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Original poster

trying to evict adult stepchild

806 replies

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 22:33

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

OP posts:
Original poster
DionneEz · 03/03/2025 20:42

YoNoHeSido77 · 03/03/2025 20:05

You really need to listen to what you’re being told because you’re going to get a shock.

You don’t own 60% of the house, you own 50% and your husband owns 50%.
It doesn’t matter if you paid 100%, once you’re married EVERYTHING is 50/50.

Look up occupational rent, lawhive.co.uk/knowledge-hub/property/occupational-rent-a-guide-for-separating-homeowners/ because he can absolutely charge you for living there as you are taking away his right to live there.

He could move back in tomorrow, along with a woman and kids and there is very little you could do about it.

If you change the locks he can go right ahead and do the same.

You don’t seem to understand that he owns the house the exact same as you do.

You need to get a divorce and a clean financial break and everything that you both own (all property, pensions, savings etc) goes into a pot and is split 50/50. You can negotiate of course but the law is a starting point of 50/50.

You really need to speak to a solicitor because you’re going to find that you don’t have the rights that you think you have.

He doesn’t HAVE to pay the mortgage, as long as it’s paid they don’t care where it comes from so your only options would be to not pay, and let it get repossessed, or pay the whole thing and if you do continue paying for it then he still gets 50% of it.

I wouldn’t want to live with my SS but it looks like it is the price you’re going to have to pay until you get a proper court agreement put into place.

Show quote history

Thanks but perhaps you need to read through the whole thread before responding as I have already addressed a few points.

This is about the son.

I have not stopped my ex from living there. He chose to live elsewhere following a DV incident. He still comes and goes as he pleases. I have told ex that when I do change the locks he will get a key. There is no way he could charge me occupational rent as I have not said he can't stay.

OP posts:
GuiltyGiraffe · 03/03/2025 20:44

He can just give the key to his son though?

Givemestrength1000 · 03/03/2025 20:52

DionneEz · 03/03/2025 20:42

Thanks but perhaps you need to read through the whole thread before responding as I have already addressed a few points.

This is about the son.

I have not stopped my ex from living there. He chose to live elsewhere following a DV incident. He still comes and goes as he pleases. I have told ex that when I do change the locks he will get a key. There is no way he could charge me occupational rent as I have not said he can't stay.

Show quote history

Argh you are one of the most frustrating OPs I’ve ever read on here. You are so arrogantly assured in your statements when you are so completely wrong!

You do not need to have actively excluded him from the property for him to be entitled to occupational rent. The law interprets “exclusion” as either active or constructive exclusion. A person is CONSTRUCTIVELY excluded if a relationship breaks down i.e. the law doesn’t think it’s reasonable for two separated people to live together under the same roof, so one person who leaves is constructively excluded. That person is entitled to occupational rent if they co own the house.

For the love of god, try LISTENING to other people!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law Relationship problems
beautifuldaytosavelives · 03/03/2025 21:25

Gosh, for someone asking a question, you do seem to have all the answers. Perhaps seek that legal advice suggested on the first reply…

Redjoy · 03/03/2025 21:30

Change the locks. Your SS has no legal right to live there at all. If your ex still has keys and wants to change them back, that’s up to him. He cannot insist that his kid lives there.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/03/2025 21:38

Givemestrength1000 · 03/03/2025 20:52

Argh you are one of the most frustrating OPs I’ve ever read on here. You are so arrogantly assured in your statements when you are so completely wrong!

You do not need to have actively excluded him from the property for him to be entitled to occupational rent. The law interprets “exclusion” as either active or constructive exclusion. A person is CONSTRUCTIVELY excluded if a relationship breaks down i.e. the law doesn’t think it’s reasonable for two separated people to live together under the same roof, so one person who leaves is constructively excluded. That person is entitled to occupational rent if they co own the house.

For the love of god, try LISTENING to other people!

Show quote history

Her husband won't be entitled to occupation rent because he is occupying the property (well, his son is).

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/03/2025 21:46

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/03/2025 21:38

Her husband won't be entitled to occupation rent because he is occupying the property (well, his son is).

Show quote history

OP’s ex is not occupying the property. And the fact that his son is, is irrelevant as he is not part owner, the ex is. The relationship has broken down and ex has moved out. Therefore he has been constructively excluded from the property and is entitled to charge OP occupying rent as she is still resident.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/03/2025 21:53

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/03/2025 21:46

OP’s ex is not occupying the property. And the fact that his son is, is irrelevant as he is not part owner, the ex is. The relationship has broken down and ex has moved out. Therefore he has been constructively excluded from the property and is entitled to charge OP occupying rent as she is still resident.

