trying to evict adult stepchild

[DionneEz]

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

In a general sense, under the law ownership basically gives you the right to say yes to what happens to your property. Saying no to someone who has ownership rights is, effectively denying them the rights of ownership. Legally, a no only trumps a yes when an owner’s yes would remove the other owner’s property rights (so, for instance, selling or putting the full property up as collateral on a loan requires both owners to say yes). Your status as a resident owner is no different from your ex’s status as a nonresident owner.

When there is a dispute between owners you can go to court and ask them to deny your co-owner some of their rights. E.g. an occupation order) but you need that court order to legally deny your ex his property rights.

@Willyoujustbequiet he is a legal owner, but not in occupation. As the OP is in occupation, she has more rights in this situation which is an important point that most are missing. There needs to be an agreement in place between both owners as to any third parties who can reside in the property (or a court order). The ex husband can argue that consent was sought and granted (so OP has to check if her ex asked by email and if she agreed. If so, it does not work in her favour, which is why I think she should give notice that she wants SS to vacate asap, or within a reasonable period).

As OP is a joint owner in occupation, she has a stronger case here.

I agree with pp who advise changing the WiFi password. She can also make things difficult for the SS, e.g putting a lock on doors to all rooms he uses, e.g the bathroom or even his bedroom. It's not ideal, but it's probably best to take this path to compel the SS to vacate on his own accord.

Thanks:

However, my no is not denying their ownership rights, it is defending my own right to live in peace in my home.
Furthermore, the non-resident still has their rights intact, but they cannot breach my ownership rights to peace in my home by imposing this person on me.

I would also hope that the law would take into consideration the financial burden and responsibilities as the sole resident homeowner as well.

Switch board or fuse box depending how old your electrical set up is. There might be a master switch in the box that holds the electricity meter assuming its not pay as you go. Otherwise each circuit needs to be turned off separately.

People are trying to say you don't trump each other so he's just as entitled to say yes as you are to say no. It's a civil matter so it means going to court if you disagree. You're allowed to change the locks, the issue is whether you can legally bar your ex, as a co-owner, from the house. It is likely he is legally entitled to access which means he could the change the locks himself if you didnt give him a key for the new locks.

He doesn't actually have to pay the mortgage, the way they're set up you're both legally liable for the full amount. If he doesn't pay half and you don't pay the full amount and the house gets reposesed this effects you much more than him. It's not unreasonable for you to be liable for the full amount if he is no longer benefiting from his investment via his son living there. If you rock the boat he may stop paying or he may take you to court and force you to sell. If you're happy to pay it yourself than you could change the locks and see what happens. Is it worth having to pay the whole mortgage on your own to not have his son there?

I feel for you. I wouldn't like that situation either, not at all.

I think you need to get a consultation with an attorney before doing a single thing more.

While the law often does seem to back up what most of us would think is fair, it doesn't always.

So if you make a wrong move, legally speaking, that leaves you open to possible negative consequences. And sometimes they can be surprising, in a bad way.

It doesn't matter what any of us think, it only matters what the law actually is on this very specific situation. I wouldn't play with it. A consultation with a well rated lawyer is a small price to pay for solid advice. Good luck. Please keep us updated.

I agree @BigHeadBertha. The OP needs solid legal advice, not the CAB, someone who specializes in property law.

In the meantime, change the WiFi password.

I get that. But you can't discuss your way out of legal obligations.

@DionneEz I agree with the above poster. Either remove the WiFi or change the password. If you have any tv subscriptions, cancel them or make them password protected and change them. If you have two bathrooms, put a lock on the outside of your bathroom and bedroom. Do not let him have anything that you purchase.

Not sure what you would do with the electric and water. You could check with a plumber to see how to turn off the water when you aren't there and an electrician about the electric.

I totally understand your dilemma but you need to see a lawyer and find out how you can force your STBX to sell off to you. You own more of the house, so it's only right for you to be able to own it without an abuser being able to stop it.

Did you buy the furniture for the SS's room? Any way to prove it? If you did and can prove it, remove it all when he leaves. He may have access to the house, but I cannot see how that means he should have access to anything in the house, including the washer and dryer, shower, etc. He wants to use the shower. He pays. He wants to wash clothes, he pays. But, please, seek legal advice asap. You should have done that a long, long time ago.

That's what the OP WANTS to do. Pay the mortgage herself. The STBX cannot force her to sell if she is willing to buy him out. She is majority owner.

I assume you have a fuse box with different circuits on it. Leave the kitchen circuit on because of the fridge but turn off the circuit with his room in it.

@AnnoyedAsAllHeck She explained upthread that she wants to wait until 2027 to buy him out as her current good mortgage rate expires that year. It’ll be a long two years if her SS doesn’t leave. 🙁

You can turn off the electricity because you are paying for it.

Why not speak with your mortgage provider about a Post Contract Variation on your current mortgage rate, likely Additional Borrowing (for you to buy him out) and then Transfer of Equity (so you are the subsequent sole property owner), there are ways around this whilst keeping your favourable mortgage rate.

