Page 18 | trying to evict adult stepchild

DionneEz · 2025-03-01T22:33:48+00:00

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated. Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years. At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills. The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats. I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent. However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half. So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely. I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true? Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

rwalker · 02/03/2025 12:03

I’d sacrifice the low mortgage rate to get him out ultimately DH has a stake in the house and he can do what he wants with it which he’s choosing to house his son

kick him out change the locks not sure what’s stopping DH letting him back in and telling him he can stay

Cailin66 · 02/03/2025 12:10

There is no way I'd be wasting money on solicitors. Pack up his belongings and change the locks. He's not a tenant. What exactly is he going to do. Let him go to who if you do this. The police will say it's a domestic. And he's such a lazy sod it's highly unlikely he'll bother to even do that.

OP bringing in human rights did yourself no favors. Complete nonsense.

TurkeyLurkey4 · 02/03/2025 12:11

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 10:41

I am in London…. I wish I had a small mortgage but don’t. Already pay nearly £2k a month with 2% Interest rates are around 4% so that will double.

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Sounds like it would be in your interest to force a sale in order to to downsize, get your SS out, get your independence back, get in control of your home and finances. You can port your existing mortgage when you sell. Sounds like a win/win.

femfemlicious · 02/03/2025 12:12

DarkwingDuk · 02/03/2025 09:08

Why are you asking for advice but refusing to listen to what you are being told?

Yes, you have rights as a part owner, no one is saying you don't - but you keep ignoring the bit you don't like...your husband (because you are not divorced he is legally still your husband) ALSO has rights to the home. He is still on the mortgage and he has not missed any of his payments - therefore he still gets to make decisions regarding the property, you cannot solely decide anything.

Now it's obvious from your previous posts that you're going to try and argue the toss about this - but that's the law that you're asking about.

Unless his son has actively done anything wrong, that he can be legally charged with, you don't have cause to have him removed because he was living there prior...you agreed that and you agreed to let him stay after his father left - unfortunately that means you can't just change your mind and make him homeless, he is not your tenant, he is his fathers guest and as he part owns the house he has a right to use that portion as he sees fit. That how the law sees it. It's not an opinion, you cannot expect him to pay for something but not have any rights over it, that would be madness!

You said you told him locks will be changed, what was his response?

You are wrong. Are you a legal professional?. The only thing he can do is to stop paying the mortgage which she is fine with

CandidHedgehog · 02/03/2025 12:20

femfemlicious · 02/03/2025 12:12

You are wrong. Are you a legal professional?. The only thing he can do is to stop paying the mortgage which she is fine with

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Or he can apply for an occupation order to re-occupy the home (and exclude OP) or an order for sale of the property to pay out his equity.

As the ex and OP have a long marriage, there is no guarantee she would get the 60% of the ownership on the current deeds either - the court could adjust percentages if they think that’s fair.

He might not get either (almost definitely wouldn’t get the occupation order excluding the OP) but it could cost the OP a lot of time and money to fend off the applications.

Cherrysoup · 02/03/2025 12:21

This man has been in your life since he was 9 and now you want to throw him out of his home because his dad doesn’t want him living with him? Fair enough, it’s your home.

Have you tried actually removing services eg Wi-Fi? (You’ve been told multiple times to change the password) Or locking the cupboards? Have you actually told him to get out by telling him, not giving him notice-that only applies to tenants, he’s not a tenant. When he goes out, change the locks, it’s about £10 to change the barrel and relatively easy to do. Yes, your ex can force his way in/break in, because that’s his right as co-owner, but will he?

FoolishHips · 02/03/2025 12:24

Imagine being someone who discovers that their primary care giver of over ten years cares absolutely nothing for them. That must be very damaging.

Jeeekers · 02/03/2025 12:24

Turning off electrics is probably some sort of offense as it’s essential.

Hot water only in morning is energy saver. He’s not an idiot tho can prob figure out how to change unless it’s a modern one with a app & password.

Broadband is not essential. He can buy his own “mifi” or organize his own contract at his expense.

Jeeekers · 02/03/2025 12:26

Renovate house.
Needs to move out.

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2025 12:35

Katbum · 02/03/2025 11:56

Ring the police and tell them your stepson is trespassing in your property. Change the locks. This will force your ex to either house his son or end your arrangement by letting you buy him out. You cannot continue like this.

