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Original poster

trying to evict adult stepchild

806 replies

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 22:33

This is my dilemma. The property is a marital home with my husband from whom I am now separated.

Before the separation, his adult son (21) was living with us. My husband has now left the property but insists that his adult son remain with me. This has been nearly 2 years.

At first I was accommodating, as my husband still pays half the mortgage, I pay all of the bills.

The stepson living here was not an issue at first, but now I can no longer cope as he basically stays indoors on his phone all day. The only time he comes out of his room is to collect his Ubereats.

I asked him about getting a job and contributing something financially towards the bills and I was given a story about how he was freelancing from home...and that his pay was intermittent.
However, I see the receipts for his Ubereats orders and they amount to about £20 daily, which is about £500 a month. When he does leave the house, he takes a £7 cab to the station when he can get the bus, which costs £2 or even walk as it is only 10 mins away...so clearly he has funds to splurge but he doesn't feel he has to contribute to the running of the house since his father owns half.

So the scenario is that I have a nearly 22-year-old man 24/7 in my house who refuses to lift a finger to do anything in terms of chores and doesn't contribute financially. I recently had to stop him using my toothpaste and bath soap because I was like you can buy your own surely.
I do go into the office 3 times a week and have errands and stuff to run on weekends but will come back to clean my house as this guy does absolutely nothing. When I was on hols for 3 weeks, he didn't even take the bins out. Yet his father insists that as he owns the house as well., he has every right to dictate who lives there. Is this true?

Anyway, I have given stepson notice even though he is not a tenant. The notice has now passed but he is still here and has no intention of leaving. I know the next step is to change the locks when he leaves which is rare but can his father come and let him in again and will I be breaking any laws if I lock the father out as well? Father doesn't live there and does not pay any bills..just half the mortgage but as the resident homeowner shouldn't my rights surpass his?

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 02/03/2025 11:05

BlondiePortz · 01/03/2025 23:20

It is not solely your property

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But surely even if the ex is obligated to pay half the mortgage he cannot demand that another adult lives in the house for free! The situation re the house and the situation re the squatter are different, she can throw the squatter out, he has no rights in the matter.

janeavrilavril · 02/03/2025 11:07

this level of stupidity can't be real.

Shintoland · 02/03/2025 11:07

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 10:41

I am in London…. I wish I had a small mortgage but don’t. Already pay nearly £2k a month with 2% Interest rates are around 4% so that will double.

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On a repayment mortgage it will be nowhere near to doubling.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law Relationship problems
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 02/03/2025 11:07

YourAzureEagle · 02/03/2025 10:53

You can by a circuit breaker lock from your local electrical wholesaler or eBay.

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by the looks of it, the op isnt really sure of the whereabouts of electric boxes so i didnt think she would know how to use a circuit breaker lock!

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2025 11:07

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 02/03/2025 10:22

So tell him the son moves out next week. He either continues paying half the mortgage, or he doesn’t. But the son isn’t living there any more.

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And when he says no?

Zita60 · 02/03/2025 11:09

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 03:39

The home belongs to me as well and I haven't given my permission.

What next? he gives his permission for his gf to come and stay?

Why is it that people are just taking the side of the man? If I were a man would my home rights as the resident homeowner just be overlooked?

Edited
Show quote history

It’s not that people are “taking the side of the man”. People are simply trying to explain what they think your legal position is. If the law is unfair to you then that’s a shame, but that’s how it is.

You need proper legal advice before you do anything.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 02/03/2025 11:10

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2025 11:07

And when he says no?

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When he says no, the OP pays for the mortgage herself, as she has said, several times, that she is willing to do.

MikeRafone · 02/03/2025 11:15

Change the password on the wifi that you pay and the step son uses - without wifi he will destuffed for a few days

NotEnoughRoom · 02/03/2025 11:17

As PP have said, until you are sole owner, your ex can give consent for his son to live there.
in the meantime, given he is not paying towards utilities/food, I suggest you withdraw as much as you can.

change the WiFi password and don’t share it with anyone
turn off the hot water unless you are using it
put a lock on the fridge/food cupboards

basically make it less desirable for him to live there.

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/03/2025 11:27

Op are you going to petition for divorce/financial order and get the ball rolling?

