been meaning to package them up and go to the post office but it's such a faff she hasn't gotten around to it. How many of us haven't returned online orders we meant to?

Did you pay her in advance for the postage? Maybe she's afraid of being out of pocket if you don't.

Viviennemary · 05/03/2025 12:11

It's a hassle wrapping up parcels and taking them to the post office. And then she'll have to pay for postage. Not surprised she hasn't bothered. But she shouldn't have offered to do it.

Completelyjo · 05/03/2025 12:15

Pjsandpringles · 05/03/2025 12:02

It's nice to see mumsnet hasn't changed in 20 years. Always good to have a reminder why I avoided it.

Thank you to those who were helpful I appreciate it. For the rest I want to thank you too for reminding me that people are actually generally awful and best to be avoided.

Because people don’t agree with you? 👌

beAsensible1 · 05/03/2025 12:18

you either drive the 4 hours or lose the clothes?

Stripeysuitcase · 05/03/2025 12:20

@Pjsandpringles I know you are feeling frustrated and angry but perhaps an approach you could try is reaching out one more time and saying something like you really appreciate how annoying this is and you're asking her to go out of her way, and that you'd like to send her the money in advance for the postage plus some thing to get herself a treat with, or send her a thank you card with something nice in. Or you could also offer to arrange a courier to collect from her.

This has happened to me in the past and I have felt resentful when someone has asked me to help them out without properly appreciating that it was a pain for me to do. Personally, packaging something and sending it off at my own expense would be difficult for me to do. It may be easy for you, but it might be hard for her.

As much as some people would have no problem going out of their way, this is what you're asking her to do, and if it is difficult for her, she may be thinking why should she, or what's in it for her, particularly if you're being demanding or not recognising that this is an inconvenience to her.

If the clothes are valuable to you, then I would grit your teeth and shower her with some kindness and appreciation and see if that gets you anywhere before you go down a more heavy handed approach like through the small claims court.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 05/03/2025 12:25

beAsensible1 · 05/03/2025 12:18

you either drive the 4 hours or lose the clothes?

10 hours with no guarantee she would even answer.

I didn't ask, she offered. I have offered to organise the collection.

OP posts:
Mach3 · 05/03/2025 12:28

rosemarble · 05/03/2025 11:58

Asking some random person you met on holiday to go to the hotel and get £1000k worth of clothes for you?

Giggle. 1000K of clothes is 1000,000 quid!

It's actually 1 million.

Edit to say, I now see you put 1000,000.

I apologise!

FamBae · 05/03/2025 12:30

She may simply be a procrastinator and your clothes are sitting on the side still waiting to be folded wrapped, weighed and posted, it could be she is now embarrassed about the time it's taken her. Maybe you could try sending her a large Jiffy bag, some tissue paper and a large label with your address on it, nudge nudge. It's a ball ache posting large parcels, she probably regretted it as soon as she offered to do it. on the other hand she could have nicked them.

FamBae · 05/03/2025 12:31

Sorry OP I didn't see you last post about offering collection. .

Gymnopedie · 05/03/2025 12:47

This has happened to me in the past and I have felt resentful when someone has asked me to help them out without properly appreciating that it was a pain for me to do. Personally, packaging something and sending it off at my own expense would be difficult for me to do. It may be easy for you, but it might be hard for her.

But the OP didn't ask. She was going to get the hotel to send them. It was the friend who offered. If it was too much to do, that's on her.

viques · 05/03/2025 12:49

DuchessOfNarcissex · 05/03/2025 11:40

I feel your pain @Pjsandpringles .I left a comb in my hotel room in 2003.Every day, I pine for my comb. I'd had it 18 years.
Maybe you should try counselling.

If ever I see someone wearing my little green and oh so soft and comfy dressing gown I left behind the door in a Brighton hotel I will rip it from your thieving shoulders and hope you are naked underneath so the world can see your infamy.

And don’t think I won’t even though it was nearly forty years ago…….

HÆLTHEPAIN · 05/03/2025 12:54

AngelicKaty · 05/03/2025 11:52

I agree. They're making light of or excusing the actions of a thief. Makes you wonder about their moral compasses. 🙄

Show quote history

I don’t think anyone is excusing the actions of a thief, which is what she is if there’s no genuine reason for her not posting them. What people are saying is there’s not necessarily anything the OP can do to resolve it.

