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Original poster

trying to evict adult stepchild

806 replies

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 22:33

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 04/03/2025 00:43

The OP ought to be wary of doing anything that could be considered harassment ie changing the locks, or switching off the water or electricity.
(Internet - may be fair enough). Harrassment is a criminal offence. Has she asked her Ex for a contribution towards the utility bills?

Dillydollydingdong · 04/03/2025 00:49

Redjoy STOP trying to give legal advice when you haven't a clue what you're talking about. The OP doesn't need encouragement to get it wrong. She's doing very well without you!

Biscuitsnotcookies · 04/03/2025 01:15

Dillydollydingdong · 04/03/2025 00:43

The OP ought to be wary of doing anything that could be considered harassment ie changing the locks, or switching off the water or electricity.
(Internet - may be fair enough). Harrassment is a criminal offence. Has she asked her Ex for a contribution towards the utility bills?

There is absolutely no chance of op being charged with harassment for heaven sake. Have you even looked at the actual legal guidelines for that offence?

Op pack up his stuff, deliver it safely to his father’s house ( take a photo as evidence) and tell your dh you wish to buy him out, and finalise the divorce. Job done. Put it in writing formally.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law Relationship problems
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 04/03/2025 06:22

Dillydollydingdong · 04/03/2025 00:43

The OP ought to be wary of doing anything that could be considered harassment ie changing the locks, or switching off the water or electricity.
(Internet - may be fair enough). Harrassment is a criminal offence. Has she asked her Ex for a contribution towards the utility bills?

In what world is it harassment to stop providing free electricity for an unrelated adult who doesn't contribute towards the bills?

If he lived alone and didn't pay his bills, would it be harassment if the electricity provider cut him off?

Zita60 · 04/03/2025 06:32

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 04/03/2025 06:22

In what world is it harassment to stop providing free electricity for an unrelated adult who doesn't contribute towards the bills?

If he lived alone and didn't pay his bills, would it be harassment if the electricity provider cut him off?

Show quote history

If he has a right to live there, given to him by one of the owners, that might include the right to standard utilities like electricity and water. I don’t know, because I’m not a lawyer, but I think the OP should get legal advice before doing anything like this.

Denying SS access to the WiFi wouldn’t be an issue, unless it antagonises her DH and he does something to escalate the situation. That’s why, like so many other people on this thread, I’ve suggested that she stop arguing with us here and get some proper legal advice.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 04/03/2025 06:43

Zita60 · 04/03/2025 06:32

If he has a right to live there, given to him by one of the owners, that might include the right to standard utilities like electricity and water. I don’t know, because I’m not a lawyer, but I think the OP should get legal advice before doing anything like this.

Denying SS access to the WiFi wouldn’t be an issue, unless it antagonises her DH and he does something to escalate the situation. That’s why, like so many other people on this thread, I’ve suggested that she stop arguing with us here and get some proper legal advice.

Show quote history

I am a lawyer, and no, he doesn't have the right to that. If the owner who has given him permission to live there wants to pay for his share of the utilities then yes, it could be argued that he has that right. Otherwise, no.

AmIEnough · 04/03/2025 07:25

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:06

This is my only home. The property is owned in Tenancy in common and I own the majority as I put 60% of the mortgage down plus paid for most of the furnishings plus a brand new kitchen.
Ex is is staying at another property he owns but doesn't want his adult son there.

Show quote history

So your ex owns another property but doesn’t want his own son there! Well that just about says it all doesn’t it, he would rather burden you with his lazy good for nothing son than have him in his own house! You definitely need to seek legal advice here

Donsyb · 04/03/2025 11:25

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:17

I wouldn't want to sell now as I have a really good mortgage rate at 2% which ends in 2027. If I sell and buy again, I wouldn't get the same deal.

It may be easier to buy him out which is what I want to do. However, the issue now is his son.

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Can you not port the existing mortgage to a new house? We’ve done that before.

CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 12:10

Donsyb · 04/03/2025 11:25

Can you not port the existing mortgage to a new house? We’ve done that before.

Show quote history

Probably not if the ex husband is on one and not going to be on the other? I assume when you ported everyone on the old mortgage was also on the new? If not, maybe it is possible!

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 13:50

Redjoy · 03/03/2025 21:30

Change the locks. Your SS has no legal right to live there at all. If your ex still has keys and wants to change them back, that’s up to him. He cannot insist that his kid lives there.

You need to read the thread. The ex is a legal owner and has given his son permission.

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 13:56

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 22:37

She absolutely can change the locks and stop her stepson living there. I left my marital home and my solicitor advised that it was now legally my ex husbands home and I had no automatic right of entry without an appointment agreed by him, even though I still legally owned half of the house. The situation is very similar to having a lodger, you cannot simply walk in! On the other side of that is the mortgage, he can, and I did, stop paying half the mortgage. If the house goes into default and there is money owing after the sale, you will both be jointly liable but he won’t lose his share of the house.