Sitting on this and doing nothing until 2027 just to keep a favourable mortgage rate is clearly untenable.

Your ex owns his share of the property, this is shaky legal ground. I assume you’ll need legal advice to ensure you both get fair and representative splits of the property in divorce proceedings anyway. Get onto a solicitor ASAP.

Should say may be able to force you to sell my bad. But she's married so you can't presume the split of ownership like that and if found appropriate the court can certainly force the sale. Plus if she actually wanted to pay the full mortgage she would already be doing so and she's not. The court may or may not consider her the 60% owner for the purpose of financial settlement and buyout. All assets get included, stbxh house may well be too along with pensions, cars, both mortgages, other loans. No one can tell OP what the financial settlement will end up being including the ownership division of the house. She may get more than 60%, she may get less. She can certainly offer a buyout during financial settlement and if the court see that as reasonable they can rule her ex has to accept it. If she cannot borrow enough to get him taken off the mortgage though there's a good chance he can force a sale, courts like clean breaks. If OP isn't ready to buy him out and doesn't even know if she can borrow enough rocking the boat might not be a good idea. Especially before she gets legal advice in regards to the likely financial settlement, which no one on here can advise on.

OP You're doing a lot of arguing with people on mumsnet about whether he should be allowed to live in your house or not but the only people you need to convince will be the judge when you reach the eviction hearing.

But he isn’t a legal tenant and hasn’t got a tenancy agreement.
Locks on everything-kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms.

I would box up his stuff today, ask the locksmith to add a lock rather than change them so only you have the key for now, Tell your ex you are happy to sell up (you can buy him out) or go to court but his son is out from today he has been given enough notice. Leave ex to decide what he wants to do - either way ss is out.

Your ex will either:

Accept your decision and continue to pay
Insist the house is sold, and you can then buy him out if you want to
It is unlikely he will go to court, because you have already offered by this point to biuy him out.

Push to get the divorce finalised. You need to be free of both of them
op.

OP as others have stated you need to seek legal advice and apply for an occupancy order as soon as possible if you really can’t reconcile yourself to this living situation for two years. Something to be aware of is that your husband may retaliate and either move back in or stop paying the mortgage. You seem to be labouring under the misguided impression that he can’t stop paying the mortgage just because he signed on the dotted line. This is in fact not true. Many men move out and stop paying their mortgages and it’s their wives that have to pick up the slack in order for the house not to fall into repossession. There are also cases of the reverse but the former is much more common. You could also refuse to pay the mortgage and see if he’s happy to pay it to avoid risking repossession and losing his 40% but that in itself is an enormous gamble.

If he stops paying the mortgage, you would then still be liable for 100% of the mortgage payment and he would still be entitled to his 40% in the same way you would be entitled to your 60% if the situations were reversed.

When I was growing up my parents were married and jointly owned their house 50/50. My mother was a SAHP, did all of the childcare and home care and my father went to work and paid all of the mortgage and bills. My mother had to then flee into refuge for DV for three years and therefore was no longer living at the address and obviously wasn’t paying the mortgage either. When they divorced she was still granted her 50% share even though she hadn’t lived in the property or paid towards the mortgage for years. The only difference in your situation would be the outcome of the share. This was some 15 years ago now but the law hasn’t changed since to my knowledge. Happy to be corrected though.

It isn’t fair, it isn’t just, but that is the law and you need to be perfectly clear that this situation could be a reality. As others have said, you need to look at buying him out and force through the divorce and financial settlement. Arguing the law should be one way because it’s unfair is neither factual or helpful for you.

You have the same rights as your husband as the legal owner. You can also move anyone you like into the house, just as he's done.

OP, I don’t know how you’ve put up with this for so long. If your stepson is at home all day on gaming devices, why don’t you just change the password on the WiFi so he doesn’t have access? At the point where your DEx was kicked out, why didn’t you insist the son went with him? And why are you so insistent that you have the law on your side when it’s quite possible you don’t? The law isn’t something malleable that you can change to your own liking because you don’t perceive it as “fair”. You need to see a solicitor - and it’s possible that in order to move on, you will have to give up your favourable mortgage rate in order to sell up and move on.

Your safety, security and peace of mind is worth more than a good mortgage rate op.

No-one is taking the side of your ex. I think we all agree it is a shit situation. People are trying to tell you it isn't a breach of your human rights and why, and that you need to speak to a solicitor for expert advice.

They don't have to but often they do and I'm saying I ported my mortgage in a similar situation.

Divorce is expensive. Living on your own is expensive. There is no way out of your situation that is not going to cost you money.

Pretty much this.

The only way to be rid of your ex is to sell or buy him out. Your living situation sucks, but whilst he has a stake in the house its a million times harder to enforce his son moving out. He also isn't 'legally obligated' to pay towards the mortgage, anyone can default on their payments should they choose.