That would be a waste of everyones time

Sockersandbox · 02/03/2025 12:37

tallhotpinkflamingo · 02/03/2025 11:32

you can't cope because he's in his room all day? stop.

it's none of your business how much money he spends.

you sound jealous or desperate for attention

Are you 15? Wtf 🤨

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/03/2025 12:37

femfemlicious · 02/03/2025 12:12

You are wrong. Are you a legal professional?. The only thing he can do is to stop paying the mortgage which she is fine with

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I am. Albeit not in family law.

The OP cannot legally change the locks in absence of a court order. You cannot deprive a legal owner of their property.

She has agency. There are legal avenues open to her. She can apply for a financial order with a divorce petition and the court will determine the best outcome taking the needs of both parties into account. She is entirely wrong when she claims she must wait for her ex to progress this matter.

I suspect the OP is perhaps reluctant because she knows either she will possibly struggle to get a new mortgage approval in her own name or that the court will ultimately force a sale and that her 2nd property will be taken into account in any settlement.

The ball is firmly in the OPs court.

AnneElliott · 02/03/2025 12:40

I would kick out the adult SS. But you have to be mindful that your ex will probably stop paying half the mortgage in retaliation. Obvious it's the reason why he's still paying rather than what normally happened when the man moves out.

So if you can afford to pay the full mortgage and then buy him out then I'd go ahead and change the locks.

MikeRafone · 02/03/2025 12:41

whowhatwerewhy · 02/03/2025 11:47

Turning off the Wi-Fi might not make a difference , depending on his phone contact he can simply hot spot from his phone.
My son runs his computer this way.

thats possible but by the amount of equipment and he works from home - is it possible long term?

Though waiting until he has gone out and changing the locks would be best and let him work it out from there

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/03/2025 12:45

AnneElliott · 02/03/2025 12:40

I would kick out the adult SS. But you have to be mindful that your ex will probably stop paying half the mortgage in retaliation. Obvious it's the reason why he's still paying rather than what normally happened when the man moves out.

So if you can afford to pay the full mortgage and then buy him out then I'd go ahead and change the locks.

You cannot do this without potentially incurring a hefty legal bill should the ex see fit.

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 13:03

FoolishHips · 02/03/2025 12:24

Imagine being someone who discovers that their primary care giver of over ten years cares absolutely nothing for them. That must be very damaging.

Caring doesn't have to mean being an eternal martyr. In fact, it shouldn't mean that, if a child/stepchild is behaving in a way that hurts others. Enabling isn't kindness.

Springsunflower · 02/03/2025 13:07

You've been his mum since he was 9 ...
It's really hard for young people to live independently these days ,it costs a fortune
I feel so sorry for the son ,21 is only just an adult,and he sounds like he isn't going out much , doesn't have much of a life
That is his home ,his security
You wouldn't be doing this op if he was your own son.
Your married to his dad ,and you and his dad own half the home he lives in .you have responsibilities towards him ,just as you would if he was your own son..if you don't want responsibility towards him ,get divorced,sell the house .you can't have it all ways
The only way out of living with him ,is to sell up and get divorced
But ,your not , because it suits you to have your husband pay half the mortgage

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/03/2025 13:11

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 03:35

How do I turn the electricity off?

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You don't want to completely turn the electricity off otherwise all the food in your fridge and freezer will spoil. But if you locate your fuse box you can switch the electricity off in certain rooms. You'd need to install some sort of lockable box around the fuse box so he can't just switch everything back on.

You could also put a lock on the fridge. I certainly don't see why your stepson should have the WiFi code if he isn't contributing towards the bills. You can make it less easy and pleasant for him to live there. No contribution to the bills = no WiFi, no electricity in his room, no fridge access, no hot water.

Really you need to buy your ex out though. Or if you want sole occupation, you should be paying him market rent for the part that he owns.

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 13:16

Springsunflower · 02/03/2025 13:07

You've been his mum since he was 9 ...
It's really hard for young people to live independently these days ,it costs a fortune
I feel so sorry for the son ,21 is only just an adult,and he sounds like he isn't going out much , doesn't have much of a life
That is his home ,his security
You wouldn't be doing this op if he was your own son.
Your married to his dad ,and you and his dad own half the home he lives in .you have responsibilities towards him ,just as you would if he was your own son..if you don't want responsibility towards him ,get divorced,sell the house .you can't have it all ways
The only way out of living with him ,is to sell up and get divorced
But ,your not , because it suits you to have your husband pay half the mortgage

You think this would be just fine and dandy if he was OP's own son? I doubt it.

