trying to evict adult stepchild

[DionneEz]

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

If you have been your ss primary care giver since he was 9 yrs old then the fact that he is lazy and work shy is on you ( and his dad ).

Where is his mum in all this ?
If she is still alive could he go and live with her ?

It is complicated.

Mum absolved herself of responsibility when her kids were toddlers.
I came into the picture when kids were 9. The mum showed up later and visitation started when he was about 12.

That is when things changed. Each time they visited her they came back refusing to do any chores as their mum did everything for them.. obviously trying to score points and be seen as the good parent after abandoning them. Anyway, all my rules went out of the window. Dad was no good either because he was also trying to be seen as the good parent. In short SS left at 17 to go and stay with his mum as he thought it was good over there but came back 2 years later because he realised the grass wasn’t greener but he was even worst and entitled than before. So not my fault.,

Mum is still in the background influencing her kids.

It was late. All my security cameras were also offline because of the change. Just didn’t want to take the risk of anything kicking off and no evidence.

All you needed to do is give him a time limit to submit his coursework then change the password again.

Yes I feel he is "punishing" her. Men can be very vindictive

You absolutely can progress this through the courts if you make application yourself. You have been told this. His petition has no bearing on your ability to make one.

You are welcome to check the the Family Procedure Rules 2010.

If your ex was removed for dv who removed him and what orders were made at the time? Why was an occupation order not sought?

In the absence of any court orders you cannot unilaterally demand your step son leave when he is there with consent from the owner. You appear to be dragging your feet on a settlement claiming your ex is delaying matters but you have been told that is does not have to be the case. You know there is a risk any settlement won't go in your favour and so are determined to find a backdoor method to get him to leave.

Whilst I have sympathy with dv and appreciate it's a difficult situation, you can't cherrypick the law to suit your narrative. You have to accept the reality of your situation and negotiate a settlement via court both parties are willing accept to bring this matter to an end. If you don't you will simply expose yourself to long drawn out contested proceedings which may cripple you financially to say nothing of the impact on you mental health.

I think you could benefit from counselling as you appear entrenched and it's not helping you.

I would make his life hell. Change the wifi password for starters. Start sending him bills to cover his electricity usage.

I’m not overly familiar with the divorce laws in the uk, but I’m still fairly certain they don’t allow one party to simply decline to act and leave the other in perpetual limbo with no recourse. I faced this issue during my divorce at several stages and there were always options to keep things moving, some more expensive than others.

you need to engage a solicitor to handle your divorce and financial settlement. This entire situation could be easily resolved with the procedure that already exists in the courts. Instead you are looking for solutions to the niche way your STBX has chosen to continue to abuse you.

It’s quite ingenious on his part. That is exactly what he is doing here. It’s not about practicality. Installing his son is a way to get back at you. Plus while focusing on this issue, he keeps you distracted from the real issue at hand, the divorce and financial settlement.

You need to either sell the house and move or buy your exh out of the house. You are trapped in this scenario with adult DSS who should be living with his Dad if anyone not you. I'd consider selling the house then he'd have to move out.

My sister went through this if both your names are on that mortgage and he is not yiur son you have wvwry right to chuck him and his stuff and change the locks call the police tell them tour being emotionally black mailed and bullied you also feel scared and intimidated by this young man being in yoyr home you have every legal right tell the ex if he doesn't want the house then sell his half to yiu just get some free advice honestly wouldn't worry stupid ex husband thinks he has the rights to violate yiur life put a atop to this immediately you don't have to pander to that selfless prick

My ex has moved out and he doesn’t pay anything towards our mortgage or bills. I pay everything. I’m not allowed to change the locks. He also won’t sell. He apparently wants to buy me out, but is dragging his feet. We’ve been separated nearly a year. I’ve been advised that it could take me a year to get him to court to sell so I don’t currently want to antagonise him in the event that he will buy me out as that will be much quicker (he had to sell another property first, which is currently going through but he was slow to put it up for sale). I feel your pain!

Does he come round? How would he know if you changed the locks?

I am guessing you are not a lawyer

We share children and yes he still comes round and lets himself in, much to my dismay. There is a lot of coercive and controlling behaviour, particularly financial control and emotional abuse.

