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Original poster

trying to evict adult stepchild

806 replies

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 22:33

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

OP posts:
CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 15:15

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 14:57

Lawyer for 40 years. Not saying it might not have consequences( eg house having to be sold) . Saying the Gordian knot needs cutting . Cannot go on like this.

That I do agree with. The OP needs to finalise the divorce and get rid of both the SS and his father! I don’t understand why she hasn’t got a solicitor. If we are talking multiple properties in London, a SS who may or may not have a legal right to share the property and past DV, the situation is way past self help in my view (or Mumsnet help for that matter).

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 15:23

CandidHedgehog · 04/03/2025 14:54

So no actual legal basis at all, then…..

Show quote history

No. No legal basis at all and not something a lawyer would advise.

Redjoy · 04/03/2025 15:25

Absolutely..

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law Relationship problems
LazyArsedMagician · 04/03/2025 15:42

Soontobe60 · 01/03/2025 22:37

Actually, your ex is entitled to not pay towards the mortgage, so you’re on dodgy ground. I suggest you speak to a solicitor asap to get accurate advice.

That's rubbish. If he's on the mortgage, he is on the hook for payments. It might not affect his living situation if the property was repossessed but it would certainly hurt his credit!

Original poster
DionneEz · 04/03/2025 15:48

I have changed the password but he has gone to buy his own modem.

When he goes out, I’ll get an electrician in to disconnect his room. As i can’t see where to isolate the sockets in from my the mains.

Also spoke to the bank today and they said I could look into a transfer of equity plus get a loan to buy him out. The problem is how much will he want in terms of the loan. The equity will be on my current mortgage rate. Any loan I take out will be on the current rate the banks offer. Thanks to everyone who suggested I could do this.

I have been in the office since Monday but working from home tomorrow and will call up the solicitors to see about pushing the divorce through.

OP posts:
Redjoy · 04/03/2025 15:57

I was a family solicitor for 40 years..

Shintoland · 04/03/2025 16:07

I think faffing about with WiFi and electricity just underlines how needled you are by this situation they've created. Every move you make in that little arms race is a little victory for them, a reminder that they are getting to you, and risks eacalation. What's next if you make his room uninhabitable? Won t he just moved into your living room or something?

Much stronger I think to force the sale or buy him out, so I'm pleased to see you progressing this. If you can afford to pay the whole mortgage yourself you can also afford a 4% mortgage on a stepson-free house and it would be SO much better for you than paying electricians to make your home increasingly unpleasant to live in.

BruFord · 04/03/2025 16:39

Good update, OP. Taking control of the situation is the best way forward, your husband has messed around long enough delaying your divorce and dumping his son on you.

BruFord · 04/03/2025 16:42

@Shintoland At least he can pay for his own WIFI now while the OP moves forward with the divorce! Honestly, expecting the OP to pay all the bills for the last two years was really taking the P. Time to start behaving like the adult he is.

pikkumyy77 · 04/03/2025 16:59

Just sell up and get out. He has won the war of abuse. But you don’t have to let him win the aftermath.

Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 17:16

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 13:56

You must have misunderstood what you were told.

Show quote history

I had one of the best solicitors in the county I lived in, from one of the best firms. It was actually the judge at our first hearing that told me this, I don’t think I misunderstood. Are you a Barrister or at least a solicitor to question what a judge told me?

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 17:18

Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 17:16

I had one of the best solicitors in the county I lived in, from one of the best firms. It was actually the judge at our first hearing that told me this, I don’t think I misunderstood. Are you a Barrister or at least a solicitor to question what a judge told me?

Show quote history

Solicitor yes and I doubt that.

Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 17:19

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 14:01

He's not a tenant fgs.

The ex is the legal owner. Not sure what part of that you are struggling with.

Please stop writing such nonsense.

Show quote history

It’s you that’s writing nonsense, his father may be a legal part owner but he does not now have a right of abode. Therefore his son who is nothing to do with the op does not have the right to live with her. Can you please let us know your legal qualifications that enable you to rant so verbosely about what she can or cannot do?

Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 17:21

DionneEz · 04/03/2025 15:48

I have changed the password but he has gone to buy his own modem.

When he goes out, I’ll get an electrician in to disconnect his room. As i can’t see where to isolate the sockets in from my the mains.

Also spoke to the bank today and they said I could look into a transfer of equity plus get a loan to buy him out. The problem is how much will he want in terms of the loan. The equity will be on my current mortgage rate. Any loan I take out will be on the current rate the banks offer. Thanks to everyone who suggested I could do this.

I have been in the office since Monday but working from home tomorrow and will call up the solicitors to see about pushing the divorce through.

Speak to the solicitors about getting him out!

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 17:29

Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 17:19

It’s you that’s writing nonsense, his father may be a legal part owner but he does not now have a right of abode. Therefore his son who is nothing to do with the op does not have the right to live with her. Can you please let us know your legal qualifications that enable you to rant so verbosely about what she can or cannot do?

Show quote history

I've already told you and you are incorrect.

Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 17:32

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 17:18

Solicitor yes and I doubt that.

Show quote history

You doubt what? If I could be bothered to redact my paperwork I’d send you a copy, maybe you need a new job, goodbye

Whyherewego · 04/03/2025 17:38

OP he can buy another modem but unless he has the user id and password for connecting it to the ISP it's not going to do much good. And unless you are ADSL or ethernet cabled there's only 1 fibre cable into the house. I'd remove the modem if I were you or change the admin password on it so he can't copy the authentication credentials

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 17:38

Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 17:32

You doubt what? If I could be bothered to redact my paperwork I’d send you a copy, maybe you need a new job, goodbye

Show quote history

In case it's not clear, I simply don't believe you.

But you made me chuckle so thank you.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/03/2025 17:42

@DionneEz

I have changed the password but he has gone to buy his own modem.

We have TWO passwords for our internet so you may too. There is a 'master password' that came with our internet plan. There is another password that allows someone to connect to our modem.

The provider supplied 'master' password connects our modem to the provider's internet service. We then set our own 'modum password'. That password allows us to control access to our modem.

If your son has the 'master password' (which I assume your STBX knows) then he will still be able to connect his modum directly to your provider. You'd need to contact your internet provider to see about having them change the 'master password'.

If he does not have the 'master password' and you've changed the 'modum password' then he will not be able to access your internet service. Won't stop him from getting his own plan, though.

As far as his electricity goes, the problem with circuits is that one circuit can serve more than one room. The one for our bedroom also serves the outlets & lights in the hallway. The kitchen circuit controls the back porch light. So it may not be as simple as having an electrician disconnect a wire or two at the box. You might be better off finding out which circuit controls his bedroom and just turning that circuit off, even if it means no lights in the bathroom or hallway, and then locking your mains box.

Original poster
DionneEz · 04/03/2025 18:15

AcrossthePond55 · 04/03/2025 17:42

@DionneEz

I have changed the password but he has gone to buy his own modem.

We have TWO passwords for our internet so you may too. There is a 'master password' that came with our internet plan. There is another password that allows someone to connect to our modem.

The provider supplied 'master' password connects our modem to the provider's internet service. We then set our own 'modum password'. That password allows us to control access to our modem.

If your son has the 'master password' (which I assume your STBX knows) then he will still be able to connect his modum directly to your provider. You'd need to contact your internet provider to see about having them change the 'master password'.

If he does not have the 'master password' and you've changed the 'modum password' then he will not be able to access your internet service. Won't stop him from getting his own plan, though.

As far as his electricity goes, the problem with circuits is that one circuit can serve more than one room. The one for our bedroom also serves the outlets & lights in the hallway. The kitchen circuit controls the back porch light. So it may not be as simple as having an electrician disconnect a wire or two at the box. You might be better off finding out which circuit controls his bedroom and just turning that circuit off, even if it means no lights in the bathroom or hallway, and then locking your mains box.

Edited

I believe he has a modem which works via a SIM card which he uses as a hot spot so he does not need access to my broadband or modem.

with the electricity, I want to get the electrician to disconnect the sockets and the lights in his room since he stays in there all day. I’ll have to wait till he goes out.

OP posts:
Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 18:24

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 17:38

In case it's not clear, I simply don't believe you.

But you made me chuckle so thank you.

Show quote history

Grow up, as if you’re a solicitor! I have nothing more to add to you, come back when you’re an adult and talk to the grown ups.

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/03/2025 18:43

Lyraloo · 04/03/2025 18:24

Grow up, as if you’re a solicitor! I have nothing more to add to you, come back when you’re an adult and talk to the grown ups.

Show quote history

I had tbf. You're the one who keeps responding. You said goodbye an hour ago and yet you're back again 😂

A bit of a bizarre overreaction.

As the OP seems to be taking the advice and getting her divorce sorted all is well. I'm happy if you want the last word as its clearly rattled you.

Careertimenow · 04/03/2025 21:31

DionneEz · 04/03/2025 18:15

I believe he has a modem which works via a SIM card which he uses as a hot spot so he does not need access to my broadband or modem.

with the electricity, I want to get the electrician to disconnect the sockets and the lights in his room since he stays in there all day. I’ll have to wait till he goes out.

Show quote history

Well done op make it as uncomfortable for him as possible. He's nothing but a ponce.

MikeRafone · 04/03/2025 21:39

with the electricity, I want to get the electrician to disconnect the sockets and the lights in his room since he stays in there all day. I’ll have to wait till he goes out.

no, you do it on the fuse box

Lovelysummerdays · 04/03/2025 22:09

MikeRafone · 04/03/2025 21:39

with the electricity, I want to get the electrician to disconnect the sockets and the lights in his room since he stays in there all day. I’ll have to wait till he goes out.

no, you do it on the fuse box

You can do it in the room, replace sockets and light switch with a blank plate, they are a few quid in diy shop. I was quite worried about dc shoving things into sockets when they were small so did this with a few low down sockets. Easy enough to change back.

itd save turning off sockets / lights to potentially the whole floor.

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