Edited
Show quote history

He is using his part of the property by having his son live there. He cannot simultaneously give his son permission to live there AND expect an occupation rent from the OP. A judge would laugh in his face if he tried to pull that one.

If his son were not living there then yes, he could ask for an occupation rent. But as things stand, he is using the property just as much as the OP is.

HerbalBovril · 03/03/2025 22:20

This is exactly the sort of thing you’d go to A Current Affair with in Australia!

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 22:37

Normallynumb · 01/03/2025 22:47

Legally you're in a difficult position as ex is still paying the mortgage and I don't think you have the automatic right to change the locks either
SS sounds impossible so you have my sympathy there.
See a solicitor for advice as SS is not going to leave of his own volition

She absolutely can change the locks and stop her stepson living there. I left my marital home and my solicitor advised that it was now legally my ex husbands home and I had no automatic right of entry without an appointment agreed by him, even though I still legally owned half of the house. The situation is very similar to having a lodger, you cannot simply walk in! On the other side of that is the mortgage, he can, and I did, stop paying half the mortgage. If the house goes into default and there is money owing after the sale, you will both be jointly liable but he won’t lose his share of the house.

daleylama · 03/03/2025 23:07

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:32

I am the sole resident homeowner and sole bill payer. I have home rights. The father lives elsewhere and should not be dictating who can live in a home he does not live in. What next? he brings his girlfriend here to live with his separated wife...how is this not a breach of my human rights?

Show quote history

OK now you are going way over the top... breach of human rights? Dramatic or what. There's a simple solution. Don't come to MN looking for validation, pay for legal advice and take it on the chin. Start paying the whole mortgage if you want to lock the idle so-and-so out. Right now you are wanting to have it all your own way.

daleylama · 03/03/2025 23:09

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 22:37

She absolutely can change the locks and stop her stepson living there. I left my marital home and my solicitor advised that it was now legally my ex husbands home and I had no automatic right of entry without an appointment agreed by him, even though I still legally owned half of the house. The situation is very similar to having a lodger, you cannot simply walk in! On the other side of that is the mortgage, he can, and I did, stop paying half the mortgage. If the house goes into default and there is money owing after the sale, you will both be jointly liable but he won’t lose his share of the house.

Show quote history

You stopped paying the mortgage. That's the crucial difference

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:20

daleylama · 03/03/2025 23:09

You stopped paying the mortgage. That's the crucial difference

Show quote history

No, I stopped paying after I was advised I couldn’t just enter the house or take anything from it without prior agreement. I was told the law states that the party living in the house should have free and Unencumbered use of the property. Him paying half the mortgage doesn’t give him the right to have who he likes living in the house!

CandidHedgehog · 03/03/2025 23:21

daleylama · 03/03/2025 23:09

You stopped paying the mortgage. That's the crucial difference

Show quote history

Also, the son never moved out so the OP’s ex can say he never gave up rights to the property (since his representative kept living there). The fact the ex has continued to pay the mortgage and the OP has let him will be used in court to show that she agreed this was/is the case.

She needs to get the divorce finalised and to brace herself for having to sell the house if her husband wants his share of the marital assets. My guess is he’ll get half of everything and if the equity in the house is large and the OP can’t get a mortgage to cover it, that may require selling up,

CandidHedgehog · 03/03/2025 23:22

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:20

No, I stopped paying after I was advised I couldn’t just enter the house or take anything from it without prior agreement. I was told the law states that the party living in the house should have free and Unencumbered use of the property. Him paying half the mortgage doesn’t give him the right to have who he likes living in the house!

Show quote history

But the son has always lived there so the ex has never given up his rights to the property the way you apparently did.

Edited to say: the OP has never had ‘free and unencumbered’ use of the property. That’s what she’s complaining about!

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:25

daleylama · 03/03/2025 23:07

OK now you are going way over the top... breach of human rights? Dramatic or what. There's a simple solution. Don't come to MN looking for validation, pay for legal advice and take it on the chin. Start paying the whole mortgage if you want to lock the idle so-and-so out. Right now you are wanting to have it all your own way.