Just on the off chance, are you a member of a union? They often have a legal advice line that you can use free. They might be able to advise on this. Sounds here like there’s a moral issue and a legal issue. Often the two can be different

I think you should 1) get house valued. 2) decide if you could afford to buy your ex out. 3) See a solicitor and find out where you stand. Get receipts ready to prove that you paid for new kitchen. Plus proof that you pay half the mortgage and all of the bills (take everything to solicitor) also if it is just you and SS living there and nobody else, no children, you would be able to claim 25% off council tax, with him there you obviously can't.

The ex is paying half your mortgage as bed and board for his son really. He’s not legally obligated to pay it. Unless you’re happy to cover the entire amount best smile and put up with it. He’s a ‘paying” lodger in effect so can you afford to not have one?
Also - his staying in his room and using take outs rather than the kitchen is the ideal scenario. Don’t rock the boat. You’d be mad to.

I’m really not trying to upset you here but just because you paid 60% won’t automatically mean you own 60% of the house.
In my case I paid all the deposit, all the mortgage and bills every single bit of decorating was paid for and carried out by me but when it came to the divorce the legal advice was that the starting point would be a 50:50 split on the house value despite him never putting a single penny into it. I could fight it but that would mean producing bank statements and receipts for everything over our 8 year marriage and the legal cost of that would be enormous. The very law that was introduced to protect SAHM was being used against me. I did a deal with him in the end and paid him off as that was cheaper.

My partner went through bank similar thing with his ex. She didn't live there but could come and go as she pleased because her name was on the mortgage and deeds but she didn't pay a penny towards the house. She also bought her new partner over and didn't need permission. It was bought up at the financial hearing and the judge allocated my partner 62.5% of profit as he paid and she didn't. You can change the locks on the son but you have to provide your ex with a key. I would drop all his sons stuff off at his dad's house and say as the relationship is over he cannot live there any longer and then start proceedings to buy him out

Honestly, so many stories of young grown people who just slob on phones/gaming and expect to be funded, such a sad state of affairs.

Your ex needs to take responsibility for him, or even better, he take it for himself. Time for him to grow up, do something.

Have you looked into an occupation order or a non-mol to stop him coming around until the finances are sorted?

You really need to listen to what you’re being told because you’re going to get a shock.

You don’t own 60% of the house, you own 50% and your husband owns 50%.
It doesn’t matter if you paid 100%, once you’re married EVERYTHING is 50/50.

Look up occupational rent, lawhive.co.uk/knowledge-hub/property/occupational-rent-a-guide-for-separating-homeowners/ because he can absolutely charge you for living there as you are taking away his right to live there.

He could move back in tomorrow, along with a woman and kids and there is very little you could do about it.

If you change the locks he can go right ahead and do the same.

You don’t seem to understand that he owns the house the exact same as you do.

You need to get a divorce and a clean financial break and everything that you both own (all property, pensions, savings etc) goes into a pot and is split 50/50. You can negotiate of course but the law is a starting point of 50/50.

You really need to speak to a solicitor because you’re going to find that you don’t have the rights that you think you have.

He doesn’t HAVE to pay the mortgage, as long as it’s paid they don’t care where it comes from so your only options would be to not pay, and let it get repossessed, or pay the whole thing and if you do continue paying for it then he still gets 50% of it.

I wouldn’t want to live with my SS but it looks like it is the price you’re going to have to pay until you get a proper court agreement put into place.

I would also backdate a year of 50% TV license, water, internet and all other utilities at 50% of the charge and if you are paying council tax 25% of that (as that’s the single householder discount.

If he refuses to pay, take him to the small claims court!

You keep calling him your "ex-husband", but he's not. You're still married to him. It's completely irrelevant to make comparisons to divorced spouses - you haven't completed that legal process.

It's also irrelevant to compare it to a landlord imposing a new housemate on their tenants. Tenants sign a lease and have specific legal rights.

Your stepson has always lived in this house - the only thing that's materially changed is that his dad's moved out of it. That dad that you're still married to. And who is still on the mortgage and deeds.

It's all very well to feel outraged, but you can't invent laws to bend around your personal feelings. Get some proper legal advice.

But he expects you to live with him?! Why doesn't he want his son in his other home?