trying to evict adult stepchild

[DionneEz]

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

The Ex doesn't live here so why would be bar a lodger or someone I chose to stay with me in my home?

You keep saying that I am no getting it but are you?

You say my ex has the right to say who can live in the home. However I also have the right to say no. My no is as valid as his yes so we have a clash.

Also you don't seem to be distinguishing between father and son.

Why is everyone ok with the a 22 year old grown man sponging off this women.

If it was a like that moved in with someone you'd all be calling him a cock lodger. She's every right to want him out! Looking forward to an update OP and hope it goes in your way! Wonder if the ex and the gf would put up with this! X

Gosh..no one said that I was going to base my whole case on article 8. I just said that my human rights have been breached. someone asked which one and I quoted article 8.

The case is that I am a legal owner of the property co owned with my now ex-husband. He chose to live elsewhere following a DV incident but his son is still here. I want the son out because I do not feel safe in my home with him around; he is a layabout who doesn't pull his weight.

Dionne, I’m not going to try and explain it to you anymore. It’s like arguing with a toddler and life is too short. Do what you want and face the consequences. You are beyond help.

@WilfredsPies yes i know, but OP is persistent that she can. She can file it and we know it won't go anywhere as it's a dispute. People have the right to bring anything to the court they feel it's a breach of HR, whether it's a breach or thrown out, that's up to the court to decide. OP hasn't taken other measures first to get rid of the disputed property,

Morally your no should have more weight than his yes. But legally, his yes has more weight. You have no legal right to stop him from asking whoever he likes into his property until you get an agreement or court order allowing you to do so, or it is no longer his property.

OP , it's a tough situation and I'm sorry you had to go through domestic violence. All you can focus to separate your assets from your ex.This is clearly causing you stress when you're in control of your situation. Sell up or take your rate with you.

Turn the WiFi and electricity off while you are out of the house

It is a marital home, and it has nothing to do with adult kids. He came to stay in late 2022. Initially he lived with us from aged 9 to 16 at another property, and then he left to stay with his mother.

When his mother was threatened with eviction he came to stay with us again in 2022, by that time we had bought the marital home together. In 2023 his father was excluded from the home because of DV and then chose not to come back. His son however, refused to leave to live with either of his parents but wants to stay here. He is a guest of his father who does not live here.

Explain how his yes (someone who doesn't live at the the property and doesn't pay the bills except for 50% of the mortgage) have more weight than the no of the resident homeowner who pays her share of the mortgage and foots all the bills?

Because the home belongs to his father who has given permission. That is all that is necessary.

Unless and until a settlement the OPs wishes do not override the other owner.

How do I turn the electricity off?

It’s like arguing with a toddler and life is too short.

Thanks for the insult WilfredPies.

The home belongs to me as well and I haven't given my permission.

What next? he gives his permission for his gf to come and stay?

Why is it that people are just taking the side of the man? If I were a man would my home rights as the resident homeowner just be overlooked?

CAB will not give legal advice and in this situation will be of no help whatsoever. Your situation is complex. As you are married then from a legal point of view the starting point for splitting the former matrimonial home is 50/50 (starting point reiterated). How much was put down for deposit etc is not going to guarantee you that percentage back. But also it's complicated further by SS living there rent free, but I wouldn't be surprised if he is treated as a child of the marriage, even though he is an adult, and this could affect the way the court would see any add back you might argue for due to non payment of bills etc. Either way, there are legal remedies available to you but you need to take action. CAB are not going to help one iota with that. You will need to initiate legal proceedings if you want to get this sorted. Or you could change the locks and see how that goes. Your ex may be prompted to take legal action himself or he may retaliate with changing locks back etc, you'll have to see how it plays out, but if you want this dealt with properly you need to resolve the underlying financial settlement on divorce you are both entitled to - as it stands he is entitled to a share in the property you live in and at some point will be coming for that. Use a lawyer someone can recommend to you personally if you're worried about being ripped off etc. As it's a divorce/matrimonial case, TOLATA would not typically be the appropriate piece of legislation you would look to - this is for unmarried couples. If you want to do your own legal research before talking to a solicitor, look at the matrimonial causes act regarfing powers of the court on splitting assets on divorce and the family law act re occupation orders and go from there. As many many others have said, the human rights act is not the way in which you are going to resolve this from a legal point of view as there are other pieces of legislation which provide the appropriate remedy. The HRA does not.

The police won't do anything.

The son has consent from the legal owner. It's a civil matter.

Assuming you're in the. yak as you mention tenants in common, your ex has a beneficial interest in the property so if you sold it he would have a right to the proceeds of sale. As your ex has vacated the property, he does not have a right to dictate who can stay there unless there is an agreement in place with you (a signed agreement) or there is a court order.

Your ex would require your consent to allow his son to live there. The tricky part is that you did provide consent but have since changed your mind. So the best thing you can do right now is to send an email giving notice to your ex that you want his son to move out and also to send him a 'signed for' letter by post.

While your ex has a right to reside in the property himself, he does not have a right to allow a third party to reside in the property while you are in occupation.

It should be noted that if you were to evict his son this way, you're looking at a very difficult sale when you reach that bridge in future, so as pp have mostly advised you're much better off buying out your ex or selling the property.

Your ex has been very crafty by moving out, still contributing to the mortgage and persuading you to allow his son to live there. Does your ex still have letters sent to the property?

You are best to seek legal advice to ascertain what position you're in and how best to proceed. However the situation you're in has several blurred lines so it's best to protect your interests and get your house in order (excuse the pun) and to progress moving out your ex's son.

First I would be putting locks on all of the rooms you occupy so he can't enter. I would then get an electrician out to the house and paying to have SS's bedroom & bathroom isolated on their own circuit with a breaker and get a lockable circuit box. I would ask that the rest of the house be put on a circuit breaker and lock that box too. Turn off the power to the whole house when you're not home, and only turn on your bedroom & bathroom. I would totally shut off the electricity to his bedroom, eat out, get your own uber eats, etc until he fucks off. He doesn't pay the bills and is not entitled to your electricity, heat or water. He won't be able to play computer games or shower, and will soon be chilly.

I don't understand why you are finding this difficult.

He is the legal owner. He doesn't need your permission. Yes he could move back in with his girlfriend if he chose to.

Just sort your settlement out and move on.

This is nonsense

The ex is a legal owner.

Instead of arguing on Mumsnet, you need to go and see a solicitor. You can't argue with the law.

I appreciate you don't like the legal options you have. But maybe you'll be able to come round to one of them when you know they're your only choices.

Thanks. SS is going on 22 now so he should not be considered a child of the marriiage.

I am finding it difficult because, while I appreciate that he is a legal owner what about my legal ownership? Is that just disregarded?

And how is it legal for a separated partner to move their new gf in with their separated wife into the marital home they both own? I know you are being helpful but I feel you are trying to wind me up. under Family Law Act 1996 such a situation would be seen as intolerable.

The settlement is being sorted but taking time.

i will be seeing a solicitor in due course. Forums are here for discussion and that is what i am doing here like everyone else.

And me?