Edited
Show quote history

What utter rubbish, how is not wanting to carry a grown man, that is nothing to do with her, wanting it all her own way?
Her ex has no legal right, at all, to have his son live with her, he’s being an arse and trying to be in control of everything. He needs to man up and take his bloody son to live with him or tell him to get a job and live elsewhere!

CandidHedgehog · 03/03/2025 23:29

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:25

What utter rubbish, how is not wanting to carry a grown man, that is nothing to do with her, wanting it all her own way?
Her ex has no legal right, at all, to have his son live with her, he’s being an arse and trying to be in control of everything. He needs to man up and take his bloody son to live with him or tell him to get a job and live elsewhere!

Show quote history

The ex has legal rights to his own property including the right to have his son live there. The son was living there before the ex moved out so he’s never given up his rights to the property to the OP and has continued to pay the mortgage to recognise that fact.

If the OP wants to remove her ex’s rights to the property she needs to buy him out (not just take over the mortgage - he needs to be paid his share of the equity and the house transferred to the OP’s sole name), preferably in the context of a finalised divorce!

daleylama · 03/03/2025 23:29

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:25

What utter rubbish, how is not wanting to carry a grown man, that is nothing to do with her, wanting it all her own way?
Her ex has no legal right, at all, to have his son live with her, he’s being an arse and trying to be in control of everything. He needs to man up and take his bloody son to live with him or tell him to get a job and live elsewhere!

Show quote history

As Candid Hedgehog said: the son never moved out so the OP’s ex can say he never gave up rights to the property (since his representative kept living there). The fact the ex has continued to pay the mortgage and the OP has let him will be used in court to show that she agreed this was/is the case.

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:53

CandidHedgehog · 03/03/2025 23:22

But the son has always lived there so the ex has never given up his rights to the property the way you apparently did.

Edited to say: the OP has never had ‘free and unencumbered’ use of the property. That’s what she’s complaining about!

Edited
Show quote history

I did exactly what the op’s dh did, I left the property, I didn’t at any point give up my rights to it! Where are you reading that into my statements.

the dh has no rights to say who can and cannot live in a property he no longer lives in, end of. Op can get rid of anyone she wants who are not legally entitled to be there, and that means the home owner who has possession and no one else unless they have a valid tenancy agreement given by the resident owner.

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:54

CandidHedgehog · 03/03/2025 23:29

The ex has legal rights to his own property including the right to have his son live there. The son was living there before the ex moved out so he’s never given up his rights to the property to the OP and has continued to pay the mortgage to recognise that fact.

If the OP wants to remove her ex’s rights to the property she needs to buy him out (not just take over the mortgage - he needs to be paid his share of the equity and the house transferred to the OP’s sole name), preferably in the context of a finalised divorce!

Show quote history

Talk to a solicitor!

Ferrit6 · 03/03/2025 23:56

I’m going to go against the grain here - your ex is being clever and using his son as his eyes and ears - the son has no rights to remain in the property as at best he is a lodger and they have no rights - if he does not contribute and is making your life difficult then fight fire with fire - don’t let him have access to Wi-Fi (do this when you take a few days off work so you can clear his room) if he works from home then change the locks when he is out leave his stuff outside or better still send it to his fathers - sort out your divorce stop waiting for your ex to do this. Take control as this is a form of control /abuse and you need to get on with your life as does your ex and as does your step son .. good luck

CandidHedgehog · 03/03/2025 23:57

Lyraloo · 03/03/2025 23:54

Talk to a solicitor!

Show quote history

We’ve been telling the OP to do that since page 1!

Also, you say we are wrong but I notice you’ve not given any actual law, just a random anecdote about what your solicitor told you in a different situation entirely.

T1Dmama · 04/03/2025 00:26

seek legal advice.
if you change locks, legally you have to give your ex a set of keys,
I can’t see why you should have his son there though, He needs to live with his dad!

T1Dmama · 04/03/2025 00:36

Also if you were married then his property that he’s living in also becomes a marital asset, use that as leverage against the property you’re living in… plus pensions and anything else to reduce the amount you’d need to buy him out… or get it in writing that he stops paying towards the mortgage and counts that as you buying him out. .. could the CAB offer advice?

BettyButtersBatter · 04/03/2025 00:39

Just take the router with you when you go out
Make life uncomfortable for him
Don't buy food for the week, just the day
Don't leave washing pods for laundry
Don't let him use the car
Ect ect