Show quote history

You must have misunderstood what you were told.

pollymere · 04/03/2025 13:56

Change the WiFi password... It is very difficult to exist in a home without WiFi these days.

I probably would change the locks. Especially if there was DV. Just to feel safe.

And if your ex asks, say he is welcome to a key...if he wishes to give this to his son however, he will need to ensure said son is paying his share of the bills including groceries.

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 14:01

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:53

I did exactly what the op’s dh did, I left the property, I didn’t at any point give up my rights to it! Where are you reading that into my statements.

the dh has no rights to say who can and cannot live in a property he no longer lives in, end of. Op can get rid of anyone she wants who are not legally entitled to be there, and that means the home owner who has possession and no one else unless they have a valid tenancy agreement given by the resident owner.

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He's not a tenant fgs.

The ex is the legal owner. Not sure what part of that you are struggling with.

Please stop writing such nonsense.

Hummingbird445566 · 04/03/2025 14:05

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:17

I wouldn't want to sell now as I have a really good mortgage rate at 2% which ends in 2027. If I sell and buy again, I wouldn't get the same deal.

It may be easier to buy him out which is what I want to do. However, the issue now is his son.

Show quote history

You can sell and buy again with the same rate. I did exactly this and “ported” my existing mortgage to a new property. I then set up a second mortgage for the difference in value. These are both with the same provider and come out of my account as a single payment

CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 14:13

Hummingbird445566 · 04/03/2025 14:05

You can sell and buy again with the same rate. I did exactly this and “ported” my existing mortgage to a new property. I then set up a second mortgage for the difference in value. These are both with the same provider and come out of my account as a single payment

Show quote history

The OP doesn’t have a mortgage on her own, she shares a mortgage with her ex. She’d have to get him off the current mortgage and the usual way to do that is to remortgage in her name only.

The ex would be mad to agree to port a mortgage for which he is legally liable to a property he has no claim over!

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:13

Doesn’t make any difference. SS has no right to live there..

Hummingbird445566 · 04/03/2025 14:18

CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 14:13

The OP doesn’t have a mortgage on her own, she shares a mortgage with her ex. She’d have to get him off the current mortgage and the usual way to do that is to remortgage in her name only.

The ex would be mad to agree to port a mortgage for which he is legally liable to a property he has no claim over!

Show quote history

Ahhh, my apologies, I didn’t notice joint mortgage.

CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 14:28

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:13

Doesn’t make any difference. SS has no right to live there..

Legal basis for this? Multiple people, including me think any owner can give permission to live there, particularly in a situation like this where the SS lived in the house with his father so the father has never given up his occupation rights since his representative (the son) has continued living there.

The ex has continued to pay the mortgage after moving out so it will be very difficult for the OP to suggest she didn’t agree with this (since most departing spouses don’t keep paying and the Family Court usually agrees if it gets that far).

If I’m wrong and you can point me to the relevant legislation / case law, I’d be happy to change my mind.

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 14:29

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:13

Doesn’t make any difference. SS has no right to live there..

Why do you believe that?

CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 14:32

Hummingbird445566 · 04/03/2025 14:18

Ahhh, my apologies, I didn’t notice joint mortgage.

Show quote history

It’s why she can’t just sling out the SS the way she wants. If it was just her house, he’d be trespassing and she can get him out without an issue.

The ex is on both the mortgage and the ‘deeds’ (actually land registry documents) and has both kept paying the mortgage and maintained occupancy of the property via his representative (the son). It makes trying to claim ‘but it’s my house’ more complex.

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:43

Because he hasn’t. If it’s a joint mortgage, both parties have to agree.SS is not doing anything to give himself any separate rights eg paying rent. Even if he was, his ability to stay ,against the express wishes of the occupier , would not be upheld. Kicking him out may well provoke the ex H to insist the property is sold/ he is bought out, but that would take a while. Change the locks and crack on !

CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 14:48

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:43

Because he hasn’t. If it’s a joint mortgage, both parties have to agree.SS is not doing anything to give himself any separate rights eg paying rent. Even if he was, his ability to stay ,against the express wishes of the occupier , would not be upheld. Kicking him out may well provoke the ex H to insist the property is sold/ he is bought out, but that would take a while. Change the locks and crack on !

No, generally only one owner can give permission unless there is a court order to the contrary. Which for some reason, the OP has not obtained.

As I said, if you have any legislation / case law to the contrary, please post it.

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:51

Ways and Means Act. The op is being forced to have an unpaying lodger she doesn’t want by her ex who won’t have him living with him. Smells of coercive control to me. Change the locks and see where it goes. She needs to stand up for herself..

CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 14:54

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:51

Ways and Means Act. The op is being forced to have an unpaying lodger she doesn’t want by her ex who won’t have him living with him. Smells of coercive control to me. Change the locks and see where it goes. She needs to stand up for herself..

So no actual legal basis at all, then…..

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:57

Lawyer for 40 years. Not saying it might not have consequences( eg house having to be sold) . Saying the Gordian knot needs cutting . Cannot go on like this.