He is choosing this life from the sound of things. Coddling him like a child would make matters worse, not better.

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 13:19

Whyherewego · 02/03/2025 10:48

I don't think many people are suggesting the SS is a lovely chap. All most of us are saying is that this isn't a breach of human rights etc. People are giving advice on how to make his life uncomfortable eg remove WiFi but just saying that changing locks will definitely escalate the situation. In a scenario where there is DV then escalating a situation may not be wise. Most people are suggesting that the house is sold ASAP so that OP doesn't have to have any more contact with SS and stbx

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I wasn't particularly trying to refute any of the practical advice though... I was agreeing with a pp this this young man isn't some sort of poor lost lamb who's been ruined by his stepmum expecting him to behave like - gasp, shock! - a decent adult human being.

pikkumyy77 · 02/03/2025 13:25

Springsunflower · 02/03/2025 13:07

You've been his mum since he was 9 ...
It's really hard for young people to live independently these days ,it costs a fortune
I feel so sorry for the son ,21 is only just an adult,and he sounds like he isn't going out much , doesn't have much of a life
That is his home ,his security
You wouldn't be doing this op if he was your own son.
Your married to his dad ,and you and his dad own half the home he lives in .you have responsibilities towards him ,just as you would if he was your own son..if you don't want responsibility towards him ,get divorced,sell the house .you can't have it all ways
The only way out of living with him ,is to sell up and get divorced
But ,your not , because it suits you to have your husband pay half the mortgage

I don’t know why people keep complaining that the OP somehow invidiously expects her H to keep paying his half of the mortgage. That’s his commitment regardless of where he is living. If he moved abroad for work he would still be obliged to pay his mortgage. The mortgage is not contingent on his maintaining amicable relations with OP. Its what he pays to keep clear lines of ownership to his half of the house.

OP’s question is straightforward: how can she get her adult step son out of the house? I fail to see why this is legally impossible. He has no right to live there. Kick him out and let his absent father strive to get him back in. Possession is nine tenths of the law.

CandidHedgehog · 02/03/2025 13:37

pikkumyy77 · 02/03/2025 13:25

I don’t know why people keep complaining that the OP somehow invidiously expects her H to keep paying his half of the mortgage. That’s his commitment regardless of where he is living. If he moved abroad for work he would still be obliged to pay his mortgage. The mortgage is not contingent on his maintaining amicable relations with OP. Its what he pays to keep clear lines of ownership to his half of the house.

OP’s question is straightforward: how can she get her adult step son out of the house? I fail to see why this is legally impossible. He has no right to live there. Kick him out and let his absent father strive to get him back in. Possession is nine tenths of the law.

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Because when a couple separate, the person who leaves usually doesn’t keep paying the mortgage. Even the courts (if they order the departed spouse to stay on the house ownership rather than ordering a sale) usually take the view that the person living in the house pays the whole amount of the mortgage in lieu of paying rent for their ex’s percentage.

The son 100% does have a right to live in the property. He has been granted permission to live there by an owner and that is all that is legally required.

The ex can physically force entry on behalf of his son and it is completely legal.

The ex can also seek court orders which could lead to the OP having to move. She has said she can afford the whole mortgage payment. She has not said she can afford a substantially increased mortgage based on buying out her husband’s equity.

The fact they are tenants is common and she owns more of the house is something the court can adjust to give the ex more. The fact the ex has been paying half the mortgage is something the courts will take into account in dividing up marital assets.

TroysMammy · 02/03/2025 13:42

I would imagine he can let his son have a roof over his head so he is not homeless but that's it. Why should the OP incur additional charges like full price council tax, water rates, electricity and gas/heating for a non contributing layabout?

AuntAgathaGregson · 02/03/2025 13:50

Cutecatty · 02/03/2025 08:31

This thread is absolutely bonkers.

What do you think the legal implications are of kicking him out? There aren’t any.

No, but equally there is no legal way OP can prevent him from coming back in again via his father's right to be there.

CandidHedgehog · 02/03/2025 13:52

TroysMammy · 02/03/2025 13:42

I would imagine he can let his son have a roof over his head so he is not homeless but that's it. Why should the OP incur additional charges like full price council tax, water rates, electricity and gas/heating for a non contributing layabout?

Because her ex is paying either £1,000 or £2,000 a month (still not clear which) that the courts would not require him to pay for a house he’s not living in.

She’s actually probably receiving more than the cost of housing her stepson.

trying to evict adult stepchild

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