trying to evict adult stepchild

[DionneEz]

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

For an abusive ex with a previous domestic violence complaint? I don’t think ‘easier’ is what the ex is going for here…..

No, he doesn't need to. But it absolutely can't be argued that he's covering anything other than his share of the property, e.g. bills. He is in no way paying his "keep", as a PP argued.

adverse effect on his credit rating.

Yes well I can't help but feel that if he was that dangerous the OP would be in more of a hurry to vacate the house herself.

If he doesn't finalise the divorce then you push it. You don't live together you both need to move on. Sell the house and give him his share. You don't need your husband's permission move on with your life.

https://raydensolicitors.co.uk/blog/can-you-get-divorced-without-consent/

Can you get divorced without consent yes you can. Move on op you need to get your self respect back.

Maybe not but there are straightforward, clearly legal ways to get this young man out that don’t leave the OP living with a young man who will probably be very angry with her.

Of course, those ways won’t result in her living in the property by herself while having her lifestyle significantly subsidised by her ex which is what she seems to feel entitled to.

Equally he could argue he is paying over and above given that he is not obligated to pay the mortgage.

There is only one way out of this and the OPs reluctance speaks volumes.

No one actually has to pay their mortgage and assigning a proportion of liabilty means a debt is severally liable not jointly. You can always not pay and let the house get repossessed. He already has his own place so would be less effected by this. Generally home loans involve joint and several liability so both parties are liable for the full amount as well as a proportion of the amount and can be seperately chased for the full amount by the mortgage provider. A court will not expect him to go paying half the mortgage especially since their are no joint children involved and OP has stated she can pay. He can simply stop paying if he wants.

This is the crux of it I feel.

Unfortunately the OP will have to accept the reality at some point.

The OP could make exactly the same argument.

Neither of them is going over and above; they are both continuing to pay the mortgage in accordance with the terms agreed with their lender, and they are both continuing to occupy the property.

But yes, the only way out is to sell the house.

No, she can't have it both ways.

I wonder whether an actual lodger might be a better way forward, if the OP is determined to stick it out for another two years.

@CandidHedgehog Upthread the OP says that her husband filed for divorce two years ago but hasn't moved forward with it since.

I think we can all agree that something unusual is happening here, perhaps he likes the idea of tormenting the OP by having his son live in the house, or it's a means of asserting control over her. Personally, I don't think she necessarily feels entitled to being subsidized by him, I think he's probably enjoying witnessing her discomfort. As you say, she needs to sort this out.

It's an argument that is best left for a court to determine after having taken into account all the assets, pensions and other rental property.

It has to be done at some point so far better sooner rather than later and before the situation breaks down further.

The thing is, she says she can afford to take over the mortgage but she has said nothing about remortgaging to buy her husband out.

It may be there is no equity but in a London property owned for a number of years, there may equally be hundreds of thousands of equity which will need to be split. Even if the OP paid more than half the deposit, that doesn’t mean the court won’t split the value of the house 50-50. It all depends on what other assets there are to go in the pot. If the OP has a rental property as well, the value of all assets will be included. She could end up significantly worse off if she pushes matters.

She has no choice her ex will get fed up and sell the house. The op is leaving herself vulnerable. She can't be sleeping well at night.

Half the pension might have gone to his son's mother of he was married to her.

I think she would only get half the pension at the time of the divorce. The ex’s pension since then (plus half the earlier pension) all goes into the pot.

Absolutely, which is why I can’t understand why the OP is pushing this. Her husband is OK with not selling the house and paying half the mortgage so long as his son gets to keep living there as a lodger (which usually includes bills). That’s actually a fairly good deal.

Maybe the ex has large assets so she can be fairly sure of getting the house and keeping her rental property even if her husband does move forward with the divorce - that’s the only reason I can think of for her not to be worried about the outcome here.

Her husband is OK with not selling the house and paying half the mortgage so long as his son gets to keep living there as a lodger (which usually includes bills). That’s actually a fairly good deal.

