trying to evict adult stepchild

[DionneEz]

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

You could port your mortgage to a new property?

No, I’m not.

But I do work with the HRA on a daily basis and have done since it was enshrined into British law, so I know for a fact that she has no claim that her rights are being breached. So please, feel free to argue her case with me under the ECHR. You will be wrong.

And, as I’ve acknowledged, I’m no lawyer, but I don’t think you have to be in order to tell someone that they can’t just ignore the fact that someone owns 40% of their home and that they need to seek legal advice before they attempt to chuck someone out of a property that doesn’t solely belong to them.

See a lawyer, change the wifi password, and if you think your fridge contents can handle it flick the fuse off on your power as you leave in the morning. I hope the lawyer says go ahead and change the locks!

Then buy him out now, coming up with rights you think you should have does not mean you have those rights

No idea how on earth your size has anything to do with the fact he still technically owns the house as well as you

You want the son out then see a lawyer and make it happen legally 'well I demand' does not work legally

What's the point in posting if you're just going to argue with everyone trying to give you advice. If there was DV against you, and you believe the son being there is your husband attempting to coercively control you, I would speak to whoever dealt with your case for advice on this.

I would also speak to a solicitor about your DV and your husband refusing to initiate divorce.

And I'd look into buying him out. I know you want your mortgage rate. But sunk cost fallacy and all that.

Argue her case with you? Why would I want to argue with some stranger on the internet over another stranger? 😕😐 was merely asking if u was a lawyer I don’t want a row rowdie!! 🤣🤣 😅🤣 🫨

Fantastic, because it’s very late and I’m far more effective mid morning, once I’ve had breakfast and some caffeine! 😁

So we are saying that co owning a house says you can have someone live there the co owner doesn’t want to who has no interest in the house at all.

Yes. That’s basically the state of the law. A co-owner has a legal right to use a property in any otherwise legal way they want regardless of the desire of the other co-owners unless there is a legal agreement or court order in place stopping them.

It’s not normally a problem because most co-owners agree, well enough, on how to use the property and them both having the same rights makes it easy for them to get on with whatever they bought the property for. When they don’t agree there are ways to handle the dispute through the courts and either dissolve the co-ownership or get a court ruling on how the property can be used.

When we’re talking about people’s homes the disputes come with heavy costs in other ways too, not just financial.

It’s not a great system when someone is being deliberately obstructive in some way - but it’s hard to develop a system that can quickly identify the people being ornery and controlling from those who just have a different perspective and apply a fair way of dealing with both.

Bloody hell I wouldn’t wanna catch u on a bad day 🤣🤣

• *Why are you shouting in CAPS?

In your case, there is no article of the Human Rights Act that says your ex cannot install his son in a property he partially owns because you don’t like it.
You are being obtuse. I have a right to a peaceful home life. These are my human rights. My ex choosing to install his adult son in the marital home against the wishes of his ex wife is a breach to that home life. the act doesn't have to be explicit.

I know my ex won't move back in because he would have by now. He has established his home elsewhere. But why do you keep bringing that up?

I have given you the facts.

It is not about my ex moving in or not. At least if he is here, he would actually pay his way and clean up, plus he is employed, unlike his son.

My initial question was about if I changed the locks against SS, could my ex kick up a fuss and let him back in? meaning could he break the locks and come back in with the son? Or could the police force me to let him back him because the father said so. I have already informed my ex that I will be changing the locks once his son goes out so he is aware.

Everyone seems to be disregarding my rights as a 60% resident homeowner who pays 100% of the bills. Why? What gives my ex, who owns just 40% of the property and doesn't live here, the right to dictate the living arrangements of his ex-wife?

What legal repercussions could I face for kicking this adult out? If it is about my ex-moving in to reassert control, that won't happen because he would have done that by now. Besides, he has spent a load of money doing up the other place, so I doubt he will leave there. As I said, he just doesn't want his adult son with him.

I have a legal right to live in my home plus an obligation to pay the bills that keep my home running. It is not a desire.

The son doesn;t own the house.

Thanks. I am going to call the bank on monday to find out what I can do in that regard.

Alright OP, we’re all wrong and you’re right.

Kick him out, change the locks, whatever you prefer.

And keep us posted to how it goes please.

I’m sure it’ll all go swimmingly.

Absolutely, see a solicitor and stop getting legal advice from unqualified sources.

I personally don’t think this man will do anything within his legal rights at all. Why would he bother when he can just stop paying his portion of the mortgage? I think this is how he justifies the payment to himself with the bonus of owning a property at the end of it and no it’s not fair but I don’t think he cares. If you manage to kick his son out I think he’ll just stop paying.

He's living in his dad's house he's not a guest. Why are you on here arguing I get it's hard but what you are doing isn't helping. You've had some fantastic advice and you need to give some of it a go.

OP you can take the mortgage rate with you even if you sell the house and buy another one. This is called Mortgage Porting. I would encourage you to spend time to research this.
Have you spoken to Domestic Violence helpline?
What are your ex's bail conditions for DV?

This. Re the bills.
please say your not doing anything such as his washing and ironing.

If your ex wanted to walk through that front door and throw a rave, he could.

If your ex wanted to invite a bunch of people to stay, he could.