You are allowed to do this. Everyone is struggling to understand why you haven't.

Legodaisy · 02/03/2025 11:28

You've had a really hard time on this thread, OP.

There's loads of (very stupid and petty) things you could do to get this pathetic grown man to leave your house:

  • Get rid of the wifi and use a PAYG 4G dongle or similar for your own devices.
  • Turn off/disconnect the hot water and start showering at the gym
  • Change electric over to a prepaid card (if possible). Top up £5 or so at a time. Tell him he needs to walk to the shop to top it up. When it runs out, go to stay with friends for a week and leave him without electricity, thus forcing him to top up
  • Mini fridge in your room, locks on all your food cupboards.
  • Turn the boiler off, have an electric heater in your room.
  • Loud music at 3am, waking him up.
  • Move in a friend (preferably one who is a 6ft+ man) to make him uncomfortable/tell him to leave

I do think that keeping his stepson in your home is an extension of your Ex's abuse. I don't see why you can't respond by being petty.

Equally, I would focus on buying your ex out.

Friestogo · 02/03/2025 11:28

DionneEz · 01/03/2025 23:17

I wouldn't want to sell now as I have a really good mortgage rate at 2% which ends in 2027. If I sell and buy again, I wouldn't get the same deal.

It may be easier to buy him out which is what I want to do. However, the issue now is his son.

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Can you port your mortgage? We are currently moving and also have a great fixed rate deal and we are porting our mortgage to our new home. Check if this is an option before you dismiss this idea.

tallhotpinkflamingo · 02/03/2025 11:32

you can't cope because he's in his room all day? stop.

it's none of your business how much money he spends.

you sound jealous or desperate for attention

Lolapusht · 02/03/2025 11:32

OP, I feel for you. This is a complicated and horrendous situation to be in. There’s a huge cross over with what is legal and what is natural justice. Should your ex be able to dictate who lives with you? No. Can he legally? Possibly.

If your ex has started proceedings, depending on what stage in the process things are at, you may be able to move things along so it may be worthwhile looking into “ex dragging out court proceedings”.

As he’s abusive, use that to your advantage when it comes to dealing with him. They usually work to a script so you should be able to predict what he’ll do.

As some posters seem to think your ex can charge you rent, te flip side to that is he should be liable for 40% of the costs of his “invited guest”. I’d imagine if OP was to get profit from owning the house in the form of rent that he’d be entitled to half (or 40%) of the profit. If you accept that premise then the flip side is he’s liable for 40% of the costs of what he is insisting happens with his share of the property.

I suggest you work out how much it’s cost to have your SS stay then deduct that from your ex’s share of the marital property. As a pp suggested, check what property is considered to be matrimonial as that may help leverage him.

travelallthetime · 02/03/2025 11:39

DionneEz · 02/03/2025 10:41

I am in London…. I wish I had a small mortgage but don’t. Already pay nearly £2k a month with 2% Interest rates are around 4% so that will double.

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Double the interest rates doesn’t double the amount you pay per month though, yes, it will be more than the £2k a month but it won’t be £4k a month, that’s not how it works

CandidHedgehog · 02/03/2025 11:44

JudgeJ · 02/03/2025 11:05

But surely even if the ex is obligated to pay half the mortgage he cannot demand that another adult lives in the house for free! The situation re the house and the situation re the squatter are different, she can throw the squatter out, he has no rights in the matter.

Show quote history

Yes. He can. Unless there is a court order to the contrary, he has the same rights as when he lived there which includes moving people in.

He had to obey the law - he can’t move 40 people in in breach of HMO legislation for example - but letting one adult child live in your house rent free is completely legal.

Summerhut2025 · 02/03/2025 11:45

Have you spoken to your ex about his son’s behaviour, surely he should agree his son should be contributing financially and practically to the home he lives in? Has he said why his son can’t live with him?

I would definitely take some legal advice if you can’t afford to buy him out right now.

whowhatwerewhy · 02/03/2025 11:47

Turning off the Wi-Fi might not make a difference , depending on his phone contact he can simply hot spot from his phone.
My son runs his computer this way.