People have also suggested going to get them and they’ve advised doing Small Claims - I’m not sure what else OP is looking for.

As for Small Claims - it’s always worth a try but if OP hasn’t got the actual address, (not her employer’s) for the woman then it, I believe (although I am a little rusty), will be a longer and more costly process.

Edited to say, I do think it’s worth a try threatening small claims with a Letter Before Action, especially if OP has the proof she says she has.

Meadowfinch · 05/03/2025 12:56

OP, as an employer, if someone wrote to us making unfounded accusations, I'd write you off a vindictive stalker type, and offer my employee some legal support. Such vindictiveness is uncalled for.

Why don't you behave more professionally. Email the lady and say you will arrange a courier to collect them from her work address.

Then all she needs to do is to take them to the office.

NoSourDough · 05/03/2025 12:58

I think she will send them, she just hasn’t got around to doing it yet. Don’t lose faith OP, she will do it!

HÆLTHEPAIN · 05/03/2025 12:59

Meadowfinch · 05/03/2025 12:56

OP, as an employer, if someone wrote to us making unfounded accusations, I'd write you off a vindictive stalker type, and offer my employee some legal support. Such vindictiveness is uncalled for.

Why don't you behave more professionally. Email the lady and say you will arrange a courier to collect them from her work address.

Then all she needs to do is to take them to the office.

She’s already offered to arrange collection. How is she being vindictive if the woman is ignoring her?

Boodahh · 05/03/2025 12:59

£1000 in clothes.
Wow- sounds like she's nicked em
Threaten small claims court.

mrsm43s · 05/03/2025 12:59

Honestly, OP, she's probably just been a bit too busy with her own life to be running errands for you.

I don't actually think it should be her job to organise getting the items you left behind back to you. It was kind of her to offer to bring them to the UK for you, but now surely you need to offer to go and collect them, or offer to arrange a courier to collect them from her place. I don't understand why you think she should spend her time packing them, going to the post office, paying postage etc to get your items to you? If she's a teacher, and she works full time, she doesn't exactly have much chance to go to the post office, does she?

I would take a different tack, and just say something along the lines of, "I expect you haven't had a chance to send the items yet - no worries, I understand as a teacher you're busy! Can you let me know a convenient day and time for me/my courier to come and collect the items from you. Thank you very much for bringing them back to the UK for me, I very much appreciate it".

Something like that is far more likely to get a response and move this forward than hounding someone busy for not having done you a free favour in your preferred timescale.

Meadowfinch · 05/03/2025 13:02

HÆLTHEPAIN · 05/03/2025 12:59

She’s already offered to arrange collection. How is she being vindictive if the woman is ignoring her?

Show quote history

Because we don't know what is going on in the woman's life. If she is dealing with some sort of shit show, a stranger's clothes will be way down her list of priorities.

Trying to smear someone's professional reputation is vindictive. There is no other word for it.

KimP85 · 05/03/2025 13:04

If it was me I would be going down the petty route especially as she is now completely ignoring you. Message her again and say if you don't hear back from her in say 2 days you will be calling her boss and explaining the situation. I doubt she will want the hassle and embarrassment at work.

OurChristmasMiracle · 05/03/2025 13:13

It is absolutely not okay. She should have just have not offered to collect them for you.

I think the challenge you may have is proving what clothes you left behind- a court will need proof of the items otherwise they cannot determine their worth.

friskybivalves · 05/03/2025 13:15

For the love of God. All the clothes woman needs to do is communicate back. 'Sorry it's taken me so long. Life is stressful. Will get round to it. Am not a thief. Apols again.'

would take less than five seconds.

She offered to fetch the clothes from the hotel.
She offered to send them to OP.
She has now gone quiet.
She is therefore in the wrong.
She can still make things right.
OP is entirely justified in blowing off steam here, and wanting to pursue her precious goods IRL.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2025 13:18

DappledThings · 05/03/2025 10:08

I'd chalk it up to experience, accept you're not getting them back and move on

Yep. Sometimes we lose things...

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2025 13:19

Pjsandpringles · 05/03/2025 10:16

She has them and said she would send them. I'm not writing off over £1000 worth of clothes.

Ok. I didn't see the value. Better be more careful if you have clothes this expensive.