If your ex wanted to move back in, he could.

If your ex wanted to come in and destroy/repaint whatever, the entire house, he could.

Just because he's not living there right now doesn't mean he can't.

Just because he's not living there doesn't mean is isn't allowed to let other people stay at his house (think of it like a holiday home where people don't stay all the time but they still own it).

You don't have a tenancy agreement with your ex, which is why it's different to any rental property where there's a contract. You don't have exclusive use.

Just if you were still happily married and living together, either of you are able to invite whoever you want over and police wouldn't be able to remove them.

You need to get an exclusive use, or separation agreement or something like that, at the minimum. I'd personally be pushing for the divorce. You're in limbo and you've left yourself open to the whims of your ex.

Ask yourself what your mental health & well-being is worth to you. The 2% interest rate saving is probably being eaten up by other random bills due to your guest.

You're not going to "win" by kicking your step-son out, in fact it'll probably just get worse. So finalize things and focus on the real issue, getting rid of your ex for good.

If you think your human rights are breached, you can take this to the court, you have to prove it in the court how they are breached. It will be very expensive way and there is no guarantee that the court sided with you. If they dont then you will be at square one again.

You can request to port this mortgage to a new property surely? I was in the same position as you and that's what I did, therefore keeping your low interest rate.

It's a shit situation for you OP- I don't think anyone is denying that. And if it's any consolation it probably won't reflect at all well on your ex in the divorce process.

I get the wish to stay on the 2%, and I'm glad you're planning to speak to the bank about potentially porting. I had to take out a new mortgage when buying my ex out though as it is a new mortgage- it's just you, not you as a couple. And banks are of course going to be keen to get people off the super low rates now.

However- add up all he's spending on bills, and your 25% council tax discount. Or perhaps even add in what you'd be getting as rent from a decent, respectful lodger that you screened yourself! It might not look like such a bad deal... your situation now does sound infuriating in the extreme.

Finally- just to state the obvious: what a fucking shit dad.

I was shouting in capitals because I find it very frustrating that you are not listening to any of the posters who have tried to explain to you that you don’t understand how human rights work. I understand that you want to believe that your human rights are being breached, but it becomes clearer with each post that you wouldn’t recognise the HRA if it presented itself to you in a frame, gave you a bunch of tulips and a box of Milk Tray and invited you out for dinner. Repeating that your human rights are being breached does not make it so.

You are partially right, in that the Article (rather than the Act) does not need to be specific. However, as has been very clearly explained to you by many posters already, the HRA does not cover one individual breaching the human rights of another individual, even if he didn’t own 40% of your home. Now I don’t know if you’re not getting this because your brain is filled with trifle or because the whole situation has frustrated you to the point where you simply can’t take in any more information but I’m going to try and explain this to you one more time. You do not have a claim under the HRA because an individual cannot breach your human rights. It is not legally possible for him to breach your human rights. The Human Rights Act does not cover that. And if the HRA doesn’t cover it, then it’s not a breach. If you don’t believe me, then please feel free to spend your money trying to take him to Court for breaching your rights. See what happens. And the fact that you think that it’s me who is being obtuse would be funny if it weren’t so sad. You’re in a shit situation. You need legal advice.

My initial question was about if I changed the locks against SS, could my ex kick up a fuss and let him back in? meaning could he break the locks and come back in with the son? Or could the police force me to let him back him because the father said so. I have already informed my ex that I will be changing the locks once his son goes out so he is aware What part of ‘Quite possibly, see a solicitor’ are you not understanding?

Everyone seems to be disregarding my rights as a 60% resident homeowner who pays 100% of the bills. Why? What gives my ex, who owns just 40% of the property and doesn't live here, the right to dictate the living arrangements of his ex-wife? Err, the fact that he owns 40% of your home? He’s not dictating your living arrangements at all. You could move a troupe of dancing boys into your dining room and put on matinee performances for the neighbours and he couldn’t stop you. What he is doing is exercising his rights to the 40% share of the property that he owns. If you can’t be arsed to change the WiFi password, that’s not on him.

What legal repercussions could I face for kicking this adult out? If it is about my ex-moving in to reassert control, that won't happen because he would have done that by now. Besides, he has spent a load of money doing up the other place, so I doubt he will leave there. As I said, he just doesn't want his adult son with him Again, you have been told time and time again to get legal advice. If you do not want to pay for legal advice, and your ex utilises his options under the law, you could potentially find yourself wishing you had spent £150 or whatever an hour costs now, to save yourself the legal trouble that you could potentially find yourself in.

I have a legal right to live in my home plus an obligation to pay the bills that keep my home running. It is not a desire You have a legal right to reside in your home, if that’s what you want to do. You do not have an obligation to live there, as you claimed. A legal right to do something and and obligation to do something are not the same thing.

Whatever you pay a solicitor, it isn’t going to be enough. They are going to earn every single penny representing you.

I don't think they have to let you as you aren't just porting- you're taking out a new mortgage as a single person with all the affordability checks etc that entails. If your bank let you keep your rate when divorcing, I don't think they had to?

She won’t get as far as needing to prove it. The Court will see that her ex husband and his son are individuals and it will be struck out.