CandidHedgehog · 02/03/2025 11:47

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 02/03/2025 11:10

When he says no, the OP pays for the mortgage herself, as she has said, several times, that she is willing to do.

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And pays him for his share of the equity in the property?

They need to separate their finances which means finalising the divorce. The OP is incorrect to say once her husband has filed, there is nothing she can do to move matters along.

Even if the OP pays the full mortgage, her husband has joint ownership of the house and can allow his son to live there (unless there is a court order to the contrary).

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2025 11:50

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 02/03/2025 11:10

When he says no, the OP pays for the mortgage herself, as she has said, several times, that she is willing to do.

Show quote history

But if her Ex still owns any of the property his son can live there with his permission.
Its unfair and shitty behaviour but unfortunately its how it is.

CandidHedgehog · 02/03/2025 11:51

Lolapusht · 02/03/2025 11:32

OP, I feel for you. This is a complicated and horrendous situation to be in. There’s a huge cross over with what is legal and what is natural justice. Should your ex be able to dictate who lives with you? No. Can he legally? Possibly.

If your ex has started proceedings, depending on what stage in the process things are at, you may be able to move things along so it may be worthwhile looking into “ex dragging out court proceedings”.

As he’s abusive, use that to your advantage when it comes to dealing with him. They usually work to a script so you should be able to predict what he’ll do.

As some posters seem to think your ex can charge you rent, te flip side to that is he should be liable for 40% of the costs of his “invited guest”. I’d imagine if OP was to get profit from owning the house in the form of rent that he’d be entitled to half (or 40%) of the profit. If you accept that premise then the flip side is he’s liable for 40% of the costs of what he is insisting happens with his share of the property.

I suggest you work out how much it’s cost to have your SS stay then deduct that from your ex’s share of the marital property. As a pp suggested, check what property is considered to be matrimonial as that may help leverage him.

And he can deduct his mortgage payments.

If the OP is paying £2,000 a month mortgage, her ex is paying either £1,000 or £2,000 (I’m not sure if the amount covers just her half).

He is ‘paying the costs of his invited guest’ by paying a mortgage on a house he’s not living in that the court would not expect or require him to pay.

Normally the notional ‘rent’ due from the resident owner to the non-resident owner is taken to be cancelled out by the share of the mortgage payment due to the resident owner by the non-resident owner even if the amounts aren’t exactly equal.

In this case, the ex has kept paying the mortgage, the OP has apparently let him and so she will be deemed to have consented to the ex having more control over the property than in a normal separation where the ex doesn’t keep paying his wife’s living expenses.

Usernamexyz1 · 02/03/2025 11:54

RumpledSilkSkin · 02/03/2025 09:14

Your ex has been clever by leaving his son in the property . He knows his son will drive you nuts and you will get so down about it you will sell up . He's probably told his son to do sweet FA about the house and to avoid you as much as possible so he can't be accused of harassing you .

He's probably bank rolling his son too . You have a dosser , spy and an agitator dumped on you .

Yup! My vote firmly on dad bankrolling SS.

Katbum · 02/03/2025 11:56

Ring the police and tell them your stepson is trespassing in your property. Change the locks. This will force your ex to either house his son or end your arrangement by letting you buy him out. You cannot continue like this.

CandidHedgehog · 02/03/2025 11:58

Katbum · 02/03/2025 11:56

Ring the police and tell them your stepson is trespassing in your property. Change the locks. This will force your ex to either house his son or end your arrangement by letting you buy him out. You cannot continue like this.

He isn’t trespassing, he has permission from an owner to live there. Making a false police report is a crime.

Also, the police won’t get involved in disputes over property during a divorce - it’s a civil matter.

Lampshadeblue · 02/03/2025 11:59

Hi, I’m so sorry this is happening to you, it’s sounds so awful and unfair (although after going through a divorce myself, I have learned that the law can feel very unfair sometimes).
I would speak to a mortgage adviser also asap to understand your true financial position. You can do this for free. I know most fixed rate mortgages can be ported and applied to another property (not sure if taking a name off will impact this). Also your mortgage repayment won’t double. I did a similar calculation for my mortgage (currently 2k per month at 2%) and it will go up by just under £500 per month. Still a lot more, but maybe doable? Especially if you got a nice lodger who actually paid xx

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