@CandidHedgehog I dunno, perhaps on paper it sounds like a fairly good deal, but I can't help thinking that her husband is doing this for an unpleasant reason and enjoying her discomfort. Perhaps it's a form of control, who knows.

Thanks everyone for the thoughts and advice on this dilemma.

I just want to clear up a few misconceptions:

Ex was removed from the house because of DV as explained. He continued paying his half...I didn't ask him to so he could maintain my living standards. My ex knows that I can pay the mortgage in full without his help.

Again why is it. that many in here are making assumptions because he is the man and I the woman?

Without going into too much detail, there is a lot that I helped my ex do, including saving the money he put down for a deposit for the marital home. In short, the marital home and he having enough for his share would never have happened if I had not helped him to support his kids, allowing him to save a large proportion of his salary which allowed for his share of the deposit and other investments.

In fact, I think part of the reason why he has not followed through with the divorce despite filing 2 years ago is because he doesn't want to lose out on what I brought to the table. As explained, I have checked to see how I can get the conditional order but can't at this time because his application, although stagnant, is still in the courts.

While I do appreciate all the comments in this thread on my case, please bear in mind that I have not put a lot of the facts down. I am still waiting for my ex to make the next move in the divorce. I have sought legal advice on that front to see where I stand, and because of all the assets I own (I am the more financially savvy one) and the fact that he doesn't have much (he has made a lot of dodgy investments). Where it balances out is that he earns more than me, salary-wise, so he could buy me out of the mortgage. My Salary would not be enough if we were to go down the 50/50 route but maybe it would if we did a 70/30 in my favour but he would have to agree to that. I would have to sell what own in order to match what he could do. That being said, this post was about getting the stepson out of my home, nothing else.

I also find the notion that I should move out ludricous. For what reason? Why should I make myself homeless because of an unemployed 21 year old layabout? Also why should I pay rent to my ex? He assaulted me, and now I should pay him rent because he chose to go and live elsewhere? I don't get it. In any case lets stick to the unemployed adult son and his rights in my home etc.

update: I sent SS formal notice 2 weeks ago and he should have left on Friday had he adhered to it. However, he is still here. I have taken advice and changed the wifi password. Within an hour he came knocking on my bedroom door asking if he could just have it on for a few mins so he could connect to his hotspot. He came up with some some excuse that his coursework is due at midnight and that if he doesn't submit he will fail. I know it is a load of cogwash but I just changed the wifi back as I didn't want to get into a back and forth situation as he seemed a bit testy.
I will change it again in the morning before I leave for the office. I will also look at the mains as well and switch off the upstairs lights and sockets.

Go to a solicitor.

Fortunately someone has labelled all my electric circuits, so I know when/if they trip, which on to press down etc

without WiFi and electricity in sockets & lights, his life living there isn’t going to work for him

within minutes of not having WiFi he comes knocking, his need for internet is to much to live without.Nit being able to plug in his equipment is really going to upset him.

if you have a Yale lock, you can just change the barrel, Tell him he needs to leave as he’s not a cuckoo, living for free at your house any longer

I didn’t say all the owners have to legally agree to a tenants agreement, I expect rhat you can under some ownership arrangements. However there are rights of residence too and I doubt a non resident owner can unilaterally sign a tenants agreement on an occupied house, and in this case if the ex kicked up about the op kicking her son out, the behaviour might be seen as harassment and continued domestic violence given the background, and the op be granted an exclusive use and possession order. Which is what I’d be after if I were her, there is no way the son has any rights to stay there if that’s granted.

For gods sake op. Unless you’re afraid he will rapidly get dangerous, change it and leave it changed, and if he kicks off call the police to remove him. Don’t just say oh dear here you go I’ll change it back!

Surely if you have more assets than he does its in his interest to proceed with the divorce as he'll get a share of them? His current salary isn't hugely relevant. Anyway, only way to fully be rid of him is as has been said to buy him out or sell, anything else he will still be able to exert a level of control over you; it sounds like you could afford this.